What weight do you give to # of former sex partners?

[road]

In my opinion your partner's past should be left in the past and not matter anymore in your present relationship.

 

So you would have no need to know that your BF/GF was an escourt?

 

Or no need to know that in the small town you live in that had a class of 400, that 200 are male or female, and that out of the 200 your BF/GF slept with 100 of the male/female?

 

Or no need to no that acts outwardly to be hetero but has had several homo/lesbo encounters?

 

Or no need to know they worked in the porn industry?

 

Or no need to know they worked as a stripper?

[road]

For example I had a long term ex who was a musician who traveled the world with rock bands. He fully admitted that after being a chubby, unpopular teen, he got ripped, mastered the guitar and b*anged as many chicks as he could for about 10 yrs.

 

When we met, he was 35 and looking for something serious. He was an extremely blunt person, and I believe that he had sowed his "wild oats" ( what a dumb term BTW) and that he had no desire to, nor did he ever cheat on me.

 

I worry MORE about my H who is younger and only had 5 partners. BUT is that also because I love him more ? So that the thought of the ex banging 100 strippers, was " meh", but the idea of MY precious husband getting freaky with the two fat ugly chicks I know about, bothers me much more. And yes, like in your other thread, no clue why the uglier the girl the more upsetting, perhaps it's because we feel like if they'd f*ck a farm animal, than maybe they have very low standards and therefore WE aren't as valuable ?

 

 

He was imature and did what any young imature guy would do bang every hot girl that threw themselves at him.

 

He matured and learnt that he was masturbating with these girls vs making love.

 

As to your H only having 5. If a guy feels that he did not sow his oats enough when he was single doing one more heffer is not going to make him feel better. 8 more heffers or 4 more average or 2 more hot ones is not going to make him feel that he now has enough. There are other problems and it has nothing to do with who his wife is or how good the marriage is because there are hot wives that are great wives that still get cheated on.

 

As to why does the WS bang an ungly AP. Simple, they like the extra attention. They chose to ignore that their AP is that awful looking because they value higher that they have someone willing to bang them.

 

Which points out to low selfesteem issues.

 

You worry more about your H then your Rock Start Stud because he had the confidence and ability to get laid by whoever he wanted. This enabled you to feel that he was content with you.

 

Your H on the other hand sounds the opposite.

[road]

To me it doesnt matter how many partners a guy has had, what matters for is what he is looking for now.....his past doesnt determine me dating him......As far as i go, it will be guys who have a problem with my past and if they do , i prefer to deal with it early on so if they want to walk they can walk.....i dont need any more judgment i am my own worst critic...the fact does remain however for fifteen years i was faithful...that should count....but it most likely wont with many men..deb

 

 

Town bicycle as a single girl, faithful wife for 15 years.

 

Faithful wife 15 years, now single girl and town bicycle.

 

Two sentences, both write to vastly different stories.

[pbjbear]

That's interesting -- I know quite a few manwhores who have settled down. The sad thing is I had a couple of friends that met girls they were really serious about and in the end the girl cheated on them.

 

Melodymatters, I completely agree, when you love someone so much and see a shared future with them, the stakes are much higher. And don't worry, a little bit of ridiculous, hysterical advice can't scare me off

 

 

Everyone has their own opinion. That is mine.

I have not seen a manwhore successfully settle down. I said they did settle down...they found a girl that they felt different for and stayed with her. But all the manwhores I know, in the long run are not really satisfied in their relationships and still crave that sexual variety whether they act on it or not (after the novelty of the relationship wears off). I have heard all of them say things along the lines of "I really love my wife/girlfriend but I do miss being single and the thrill of sexual conquests"

 

I might know a few men here and there who are exceptions...but they are exceptions not the pattern. There was one guy here who stated after his girlfriend dumped him he went crazy for a year or two and then felt disgusted and stopped...I would say thats an exception. But thats just my opinion and what I have observed.

Edited January 29, 2013 by pbjbear

[DazedConfusedEtc]

Everyone has their own opinion. That is mine.

I have not seen a manwhore successfully settle down. I said they did settle down...they found a girl that they felt different for and stayed with her. But all the manwhores I know, in the long run are not really satisfied in their relationships and still crave that sexual variety whether they act on it or not (after the novelty of the relationship wears off). I have heard all of them say things along the lines of "I really love my wife/girlfriend but I do miss being single and the thrill of sexual conquests"

 

I might know a few men here and there who are exceptions...but they are exceptions not the pattern. There was one guy here who stated after his girlfriend dumped him he went crazy for a year or two and then felt disgusted and stopped...I would say thats an exception. But thats just my opinion and what I have observed.

