Buying a girl I hardly know, a valentines gift?

[BehindBlueEyes]

For some they haven't seen the thread I made about crushing on this 20 year old, recently engaged, cute girl I met at a local store where she works. It is nothing more than a small chat, customer/worker type relationship although she has become quite fond of me(I guess) because before she transferred to a new store where I'd hardly ever see her at, told me to come visit her sometimes(as friends) Well I have a crush I miss seeing her at the store I regularly ride my bicycle to. I want to get her a small valentines gift and card, keep in mind I barely know her, she's 20 I'm 38 and honestly I am not looking for her to be my GF. I just like her and wished I could be better friends, that is all. I know in my heart it'll never happen and I do not want to push myself on her, but damn I miss her so bad.

 

I was just wondering if it would be creepy as hell for me to show up at the new store(keep in mind it has been a couple of months since I saw her) and give her a card for Valentines and a small gift(like a 20 dollar movie pass)?

 

It would look like this from her view...

 

"Older guy who I barely know, rides his bike all the way out here after 2 months and gives me card and a gift for Valentines day"

 

I know it looks creepy, but dammit I have no intensions to win her love or become her BF....I know that....but yes I would like to be remembered by her and this is an attempt to do that. I want to be good friends and that will never happen...so this is the next best thing.

 

Should I do this? I mean it's not like I walk in all creepy.....I tend to smile and be funny with her....She's a fellow prankster like me....and we get along that way....I'm not some weirdo, quiet and stoned faced if I did something like that.

 

I just really think she is great...soooo friendly and smiles all the time...no BS depressing crap around her...she makes me feel young and fun:o

 

Guess the Valantines thing is sort of me saying....I'd like to be friends with you:laugh: I mean....work on her truck and help her BF build stuff, friends:(

 

Just sucks..... I get attached to someone and they're gone in the blink of an eye....I don't want her to forget me!:mad:

 

good idea or no??? What can I do to let her know I want to be friends rather than never see her again?.....I don't want to creep her out, but I know I'm walking a fine line here..

 

WHY do I get into these damn situations? Why can't I just let her go like anyone else? Her EX co-workers don't even miss her!!

[Art_Critic]

When we are young Valentines day is about friendship, when we are older giving a Valentine is more than friendship... many times it's giving one to the person you love or want to have more with.

 

She is engaged, taken and not your Valentine.

 

Don't give her anything E, if anything find someone closer to you that cares about you and your friendship to give a Valentine to.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I know It, Art....but you know how I attach myself like an idiot. I guess doing that on Valentines is not good, means all the wrong things, but what about on an ordinary day?

 

Just stop by and say hello and BTW....here is a movie pass.

 

I hate that today if some stranger decides to do something like that, it's all "creeper, stalker, OMG, Ewww"

 

She did ask me to come visit her at the new store though.

 

Before anyone gets their stalker alert up....it's not like that...I have a hard time letting people go like that.. I mean one day we were talking about her little car she got to save gas and enjoying playing a prank on her co-worker, to now gone....gone forever...never to be seen again.

 

Makes me feel so f'cking distant to people...and empty.

 

HATE these feelings, but I know your advice to not do it is the truth, just wish strangers could have more trust and take it for what it is and nothing more.

 

thanks.

[BehindBlueEyes]

To be honest, she seems like the type that wouldn't be offended of such a gesture.

I used to go up at the counter of her store and buy a couple of candy bars...I'd "leave" them behind and she'd be like "wait! don't forget" Then I'd say...no, those are for you and %%%%... She would laugh and say...ok hun...lmao.

 

I'm always doing things like that.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I just wish people could do stuff like that and not think we are after sex or a relationship.

[BehindBlueEyes]

It just sucks. You really think someone yo umeet is nice, cool, funny...really enjoyable and it was fun to stop in on my daily bike ride to just hang out a bit...share a laugh, get a soda...goof around a bit...then they take off to another job and following her there(even though she said to stop in sometime) woul dlook like stalking.

 

Then you start realizing this person is no longer a picture in your life, she's gone, never another word while you see on her FB that she's asking one of her closer friends(whom is a guy her age) to borrow his truck. All the while my pathetic ass is stalking her FB and still riding his bicycle on the way to a BS job every day, going past that store wishing I could just stop in like I used to do.

 

I just don't know how people let go so easily.

[BehindBlueEyes]

And lastly, Art.

 

As you know I have a bad time with my looks and all that. It has been the main reason I have a hard time being a normal guy and actually getting a GF...or even close friends.

I want to have that caring, close relationship with a woman, but I just do not have the confidence to get like that with anyone and probably never will.

 

I believe I attach myself to the girl in question, because I want that closeness relationship only being with a woman can give, but to afraid of going the rest of the way, because with my mental instability and problem with my looks...I know a relationship would never last.

