Author mr.mike Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 She has been honest. I agree that marriage counseling won't work at this point. It's hard not to blame myself. My stress in the tough times has led to far too much criticism and anger towards her. I can see how it would have built up inside her until the breaking point. I should have been more introspective, but for some reason I had blinders on. I hate that I've criticized her so much without provocation or reason. I don't know why I was trying to change her because I love the way she is. Her sister, who came here with her, said that my wife's been unhappy, sick, constipated, crying and lashing out at her for the past month. She sleeps 13 hours a day and won't talk to anyone. When she does, she's irritable and defensive. Her sister thinks my wife still loves me, but she won't communicate normally with anyone. She's still here with all her stuff packed and ready to go tomorrow. She was crying on and off the whole time packing. It may be the last time I ever see her. I hope I don't breakdown after she leaves. Link to post Share on other sites
NYWoman Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I don't think you totally get it. When your family disrespected your wife, they disrespected you, two become one. And yet you still have a relationship with your family. Your wife is packing and you are not? I see! You are going to hang around until you find a wife whom your family approves of. Maybe you might start looking at if from your STBXW's POV, just maybe your family is toxic to your loving releationships. Seriously consider moving away from their influence. Had my mother or brother did that to me, they would be on my chit list until they apologized not only to me but to my other half Time to get out of Dodge, before they ruin another relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) My mother had apologized multiple times after I yelled at her for how she treated my wife when they first met. We didn't speak for a long time, but this was 3 years ago. My wife and mother had another fight after we moved here, and again I stood up for my wife and yelled at my mother. This time she never apologized and acted like nothing happened, which is common for her and my brother to do. I didn't speak to my brother for about a year after his confrontation with my wife 3 years ago, and our relationship is still strained. He's a jerk to everyone and never apologizes. I know I could've been even more assertive, but I did tell them they were out of line and needed to apologize. I told my wife that we would move if it didn't work before we came here, and I'm telling her the same thing now. It doesn't matter. She doesn't want me anymore. I agree that my family is toxic. Edited January 28, 2013 by mr.mike Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Please re-read my earlier post. Women don't leave men they're in love with. Period. Not over superficial $hit like dancing, television, a proper wedding ring fancy ceremonies. You didn't enjoy the trips you took together? Is she a mind reader? I'm seeing two strong wills butting heads. Me-me-me. And while I do understand if you sided against her domestically, a woman with gumption will fight back for respect. Sex is tricky. I think we can all identify with that. No doubt you handled it wrong. No question her list contains your critical, unforgivable flaws. And you're buying it. She's a princess! You're not a prince. That's what she wants. You have stated your case and explained your position. She should have no doubt. What's next? Leave her alone. Let her go to taste her decisions without your involvement. If a light comes on and she returns, address that situation then. If she doesn't, there's nothing you could have done. Don't chase or beg. Let her go and work on you. It's all you can do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) I agree that a lot of our disagreements are superficial. But, she just couldn't take my unhappiness and constant criticism anymore. I pushed and pushed until she was gone. I kept trying to change her, and I didn't even know why. She's traumatized now. I'm going to seek help for my stress and anger. I'm also going to start working out and trying to get normal sleep again. I need to start working on myself. She agreed that she will keep seeing a therapist. She wants to cut off all support from me, and she signed over her car to me. She was crying on and off all morning. I just drove her to the airport and let her go. I told her that I love her and just want her to be happy. She said I'm a good person and wished me the best, and then left for her flight. I hope she considers what I said about trying to fix my problems and doesn't give up on me. But, for now she's done talking and is moving on. I won't be contacting her because it won't help. This is the worst day of my life. She just texted me "Thank you for everything I will always appreciate you forever." Should I respond to this? Edited January 28, 2013 by mr.mike Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I agree that a lot of our disagreements are superficial. But, she just couldn't take my unhappiness and constant criticism anymore. I pushed and pushed until she was gone. I kept trying to change her, and I didn't even know why. She's traumatized now. You really ground your heel into her huh? If