Serious mess of a life please help me....

[Fuzzymuzzy]

New to the forum but I need help. I dated a woman for 15 months. She was a single mother with a history of bad relationships. When I met her she was married but separated for over 2 years. I had the best time with her when we were together. And like all new relationships it was great in the beginning. After 5 weeks I found out she was pregnant. I panicked and told her I wasn't ready to be a dad. (1st mistake) We talked it out and decided to have the baby I am glad we did. Over the course of her pregnancy I spent alot less time with her than I should have she gave up drinking and smoking I wanted to party.(2nd mistake) So I left her at home while I went out. I was less supportive than I should have been. I asked her to help with the bills and asked her to clean the house while I was gone to work I work about 50 hours a week.She quickly began to resent our situation. I never really met her friends/ family like I should have. She would have done anything for me. At the time I didn't see my situation like I do now.

After my son was born I now longer went out and partied I realized what I had in this girl and what I would lose I things went south. I tried to do more to support her started trying to hang out with her family/ friends. Let her know what she ment to me. But at this point she began staying out at night until 4 in the morning in some cases. I would sit up and call the police the hospital etc.. I would cry about it and it hurt me terrible. We would fight about it and I would kick her out tell her to leave. Not thinking about either child or the woman I love not thinking about anyting but myself. But the next day I would want her back because I love her love the kids don't want to be without them.

I had a feeling she was seeing someone else. But I still tried to make it work.

We got back together again I told her to move 3 times for staying out like that but I regret it. she tells me her mother is going to take to kids for the weekend out of town. Now my son is 3 months old at this time and I didn't really think he should be anywhere but with me or her. But she says we will get to spend time together and I say ok let her take him. When we get to the weekend she tells me that because I have to work until 5 she is going to go up north with some of her friends and stay the night. I flipped out told her I thought she was irresponsible, that I didn't know why I was fooling myself thinking things could be ok, that I don't want to see each other anymore. I was tired of being hurt. She tells me to remember this in a month when I want her back.

We she was right about week later I realize that she is doing to me what I did while she was pregnat. I tell her I think we can work it out. She says no that she needs time by herself. That weekend she take a guy up to her parents cabin. Then begans dating him seriously. She comes over to pick up my son after I had him all day and tells me that this new I is exactly like her and that she knows I don't want guys in and out of my son's life but she thinks they will be together for a long time so It's ok to have them together. She tells me even though she has only known him 3 weeks that he want's me to know he will never have my son call him Daddy , or spank him. I am floored I can't figure out this woman. I know guys will say anything to get in the panties but this is some deep sh**. He has no kids and is 7 years older than her. Do you think he could be for real? I told her I think we just met at the wrong time in our lives. She agrees but also says I'm too conservative for her. Now I'm not a very conservative person so I don't know what that means. But now that I have a chld I don't want to party like that. She says she doesn't see a situation where we can be back together. But I love her and think if we both just grew up everything could be good. I miss her and the kids terribly. I have my son alot of the time but feel like a bad parent not being there all the time.

What should I do? Can I salvage this mess? I curerently don't call her but I see her when I get my son. I have alot of feeling for her still. She says she loves me but can't be with me because I throw her out when she lies or stays out. I am lost. I have been seeing a counselor and going to church to straighten me out. It helps. I realize me faults and how to control them now. I know if given another chance I wouldn't act that way again. All I want is my family back please help.....

[Papillon]

Fixing yourself is one thing, fixing someone else is another matter entirely. She's the mother of your child, it's only ntural that you feel a bond with her. But in the end it's the child that keeps you hanging on to her. Focus on the child, and the child alone.

[Fuzzymuzzy]

I forgot to add that she says the reason she wont be with is because of the way I acted when she was pregnat.

even though I totally change my attitute after the baby was born. She now says that people can't change so I never will. But I tell you what nothing will change you like losing everything you value. I beleive I have changed. Though I would never thell her that or that I have been going to church and getting spiritual counseling.

Crazy situation.

Ladies.......Do you think we can ever work things out and be the family we should have been? Do you think this guys she is dating is sincere? Does time really heal all wounds?? Will it change the way she feels about me? I truly feel when still really don't know each other. She knows me as a guy trying to adjust to the stress of a new family, and mixed emotions, that isn't me I really am the guy that had so much fun with her before the baby was born. She doesn't see it and may never see it.