 

So I attach myself to girls like I am doing now...the one at the store...

 

"It's the next best thing"

 

I honestly think that is why I am doing what I am doing and why I get extra attached to people I shouldn't be

[BehindBlueEyes]

I'll consider your advice....I cannot promise I won't do it and set myself up for even more disappointment, but I'll try to follow your advice.

 

thanks again, Clown.

[SmileFace]

Don't do it.

If you want to get her a gift to wish her well on her move to a new store.

A card - for being friendly.

However not for Valentine

[BehindBlueEyes]

Don't do it.

If you want to get her a gift to wish her well on her move to a new store.

A card - for being friendly.

However not for Valentine

 

 

Ok, just an ordinary day an ordinary sign of friendship then.

 

 

I always assumed people could give out Valentines to people they aren't even romantic with. Guess I'm stuck in grade school where we would give all of us Valentines.

 

Part of me though, knows she thinks I am just a nice guy who is obviously lonely and a bit of a hack:laugh: She probably wouldn't get the wrong message if I did end up doing it...but....I guess I'll just give a card of just hello...

 

In my defense though....she did tell me to come visit her at the new store and I guess we are actually sort of "friends" but not close at all.

 

I'll take that ! I'd be happy just being the "bike guy" but after this year it looks like she'll be gone to another state, married, happy. I'm glad for that, but the selfish me is going to be depressed that she will never ever be a picture in my life at all....forever. I'll have a hard time letting it go! I'll feel so depressed over it.

 

I've been torn between just taking it for what it is and enjoy the visits(as friends) we can now then just wish her well and forget it. On the other hand I feel I should forget it right now....never go to see her ever again. NC....let it go...erase her from my mind cold turkey....but it is HARD!!

 

I've been planning to go see her at the new store in a couple of days and part of me wants too, but the other part doesn't in fear of getting even more attached and if I do that I'll be even more depressed when she leaves the state at the end of the year. Believe me....I know this is ridiculous! I barely know her and I'm missing her already like one of her close friends should be doing....not me!

 

I hate getting attached to people! I hate it!

[johan]

All this "attach myself like an idiot" stuff is more about how you feel about yourself than how you feel about her. You really should just let her have her engagement and not try to complicate things for her. You want some little bit of validation from her, and you're ignoring the fact that every time a woman has done that for you in the past, you wanted more, and then more, until they cut you off or until you turned on them.

 

If you subtract all that out, you still have the option to respect her boundaries, instead of using little gifts to poke around looking for openings that she'll be forced to close off. If she has to do that even once, that will be about all the time or energy she'll devote to you. You have a very small budget with her.

 

And you're being disingenuous when you pretend your Valentine or whatever other gesture you make is just about being friendly and not about revealing your crush. The latter is what it's about, and it's your compulsion to do it. So you are more likely to do it than not. But you should listen to your gut when it tells you this will lead to disappointment and more self-loathing. Chances are it will. Because even if she accepts your gift gracefully, she's not yours and she never will be. Even if it doesn't happen on the first iteration, you'll eventually force her to reject you. Contrary to what you'd like to believe, that's not unique to this day and age. Women, people, have acted like that for as long as there have been relationships.

 

I'm sorry for you and your loneliness and your attachment disorder, and I'd like to think my words or someone else's here could fix it. But words can't. Ideas from others can't. It's in you and it's for you to defeat. You have to use your brain. You have to rationalize the situations you find yourself in. I think the prime opportunity to fix this, maybe the only opportunity, was when you were a child. I'm not sure there's much that can be done now. But maybe I'm wrong.

 

It's your dragon to slay. It's what you should focus on more than anything else. Stop making excuses for it and consider it your enemy #1. You might as well. What else do you have going on?

 

I wouldn't be surprised to find out that you prefer your life as it is, in spite of your unhappiness. It's the devil you know.

[BehindBlueEyes]

All this "attach myself like an idiot" stuff is more about how you feel about yourself than how you feel about her. You really should just let her have her engagement and not try to complicate things for her. You want some little bit of validation from her, and you're ignoring the fact that every time a woman has done that for you in the past, you wanted more, and then more, until they cut you off or until you turned on them.

 

If you subtract all that out, you still have the option to respect her boundaries, instead of using little gifts to poke around looking for openings that she'll be forced to close off. If she has to do that even once, that will be about all the time or energy she'll devote to you. You have a very small budget with her.