 

I think it depends on why they do it. If it's the thrill of the conquest that makes a man have a lot of casual sex, then he may never be happy in a monogamous relationship.

 

My bf went through a wild period, and the way he explains it, he finds sex outside of a relationship unfulfilling emotionally, it's just a physical act, and so casual sex with one woman isn't enough. Sex with someone you love is fulfilling and so he prefers it to sex with a lot of women. This makes sense to me because I once felt like this too, years ago.

 

As an analogy, you know when you really crave chocolate, but don't eat it because you don't have any and because it's fattening? And then you eat something else sweet but it doesn't hit the spot so you end up eating 5 things, and it holds you over but you still feel unfulfilled, even though 2 squares of chocolate would have hit the spot.

 

I also think if a man spends a long time sowing his wild oats and them makes the active choice to be with one woman, he's probably given it a lot of thought. It's easy to get swept into a relationship and end up gping from one relationship to the next, even though you know the person doesn't have everything you want. I've done a lot of relationship hopping, and after this I went 3 years without a bf to work on myself and figure out what I want, and yes I still had sex with fwbs and ons, because I still had needs. When I enter a relationship now I know what I'm looking for and know that I'm really thinking about a partner for the rest of my life, not just for right now.

[loversquarrel]

You have posted an awful lot regarding your BF's past, which in essence makes you somewhat uncomfortable. At the same time you are looking for and posting qualifying statements about the very thing you question about him. What is it exactly you are looking for? It seems you are happy with him but hate a part you can't change about him.

 

If your past doesn't bother him, then why are you concerned about his? Did you ever consider that maybe he's lying to you because you have a high number? I think its a possibility. I also think you have met someone who shares your values, so you really shouldn't complain, especially if he makes you happy.

[sayyes19]

I think it depends on why they do it. If it's the thrill of the conquest that makes a man have a lot of casual sex, then he may never be happy in a monogamous relationship.

 

My bf went through a wild period, and the way he explains it, he finds sex outside of a relationship unfulfilling emotionally, it's just a physical act, and so casual sex with one woman isn't enough. Sex with someone you love is fulfilling and so he prefers it to sex with a lot of women. This makes sense to me because I once felt like this too, years ago.

 

As an analogy, you know when you really crave chocolate, but don't eat it because you don't have any and because it's fattening? And then you eat something else sweet but it doesn't hit the spot so you end up eating 5 things, and it holds you over but you still feel unfulfilled, even though 2 squares of chocolate would have hit the spot.

 

I also think if a man spends a long time sowing his wild oats and them makes the active choice to be with one woman, he's probably given it a lot of thought. It's easy to get swept into a relationship and end up gping from one relationship to the next, even though you know the person doesn't have everything you want. I've done a lot of relationship hopping, and after this I went 3 years without a bf to work on myself and figure out what I want, and yes I still had sex with fwbs and ons, because I still had needs. When I enter a relationship now I know what I'm looking for and know that I'm really thinking about a partner for the rest of my life, not just for right now.

I think women with higher numbers would be more worrisome than men. Eventually men will get lazy and not feel the need to feel pretty again. Then again the woman in said relationship will probably not be happy.

[DazedConfusedEtc]

You have posted an awful lot regarding your BF's past, which in essence makes you somewhat uncomfortable. At the same time you are looking for and posting qualifying statements about the very thing you question about him. What is it exactly you are looking for? It seems you are happy with him but hate a part you can't change about him.

 

If your past doesn't bother him, then why are you concerned about his? Did you ever consider that maybe he's lying to you because you have a high number? I think its a possibility. I also think you have met someone who shares your values, so you really shouldn't complain, especially if he makes you happy.

 

I used him as an example, this thread isn't about him or myself, it's about people's attitudes and beliefs. I wa struggling with some things with my bf yes but I've made peace with them.

Edited January 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[tbf]

What do you guy think? How much does someone's past matter/say something about how fit they are as a partner?

High number partners weren't ever for me. It's always been important to me that a partner views sex as a way to connect, not just an itch to scratch or a form of external validation, notches on the bed post. This includes not having NSA sex, threesomes or worse.

 

I should add that what other people choose to do in their lives, is up to them.

[jamesbob]

I don't think the number of partners bothers me as much as their motivation for having multiple partners.

 

If she was seriously in love and in a committed relationship with a guy every time, I wouldn't care about the number.

 

Of course, if she is 24 and has been with 20+ guys she is completely excluded from my consideration.