Right age to have children

[Isabella82]

Newlywed here

 

I'm 30, husband is 33.

 

Honestly, how old is too old to have kids?

[Lauriebell82]

Many women have babies up to age 40...a lot of them born healthy.

 

I personally put a limit at 35. My husband and I were married 11 months before we decided to have a baby because I'm 30 and want to have at least 2-3 more children.

[Isabella82]

Thanks for your reply. I am just trying not to freak out about it. We both want them NOW, my husband more than me. But only because I worry about the finances and he just thinks we can make it work.

 

We make good money. That's not the issue.

 

The issue is that we are still paying off his 40K in credit card debt that he racked up while single, young, and stupid. That will be paid off in April of this year. Can't wait.

 

Other than that I want a house before we have a baby. We bought an old crappy condo 2 years ago and with our 2 dogs and no yard I couldn't imagine having a baby here!

 

The problem is we can save a decent down payment for a house in about 1.5 years, but we need to first sell the condo and with this economy who knows go long that will take.

 

If we have a baby I will most likely go to part time which means we wouldn't be able to save for a house nearly as fast. See the problem?

 

Hubby says he doesn't care that he will work 2 jobs but I don't want to have a baby and then have him be at work all day and night.

 

It's fine. I don't mind waiting. But ideally if we save for a house for 1.5 years that means I will be 32 when we start trying to conceive.

[amaysngrace]

My aunt had a baby when she was 45.

 

She had four children already and her youngest was ten at the time.

[Isabella82]

One of my best friends is actually single and 29. And she told me the other day how she wanted 4 kids!!!!

 

Not sure how she is planning that. Ideally I would like 2 but I would be happy with one.

 

The whole thing just has me worried women at my work keep telling me to not keep waiting and that it just gets harder the older you are. Your energy level, things like wanting to be alive to see grandchildren, etc...

 

I really thought that by now I would've been married with kids already and I guess I just feel like I've had a late start.

 

Well, I put myself through college. For a while I was financially supporting my mom and I still help her. I've never had help financially and it's been tough to get where I am.

 

Having children would be the same way. No one would be able to help with anything including baby sitting. We would have to pay for daycare which can be $1200/month.

[amaysngrace]

Children don't know if they are rich or if they are poor. They only know if they are loved.

 

But personally since your husband is the one pushing for one more I'd tell him no babies until he sells the condo, settles his debt and buys a house.

 

It doesn't matter when you buy or sell if you are going into another mortgage. And I think the rates are still pretty low right now.

 

My sister did that with her husband. First they had to have an addition built. Then they had babies.

[jwi71]

Newlywed here

 

I'm 30, husband is 33.

 

Honestly, how old is too old to have kids?

 

My W and I had our daughter when my W was 42 and I was 40, her first my third.

 

Healthy as can be.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I would start ASAP, after 30 your egg quality decreases drastically.

[standtall]

Thanks for your reply. I am just trying not to freak out about it. We both want them NOW, my husband more than me. But only because I worry about the finances and he just thinks we can make it work.

 

We make good money. That's not the issue.

 

The issue is that we are still paying off his 40K in credit card debt that he racked up while single, young, and stupid. That will be paid off in April of this year. Can't wait.

 

Other than that I want a house before we have a baby. We bought an old crappy condo 2 years ago and with our 2 dogs and no yard I couldn't imagine having a baby here!

 

The problem is we can save a decent down payment for a house in about 1.5 years, but we need to first sell the condo and with this economy who knows go long that will take.

 

If we have a baby I will most likely go to part time which means we wouldn't be able to save for a house nearly as fast. See the problem?

 

Hubby says he doesn't care that he will work 2 jobs but I don't want to have a baby and then have him be at work all day and night.

 

It's fine. I don't mind waiting. But ideally if we save for a house for 1.5 years that means I will be 32 when we start trying to conceive.

 

Most people who have had kids never thought that it was the right time or age. Your married, employed, and not homeless...go for it.

[Els]

IMO if you both really want to have children now, and have the resources to reasonably support them, you should have them.

 

Plenty of children grow up in a condo and turn out fine. A little bit of hardship builds character. Lots of people want to give their children the perfect childhood - gorgeous big house, white picket fence and perfectly-trimmed yard, all the toys and games they could want - but that isn't necessarily the best way to bring up a child.

[Art_Critic]

Newlywed here

 

I'm 30, husband is 33.

 

Honestly, how old is too old to have kids?

 

I think anytime to have kids is okay, there are no hard and fast rules and planning for them is harder than mother nature will normally allow.

 

I used to say that I wanted all my kids in my 30's but as it happened mother nature took over and I didn't have any with my then wife.

 

I then got remarried and boom, pregnant.. I was 45 when he was born and she was in her later 30's

 

IMO,if you wait till you can afford kids you will never have them, kids have a way of changing your priorities... and that is what changes how you spend your money.

[TaraMaiden]

Do NOT - repeat, DO-NOT - base having children on any financial rationale.

 

Children are not 'affordable'.

They are an unknown, and they will cost you in the region of quarter of a million, by the time they reach adult age.

But that's a ball-park figure.... because if you have a severely handicapped child, and you have to provide 24-hour round-the-clock care, or you fall pregnant with twins, all bets are off.....you know that, right?

 

There's not only child-care to consider....

you'll need a bigger car, or maybe two, if you both need one for work, and you need to take the baby to the childminder by car... and make sure your salary will cover that.... and all the paraphernalia you'll need....puschair, cot, changing table....

Also, a changing mat, bottles, milk, nappies, cleaning cloths, bibs, change of clothes, couple of toys, blankets, coat - and this is every time you go out!

