What contributes to our ego and self image?

[JuneJulySeptember]

It has been brought to my attention that some women who are very attractive think of themselves as average and I have run across this before in real life.

 

On the other hand, other women who are average or even below think of themselves as quite high on the food chain and demand the absolute best. I have yet to meet a woman here who considers herself less than a 7 (of those that have numerically rated themselves at least). Granted, I haven't seen pictures of most, and I don't really care to. I've seen it real life too. Many average women think they look like this and that movie star because someone has told them when there is just the vaguest resemblance. Yet, they have high egos.

 

I'm sure it's the same for men in a way.

 

So, what is it that causes us to have big egos or lack of an ego?

 

Is it the way our parents raised us?

 

And which do you prefer? Over ego, or under ego?

[Pyro]

 

So, what is it that causes us to have big egos or lack of an ego?

 

Is it the way our parents raised us?

 

And which do you prefer? Over ego, or under ego?

 

The amount of success/attention from the opposite sex.

 

Not me personally. I'm sure that many peoples parents have an effect on them.

 

I prefer under ego. I'd rather be modest than a cock. (generally speaking) By being under that means that there is room to grow and improve.

[miss_jaclynrae]

It has been brought to my attention that some women who are very attractive think of themselves as average and I have run across this before in real life.

 

On the other hand, other women who are average or even below think of themselves as quite high on the food chain and demand the absolute best. I have yet to meet a woman here who considers herself less than a 7 (of those that have numerically rated themselves at least). Granted, I haven't seen pictures of most, and I don't really care to. I've seen it real life too. Many average women think they look like this and that movie star because someone has told them when there is just the vaguest resemblance. Yet, they have high egos.

 

I'm sure it's the same for men in a way.

 

So, what is it that causes us to have big egos or lack of an ego?

 

Is it the way our parents raised us?

 

And which do you prefer? Over ego, or under ego?

 

For me it really is the way I was raised. I also just have the personal opinion that how a person holds themselves, and how good a person is, is more important that what they look like.

[soccerrprp]

Every experience we have contributes...our parents, our relationships, genetics...

[JuneJulySeptember]

The amount of success/attention from the opposite sex.

 

Not me personally. I'm sure that many peoples parents have an effect on them.

 

I prefer under ego. I'd rather be modest than a cock. (generally speaking) By being under that means that there is room to grow and improve.

 

I do believe that's mostly true.

 

So, the women who are very attractive and think of themselves as average are really lying through their teeth? Hmmm. That could be as well.

 

Personally, for everything that's written about confidence, I prefer under ego. If I could find a cute woman who thought she wasn't THAT attractive, *swoon*.

[MrCastle]

I had a large ego my whole life. I don't know. I just felt I was more than capable in various situations, and when I would meet expectations or surpass them, I would be like "Well, yeah. That's what I thought. I knew I was good."

 

As far as what I prefer, over confidence. Lack of confidence is a huge turn off.

[Pyro]

I do believe that's mostly true.

 

So, the women who are very attractive and think of themselves as average are really lying through their teeth? Hmmm. That could be as well.

 

Personally, for everything that's written about confidence, I prefer under ego. If I could find a cute woman who thought she wasn't THAT attractive, *swoon*.

 

Not necessarily. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and for some people all the success in the world won't change their opinion of themselves. Perhaps those type of women that you speak of assume that the attention she gets is from guys who are settling. That is just one of many possible reasons.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I do believe that's mostly true.

 

So, the women who are very attractive and think of themselves as average are really lying through their teeth? Hmmm. That could be as well.

 

Personally, for everything that's written about confidence, I prefer under ego. If I could find a cute woman who thought she wasn't THAT attractive, *swoon*.

 

Just because I think I am average looking doesn't mean I don't think I am hot.

It is just when it comes down to what the everyday man looks for, I do not think I would be a front runner.

That is all just LOOKS though, and for me, it is my weight.

 

 

I still think I am smokin hot though, and my boyfriend does too, even when I have crazy bed head and look like a hobo.

[DollWelch]

It has been brought to my attention that some women who are very attractive think of themselves as average and I have run across this before in real life.

I can relate to this (that is me). I don't know why. Actually I do know why. The way I was raised, and the things I experienced in my past (and present) life shaped this mentality. Often I shudder at the way I look in pictures, hence why I rarely like to be in pictures. I can never tell if I'm average, or attractive. It is definitely a self-image issue.

[Pyro]

So, what is it that causes us to have big egos or lack of an ego?

 

The amount of success/attention from the opposite sex.

 

Let me expand on this point that I made. It isn't just limited to success with the opposite sex, at least for me. There was a time in my life was I was overly shy and could have been defined as a 'nice guy'.

 

I went through a very nasty relationship that brought the worst out of me, but I learned from it. I learned boundaries.

 

I also found an amazing book at the store and it opened me up on all levels and it helped me learn to assert myself and how to not rely on others to be happy.

