I think we're going to be alright. Maybe not though.

[dyermaker]

Backstory : One day we were fine, then things started getting distant, I cornered her and wanted to know what's up, and she told me she wasn't certain things would work out. Somehow it became clear things were over, and it's so surreal I can't even begin to explain it. The next day I tell her we've made a mistake, and she says "I know you do". Ouch. Then she has to go to State Fair, apologizes for the awful timing, and wonders if I'm still there. I'm stilll there. I ask her to say something, and she says "I don't know if I should", I tell her to do what she has to, and she tells me she loves me. I'm confused, understandably.

 

In reflection, I realize I made a huge mistake, I've got no right to demand certainty, and it's perfectly natural to doubt something like this, especially due to the distance and the nature of our communication. I don't hear from her at all, but it's the busiest time of her year. Slowly, I start to recover, realizing that maybe it's best I move on and learn from this, despite the sadness over making such a huge mistake.

 

Then, tonight, she signs on. I sit there, knowing that rules delegate I should wait to be contacted. Kevin pops into my head and tells me to 'F%#@ Rules", so I do, and ask her if it's a good time to talk. This isn't entirely an infraction, as she did, before, tell me, "We'll talk, I promise". She says nothing, I feel stupid. I realize that closure comes in an obvious slap to the face, so I abandon pride or whatever it was I was going for, and say, "Hello?"

 

She says : say that again...my thing was being retarded

 

I repeat myself. I ask her if she had time to talk. Last time I made the mistake of catching her at a bad time, and I don't want to do that again.

 

She says : truthfully, I don't have time to talk. I've missed lots of school for state fair and now I'm working on homework

 

I say : Understood.

 

And I do understand, she skipped the beginning of school.

 

She then adds : it will happen though

 

This is as good as a promise, I've gone from nowhere to an assurance that we'll talk about things. I'm beginning to feel good, and I haven't felt very good in a long while.

 

I say, cooly : good to hear.

 

As if it weren't the greatest thing I've ever heard, like, ever. Oh, but I have to add something.

 

I say : I think everything's going to be alright.

 

She says, slowly : Also good to hear.

 

Time passes, nothing is said. I break the silence.

 

Me : Soon then, good luck with your schoolwork and such, keep me in your prayers.

 

Her, immediately : I do.

 

 

[A lot of time passes.]

 

I message her : I'm off to bed.

 

(A lie, I never sleep)

 

I make the "Hug" smiley, and she smiles and makes it back. She tells me Good Night, and I say it back.

 

Then I changed my status to 'Away', and said a prayer.

 

Her display name is "I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block". It's a reference to a song about a guy who's lamenting the loss of his love, who totally left him out in the rain, but then he realizes he's dumb because he was waiting on the wrong block all along. There's something to that, I'm sure.

 

Input appreciated, as well as suggestions for getting us back to normal.

[Curt]

I'm afraid that the ending is near for this relationship.

 

I'm sorry for ya, but, perhaps it's just time to find someone new ...

 

To me, dyer, it doesn't appear that you are both into this with the same amount of emotional capital.

 

One thing is true, though, you'll be fine man!

 

Sorry to be so brutal, but I think it's the truth.

[dyermaker]

You could be right about the relationship, but I won't be looking for anyone new.

 

I think to be even remotely fair to whoever's next, I have to have a desire to be in a relationship with whoever she is. I don't, I want nothing but to make this work.

 

I feel better about it tonight than I did last night. I'm not cutting this one loose just yet, I don't imagine I'll ever forgive myself later.

 

I'd be interested in your thoughts on 'emotional capital' though, I have no idea what you mean.

[Curt]

Essentially, what I mean is that she appears to be in a "ready to let go" state, and does not appear to be anywhere near as stressed as you appear to be with respect to a possible breakup.

 

She cares for you, yes, but I honestly don't think she's in this with her whole heart in the way you are.

 

Dyer, I know everything in your heart tells you to try and hang on and salvage things. Just the same, it may not be the best thing to do, given she seems to be into the relationship at a fairly different "level."

 

Curt

[dyermaker]

I think withdrawal was a response to my stupidity.

 

If she was ready to let go, she had no reason to postpone the talk. She's not a shirker, she'd have no problem telling me it's over.

 

I appreciate your patience with me, I doubt I'm as rational as I could be, but I don't think you can tell me to ignore what I want to do based on what I 'should do'.

 

I know little, I'll be the first to admit that.

 

But I do know that this isn't something I'm going to forget.

 

I'd rather have painful closure than be in limbo.

 

I'm getting ahead of myself though, I honestly think I'm going to pull through this. I could be wrong, but I'd rather be wrong than unsure.

[pixie2004]

Conclusion.... I think you like her more than what she likes you... which is not a good thing!

 

You are more committed than she is. Takes 2 to tango...

 

Dyer... i think this love is dying...

 

*sorry*

 

[pitprincess]

Dyer

I so feel your emotions... If you have nothing more to do then to take time and give her space that she may need then do it.

It can't hurt to wait a little bit to see what happens.

I am not like most.. I did feel in what you said that she very well may have been really trying to catch up on her work because with the fair and all its taken her time, then there is needed sleep to.

 

All in all the love may die and that is something you should try and remember...

How long has this been going on between you and her?

 

I am not saying wait forever but if you love her"like I think you do" then your doing right by giving it a little time, but always remember sweets... time is forever... dont make forever your time.

Best of wishes to you, you seem to be such a wonderful person.

