jovan Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Pain is overwhelming. I so her 5 days ago for the last time. I kissed her goodbye and so it ended the biggest love of my life. I don't think that am capable of loving like that again. I don't think i can ever fall in love again. Shes everything to me, I just want to hold her and kiss her like I used to. But its over, and she moved on. But i can't, am still too much in love with that person Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Two words, NO CONTACT! Time to heal and move on. Start making positive changes in your life. She's going to contact you here pretty soon. You sound a mess here so I can only imagine what you were like face to face. So, she'll contact you to see if you're alright. IGNORE HER!!!! As hard as it may seem, IGNORE HER!!! She made the choice to be out of your life, you give it to her. Post here instead of responding or contacting her. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 You say all this now, but believe me you will find love again. I remember saying those things when my first love dumped me. I went on to love again, and am 8 months out of THAT relationship. Two lost loves, and I know I will love again. Just stay positive... which I know is hard right now since the split is so fresh. Take this time to really grieve the relationship. I know you're a guy and guys process things differently, but you need to feel the split. Don't try to run or hide from it, you need to get past it. You're going to feel a lot of stuff in the coming weeks/months. Sadness, despair, depression, rage. Once you hit anger you're on your way to moving on. But please go full NC. Don't allow yourself to be dragged along or be fed breadcrumbs. Cut it off at the source. Block/delete on FB, delete old emails texts, and her number. Do not leave any room for her to contact you to rip the scab off. Then, go out with your friends. Force yourself to. The only way you're going to start healing is to get out there and make new memories. Meet new people, do new things. Try not to wonder what she's doing, or who she's with, and most certainly do not reach out to her. As the dumpee, you must always maintain your dignity in this situation. She wants out? Hold the door for her and let her walk. It'll get easier as time goes on, but ONLY if you are taking the steps yourself. Don't sit at home staring at her picture, or turn down invitations to go out. It'll be OK again one day. Link to post Share on other sites
nsteen87 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I'm 4 months out of BU and my life is just now getting back to normal. You will regain your confidence and sense of dignity with time. I know everyone here says it, but NC is absolutely the key. It's hard at first yes, but so worthwhile and you will learn a lot during the process and be wiser. I dragged myself through the mud by trying to be friends at first and this just robbed me of a month of my life that I regrettably can't have back but I learned. You will have a "Eureka" moment when things feel normal again. I can't tell you when this will happen, but it will, and it will be a great feeling. I had a party at my place over the weekend and about 15-20 single girls showed up...all of whom I know and I thought to myself, "man...how awesome is this!?!?" Stay the course, maintain NC and things will fall into place. It's so hard at first but just keep reminding yourself "she is not worth a second of your time or attention and in the grand scheme of things and life, she is really nothing!" Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 your words of kindness mean a lot to me guys :S I am out of contact with her. And I will keep it this way, I know I wont brake it. Its just that i miss her with my whole shaking body Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I heard it takes 3 months of total NC to get over someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 I hope that you are right. its 6 day's since I didn't hear from her. Pain is overwhelming Link to post Share on other sites
Njeanne Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I know how you feel...six weeks for me so far... Hurts me most because after all this time I realised I'm one who made him fall out of love with me, because I had a hobby I was busy with and I prob neglected/bored him in relationship. It pains me more to know what I caused, because he was so much i love with me and I took it for granted... Link to post Share on other sites
Loved77 Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I hope that you are right. its 6 day's since I didn't hear from her. Pain is overwhelming It's early days. I won't sugar coat it but it will be hard the next few weeks & you may feel you are not progressing but it will happen. When you are grieving / crying for her remember you are closer to recovery. Might sound strange as I actually like it when I cry as it feels like I am getting it out of my system. It's been a month of NC for me & today is the first day I feel I have progressed. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Thing is its over a month since she dumped me... She already moved on. I meant nothing to her Link to post Share on other sites
Loved77 Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Thing is its over a month since she dumped me... She already moved on. I meant nothing to her When was the last time you had contact with her? You have to think about you. Only took my ex 2 weeks to get over me. I think she already has a new boyfriend. Thing is I don't know as I have gone NC. It's not easy but going NC makes it easier in the long run. You don't need to know what she is doing it will just stunt your progress What ever you do stay away from Facebook & any social media. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 I heard it takes 3 months of total NC to get over someone. It's early days. I won't sugar coat it but it will be hard the next few weeks & you may feel you are not progressing but it will happen. When you are grieving / crying for her remember you are closer to recovery. Might sound strange as I actually like it when I cry as it feels like I am getting it out of my system. It's been a month of NC for me & today is the first day I feel I have progressed. Good luck When was the last time you had contact with her? You have to think about you. Only took my ex 2 weeks to get over me. I think she already has a new boyfriend. Thing is I don't know as I have gone NC. It's not easy but going NC makes it easier in the long run. You don't need to know what she is doing it will just stunt your progress What ever you do stay away from Facebook & any social media. well nc 6 day now. And i blocked her from all social medias Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I heard it takes 3 months of total NC to get over someone. Im at about 4 months NC. It is a LOT better than before but still not 100 percent there. These things take time..the torment of the 1st month or so is definitely the worst but if you stay NC you start to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 day 10 of complete NC. i love her Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'd recommend the gym or any physically straining activity. That won't take away the pain but that will help you ease it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'd recommend the gym or any physically straining activity. That won't take away the pain but that will help you ease it. Y am a boxer. So thats not a problem... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 day 11. Am tired. Still love her . Had sex with bunch of girls, ended up crying last night, while I was with one. I just blew up. I said i had something in my eye, i think she believed it. **** my life Link to post Share on other sites
316 Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Dang man sounds like you really love this girl... Would it be okay if I asked why you two broke up? Making sense of why the relationship ended or why it was bad really helps the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 well, its was 5 year relationship without many ups and downs. It came out of the blue. She broke up with me saying how she doesnt care for me anymore... She love's me no more... so 5 years ended in 5 minutes... day 12 nc. And still love her. Her birthday is in 2 days... Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 day 11. Am tired. Still love her . Had sex with bunch of girls, ended up crying last night, while I was with one. I just blew up. I said i had something in my eye, i think she believed it. **** my life Ha. Well on the bright side nobody can say you are repressing your emotions and not mourning the loss:). You'll be fine man. You just need to go thru it man for however long it lasts. You get knocked down and get back up..again and again. Just like boxing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 Ha. Well on the bright side nobody can say you are repressing your emotions and not mourning the loss:). You'll be fine man. You just need to go thru it man for however long it lasts. You get knocked down and get back up..again and again. Just like boxing. I know it will pass in time. Am just hurt to the bone right now, and can't stand up Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 day 13 of NC. It hurts... Its not fair Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) Man I'm loving the boxing analogy. This is like training camp...pure misery. Nobody is letting up on you..only short breathers..total sacrifice. At the end of this your going to come out of this totally steeled for the fight...you lost the last one. But this one you will be totally mentally, physically and mentally prepared for. You'll be OK. My relationship was long also. 8 years. But I'm really seeing the some big time progress for me now at 4 months. This seems to be recent, the last couple days. I actually shed tears of joy and was laughing in my car yesterday. I started thinking of her and stopped myself...and you know what i felt happy. I was driving and looking at the road ahead of me and i felt free. It was like i was driving away from her and off on my own and happy about it. I felt like the younger guy i was before who said f*ck it all quit my job and backpacked for a year in South America and climbed mountains. Then ended up living there for 4 years. The guy who learned another language. The guy who was single and confident and happy about it. The guy who wasn't encumbered by being in love and wanted adventure. It gets better man. This is just the dark season but the season will being to change ,promise. Cav Edited February 2, 2013 by cavalier99 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jovan Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) Ty Cav. Thats only why am holding on atm. Case of promise of better 2morow, case today kind of sucks she sent me a song 13days ago, she said she felt like that I cant believe she can feel that way... Ahh i don't know why am even writing this. Prob case i don't want to call her and tell her this How come I didn't see it coming I wish i dumped her ass for not loving me all this time Edited February 2, 2013 by jovan Link to post Share on other sites
tf510 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 She initiated contact. First, see how it has hurt you, set you back? Any contact you have with her right now will do the same. So maintain NC and continue to work on yourself. It's early days, it will be difficult but it will get better. My ex is from Vietnam and she left me 3 months ago (after being together for 6 years) and I went NC for 2 months. Then she initiated contact and we met up as friends a few times (LC). Then I discover that about one-and-a-half months ago she met another guy who wanted her to stay in the UK. But a few days ago she went home to Vietnam. Just before she left the UK I emailed her and told her not to contact me. But within minutes of stepping off the plane she emails me asking me to keep in touch. I ignored it and am therefore on day 3 of NC. I listened to the song she sent you. It's very hurtful. Look, the purpose of NC is as a strategy to help you recover. Not to get your ex back. But there does seem to be a volume of evidence that NC can function to get your ex back. In which case it's working. She's thinking about you, she's unhappy and lashing out. That's good I think. She feels bad about what has happened and about herself. She wanted to remain buddies with you because that would have alleviated her guilt. Keep up NC. Remember the primary purpose of NC. But if - and it's a big if - your ex still has feelings for you she will express them clearly enough at some point. It might be tomorrow. It might be months or even years down the line. My ex-wife left me 9 years ago for another man and I went NC and after 2 years she reappeared saying she had made the worst mistake of her life and asked to get back together. But I'd moved on. Do not be tempted to respond to anything from your ex unless it's an unequivocal 'I love you, I'm sorry, lets try again'. If she does love you she will eventually make this clear. But by practicing NC you will be moving on; not waiting around for this. Check out the NC guide that is often referred to on here - it's really good. Every time you think about your ex you are giving her power over you. NC allows you to regain that power 'to become whole and free to love again'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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