Am I Insane??

[ChangeofHeart2000]

Yesterday I spoke to my husband again after a week (we are separated). He told me that he has met someone which he would like to purse a serious relationship. He had mentioned to me last week that he wanted to have me only as a friend. I thought I was moving alone nicely in my healing process. However, last night I made a complete fool of myself by pleading that he give us a chance. I literally begged him to work things out with me. Though I know that we separated for valid reasons. Reasons that I know would be very difficult for me to live with in the long haul.

 

I feel hopeless...what is wrong with me?

[Yumi]

Well, you married this guy for a reason, right? So whether thw two of you ultimately decide it's over or try to work things out, some pain is perfectly normal and not "insane" at all! The desire to have a man in your life is also normal--women want to feel security, protection, stability. Even if you're not getting this from your husband right now, you had it in the past and are hoping to restore those feelings in the future. That's also normal! ^_^

 

Since I don't know your reasons for separating in the first place I can't give you my opinion on how valid those reasons were, but you need to evaluate the realtionship. Are you getting what you need, physically, mentally and most importantly emotionally? Are you able to give him what HE needs? If the answer to either of these is no, then you would be better off in a relationship where you can answer differently! As far as this other woman... I guess you can't stop him. If he really wants to be with her there is nothing you can do except file for divorce quickly and get on with your life. But if you think there's a chance for the relationship to work I urge to you talk to him ,as maturely and non-emotionally as anyone can be under these circumstances, and figure out what is missing in your marriage, then work on bringing it back. It is up to you to decide which path to follow, but you need to commit yourself entirely to either working on your marriage or moving on. Staying caught in the middle like this will only hurt.

[Tony T]

YOU WROTE: "However, last night I made a complete fool of myself by pleading that he give us a chance. I literally begged him to work things out with me."

 

Pleading for another chance is NOT sexy. Men don't like it. Women don't like it. You're best to back off and disappear from his life. If your relationship with him is so fragile that he can forget his feelings for you overnight, you are better off with someone else.

 

Chances are good he's not even met anyone and just made up the story. But whether it's true or not, he's jerking you around because he's angry. He's trying to get you to pay a price for this, even if it's half or more his fault.

 

You have a very immature man here who is not committed to the relationship with you and probably never will be. Any man who can meet someone he wants to pursue after one week of being separated for the purpose of working on his marriage has several large screws loose.

 

Back off, get yourself together, and let him make a fool of himself. Meanwhile, you need to really do some thinking about whether this is a dude you want to get back with. You might just decide you want a MAN instead of an immature baby.

[Ed]

There are many ways of describing your actions in this situation. The two you picked: insane and foolish. I don't think so. It sounds to me like you are just plain heartbroken.

 

You are scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to see if there is anything salvagable in your marriage. It was a desperate effort, but one that you needed to make. Believe me, you could have done a lot worse. Your mind knows that it is probably over between you two. Your heart and soul just doesn't want it to be.

 

You are facing what to most people is the ultimate rejection. To be turned away by someone that you love and care for is very painful, no matter how good or bad they treated you.

 

All of this you are going through is usually defined under the "Letting Go" stage.

[Deejette]

I am sorry that you are going through so much pain, but I think you will realize that begging and pleading doesn't really influence people to change their minds. And if they do, it is because they feel so much pity for the person going through the emotional turmoil and not because they have made the decision on their own.

 

You showed him how much you cared about getting the marriage back together again. At least you didn't let it flow through your fingers like water. But you will now have to wait to see what his real response will be, which he will come to on his own, through his own reasoning process.

There are many ways of describing your actions in this situation. The two you picked: insane and foolish. I don't think so. It sounds to me like you are just plain heartbroken. You are scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to see if there is anything salvagable in your marriage. It was a desperate effort, but one that you needed to make. Believe me, you could have done a lot worse. Your mind knows that it is probably over between you two. Your heart and soul just doesn't want it to be. You are facing what to most people is the ultimate rejection. To be turned away by someone that you love and care for is very painful, no matter how good or bad they treated you. All of this you are going through is usually defined under the "Letting Go" stage.