Any reformed misogynists and misandrists?

[JuneJulySeptember]

It goes in phases, but right now I'm on a pretty strong kick.

 

When you've been scarred as heavily as some of the dudes on this site, I don't think you can fully recover.

 

But you can ameliorate a great deal of it.

[TheGuard13]

I had some awful experiences with girls the year after high school, which made me a bit wary/angry/afraid of interaction with women for a year or two, but hate? No. I don't hate anyone. People are people, and while I understand a lot of the frustration and anger people around here feel toward one gender or another, I think the idea that an entire gender/sex is bad, weak, corrupt, etc, is silly, because humanity itself largely is. There's good and bad to be found in pretty much anyone.

[Imajerk17]

I used to be a misogynist. Hard-core. Basically I used to feel that what women went for was "stupid" and as I wasn't what they went for, unfair. And this was compounded by what they actually went for seemed very different from what (I thought anyway) they said they wanted--a guy like myself I liked to think. They would be laughing over some douche's clowning, while they would seemingly have their guard up to a Nice Guy. I also felt that women's whining basically led from their nature to take from the good guys and to give to the bad boys. Again, as I was hardwired to want sex, I felt that this was really unfair and stupid of them.

 

Real talk here indeed.

 

And I used to be a misandrist. I used to feel that most men were Average Frustrated Chumps. I was resentful that even though I thought I had more going for me than the average guy, he was getting laid and I was not, but (in my warped thinking back then) that was because he knew how to cater to women's "stupid" whims.

 

I took a lot to pull me out of it. But I would say I am 95% there. I still feel that women have a tendency to be self-pitying in that they can be all too aware of their own pain (usually caused when they fall for the bad-boy douche who treats them badly--where the red flags were all there from the beginning) while not realizing the pain their actions cause the other gender (e.g., flaking, fading on guys who were nothing but "nice" to them). I also think we live in a culture that in my adult life at least, has tended feminist. I'm noticing how in our culture it is considered far more socially acceptable for women to complain about men than it is for men to complain about women. Maybe this is a pendulum swing from how things were for the first half of the 20th century.

 

(The PUA Community, for all the good it has done, both promotes misogyny and misandry in some corners. Most of the marketing is about leapfrogging the 99% of guys out there (known as AFCs, average frustrated chumps) to get the women to sleep with you.)

Edited January 26, 2013 by Imajerk17

[ChessPieceFace]

So you used to live in reality, seeing things clearly, and now you're 95% of the way toward lying to yourself that the world isn't how you know in your heart that it is?

 

Or are you 95% of the way toward finding a woman who isn't worthless?

[ThaWholigan]

So you used to live in reality, seeing things clearly, and now you're 95% of the way toward lying to yourself that the world isn't how you know in your heart that it is?

 

Or are you 95% of the way toward finding a woman who isn't worthless?

Maybe he's 95% of the way towards not giving a sh*t about how crap the world is - must be more liberating than being pissed off.

 

Besides, it's not that bad being delusional

[KungFuJoe]

There's one day or so each month where I'm a raging misandrist, but then I keep converting back to normal.

 

You're not a misandrist. Not even close.

 

But I know you were joking...

[Negative Nancy]

Lot of man/woman hatred to found in LS.

 

Just wondering...is there anyone here who is a "converted" gender hater? Some guy who used to think women were the scum of the earth, but then found the "one" who changed his perspective of women forever? Some girl who thought all guys were jerks, but found her true love?

 

Woggle comes to mind, though I would have never called him a "womanhater" since it was always clear (to me, anyway) that his issues did not stem from a place of hate, but from a place of hurt and pain. I could always relate, just from the other side's perspective.

 

I assume many here would classify me as a manhater, which I'm not. And though I've found my true love, I am still wary of men in general.

[Woggle]

I never really thought they were beneath me but there was a time when I thought women in general were a bunch of manhaters who found joy on hurting men and shredding our hearts. I used to think if you dug deep enough 99% were misandrists. I no longer think that way because I am happily married now and I have met many women who don't think that way.

Edited January 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[KungFuJoe]

I never really thought they were beneath me but there was a time when I thought women in general were a bunch of manhaters who found joy on hurting men and shredding our hearts. I used to think if you dug deep enough 99% were misandrists. I no longer think that way because I am happily married now and I have met many women who don't think that way.

 

I'm glad you found happiness.