[echo419]

I have to agree with pitprincess. My EX left me about a month and 1/2 ago. I still lover her and wish for her to come back---even though I think that is very unlikely to happen. My point is, I cannot just go---screw it, I'm moving on. I have taken this time to really look at myself, and work on becoming a better person---to learn something from all of this. I cannot change her mind, but in giving her space at least I can make it easier for her to think about things.

 

I feel similar to what you said---

 

I think to be even remotely fair to whoever's next, I have to have a desire to be in a relationship with whoever she is.

 

This is true IMO for not only that "next" person, but for yourself as well. So what I suggest is give her some time. Try to not expect anything---I know thats hard! Try and take this time to focus on yourself and learn something from it!

 

Sorry if I sort of repeated myself!

 

Best of luck to ya.

[quankanne]

If she was ready to let go, she had no reason to postpone the talk

 

ah, but when a person truly cares about someone, they do their best to the hurting down to a minimum. As in, because she still cares about you in her fashion, she is doing her best to avoid a harsh or bitter break-up. She's taking your feelings into consideration because she thinks that highly of you. Believe me, if she didn't respect you for who you are, she wouldn't have a problem slam-dunking you or taking your feelings/reactions into consideration. She's trying to play fair here, even as your relationship ends.

[NatoPMT]

Oh dyer, I am sorry

 

‘I’d rather have painful closure than be in limbo’

 

Are you sure? If this is meant to be, it will happen, and by forcing resolution to get out of the limbo, it’s more likely it won’t happen. Just trust that it will turn out for the best - even if ‘the best’ isn’t what you currently hope for.

 

Will be thinking of you.

[Spinzel]

Despite you not caring about following "the rules" (I'm normally a rule-breaker myself), I think you really should observe No Contact as a way to give her some time to herself to get caught up with school, to have time to miss you, and also to refocus your life. Right now you're obviously trying very hard, and she can see that, and I'm sure she knows how much you love her and desire to be with her. If she decides she still wants you, she'll come find you.

 

I've been in your position where I felt like the person I was with was the most special, incredible person in the world, and we shared something that no other couple shared, and that if we ever broke up I would never love anyone like that again. I actually had a few relationships like that. But once it's over, you do heal, and after enough time has passed, you realize that you can love like that again. I know that, right now, telling you to date someone else is akin to getting a new dog for someone who's dog has just died, so I would never recommend anything like that. You're fully invested in her. But I think you need to withdraw somewhat, for now, and focus on yourself. Give her some space and time, and see what happens.

[YellowLioness]

I don't have any advice, really. I know it hurts, but at LEAST you're not ending on bad terms with her, and you can move on in good conscience.

 

I think its good that you're not rebounding. Smart move, and fair to the next girl.

 

I bet you've written break up poetry, about her already. I don't know why, I just have this totally emo feeling about it. Its something that I would do, too.

 

Anyway, *hug* and try to be positive.

[dyermaker]

I can't write poetry, in general--I'm too mechanical. I'm not ready to throw in the towel on this. You might be, I am not. The consensus seems to be that she's not making an effort to salvage things, and is only being nice to me to spare my feelings.

 

I honestly think this is rooted in a mistake on my part, something went wrong in communicating how I felt, and I think I guilted her into feeling like somehow I was more invested than she was. I made a mistake, and I won't move on until we've had a chance to talk.

 

Tonight she signed on, and I remained silent. I sat there staring at her name for a half hour, but she had no way of knowing this.

 

Then she signed off.

 

Later at night, she signed on.

 

I still remained silent. I hope that doesn't sound easy.

 

And then, a small victory, she sent me a message.

 

"Hi [my name]. We would talk tonight if I didn't have homework. I still have to learn some AP Physics before tomorrow. Sleep well. I gotta go."

 

This is her making an effort, honestly. I said nothing, and I was contacted. I'm still confused, but I don't feel so bad anymore. I think I'll get my chance to talk. Sparing feelings is one thing, but there's no need to construct a meeting that will never happen.

 

Any takers?

[pitprincess]

Dyer is there more then one person useing her computer?

 

I do feel as she was letting you know that she did want to talk to you and is thinking about you guys talking this over. I do feel she is pushed for time on schooling as well.

If she wasnt thinking about it she would not have clicked on you and said it.

 

I know that my computer there is 4 others in this house that use it. One of my names stays logged in on the aim all the time because it pops up when it logs on line.

If there is more then one person useing her computer it may have not been her that logged in the first time.

 

I agree with what you did by waiting for the "click" on your name for her to im you.

 

Good Luck sweets.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by pitprincess

Dyer is there more then one person useing her computer?

She does share her computer, but it's safe to assume she's the only one who uses her messaging account.

 

If there is more then one person useing her computer it may have not been her that logged in the first time.

I think she just signed off when she went to eat dinner. Just a guess though.

[pitprincess]

I just had to ask because I am on Aol, and it comes with one of the messangers with it but I as well have the AIM messanger that I can log on to both at the same time.

Just wanderd if her messanger may be set to come on when the computer starts up.

 

How is things going for you?

[meanon]

Dyer, I think you have had some wise advice but what really matters is how you feel, how you cope with this. It helps to talk and get the views of others but then you need to find your own way through this.

 

I'm not ready to throw in the towel on this.

 

Then don't. This is important, you need to be sure you've done all you can. Maybe, for now, you also need a little hope. Good luck

[Lizzz]

Dyer....Hun, this girl is not showing any enthusiasm. You don't need to be with anyone who's not just as excited about you as you are about her! Back off from her for awhile. It may be the thing that makes her realize that if she does want to be with you, she'd better do something about it! And if not, then you are that much closer to coming to terms with the ending of the relationship. Good luck