that's what you really believe, then that's reason enough to let her go. She needs someone who can buy her better stuff and watch the tv shows she likes. You're a monster. She just texted me "Thank you for everything I will always appreciate you forever." Now she's thankful and appreciative? For 'everything'? When are you going to wake up and smell the bull$hit? Who says that after being traumatized? It's just a hunch, but I think you're dealing better thinking you 'pushed' her away that accepting the fact that she simply wants out. People can never get angry? Argue over money or not want to take a trip? Not wanting to go dancing is grounds for divorce? Come on...you believe this? There's always reasons if you want to go. It takes real love to stay. I hope your fog clears soon so you can see this. Then again...no kids? Thank God. Move on, be single and have fun. Choose better women. Don't date women who need you to 'make' them happy. That's a dead end. How's that? Should I respond to this? Absolutely! How about: "Kiss both sides of my a$$" Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) I know I need to stop blaming myself and snap out of it. If she was serious about loving and being married to me, she wouldn't give up like this. And she's extremely stubborn, so there's no changing her mind or point in trying to. She's mentally unstable when angered and always has been, so she has her own anger issues. It's not just me. I recall one valentine's day when she was screaming at me and hitting herself because we got in a fight over bringing my dog along for a day trip I planned for us to a fun beachside city that allows dogs everywhere, which she thought was insulting. She went for a 3 hour walk just to calm down. She's complained about other trips or nights out I planned if they weren't perfect for her. She can be one angry princess. I didn't respond to the text, so she called later to tell me the same bs from the text and to tell me to cut off her phone from our plan. Yes, thank god for no kids. She originally wanted kids when we got married, but soon changed her mind after nannying for the worst kid ever that drove her insane for months. Or at least she claimed that was the reason. Edited January 29, 2013 by mr.mike Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I didn't respond to the text, so she called later to tell me the same bs from the text and to tell me to cut off her phone from our plan. Good. Get on that right now and make it happen. While you have them on the phone, change your cell number too. That's a handy way of keeping out of her reach when she feels like poking around. And when she rings you at work or calls your relatives to get it, you'll start to wonder why someone who's so hurt and broken (because of you) insists on having your info. Right about then, it'll all begin to make sense. Fact is, she's doing you a favor. Both of you. Few people get out as clean as you are Mr. Mike. Don't waste it by looking back and wondering. Get on with life. Lesson learned. I know you care...a lot of us do, but this isn't a romance or even a decent partnership. It's one giant nipple twist. Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 That's pretty hard situation. Don't give up on her! If she wants to live peace without your family then give her what she wanted. You now have your own family and they are your responsibility now. If your family didn't like your wife totally then settle things get better for both parties. Don't just be in the middle and thinking how to settle things to get better, choose your wife! Please ignore this post! If your wife loved you, she would not give up. Forget about her, she bailed now cut her completely out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Please ignore this post! If your wife loved you, she would not give up. Forget about her, she bailed now cut her completely out of your life. That's what I was thinking. She already gave up. As with my two previous failed long term relationships, I will move on. Edited January 29, 2013 by mr.mike Link to post Share on other sites
Caldespair Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Mike- sorry to hear your predicament. I'm reeling from similar situation. I played peacemaker between my sister and my wife. But I did not stand up for my wife. Webe been together 27 years , two teenage girls. I fd up. She finally had enough as holidays were approaching and now it's over. Just the divorce circus now. I imagine your younger.mwhat I would do is offer to move with your wife to get away from your family. Try anything to let her know you should have done more and now you would move away with her to her parents area. I dont want what is happening to me now to happen to you. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) you must be prepared to drop your family for your wife's sake, if you think you can't, well, can't means won't, your wife can't take the bitching, and you're not so young that you have to make like you're a good obedient child Edited January 29, 2013 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) It doesn't matter to me if I live near my family or not. I originally planned to move to this city with my wife before my family came here because we liked it and it was better financially for us. I had no family here then. But, I guess my family had the same idea and made the move themselves before I did. My mother even told me she moved here because she thought I would, and they had been begging me to move here ever since. I was very apprehensive about moving here until my wife said it was ok with her. She thought it would help us. I would move to be with me wife, and I told her that. It doesn't matter to her anymore. She doesn't want me to. She already gave up. I realize now that I resented her for not working or trying to for the last 9 months. All she wanted to do was work on her fashion blog that made nothing, and I even helped her with it to make her happy. Edited January 29, 2013 by mr.mike Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Wow...just like that huh... unreal. Well! Time to get a lawyer and get the ball rolling QUICKLY!!! Right now, she's feeling guilty and wants this over as quickly as possible, so strike while the iron is hot. Right now, she's saying that she doesn't want anything from you. Okay, but if you wait any longer, there's a chance she'll change her mind when reality of real life hits her in the head and people start talking to her about what she could possibly be intitled to. So, get the ball rolling, get a lawyer and have her served soon as possible. She ditched you. Now, it's time to protect yourself. You got to start looking out for number one. You need to get her to sign while she's agreeable to everything at the moment. I know it sounds harsh, but who knows! Maybe, one day, she'll wake up and want to work things out. But, until then, you need to protect yourself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Please ignore this post! If your wife loved you, she would not give up. Forget about her, she bailed now cut her completely out of your life. no, don`t ignore it aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 That's what I was thinking. She already gave up. As with my two previous failed long term relationships, I will move on. maybe THIS needs addressing?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) I'm going to a therapist today to try and fix my control, anger and depression issues. I made a list of all the things I criticized about my wife, and it's unbelievable to me how negative I've been. I also started working out again. Hopefully my sleep will fall in line now. Edited January 30, 2013 by mr.mike Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'm going to a therapist today to try and fix my control, anger and depression issues. I made a list of all the things I criticized about my wife, and it's unbelievable to me how negative I've been. I also started working out again. Hopefully my sleep will fall in line now. hey Mr mike 1 thing you DO need to realise is that you are not the problem. Sometimes, you can be the best you can and it`s STILL not good enough? Stop `blaming` yourself. You`ve made a list about how `negative` you have been towards her? GOOD FOR YOU . And on that list... Would SHE be able to say the same things and sort them out? Would SHE, be able to make a `list` of her own and come back to you and say she well at least `tried? aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 I know I'm not the only problem. I'm just focusing on how I can change my own issues right now. She would agree with my list since it's just an extended version of my criticisms of her that she already mentioned to me. I don't know if she would be willing to do the same for herself, especially since she said that she doesn't want to try and fix things. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I hope you're going to see a lawyer very soon! Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) I know I'm not the only problem. I'm just focusing on how I can change my own issues right now. She would agree with my list since it's just an extended version of my criticisms of her that she already mentioned to me. I don't know if she would be willing to do the same for herself, especially since she said that she doesn't want to try and fix things. what does SHE want? aM Edited January 30, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I hope you're going to see a lawyer very soon! for what? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.mike Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 what does SHE want? aM From what she said, she wants someone less impatient, angry and critical with a family that will embrace and respect her. She wants nothing to do with me right now. I don't know if she'll change her mind, but regardless I'm going to work on my own issues. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 From what she said, she wants someone less impatient, angry and critical with a family that will embrace and respect her. She wants nothing to do with me right now. I don't know if she'll change her mind, but regardless I'm going to work on my own issues. what you going to work on? and for who? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 From what she said, she wants someone less impatient, angry and critical with a family that will embrace and respect her. She wants nothing to do with me right now. I don't know if she'll change her mind, but regardless I'm going to work on my own issues. no she wont change her mind. see it this way. YOU are not giving her a reason to `change` her mind. are you? aM Link to post Share on other sites
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