 

But did you NEED to find someone before you changed your views...or did you change them before you found someone?

[Woggle]

I'm glad you found happiness.

 

But did you NEED to find someone before you changed your views...or did you change them before you found someone?

 

Finding somebody was the catalyst but it took me a while even after I found her to change them.

[somedude81]

I'm glad you found happiness.

 

But did you NEED to find someone before you changed your views...or did you change them before you found someone?

 

Finding somebody was the catalyst but it took me a while even after I found her to change them.

I feel that's the same way for me.

 

I have so much anger and pain in me from my dealings with women/being single for so long and it doesn't seem like something I'll be able to overcome on my own. I feel that I'd need to get into a relationship and then I'd like all the bad feelings go.

[monicaelise]

I feel that's the same way for me.

 

I have so much anger and pain in me from my dealings with women/being single for so long and it doesn't seem like something I'll be able to overcome on my own. I feel that I'd need to get into a relationship and then I'd like all the bad feelings go.

 

 

SD I don't think you're really a proper misogynist anymore, you're kind of a "work in progress".

[ThaWholigan]

SD I don't think you're really a proper misogynist anymore, you're kind of a "work in progress".

I don't think he's ever been a misogynist, he hates himself more than he hates women IMO.

[KungFuJoe]

Agreed with others...SD is NOT a misogynist. Which means there is still hope for him, yet.

 

I don't think woggle was a TRUE misogynist, either (though I admit I don't know much about his past so i could be wrong)...maybe more hurt and broken from past experiences...but that's different than some of the people who have never even known love or even a LTR and just despise women utterly and completely.

[somedude81]

SD I don't think you're really a proper misogynist anymore, you're kind of a "work in progress".

Anymore? Okay...

 

Basically I've always loved women. But I've never been loved by them. Being single for so long and not receiving any affection or intimacy from women has caused me a lot of emotional and psychological pain.

 

What is a common action of a person or animal in pain? Lashing out.

 

I'm also very jealous of how easy it seems that women have it compared to me.

 

For me it's a complete fantasy to wake up to next to somebody I love and yet it's something that every woman my age (31) has already experienced.

 

I don't think it's even possible for a heterosexual man my age to be happy with the world and women, if he has gone without the things I have.

[monicaelise]

Anymore? Okay...

 

Basically I've always loved women. But I've never been loved by them. Being single for so long and not receiving any affection or intimacy from women has caused me a lot of emotional and psychological pain.

 

What is a common action of a person or animal in pain? Lashing out.

 

I'm also very jealous of how easy it seems that women have it compared to me.

 

For me it's a complete fantasy to wake up to next to somebody I love and yet it's something that every woman my age (31) has already experienced.

 

I don't think it's even possible for a heterosexual man my age to be happy with the world and women, if he has gone without the things I have.

 

I only used "anymore" because of the title of the thread. I've never personally seen you as a misogynist, but I haven't been around all that long. I don't know how things were before.

 

Mostly was just wanting to say that you don't strike me as a misogynist, just a frustrated dude. I think you're doing better than many of the fellas on this board tbh. The "work in progress" comment was only intended to convey that it seems that, whatever your issues are, you seem to be trying to work through them.

Edited January 26, 2013 by monicaelise

[somedude81]

I only used "anymore" because of the title of the thread. I've never personally seen you as a misogynist, but I haven't been around all that long. I don't know how things were before.

 

Mostly was just wanting to say that you don't strike me as a misogynist, just a frustrated dude. I think you're doing better than many of the fellas on this board tbh. The "work in progress" comment was only intended to convey that it seems that, whatever your issues are, you seem to be trying to work through them.

Ah, I misunderstood your context.

 

Yeah I'm definitely in progress

[Imajerk17]

Maybe he's 95% of the way towards not giving a sh*t about how crap the world is - must be more liberating than being pissed off.

 

Besides, it's not that bad being delusional

 

Haha. I realized that my attitudes were not helping me live the life I really wanted and so I decided to make a change.

 

I would say the biggest thing was understanding that attraction is not a choice. And that my own selection criteria is "unfair" as well. I've passed up women who were very nice people and who had all these things going for them "on paper", for women who seemingly had less going for them but for whom I felt physical chemistry. I might have respected the former more as people, but I wanted to do a million hawt things with the latter. Even in OLD---a woman could write a profile worthy of a Pulitzer, but the women whom I would write would be those with a picture that showed off their shapely arms and a curvy figure, even if their text was just cliche-ridden paragraph.