A lot of that will be in the form of gifts, but remember children grow very fast, and it's unlikely with all the clothes you'll be given that the baby will wear anything more than once - and he or she will grow out of it very quickly....

 

I might get slammed for being a pessimist - but this is parenthood for you.

 

Think very carefully.

 

WHY exactly do you WANT a child?

 

[OpenBook]

The latest estimate I could find (June 2012) is ~$235,000 to raise one child to age 17 for a middle-class family (income between ~$59,000 - ~$103,000)... NOT INCLUDING college costs.

 

What Having a Child Truly Costs: Around $1 Million | TIME.com

 

Moral of the story: Don't have kids unless you REALLY REALLY want them!

[Ladybugz]

28-30 if you are ready then.

cause some people are 40 but they still a zero of a parent.

money, mentally emotianly, stable marriage.

 

so dont wait till you have kids to start with your childhood issues, anger issues, etc.

start way before even think about having kids.

 

dont wait till you are pragnant by accident to start saving money for your kids future

start way before.

 

dont get pragnet knowing you are in a bed period or marriage.

 

dont wait till you have kids to start reading the books abuot parenting.

make shore you and your partner are on the same page way before making kids about

how you want to bring your kids up, moral, rules, education, consequences when they dont want to listing. etc., stayhome mom, what role will both of you fourfill and how.

using the money, how much for you /him to spent freely, how much for the kids saving etc.

[Ladybugz]

bed= bad ........................

[FitChick]

The right age is when you can afford them. You have a few years yet. Rent out your condo if you can't sell it so at least you will have extra income.

 

In the mean time, volunteer to babysit for friends' kids so you get a sense of what it's like to have kids of various ages around. It will be an eye opening experience.

Edited January 26, 2013 by FitChick

[Nyla]

A woman having babies after 35 is often made aware of the higher risk of birth defects, miscarriages and fertility challenges.

 

Of course, women older than 35 have healthy kids all the time. After age 40, the risks get even worse.

 

You and your husband are not too old to have kids.

[dichotomy]

A woman having babies after 35 is often made aware of the higher risk of birth defects, miscarriages and fertility challenges.

 

Of course, women older than 35 have healthy kids all the time. After age 40, the risks get even worse.

 

You and your husband are not too old to have kids.

 

Very true, but as a technical point, but if you have the resources ($$$) and want to go high tech, even into your 40's, a healthy child can had with high certainty. It is a whole new medical world out there, I was amazed at 42.

[Nyla]

I am studying to work in the medical field.

 

One of my professors talked about the health of women improving so much that the exceptions are slowly becoming more of the rule.

 

Sarah Palin was in her forties when she gave birth to her last child, who is afflicted with Down Syndrome.

 

My husband's cousin had her last son when she was 42.

 

The sweet little boy had to have his left hand amputated, because there was no bones in it when he was born.

 

Medical advances cannot always fight against nature.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I am studying to work in the medical field.

 

One of my professors talked about the health of women improving so much that the exceptions are slowly becoming more of the rule.

 

Sarah Palin was in her forties when she gave birth to her last child, who is afflicted with Down Syndrome.

 

My husband's cousin had her last son when she was 42.

 

The sweet little boy had to have his left hand amputated, because there was no bones in it when he was born.

 

Medical advances cannot always fight against nature.

 

How is that a happy story?

[Nyla]

I wasn't trying to post a happy story.

 

I was clearly making a point about having a baby at a certain age.

[Art_Critic]

Sarah Palin was in her forties when she gave birth to her last child, who is afflicted with Down Syndrome.

 

I know of people that have had a Down's baby at 20 years of age so mentioning Sarah Palin isn't really right, she and her husband knew the baby was going to have Down's Syndrome and decided to have the baby instead of making another choice.

Her age may have or may have not had anything to do with it.

[tbf]

Had both my sons in my mid-thirties. Both have no health issues, big, strapping baby boys.

 

It's less about deterioration of egg, as reduction in number of eggs as women age. We start out life with millions of immature eggs where by the time puberty hits, it's down to around 400,000. From there, we lose around 12,000 a year, so by 32, we have around 160,000, 42~40,000 left. When we hit menopause, there are very little to none left.

 

If you consider the above numbers, who has that many children? The last decade's push for women to breed younger was Conservative based, concern for a dwindling population incapable of supporting the baby boomers through social security/OAP. Don't fall for it. Have kids when you feel ready.

Edited January 27, 2013 by tbf

[Nyla]

I know of people that have had a Down's baby at 20 years of age so mentioning Sarah Palin isn't really right, she and her husband knew the baby was going to have Down's Syndrome and decided to have the baby instead of making another choice.

Her age may have or may have not had anything to do with it.

 

Down Syndrome Risks - Maternal Age Related Risks for Down Syndrome and Other Trisomies

 

If you know anything about Down's Syndrome, it is common knowledge that the chance of having a baby with Down's Syndrome greatly increases after the mother is 40+. Sarah Palin's age was a huge risk factor.

 

So even though a mother in her twenties can have a child with DS, the likelihood goes way up after the mother is in her forties.

 

I have education and experience working with those who have developmental disabilities. That is why I was able to contribute a well-informed post to this discussion.

 

Sarah Palin is a perfect example of the point I was making. She made the choice to bring a son with DS into the world, but that decision has nothing to do with the obvious risks I am speaking of.

[tbf]

Sarah Palin is a perfect example of the point I was making. She made the choice to bring a son with DS into the world, but that decision has nothing to do with the obvious risks I am speaking of.

It's extensively rumoured that the child with Down's was Bristol's.