Needing a man's opinion to help sort out the BS..or someone who knows men well..:)

[kalari26267]

okay basically what is going on is this...Met my ex about 7 months ago. Been together up until last Friday. He has tried to break up with me twice before but then decided that he couldn't. He has told me that he loves me with everything in him, but he isn't in love with me. I am about 75% of what he wants in a wife and he says it wouldn't be fair to settle for him or I. So we split up last Friday. I miss him soo much. The friendship mainly we were the best of freinds. I have emailed him a few times to try to talk to him So on Sunday, he wrote me back telling me he would contact me in a month. NOT to contact him until then. He did also tell me before we broke up that there was a Big chance he would want to get back together. he just wanted us to go pursue other relationships to see if there is someone "more" perfect for each other..Okay well I broke down today and emailed him basically telling him I think it is BS that he wants me to wait a month to talk to him...I could be wrong?? but I think it is! I basically told him if I am that important to him and he wants to be friends then we should be able to be friends now just as well as in a month..I love this man dearly and would do anything to have him back.But if I can't have him back as my partner I don't want to lose his friendship either..He hasn't wrote me back yet, so basically I need to know from a guy perspective what the heck is going on?? Is he just telling me a bunch of crap he thinks I want to hear or do you think that he might want to give it a month to see how much he does miss me..He is a very honest man when it comes to almost everything..I just think that sometimes he is really confused about his feelings for me. He did say he is scared of commitment..so could that be it??please help

[tanbark813]

He has someone else he wants to pursue right now but doesn't want to cheat on you. So he's going to date her for a month, see if things work out and then get back to you. He just wants to keep you on the back burner for now. Do you really want to be someone's second choice?

[kalari26267]

I believe this could be true..but he has been honest with me. He is talking to different women on match.com but most of them don't even live anywhere around here. No I don't want to be second best but what does it mean when a man says I love you but I am not in love with you? To me there is either you love someone or you don't??

[lost_in_chgo]

Hmmm,

well a couple ways to look at this I guess.

 

He is most likely interested in someone else and unsure if that is what he really wants to do because of his feelings for you.

 

So this says that you are his second choice if he comes back? I'd like the answer to that one myself. Perhaps it means that he realized that he had what he wanted and the grass isn't greener. That really can put things in focus.

 

As far as how he is handling this, you can say he's being unfair and putting you on the backburner. Or you can look at it as him being completely honest with you even though it's not what you want to hear and still tying to spare you the details. In my book, honesty is always better than a bunch of lies. Consider that he could have just cheated on you and dumped you *after* he was sure. Instead he decided he didn't want to cheat on you. That says that he at least respects you and himself.

 

How you deal with this is up to you.

 

I suspect it might be hard to take him back after this. So go out and date a bit and then you get to decide who/what you really want if he comes back.

 

Oh, and if he pulls this again, he's gone.