Don't get it.

[Nyla]

Some women like to give me a hard time about how devoted I am to my husband. I should add that these ladies are embittered divorced women or struggling single moms.

 

I'm often told that I am "setting back women" because I took my husband's name and I enjoy cooking for him, as well as washing his clothes. He treats me like a princess, so I treat him like a prince. The man pays for me to go to college and handles most of the bills; I think it is only fair for him to get a nice meal at the end of the day. I work part-time so that I can earn a little of my own cash and maintain some independence, but my husband will always make a lot more than me. When I am too busy with schoolwork or ill, he cooks and cleans.

 

I took his name because I saw it as a loving gesture and symbolic of my new life with my husband. Divorced women laugh at me and make nasty comments when they realize that I am a Mrs. I realize that a marriage can go sour, but I would rather focus on how to make my marriage happy and long lasting.

 

We make big decisions together because that is what we believe marriage is about. I once refused to buy a table for this reason and the woman I was hanging out with told me I was a doormat. What the hell? My husband wouldn't dare bring home a large purchase without consulting me and I offer him the same respect.

 

Can someone tell me what is awful about respecting my husband and treating him well? I don't get it.

[OpenBook]

Yep, that's what marriage is all about - taking good care of each other. End of story.

 

-OpenBook (a longtime divorced single mom:p)

[Woggle]

They are just bitter and can't look at another person's marriage objectively.

[sweetjasmine]

Can someone tell me what is awful about respecting my husband and treating him well? I don't get it.

 

Nothing. Some people can't understand or accept that other couples decide how to run their own relationships and that there are a lot of ways two people can relate to each other. Some of it might be jealousy, some of it might be selfish people not understanding what it means to be considerate to your partner. I wouldn't waste too much time trying to figure out why. Those kind of people have nothing to contribute but irrelevant criticisms, and that "you're being a doormat by not making a major purchase without consulting your husband" story is a shining example.

 

In any case, there's nothing about your behavior or relationship that's "setting women back," and that's just patently absurd. As if one relationship would affect women everywhere. And just as an example, I didn't take my H's name, and we share the burdens of laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc., but it's just something we negotiated differently than some other couples have. Nothing wrong with either way of doing things.

[Woggle]

In many cases the same ones that point the finger at you for treating a good man well are the ones will twist themselves into emotional knots over some player or a married man. Gender haters are always of people of their sex who happen to find happy relationships.

[Woggle]

It would be one thing if he were some jerk who cheated on you and treated you like a slave while contributing nothing of any worth but he is a good man and you both have a set up you are happy with. What is so wrong with that?

[KraftDinner]

Where do you find these people? I don't know anybody that bitter! Sounds like a fun bunch.

[sweetjasmine]

It would be one thing if he were some jerk who cheated on you and treated you like a slave while contributing nothing of any worth but he is a good man and you both have a set up you are happy with. What is so wrong with that?

 

I think users tend to be attracted to other users. And sometimes people who stay with users develop the same "take what you can get when you can still get it" mentality to all their interpersonal relationships. I've found that it's virtually impossible for people who look at others to only see what they can get out of them to view other people's relationships objectively. So someone like Nyla is a "doormat" for not using her H, and her H must be using her because she does things for him. Because that's all people ever do, according to users -- use each other.

 

It's pretty sick, and the only thing to do with comments from those kinds of people is ignore, ignore, ignore.

[Got it]

Why do you care what they think? Everyone will have an opinion on everything. I hope you don't life your life predicated on the judgement of others.

 

If you are doing what makes you happy then go nuts. If your husband is happy as well, well that just shows you guys have a winning combination.

[stillbyMyself]

Why do you care so much what others say?

 

If these friends are bringing you down that much, move on and get more friends. Sometime negative people just want to whine and moan and make everyone else around them as miserable as they are. They are "drama lovers"

 

The only thing that really matters in your relationship with your husband is if the TWO OF YOU are happy! And it sounds like you have a relationship that I can be envious of.

[Woggle]

I prefer a much more equal marriage so this is not what I would want but if two people are truly happy with a setup what right does anybody have to tell them otherwise?

[Nyla]

I prefer a much more equal marriage so this is not what I would want but if two people are truly happy with a setup what right does anybody have to tell them otherwise?

 

Our relationship is already equal. It is a fair trade off.

 

My husband will always earn more than double what I will, so it is only makes sense that he pay for more expenses.

 

If I was making more than my husband, I would be the breadwinner.

 

When I am working full time again, my husband will help a lot more with the chores.

 

It is a fair trade off; I am home much more often and I contribute far less financially, so I am "paying my way" in housework.

 

 

I hate to hear of spouses who do not work outside of the home, yet refuse to do any housework. Give and take is the idea.

[Nyla]

I don't talk to any of these people anymore.

 

Just didn't understand why there were so many women who were opposed to how I relate to my husband.

[whatever1]

Isn't jealously and talking like this a sign of success!? People want a good thing! They want what you have. That means you made it. I say congratulations to you. From my position I am very envious. I wish I was in your shoes. Life is full of people like this. Always judging and criticizing. Revel in your joy! Brush them off. Focus your attention on what matters most for you in your life in your current situation I say.

[Woggle]

I don't talk to any of these people anymore.

 

Just didn't understand why there were so many women who were opposed to how I relate to my husband.

 

For whatever reason they haven't had much luck with relationships so they transfer that bitterness on to you. It's similar to how the bitter guys on here call any man that has success with women a white knight. It's the same concept.