 

And you're being disingenuous when you pretend your Valentine or whatever other gesture you make is just about being friendly and not about revealing your crush. The latter is what it's about, and it's your compulsion to do it. So you are more likely to do it than not. But you should listen to your gut when it tells you this will lead to disappointment and more self-loathing. Chances are it will. Because even if she accepts your gift gracefully, she's not yours and she never will be. Even if it doesn't happen on the first iteration, you'll eventually force her to reject you. Contrary to what you'd like to believe, that's not unique to this day and age. Women, people, have acted like that for as long as there have been relationships.

 

I'm sorry for you and your loneliness and your attachment disorder, and I'd like to think my words or someone else's here could fix it. But words can't. Ideas from others can't. It's in you and it's for you to defeat. You have to use your brain. You have to rationalize the situations you find yourself in. I think the prime opportunity to fix this, maybe the only opportunity, was when you were a child. I'm not sure there's much that can be done now. But maybe I'm wrong.

 

It's your dragon to slay. It's what you should focus on more than anything else. Stop making excuses for it and consider it your enemy #1. You might as well. What else do you have going on?

 

I wouldn't be surprised to find out that you prefer your life as it is, in spite of your unhappiness. It's the devil you know.

 

I need more time to think about this, but I know from the first thing you wrote up there that It is more for my feelings than hers....I'd like to believe I am this super nice person and give her some gifts and all that, just because, but you're right, I do it because I'm looking for that validation and to get her closer to me. I hate to admit it, but when I really concentrate on this in myself...that is the way it feels. I'm just poking where I can in order to just see her, to be around her and get any kind of validation, to be felt sorry for....all of it. I know those feelings I could possibly get by doing this feels great and it creates this damn addiction I have that is nearly impossible to get rid of.

 

You're also right in that I have to rationalize this situation....to grow up and see that it is WRONG! and I am going to hurt myself even worse...I totally understand it.

 

In saying this I have to let her go....it is extremely hard to do and fighting off those sensual feelings and that mystery of it all, is not easy, but I have to stop this BS.

 

I guess I'm going to have to fight off this desire with everything I have and not go see her ever again. Jut that being a town girl...I'll most likely see her around, even if I'm not looking. I already saw her twice around the city,at the mall ect ect.

 

Wow, J....it's LS times like this I wish yo uwere here....I really need to get drunk with someone ATM....

 

thanks.

[johan]

Not sure why you have to never see her again. You could always just treat her like everyone else. Be nice. Polite. Friendly. Then go about your business.

[NYC-BigKat]

I know It, Art....but you know how I attach myself like an idiot. I guess doing that on Valentines is not good, means all the wrong things, but what about on an ordinary day?

 

Just stop by and say hello and BTW....here is a movie pass.

 

I hate that today if some stranger decides to do something like that, it's all "creeper, stalker, OMG, Ewww"

 

She did ask me to come visit her at the new store though.

 

Before anyone gets their stalker alert up....it's not like that...I have a hard time letting people go like that.. I mean one day we were talking about her little car she got to save gas and enjoying playing a prank on her co-worker, to now gone....gone forever...never to be seen again.

 

Makes me feel so f'cking distant to people...and empty.

 

HATE these feelings, but I know your advice to not do it is the truth, just wish strangers could have more trust and take it for what it is and nothing more.

 

thanks.

 

It looks like you'r falling in love with her but wont admit it. STOP! Its not a good idea to keep thinking about her more & more & more 'cause then u will b sickly in love with her & u can never have her 'cause good men cant get the good pretty girls. Only in the movies they can .

[BehindBlueEyes]

Not sure why you have to never see her again. You could always just treat her like everyone else. Be nice. Polite. Friendly. Then go about your business.

 

 

She is in a different store that I never go too in another town....close, but I never go that way. If I did go that way the only reason would be to see her at the new store. If I started going there like two three times a week, she'd know something was up I mean all of a sudden I show up at the new store like I did at the old. Like I said, she told me to come visit her at the new store and she meant it. So I guess if I go see her like tomorrow and buy a Coke, say "hey, how ya doin just thought I'd stop by and see ya and whats up...." No gifts....

 

You think that would be ok then, J?

 

I'm pretty sure I can get over the crush part, but I still would like to be friends like we were at the old store....I was at that old store easily three times a week, because it is on the way where I ride the bike to work. I really liked hanging out there with her and her co -workers and now, even if I just go see her at the new store it will only be once in a blue moon and if I do go there, it will be only because I want to see her, as friends even...and no crush.

 

I just hate the feelings that she'll be gone from the state soon and I'll soon be a faint memory to her...forgotten.

 

I guess I can get over the crush, but it would tickle me to be good friends with her....keep in touch....FaceBook quality friends even.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I still go to the old store and talk with the others, but while in there I always hope one of them will say something like "hey Eric, ***** asked about you and wants to know when you're going come see her at the new store"

 

It's a pipe dream I guess, but a nice one.

[whichwayisup]

For some they haven't seen the thread I made about crushing on this 20 year old, recently engaged,

 

Don't do it. She's engaged. Giving her something will ruin everything and even if your intentions are not romantic, she more than likely will take it like you are into her..And you know she's with someone, so all the more reason not to bother.

 

IF you give her a small gift, do it another time and NOT on Valentine's Day.

[whichwayisup]

Guess the Valantines thing is sort of me saying....I'd like to be friends with you I mean....work on her truck and help her BF build stuff, friends

 

Just sucks..... I get attached to someone and they're gone in the blink of an eye....I don't want her to forget me!

 

No, giving her a Valentine's has nothing to do with friendship. Vday is ROMANTIC for couples. Seriously if any of my guy friends, or a guy I barely knew gave me something on that day it would make me stop and think.

 

If you want friendship, then get to know her and her fiancee together as a couple. Go take them out to dinner or see a movie, shoot some pool. And do it for the right reasons, not because you're crushing on her and you like how she looks or makes you feel. That's not friendship.

[BehindBlueEyes]

lastly.

 

It isn't about becoming her BF or ruining her engagement or any of that. It was merely wanting to be more than just "the guy that comes by the store" to her. It would be cool to be decent friends, not even best...I'd take decent.

 

I don't know, but I guess part of it may be because I never really had an actual girl as a friend and I mean even a platonic friend. Just felt nice for once I guess.

 

Anyways....thanks.

[BehindBlueEyes]

No, giving her a Valentine's has nothing to do with friendship. Vday is ROMANTIC for couples. Seriously if any of my guy friends, or a guy I barely knew gave me something on that day it would make me stop and think..

 

 

I actually think she'd actually get a kick out of it. I mean if I gave her a Vday card and small gift it isn't like it will be something sensual, sexy or that. It would be more like a movie pass and a funny card just saying Howya doin and have a nice V-day.

 

It's one thing that is cool about her....she doesn't take everything so f'cking seriously.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I really think if I walked in there on V-day with a big smile, laughing a little and telling her I got her a V-day card and say something like "This doesn't mean we are getting engaged or anything" I bet she'd actually laugh her ass off....

 

I decided not to do that, but with her personality I bet that would be the outcome. She has a very huggable personality.

[Art_Critic]

 

I decided not to do that,

 

Good, because her intuition will tell her something is up.

 

Don't talk yourself into giving her a gift/card and stick with deciding to not do it...

[BehindBlueEyes]

Good, because her intuition will tell her something is up.

 

Don't talk yourself into giving her a gift/card and stick with deciding to not do it...

 

 

I won't.

 

I decided to say hell with it and if I happen to be that way I'll stop in and say hey.... Remember she told me before she transferred that she wanted me to come visit and yes....I know that isn't an invitation to "get more"

 

I decided to man up, get over my crave and treat It like it is...a small friendship, nothing more. I want to be the good guy....not some freak pushing himself on her making her get nervous and all that and I agree...gifts and cards look like I am after more. In this day and age especially....people are so weary over such gestures.

 

I'm ok with being just mere chit-chat friends when I stop by the store, but after a year she won't even be in the state...I'll miss seeing her around, but I have to learn to let it go when she does leave... That is going to be the challenge, because I know I'll get sad when she actually leaves for good...

 

I suppose if the closer people she knows here, that she'll also be leaving behind, can get over it....I can get over it too.

 

relationships....they suck balls sometimes:lmao:

[BehindBlueEyes]

If I was 38 and fell for a 20 year old I wouldn't consider that to young.

 

Not sure if you're saying I am too old for her here. I'm two years from being twice her age, so yes...I am too old for a romantic relationship. If you read my post carefully you can see I am not after "that" or breaking up her engagement. I DO want to be good friends though.

 

Though you should spend the money you would on buying her a gift to buy yourself internet at home.

 

I don't want/need internet at home. I said this many times on here that I enjoy the public internet café setting and being among people instead of being cooped up even more in my lonely house getting all pined up. Besides, one of the places I work has awesome WiFi.... I get enough internet for free and I like doing it in public....I don't want it at home.

 

If you want to steal her away from her fiance go ahead.

 

People jump to that conclusion and they'll believe it, because they sure as hell won't believe me when I say I have a crush I'd like to be friends...I think she is great, but I would never try and steal her engagement.

 

Now please go away

[BehindBlueEyes]

Also I might add....she has many male friends that used to come to that store to see her....most of them look older than me and I think some are family friends, but they joke around with her just like I do... She has one of those personalities where you just want to be around her. I've seen guys drop by giving her sausages(no pun lol) money for something they owed her for ect ect....

 

A lot of times when I stop by she is outside sitting on the tailgate of her truck talking to some older dude, woman, couples...most likely family friends.