standtall Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I know and I don't plan on taking any wrong step I honor my vows and i know i wouldn't have found anyone better to take them with he's too good for me. And maybe I am immature my husband and parents point that out on a daily basis but I can't grow up in an instant and i always thought I'd b married at 26-28 cuz then ill b mature enough but it happened soon Good. Then keep posting here and stay away from that other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 He knows I'm married he has ever since we became friends.. And it's general stuff not flirting but just caring a bit more then all the other girls in our group... And things are polite and there's nothing that indicates anything there's no slope The slope is your feeling (attraction) to him, no? That is why you are posting here? If it was all above board then you wouldn't be here, so there is a problem. You say he hangs back with you? Listen there may be genuinely trust worth guys out there, but he's not being nice out of the kindness of his heart. You are married and you have feelings for another man. PROBLEM! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedgemini Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 The slope is your feeling (attraction) to him, no? That is why you are posting here? If it was all above board then you wouldn't be here, so there is a problem. You say he hangs back with you? Listen there may be genuinely trust worth guys out there, but he's not being nice out of the kindness of his heart. You are married and you have feelings for another man. PROBLEM! I dont think they are feeling feeling idk.its not like a crush nor is it love..i just like being around him Link to post Share on other sites
TripperX Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I know quite a few couples that have married very young and they are still together and happy 30 years later so age might not be of concern...and it's really not the age of the couple but the emotional and mental maturity of the people...some gain that sooner than others. You stated you "live in different places"....not sure if you mean different cities or states, but I would think being separated at an early point in your marriage and this new guy being in your life nearly everyday is the main contributing factor to your situation and your feelings. Finding other people attractive while married is normal, maybe even developing feels to an extent is normal....but acting on those feelings is where you have to question yourself. Try to distance yourself from this new guy a bit.....keep a daily communication (calls & texts) with your husband.. to have that emotional connection with one another....maybe this will help? This is all under your control. If you feel you can't keep these feelings for this new guy from growing to the point of you acting on them then you really owe your husband the respect of telling him....how would you feel if he were doing this? We don't know all the aspects of your marriage and life and can't really gain any insight from a few paragraphs in a forum....that said it does sound like you may be a bit immature and not really ready to be in a commited loving relationship with anyone let alone be married if being around a guy you find attractive is causing this turmoil in your mind. Someone metioned an open marriage....I can tell you from experience that at your age an open marriage would be the worst thing either of you could do.....it takes a very close and trusting relationship to diving into that lifestyle without it ending badly. You need to examine where you are and what you really want then make your choices...that may be hard to and people may be hurt but best to do it now than down the road when you have a children and years invested in a marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
onemale Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) You are apart from your husband and this guy just happens to be there as a fill-in for your need of male companionship. Don't screw up your marriage for a fantasy trip. Edited February 3, 2013 by onemale Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Are people not staying in a ton of miserable marriages in western culture because of cultural pressures? I mean, 50% of marriages fail, and out of the other 50% of marriages that last, how many of those people are miserable? Let's say 50% of those marriages that last are unhappy too, but didn't fail do to pressures of kids and culture to not divorce. We could be looking at numbers like 75% of marriages, possibly higher, being miserable ones. That's an epidemic of miserable homes. It's funny, because successful businesses function on everyone having a role, and there being a chain of command. I wouldn't invest in a company where everyone just pitches in here and there, and hope things work out. I would invest in a company that has excellent structure, including specific roles of function from the top down for all the employees. Look at how we run our families. Two leaders, both having different ideas of how things should be run. Everything must now be argued over, debated, with one person feeling that things are one sided in most marriages. The proof of this can be found right here throughout this message board. The west is just awesome when it comes to marriage. You need to start another thread for this subject, because you are hijacking this thread by taking it off topic. LS members who live in the west yet have happy marriages, would find your words very offensive and insulting. OP, you are married and not dead. Being attracted to someone else is not the issue...it is what you do with those feelings. I had a crush on a young man at one point but it faded rather quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I agree with the others. This will happen. Especially when you are having marriage troubles, it will magnify. I am 23 and got married at 19. It was the best decision I made at the time, but now that I am nearly 24, I am thinking much differently than I did then. You can grow together or grow apart. Sometimes I think it would have been best to wait longer for marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedgemini Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 I don't plan on doing anything and all my feelings are for my husband it's just the feeling of wanting the guy to b attracted to me Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 Okay, so you feel the guy is attracted to you. What do you want to do with that? There are two roads here, which one do you want to go down? Then you can look at next steps. Do you want to increase or decrease the attraction? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodupsEvil Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 You want to honor your commitment to your husband, then overtly express to the other guy that you are accounted for. Tell him every day how much you love and appreciate your husband. Honor your husband in his absence. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 I don't plan on doing anything and all my feelings are for my husband it's just the feeling of wanting the guy to b attracted to me Does your husband give you attention? Why do you feel you need so much attention? You are a married woman but you want another man to be attracted to you? Maybe you need a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
ceres12 Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 Hi there, It seems your dwelling on these feelings because you never really experienced anything before since you did get married young. IT IS OKAY, to feel the way that you do, as long as you do not pursue it and make more than what it is and just leave it as a possible JUST a friendship nothing more. You have to deal with this on your own emotional level, everyone here can tell you to not do otherwise but eventually you will do what your heart and mind desires regardless of all the advice. It is up to you to decide and be mature and respectful to your husband in his absence. Ot is hard been away from the ones we care about, i myself have a husband in the military and it is HELL HARD to not have them around but we get through it and we end up respecting each other and loving each other more than anything. This can be a test of your marriage. In regards to the arranged marriage i really do not have much understanding of it so i was speaking in a sense in the instance of that if you do love your husband, otherwise you should get divorced if you are unsure because otherwise it would be unfair to the other person, maybe he feels the same have you ever thought about it because after all 23 years old is young too! Maybe you guys should have a heart to heart conversation regarding your marriage/relationship you'd be suprised maybe he feels the same or share the same emotions. Best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 confusedgemini, My only contribution to this thread is this... what if the tables were turned? What if your husband professed that he loved you and honors you marriage, but confesses that he is attracted to another woman and that he enjoys the thrill of her being attracted to him (but of course claims he would never act on those feelings)? Only you and your own heart know how you would feel and you should base your actions appropriately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedgemini Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I didnt come here looking for permission or an excuse i just came here to find out if it was normal...im not going to act on my feelings not am i going to take it further im just confused thats all Link to post Share on other sites
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