 

As a result my self confidence (or ego as it is referred to in this thread) increased.

[StanMusial]

It has been brought to my attention that some women who are very attractive think of themselves as average and I have run across this before in real life.

 

On the other hand, other women who are average or even below think of themselves as quite high on the food chain and demand the absolute best. I have yet to meet a woman here who considers herself less than a 7 (of those that have numerically rated themselves at least). Granted, I haven't seen pictures of most, and I don't really care to. I've seen it real life too. Many average women think they look like this and that movie star because someone has told them when there is just the vaguest resemblance. Yet, they have high egos.

 

I'm sure it's the same for men in a way.

 

So, what is it that causes us to have big egos or lack of an ego?

 

Is it the way our parents raised us?

 

And which do you prefer? Over ego, or under ego?

 

Some men/women project a big ego to try to compensate for what are obvious short-comings to others. Some people are just not self-aware. From my experience, a dose of humility has done me good from time to time.

[KungFuJoe]

I don't think ANYONE likes OVER confidence. It just comes off as bragging.

 

Under confidence, on the other hand, is not attractive at all. I think you should be confident in yourself, don't project yourself as too good for anyone, but have a modest demeanor and attitude.

 

It really comes down to being very self aware and a good judge of people. You have to have both. If you have one or the other (or neither) than you will be either over or under confident and both are unattractive.

[somedude81]

The amount of success/attention from the opposite sex.

That sure is how I do it.

 

And since I've had zero luck with women, it shouldn't take a genius to figure out where my ego/self-image is at.

[KungFuJoe]

I agree that success plays a vital part to your confidence. I mean, it's true in anything. Sports, career, etc.

[Later82012]

1. The way I was raised.

2. The way I lead my life.

3. Confidence in my abilities.

[tbf]

I can't stand false modesty.

[Eternal Sunshine]

For me, the way I was raised and experiences I have had with men.

[xxoo]

It can be hard to change the image we got in our formative years, even if experiences after don't match.

 

Sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes it is a bad thing.

[Esoteric Elf]

The amount of success/attention from the opposite sex.

This all the way. I have had pretty much zero attention from the opposite sex, so my self-image has been terrible tagging along slightly behind my ego. In fact, I used to have what I may loosely dub as borderline BDD. I hated my body so much; I recall wearing a hoodie every day of high school sophomore and junior years to hide my body and make me look larger.

 

For this same reason, I thought I was quite ugly. Until I got online recently, I was under this impression quite strongly; however, people in online forums told me I looked far above average and like a model or an actor, though this hardly means anything to me, again, because of the lack of attention from females. In fact, if I were able to, I would actually like to trade my looks for something ugly; I do not say this lightly. I might as well be ugly in all aspects bar perhaps one.

[SpiralOut]

I know that others think I am good looking but I have trouble seeing it for myself. I used to get teased a lot for my teeth so maybe that's where that insecurity comes from. They are better than they used to be but I still feel they aren't good and I figure everyone sees that and thinks I'm ugly for it. I used to have bad skin, too. Now when people tell me I am very good looking I find it hard to believe. I don't like how I look in photographs. Even when guys liked me I had trouble understanding why. I am slowly getting over that.

 

For a long time I wore baggy clothes because I didn't want people to see how skinny I am. I used to get all sorts of crap for it from people who hated me for it. I got over that once I met other women my size who accept it without question and aren't threatened by it. So now I wear tight clothing and don't care who has a problem with it.

 

So yeah I think social reactions can play a large part in ego/self-image, but also how hard we choose to be on ourselves.

Edited January 27, 2013 by SpiralOut

[EasyHeart]

I know I am awesome because my mom told me so.

 

You're not calling my mom a liar, ARE YOU? :mad:

[candie13]

My ego has suffered a bit recently. But I do have a lot of confidence in myself and that is based on a few aspects:

 

- I know I am pretty (nice face, good height / weight ratio) and I've also done ballet, so I know how to hold myself - in a pair of jeans and in an evening dress as well... or a nightie

- I have had a great education and I have a good mind; I base these statements on the results I have had as a student and professionally

- I have a bubbly personality which makes people want to get near me and am a good person, because I managed to keep some fantastic people close to me, as friends

 

I have a lot of flaws as well, I am quite poor at reading people and place my trust wrongly, but better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, right? I also happen to think too much, instead of looking at pure facts .

 

While I personally think I am an under ego, I am very much attracted by men with a bit of a bigger ego. I find their trust - in themselves, their qualities, their skills - alluring.

 

I also found an amazing book at the store and it opened me up on all levels and it helped me learn to assert myself and how to not rely on others to be happy.

.

 

Can you please share the name of that book? It may provide others a similar life changing experience.

[Pyro]

Can you please share the name of that book? It may provide others a similar life changing experience.

 

'People Skills' by Robert Bolton

 

A couple of people on here said that they ordered it. I am curious to hear about their thoughts on the book.