Sw3etdev1L Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 The problem is, I am a generous person and my recent husband is just showing me, he is a miserly husband. He does fine financially, so I am having myself the luxury of doing my masters degree without working. BUT, everytime I want to buy something, he goes for the discount or wants me to see in which way it's not going to cost him. It bothers me, to the degree of feeling less attraction for him when he is like that. His mother is miserly, the other day I told her I was going to buy a dress for her daughters wedding and I told her that maybe I was going to buy a dress too because I didn't know what to wear. She was like "don't you already have a dress home that you can wear?", so that I didn't make his son spend. One day my father went with me to one dinner with her, he stayed hungry when the dinner ended. I almost don't see my husband from monday to friday because he works a lot, so he has a lot of relation with his mother and she influences him in a very negative way because she transmits him a sense of financial anxiety and insecurity, which he then comes to my house and transmits to me. Which is so annoying because we are planning to have kids one year and a half from now. I am scared because I just got married two months ago. In the honeymoon, we had a blast but we had a big argument because one day we went eating to a place which was expensive, we were so hungry and didn't know were else to eat. So we decided to eat in a restaurant, my husband made as if he wasn't hungry even if he was just not to pay anymore. We had a huge argument because of that. That trait makes me feel restricted, limited, pressured and bad emotionally. I love him, I don't ask him for excess, I am not high maintenance, I consider myself as moderate. Still, he makes me feel repressed and anxious about money almost all the time even if he is doing great in finances. It turns me off, and I go dry when we have sex. Makes me feel doubtful and insecure. He is continuously reminding me to see limit myself to lower prices, to save him money, to limit myself of things... I want to work, but some people tell me the masters is important and I should have my whole attention put in it, if I can do it. So I want to give myself the chance to put my attention fully in my degree. How do I deal with this family? I feel like a fish out of the water.. My family is not like that at all. We eat abundantly, we enjoy life, and we spend the money without being so strict, rigid and limited about it. We are not super wealthy, but we live a normal life.. It's just we are not so focused in what we spend. We tend to give and be generous. They are the opposite, it's making me feel bad. How can I deal with this pressure, and burden? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I'm just wondering something... wasn't your husband like that before you agreed to marry him? How long were you together before marriage? What's the age gap between the 2 of you? Maybe you husband really doesn't have the money and he's being cautious not to take on debt (which is smart) I agree that when someone is cheap - its a personality thing and I wouldn't like it. BUT... I work and I make my own money and I think its important for people nowadays to be like that in relationships. I don't think you should put yourself in a situation where you're at his mercy and depending on him for everything. Work, make your own money, be independent. I would never want to be dependent on someone like that. I think you do have to address the financial issues and stuff with him, but first of all, you need to stand your own feet and contribute and be more independent. ETA: what was your bachelor's degree in? What's the Masters going to be of? - just curious 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sLiPpeTh Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Yes, indeed. Get a job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sw3etdev1L Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Mi a clynical nutritionist with diploma in sports nutritionist doing my masters in clynical nutritionist. Consists in hospital nutrition and investigation. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Mi a clynical nutritionist with diploma in sports nutritionist doing my masters in clynical nutritionist. Consists in hospital nutrition and investigation. Can you easily get work with those degrees? Sorry, I don't know how big the demand for nutritionists is or if there are so many of them. Either way - you need to get your own job and make your own money. Also, you never answered the age question or how long you were with your husband before marriage OR if he was like that before you married him. Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 You need to get a job; to be able to focus on your MA without working and still have somewhere to live, food to eat etc. is an enormous privilege. Maybe he has financial worries you don't know about? Hidden loans/credit cards? Maybe he's concerned about losing his job and supporting you both? Sorry but I'm 24 and I do a full time MA training for a profession, I also work in a bank during my days off and deliver pizza most nights just to make ends meet and support myself. If I had a husband who was happy to pay the rent/mortgage, bills, food etc. while I just concentrated on my studies every day I wouldn't begrudge helping him to live as thriftily as possible. I despise it when people are 'tight' with money, but paying for you to have a nice lifestyle while you study isn't being tight... sounds like he's just being sensible now! I'm not meaning to rip on you, but you do sound a little self-entitled. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Frankly, maybe the issue here is that he resents that you get to sit there and work on your degree and not contribute to the household at all. You say his family is so tight with money, but who knows what these people think about you? For all you know, all they see is you taking advantage of him! I work full time and go to school full time. I depend on nobody for financial support. No, it's not for everyone, and I'm not suggesting you should do the same... but maybe you should consider your options. Get a part time job and you'll have some money of your own to spend. Problem solved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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