 

The 2nd thing was realizing that women aren't really the enemy. They have tough experiences with dating as well. Not always because they went for Bad Boy and are paying for it, but very often because they themselves were passed up (see the above paragraph).

 

Related to this is realizing that dating isn't that much tougher for men. I've often said that women refusing to make the first move does smack of what I call "feminine entitlement", but in reality it is actually a non-issue. When I see a cute girl in the grocery store and I approach her and we have a nice conversation and then get her number, I have a lot of things running through my mind, but I've never walked away resentful that she didn't make the first move and approach me first. I'm just happy to get her number! Same goes with first kiss, getting her into bed, asking her to be my girlfriend. The signs are there and they are really easy to see.

 

 

The 3rd thing was in becoming more socially confident, improving myself, and so on and so forth.

[MrCastle]

but that's different than some of the people who have never even known love or even a LTR and just despise women utterly and completely.

 

Not really. Never having known love or never having a relationship with a woman are perfect conditions to breed a misogynist. And I don't blame any unsuccessful men for feeling how they do.

[TheGuard13]

I would imagine you'd also have to legitimately be treated poorly or wrongly to become a misogynist, or witnessed it an awful lot of it.

 

I don't know too many nice guys who encounter decent women and become misogynists.

[Woggle]

I never had problems getting dates. My issues stemmed from a mother who openly hated men and let me know everyday who let down she was that she had a son even to the point of going in my room with a knife and threatening to cut it off. She got involved with some radical feminist group and all of a sudden my father and I were the enemy.

 

The thing that really set it off was my first marriage. When we moved to NJ she got caught up with drugs after she met a group of friends at a temp job and not only did they introduce her to drugs but they egged her on to cheat and she ended up sleeping with a bunch of guys. She lost her job so while I was at work she would go up on the boardwalk and just take guys home.

 

 

One day I caught her in bed with another man and we got divorced. My mother and most of the women I knew at the time took her side because in their mind she was just giving men payback for the times women were cheated on. I became very bitter towards women and decided I was just going to be a player but then I met my current wife.

 

One day my ex bumps into us at the store and at first it seems okay but then a few days later she shoots at my house and nearly hits us. She ends up doing a year in prison for that and my mother again said it was payback for all the women who are abused.

 

After that I had just had it and I really thought all women felt that way so if they hate me why not hate them. I now know that not all women are like that and I am tired of letting them make me into something I didn't like anymore.

[ChessPieceFace]

Woggle, you've had a messed up life which is far beyond anything that's representative of even the usual western psycho women. Many western women may be selfish, vain, fickle, childish, irresponsible, entitled, needy emotional wrecks. But most don't shoot someone's house or say terrible man-hating things to their sons. I hope you at least realize this.

[KungFuJoe]

I only became a misogynist after I saw, first hand, the difference in the way young, fertile and attractive women treat you when you drive around a 2013 Panamera versus a 2004 Civic and that the likelihood that they want to sleep with/be around/date you is directly linked to how badly her father wants to shoot you when first laying eyes on you ( starting in elementary/middle school ).

 

I used to drive around a beat up 85 Toyota Corolla SR5 (got it for 2 grand) back in 96-97. I used to get PLENTY of action in that car....some pretty fond memories of that ol' beater.

[TheBigQuestion]

Woggle comes to mind, though I would have never called him a "womanhater" since it was always clear (to me, anyway) that his issues did not stem from a place of hate, but from a place of hurt and pain. I could always relate, just from the other side's perspective.

 

I assume many here would classify me as a manhater, which I'm not. And though I've found my true love, I am still wary of men in general.

 

Nah, you're pretty much the textbook definition of a misandrist. Your anti-male ramblings are worse than all but those written by the tiny handful of men here who actually are misogynists. You need just as much as help as Woggle does (or did).

 

When women here accuse other posters of being misogynists, they never differentiate whether the supposed hatred comes from a place of pain or a place of hatred.

 

I also take issue with how broadly a lot of people here define "misogyny." Apparently any remotely negative observation about a woman or certain demographics of women are "misogynist." The term is an overused buzz word devoid of actual meaning, no different than insinuating that most or all people who hate Obama are "racist."

[charlietheginger]

Many people "hate what they don't understand "