j_nelson Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Alright......I was with my Ex-girlfriend for 5 years before we broke up....We attend different universities 2000km away. This wasn't too bad for us, however, as we managed the first year and a half with only minor issues....only at the end of last year (March) did things begin to break down (mostly on my end). We began fighting constantly etc. and eventually she said she couldn't take the fighting anymore. She was devastated. It didn't really hit me until the school year was over and I came back home. Because of our breakup and also the fact that she doesn't get along well with her mom, she decided to move 2 hours out of town for the summer to live with her dad. I was upset about this, but we weren't together so I couldn't really do anything. When I came back home I realized what a mistake I had made. I love this girl more than anything and I would do anything to go back to where we were. Unfortunately when I told her all of this (beginning of summer - end of april) she said that she was still too hurt and she needed time as she didn't want to get hurt again. In the meantime she came up to visit me and other friends. When we were together, things were just as they used to be. I slept over at her house, once we rented a hotel room, we went out for dinner etc. Things were normal.. she still said she loved me and missed me but didn't want to get back together for fear of being hurt again. Then I find out from her brother that at the end of April she had a guy go and visit her at her Dad's house...someone she met through another friend...he doesnt go to the same school as her...when I asked her about this, she completely denied everything. She became defensive and blamed me for being controlling, falsely accusing her etc. Eventually, a week or so later she did admit this. She told me that this guy was strictly a friend and nothing was happening between them. She said she regretted even talking to him and she had stopped talking to him because he told her that he started to like her... Later on in the summer (early July) she invited me down to visit with her...things were alright although I was still thinking about this other guy thing....while I was there we had a pretty good time...we spent a lot of time together and slept together again....we talked about being together again...I said that because of the distance, if we were to get back together it would be better if we talked to each other as often as possible...everyday if we could (we always spoke daily before)...she said that she was super busy with work (she worked 5-6 days a week, 12 hours a day, often until late at night) but she would call as often as she could. I agreed. Over the next 10 days we spoke twice...I didn't even know when her next days off were....I felt worse than I had before...I told her that it wasn't going to work like this and we shouldn't speak anymore (I felt it would have been too hard to just be friends) A couple weeks had passed without talking to each other and I gave in and text messaged her..."Hey how are you? Hope things are well, miss you. love ___"...she wrote back saying she was happy to hear from me and she missed and loved me too....the next day I said I would be back in town (my town) and if she wanted to get together for a visit we should...she said she'd "really like that" and agreed..... So...we were supposed to get together yesterday....she msgd me in the morning saying "Im not coming up today. Long story. I'll be in town Sunday. Sorry"....making sure everything was okay, I called her...I asked her what was up...she told me it was a 'long story" again and she'd tell me later....I asked her where she was...she kinda hesitated and then told me the name of the town she is living in....she said she was with her good friend (female)....but I heard a guy talking in the background...I told her this and she said she was at her friends house and her friends relatives were up......point is, she was avoiding all my questions and lying to me...I could just tell from the way she was speaking to me that something was up....I told her she should just be honest with me and that if she was seeing someone else or interested in someone else to just tell me...she told me twice that she wasn't seeing anyone. She got mad that I was asking her so many questions and she eventually hung up....it could have been bad reception on her cell, but I dont think so...she purposely didn't tell me much..it was almost as though she enjoyed it.... This isn't the first time something like this has happened either (bailing out on plans)...a couple of months ago we had planned to go out for dinner @ 5pm and she never called me until 7pm....is this her way of trying to maintain power? So what happens now? She tells me she loves me and she misses me...she says if she knew that things would be the way they were she wouldn't hesitate to be back with me. She says all of this, but her actions clearly indicate otherwise....I know actions speak louder than words....I really don't know what to do. I know she really does love me but its just so confusing. I can see her calling and apologizing to me once she realizes what is going on and she gets out of her own little world that she's currently in...she is not the same person at all that I loved for 5 years.... What is she thinking? What should I do? She told me she would be in town this weekend coming up....I don't feel like dealing with her anymore if she is going to treat me like this and I hate being lied to....no contact? meet with her and get some explanations? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Hey J. Be as honest to her as you can. Tell her what she is doing is making you nuts. Tell her how it makes you feel. Considering she was sooo worried about YOU hurting HER, seems now she's hurting you first and kinda pulling the strings on you. I don't know where her head is but it does seem to me like there might be someone else, she's not sure of what might happen with him and keeping you on as a safety measure just incase... That's not fair to at all. If you love her and want her, tell her to decide what she wants. **** or get off the pot basically is what she needs to do. But do it nicely, unless she's being mean to you. I would also tell her how much you love her and how much you want this to work out. Do you love her enough to get engaged?? Just wondering. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 What makes you think there is someone else? I know for sure she is not involved with the guy who went to visit her anymore...she told me he started liking her and they stopped talking...she also told me that the reason she didnt tell me about him in the first place is because she didnt want to ruin the chances of anything with us in the future. Maybe I am in denial. I don't know. When I asked her on the phone yesterday about someone else and she told me there wasn't, I really did believe her. I just had a good feeling from her response... yes, we have talked about marriage and that sort of thing before....she told me just over a month ago that I was the one she wanted to marry.....stupid considering the way she is treating me and how things are with us right now. So considering everything that has happened you would still write her a message and tell her how I feel? I sent her a letter in the mail a couple of weeks ago telling her exactly how I felt....she should know... Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 well...whether it was the right move or not, I just sent her a text message... I basically told her that she needs to figure out what she wants in her life. I said that I love her more than anything in the world but its not fair for her to treat me like this anymore...I said when you love someone you don't treat them like this....if you are ready to go your won way without me, I respect that and all I want is for her to be honest...I said if she wanted me in her life to show me with her actions and things would be so much better....one way or the other, something has to change and that we are both too old for this...I said for her to either treat me the way she says she feels (loves and misses me) or let me move on without you...no more games.... hopefully this was the right choice.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted August 27, 2004 Author Share Posted August 27, 2004 Still haven't heard back from the text message I sent to her....I sent it Tuesday...Is this good or bad? Can't help but wonder what she is thinking...even though I know I shouldn't be... Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 she messaged me saturday afternoon...."just wanted to say hi. i'm not happy about how you spoke to me. I'm not seeing anyone else and I don't want to be accused."....In my reply I told her she was right, I was immature and what she does now is none of my business...a minute after I sent the message she tried calling me on my cell....I had my ringer on 'silent' and i accidently hung up on her...tried calling her back right away and then SHE didnt answer....I later sent another txt msg saying "I didn't mean to hang up on you - I tried calling back".............still haven't heard from her...this was saturday.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 here is my original post.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=46203 Got the call from my ex gf last night...she called to tell me she loved me and she missed me like crazy...said the time we had apart from each other (broke up in april, lived 2 hrs away from each other this summer) made her realize that she really does want to be together and we should do it right this time...she said she would love to come visit me soon at school (2000km)...she brought it up...I guess giving her space and allowing her to figure things out worked...we had tried being friends, but as many of you probably know, when two people love each other and have spent nearly 5 years together, it's very hard to be 'just friends'...I couldn't settle for being friends in the long run..... when she called she told me she was really happy to talk to me and it was so good to hear my voice again....I was very nice to her but didn't really show how happy I was.....The plan is for her to come visit and see how things go...I know it will be different this time though....she definitely sounded like her old self again...can't tell you how happy I am... I didnt sit around and wait for her though...kept myself busy with my friends, went to the gym all the time etc...cant stop living your own life beacuse of them.... Link to post Share on other sites
sstevenson23 Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 There must have been more of a reason for the breakup, other then the distance between where you live.? So I gues I am asking why did you two split? Link to post Share on other sites
Author j_nelson Posted September 9, 2004 Author Share Posted September 9, 2004 We basically split because I was an idiot...we always talked everyday....then we got in an argument or things started to go bad...no particular incident, but just in general...anyway, one day of not talking turned into two, two turned into a week and before I knew it we were done..... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts