Wanting to get Married

[napy666]

Ever since I was little my mom had told me about marriage and after seeing it in Disney movies and other movies and TV programs that I too wanted to get married and live my happily ever after.

 

But nowadays most guys don't believe in marriage. OR they do but they insist on if they love their partner that they should have sex before getting married.

 

To me I'm not a very religious person but this is my own beliefs and my own choices etc. To me I think saving yourself until after you are married is the right thing to do.

 

But again guys of today say oh I've been brainwashed, and you should test yourself out before getting married, if you love the guy to death you should have sex with him, your 25 your young, thats when you should have sex in your 20s etc etc etc.

 

I really am getting sick and tired of hearing all of this stuff. I want to save myself for after marriage and thats that. And yes I am a Virgin.

[TigerCub]

You believe what you believe - that's fine.

Save yourself. I just think that maybe you would have better luck with men that feel the same way.

 

Yes, the majority of men don't save themselves for marriage and want to be intimate with their girl before marriage (I understand that)

but I'm sure that there are still some (a minority) that don't feel that way.

 

Chances are those men would be religious - so maybe if you join a church group or something, you can meet your future husband there.

 

But for the record - believing in happily ever afters and thinking that your life & marriage will be some silly Disney scripted event - proves that you are quite naive and most likely "too young" to marry anyone right now.

 

You need to mature and grow up a bit. - and that has nothing to do with the virgin thing, just your childish expectation of happily ever after.

[napy666]

Why all girls have their happily ever afters so whats the big deal?

 

And trust me I have tried the religious and christian dating and church things. Most of those people dislike how I listen to devilish worshiping music etc.

[TigerCub]

Why all girls have their happily ever afters so whats the big deal?

 

And trust me I have tried the religious and christian dating and church things. Most of those people dislike how I listen to devilish worshiping music etc.

 

I don't know of anyone that had a happily ever after.

Yes I know people that stayed together and are happy for the most part, but its not some silly fairy tale that's all smooth sailing.

 

Everyone has bumps in the road and relationships seem to take a lot of effort on everyone's part.

 

But hey! that's just what I've seen. I guess you see something else.

 

Also, a lot of times, what appears on the outside isn't always an accurate reflection on what's going on inside.

 

Anywhos...sorry the church group trial didn't work for you. I'm honestly not sure what else to suggest.

 

Do you have friends that felt the same as you and got married?

If so, do you know how they found their partners?

[TaraMaiden]

Ever since I was little my mom had told me about marriage and after seeing it in Disney movies and other movies and TV programs that I too wanted to get married and live my happily ever after.

 

There's your big fat mistake, right there.

LIFE is NOT like Disney and Hollywood. That's why those films are like that. It's called 'escapism'.

 

But nowadays most guys don't believe in marriage. OR they do but they insist on if they love their partner that they should have sex before getting married.

And rightly so. Who wants to find out on their wedding night that they've either married a tireless nymphomaniac or an ironing board? You may think the former is bliss, but if a man can't keep up with his wife's desires for multiple orgasms nightly, he will very soon feel entirely inadequate.

 

To me I'm not a very religious person but this is my own beliefs and my own choices etc. To me I think saving yourself until after you are married is the right thing to do.

Prepare to die old and single, then.

 

But again guys of today say oh I've been brainwashed, and you should test yourself out before getting married, if you love the guy to death you should have sex with him, your 25 your young, thats when you should have sex in your 20s etc etc etc.

And not only guys. As a mature woman in her 50's I'm telling you -0 they're right. That's not to say you should jump every dick you see - guys don't like 'promiscuous' either. They call that 'slut' - but you certainly SHOULD have prior experience of what it takes to get a man aroused, happy and great in bed - and the same for you....

 

I really am getting sick and tired of hearing all of this stuff. I want to save myself for after marriage and thats that. And yes I am a Virgin.

How is the dating going, by the way....?

 

And why precisely do you honestly believe you SHOULD save yourself until after you're married? Because it doesn't make a relationship stronger. it's a huge risk.

 

Would you buy a car unseen with no test-drive?

Exactly.

Would you buy a house without viewing it?

Exactly.

Would you buy an outfit without trying it on?

Exactly.

Would you buy shoes....

 

....get the picture?

[napy666]

There's your big fat mistake, right there.

LIFE is NOT like Disney and Hollywood. That's why those films are like that. It's called 'escapism'.

 

 

And rightly so. Who wants to find out on their wedding night that they've either married a tireless nymphomaniac or an ironing board? You may think the former is bliss, but if a man can't keep up with his wife's desires for multiple orgasms nightly, he will very soon feel entirely inadequate.

 

 

Prepare to die old and single, then.

 

 

And not only guys. As a mature woman in her 50's I'm telling you -0 they're right. That's not to say you should jump every dick you see - guys don't like 'promiscuous' either. They call that 'slut' - but you certainly SHOULD have prior experience of what it takes to get a man aroused, happy and great in bed - and the same for you....

 

 

How is the dating going, by the way....?

 

And why precisely do you honestly believe you SHOULD save yourself until after you're married? Because it doesn't make a relationship stronger. it's a huge risk.

 

Would you buy a car unseen with no test-drive?

Exactly.

Would you buy a house without viewing it?

Exactly.

Would you buy an outfit without trying it on?

Exactly.

Would you buy shoes....

 

....get the picture?

 

 

I am NOT having sex until after I am married END OF ****ING STORY!

[TaraMaiden]

This is a discussion forum.

 

People post threads to generate conversations, discussions and to swap opinions ideas and points of view. Surprise....!

 

if you're not prepared to discuss or have opinions given to you, why the hell did you bother posting?

 

WHAT'S YOUR POINT, IF YOU'RE NOT PREPARED TO ENGAGE IN AN ADULT DISCUSSION - ?!?

[TaraMaiden]

I am NOT having sex until after I am married END OF ****ING STORY!

This sentence, taken in the context of lovemaking - is hilarious!

[RR1]

I think this shows a lot of respect for yourself. If someone really loves you they should be totally on board with this, waiting should not be a problem for them. Of course everyone's opinion differs and if other people choose to live their life another way that's fine, it's called choice. And it's your choice to wait until you are married and if someone claims to have affection for you and love you then he should respect your choice, end of story. The fact that you are not going to be pressured into have sex before you are married shows strength of character and a sene of self-worth that is often lacking today. I'm not a religious person either so my opinion is not based on any of that nonsense. I simply think that more people should value themselves and give themselves to someone they value and hold in equal regard. It's not possible to do that if you are hoping into bed with every other person. Fine if others wish to disagree. I was beginning to think i was the only one to think this way anymore so full respect to you.

[Leigh 87]

I also did not want to have sex before marriage, when I was in my very early 20's.

 

I am 26 now, and sex is such a essential and key part of my life, second to food water and shelter... It is what keeps a loving relationship at its optimal.

 

I had a dry spell with men because I was anorexic, and had this idea that, well.... I had had sex too much and with too many people when I was in my teens and it messed me up, so I would definately be "saving myself" for marriage this time around!

I felt good about it, but you know, I got horny and did masturbate. You cannot ignore a sexual urge. It is natural and not bad at all

TO make matters worse - I started hanging out, inadvertently not through deliberately seeking out a church group - with Christians.

 

I REALLY thought I would save myself for marriage.

[Leigh 87]

I think this shows a lot of respect for yourself. If someone really loves you they should be totally on board with this, waiting should not be a problem for them. Of course everyone's opinion differs and if other people choose to live their life another way that's fine, it's called choice. And it's your choice to wait until you are married and if someone claims to have affection for you and love you then he should respect your choice, end of story. The fact that you are not going to be pressured into have sex before you are married shows strength of character and a sene of self-worth that is often lacking today. I'm not a religious person either so my opinion is not based on any of that nonsense. I simply think that more people should value themselves and give themselves to someone they value and hold in equal regard. It's not possible to do that if you are hoping into bed with every other person. Fine if others wish to disagree. I was beginning to think i was the only one to think this way anymore so full respect to you.

 

 

 

 

Your right, in that it is better he respect herself and not sleep around with men who don;t respect her, than it is to stay single until she is 40.

 

...But... the latter options STILL does not sound too fun, yeah?

 

If she at least wanted to engage in forplay, she would find enough willing men!

 

But, if she will not even kiss the guy with her tongue, and not let him even touch her down there...

 

Then yeah, MOST... almost ALL MEN who are normal and decent, will stick with a girl..

 

 

 

...it is not that the guys won't respect her! It is that: for their WHOLE LIVES they have enjoyed sex every few months, and most of them: once a month at least, for young men...

IF a man knows how good sex feels, they will find it VERY un enjoyable to be with a women who he CANNOT EVEN TOUCH!

 

 

 

........The OP either needs to find a very religious man, or die single.

 

OR, she could loosen up and agree to touching and everything OTHER than sex. That would be enough for many guys, but still, she is limiting herself.

[Leigh 87]

Lastly I want to add - well done, it is great that you respect yourself. It is far better than sleeping around.

 

I think it would be so boring and hellish to withhold any type of physical intimacy, though.

 

Hence why I did not end up saving myself or marriage:lmao:

[RR1]

Yes i do think you have a good point Leigh. No intimacy at all would be a problem and also very lonely. I think it's nice to save yourself for marriage if that's what you want to do, or if that doesnt work at least save yourself for someone who you are genuinely commited to. affection with someone is a lovely experience but it's so much more special with someone you truly care about. It's finding the right balance that works for you and your values. I appaud the OP for sticking to her values and not being persuaded otherwise, obviously that will not work for everyone but i like the sense of self-worth it instills.

[DarrenK]

I respect your values and think that's awsome!!

[Esoteric Elf]

But nowadays most guys don't believe in marriage. OR they do but they insist on if they love their partner that they should have sex before getting married.

Yes, guys who will wait until marriage are rare, but there are a few out there. Many of them will be doing it for a religious reason (or carryover from religion).

[samsungxoxo]

If that is what suits you the best then go for what you seek for but very few people nowadays would wait until marriage.

 

You're 25 and you still have some time but try not to wait too long. The older you get, the less likely you'll find the man you're looking for. Once you hit your 30's, the men are more than likely probably gonna find it weird and it's not going to be a turn on anymore.

 

As a woman, I don't think I would stick around if I was dating an ''wait till marriage'' man. I might try but I would probably end up feeling neglected and would wonder what's the point of continuing a committed relationship when one basic element is missing.

 

Now if within 5-10 years down the road, you still want to wait till marriage and haven't found him yet, then either start focusing on other things or change your views on sex because by then you won't find him.

Edited February 1, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[pureinheart]

Ever since I was little my mom had told me about marriage and after seeing it in Disney movies and other movies and TV programs that I too wanted to get married and live my happily ever after.

 

But nowadays most guys don't believe in marriage. OR they do but they insist on if they love their partner that they should have sex before getting married.

 

To me I'm not a very religious person but this is my own beliefs and my own choices etc. To me I think saving yourself until after you are married is the right thing to do.

 

But again guys of today say oh I've been brainwashed, and you should test yourself out before getting married, if you love the guy to death you should have sex with him, your 25 your young, thats when you should have sex in your 20s etc etc etc.

 

I really am getting sick and tired of hearing all of this stuff. I want to save myself for after marriage and thats that. And yes I am a Virgin.

 

I think it's them that are brainwashed...not you. Saving yourself until marriage IS the right thing to do...more power to ya sista!

[pureinheart]

Boy, did YOU pick the wrong time to want to be traditional. This would have been doable 50 years ago.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, having read the Dating section here and on a couple of other sites, today's guys expect you to persue THEM, pay for dates, have sex by the 3rd date, and spit out kids for them without benefit of marriage (if they even choose to stick around after you find out you're pregnant). Oh, and you'll be doing 95% of the childcare, housecleaning, cooking, laundry AND working full time.

 

What a deal.

 

 

I'm SO freakin' glad I'm not dealing with today's crop of so called men.

 

:lmao: the "crop" in my age group are either married (and hit on me) or commitment phobes....I am sooooo done and very glad for it! Told God a few years back, "God, if it's a choice of a relationship or money, I'll take the money". He opened a door for money, and I took it!

 

*Disclaimer* am not a man hater (quite the opposite), just don't like the way I've been treated and how I react likewise in these situations. My picker, his picker...not good, not healthy. God may have one out there...but until He makes it plain and clear, I'm done:D

 

Hey JAP, thank you for your post. I was confused about the persuing thing. Having never persued, wondered if I was wrong in this...nope...thank you again:love:

[Radu]

Boy, did YOU pick the wrong time to want to be traditional. This would have been doable 50 years ago.

 

Unfortunately, having read the Dating section here and on a couple of other sites, today's guys expect you to persue THEM, pay for dates, have sex by the 3rd date, and spit out kids for them without benefit of marriage (if they even choose to stick around after you find out you're pregnant). Oh, and you'll be doing 95% of the childcare, housecleaning, cooking, laundry AND working full time.

 

What a deal.

 

I'm SO freakin' glad I'm not dealing with today's crop of so called men.

 

Well, feminism does play a small role in all of this.

 

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free ?

[pureinheart]

Well, feminism does play a small role in all of this.

 

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free ?

 

Radu, this can be the bottom line right here. It's interesting you used this term. I was living with ex fiancee (this was about 15 yrs ago or so). We were the same age, almost 40 and he had never been married...why? Because of the statement you made.

 

His mother made this same statement (she was kind of an unusual person) and it made me think...I moved back home soon after and we ended the engagement...amazing eh?

[pureinheart]

Radu, this can be the bottom line right here. It's interesting you used this term. I was living with ex fiancee (this was about 15 yrs ago or so). We were the same age, almost 40 and he had never been married...why? Because of the statement you made.

 

His mother made this same statement (she was kind of an unusual person) and it made me think...I moved back home soon after and we ended the engagement...amazing eh?

 

Radu- want to add- I wasn't referring to you being unusual ...she was kind of weird, the whole family knew it, also something like this was even more unusual from her based on her views, meaning something rational coming from her mouth was not the norm.

 

Just wanted to clarify:)

[Els]

You should do what you want to do. We all have the right to do that. I know a few couples who have waited for marriage to have sex, so it does happen.

 

But Disney and marriages? No, just... no. There is no guaranteed 'happily ever after'. Every day is a new page, a new choice to put effort into the relationship, a new choice to be together. Marriage is just be a milestone in the journey, not the end point.

 

Radu, this can be the bottom line right here. It's interesting you used this term. I was living with ex fiancee (this was about 15 yrs ago or so). We were the same age, almost 40 and he had never been married...why? Because of the statement you made.

 

His mother made this same statement (she was kind of an unusual person) and it made me think...I moved back home soon after and we ended the engagement...amazing eh?

 

For some reason I'd always thought you were a guy! My bad. :love:

[Els]

Well, feminism does play a small role in all of this.

 

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free ?

 

Interesting remark.

 

I do agree that in the past (and in some cultures today), there seemed to be little benefit in marriage for the working-class men (higher classes required it for social/political benefit) except for the regular sex and having someone to look after his home (which not all that many bachelors cared about). So yeah, mostly sex. Marriage seemed to be more of a 'woman's aspiration' - little girls dreamed of it and older girls giggled and chatted about it, but boys and men did not. So it was a trade-off of sorts - security and commitment for the woman and sex/intimacy and a caretaker for the men.

 

Fast forward to the present, we seem to be in the middle of a huge gender role/culture change, and everyone is on a different point of the transformation spectrum. Hence all the conflicting views. Yes, having sex before marriage seems to disadvantage the woman in the trade - but what if the woman likes sex more than she wants marriage? Especially with recent wealth of education and openness about the female orgasm and methods of achieving it, should sex be something that a man buys with commitment?

 

There has definitely been a lot of benefit from the recent change, IMO. Female sexual liberation, the phenomenon of some men wanting marriage and romance as much as women do, the ability of women to make choices for their own life, including the choice to not marry or to marry later, the choice to have sex when and with whom she pleases.

 

But it does introduce the little issue that you mentioned - has the 'trade' been skewed? Previously marriage was a self-regulating process - for a woman there was no worry about a man just 'stringing her along' in a relationship and never intending to get married, because men who didn't get married didn't usually get regular sex, which was plenty of incentive to do so. If he took his time about marriage, he usually had pretty damn good reasons, because otherwise he'd just be delaying regular sex pointlessly.

 

If both men and women wanted marriage and sex equally with each other, the 'trade' would be useless and defunct - but it seems that in general women still want marriage more/earlier than men, and men still want sex earlier than women. That leaves us with the nasty conundrum that a few women find themselves in, wondering if their bf's reasons for delaying marriage were genuine, or if they were deluding themselves and he would never commit. Usually followed with a slew of ultimatums, and a "how long should I wait??" post on LS on which people post arbitrary numbers on without taking into account the actual circumstances, ages, culture, personal difference, and relationship dynamic of the persons involved, which naturally doesn't really help.

 

Actually... I don't know how I got to this conclusion. Your post was a perfect hook for my rambling mood, Radu.

Edited February 28, 2013 by Elswyth