How do I retrain my teenagers???

[SARose61]

Help???!!! I know it's all my fault. I was a single mom for the longest time, worked 2 jobs and just never disciplined my children nor taught them the value of doing chores, keeping their rooms clean etc. I grew up in a household where there was an extended family, lived with 3 adult women, grandma, mom & an aunt. As soon as I got up someone was behind me making my bed, my breakfast was set before me, my clothes were laid out. EVERYTHING was done for me. I became a slob in college. I truly now feel sorry for those who had to be my roommates. To this day, I do crisis cleaning in my home, you know like when cant find any underwear so ya wash clothes (but dont hang them up), the dust is so heavy on the mirror you cant see yourself so ya clean it. My children are my prodegies and I dont want them to grow up, leave the nest and be slobs like me. I got married 7 years ago to a guy who grew up in a military household. Mom was a drill sergeant when it came to chores & cleanliness. He does most of the cleaning in our home, but he draws the line at cleaning the kids rooms, and I can tell he gets really frustrated. It is embarrassing. What usually happens is I will tell them til I get tired to clean their rooms til I just can no longer stand the mess or the smell and I will then go in and do crisis cleaning.

 

How do I save my children and teach them the value of being clean & organized. All suggestions are greatly appreciated.

 

Rose

[Papillon]

Don't clean their rooms. Don't do their laundry. Don't cook their food. Take a break Have them start doing it for themselves. They'll learn soon enough. And then you guys can share the chores.

[Pocky]

Stop giving them money until they have earned it. No eating out. No movies. No school functions. My parents let my room get messy but by the third time telling me I was completely cut off until I cleaned it up. And let me tell you when my father refused to give me my allowance for the week my room was cleaned within an hour..

[Moose]

Boy, do I know how you feel!!!

 

We, (Mainly I), am having to start over with my kids too. What we did was make a chore chart and we hung it in the kitchen. Right after school each child has specific chores to do, wash the glass, take out the trash, wash dishes, dry dishes, put away dishes, clean room, vacuum floors, sweep floors......they are all divided up evenly between them. They then rotated chores monthly.

 

The kids aren't allowed to have an after school snack, take phone calls, go outside or watch TV until the chores assigned to them are done. We've been consistant with this for almost 6 months now and it's becoming habit for all of them to do their chores as soon as they can so they can get on with what is they want to do.

 

My wife and I are even on that chore chart so we are showing them by example that we aren't asking them to do something that we wouldn't do ourselves.

 

There are also punishments on the chart. It has a header on it that says, "Schlack's rules to live by", and it explains in detail what the punishments will be for yelling at each other, hitting, leaving to a friends house without permission, not doing homework on and on.....when these rules are broke, we walk them right up to the chart and show them what punishment they're about to receive and why, then it's carried out.

 

Once you put your chart together, have a family meeting and let the kids decide their own fate when something isn't done. That way when it's time to carry it out you'll have the fire power to explain to them that they are the ones that decided the punishment they're about to receive.

 

This really helped us out and we are even putting together a better reward system as well. Right now they just get their allowance whether they do a good job or not. But that will soon be replaced with docks in pay to even increases when their performance is above expectations. It's still in the works, but believe me....when you involve your kids in the chore chart, they will follow it and the pressure is off of you.

 

Hope you give it a try....you'll see, and you'll be surprised.

 

Good Luck,

Moose

[Papillon]

I think it's a bad idea to mess with an allowance as a tool to get chores done. Kids should be allowed to budget according to a dependable income, it teaches those basic skills. The difference comes in when they can spend the cash - if them chores aren't done, then they can't go to the movies or go to the mall to buy that pair of shoes...the cash burning a hole in their pockets will be more of an incentive than recieving it in the first place.

 

If you're going to withhold the allowance, your kids are going to weigh up whether the chores are worth the allowance, and believe me, they'll learn to go without it. (I did )

[Moose]

Papillion,

 

You have a valid point. The simple fact, (Being a business owner), there is no such thing as a dependable wage when you're not dependable yourself. If the job doesn't get done, then I'm not going to reward them. If I don't pick up the phone and close on a contract, I don't get paid. If I don't get paid, my engineers don't get paid, if the engineers don't get paid, the secretaries don't get paid.....it all rolls down hill.....so to instill that in my kids I'm going to implement the same thinking process into them.

 

Don't get me wrong.....I haven't started to do this yet because it needs structure....but it will be done.

[StillChillinCookie]

Don't punish them. ENCOURAGE them! Go looking at furniature stores, even if you're not going to buy anything. start watching interior design shows, with them around, they don't have to watch! Just start slowly, then go into it faster. INVITE their friends over to the house. I don't know how old they are, but if they have boyfriends or girlfriends, invite them over too! Make sure the rest of the house is clean, and tell them that they have to go into their rooms, WITH THE DOOR OPEN! (if it's their puppy lovers).

 

Start cleaning, a lot, with their kinda music on, dance a little, have fun with it, dance with the mop or vaccum, put on some cute clothes, that they'd like, that are new. It'll make them want new clothes and clean. But they can't have new clothes until they learn how to take care of the ones they have now can they?

 

My little sister, is 11 going on 30 think she knows everything! Can you believe this...She leaves her room a mess (or she used to) so that she could find things easier?? HAHA...I went in and organized, decorated, made everything the way I thought she'd like it for her age and style, her room is still clean!

 

If none of this works, gte some cute things from any cheap store, like the salvation army, faith farms, the good will...paint them, stick shelves in the closet, organize for them. then try it all over again. Make them think cleaning is fun. Ask weird questions when you clean, like "so, how about that new band", "did you hear about the yada yada" they'll begin to learn that you can relieve a lot of stress and think about a lot when you clean.

 

And for you....If you want it to stick in their heads for the rest of their lives, you need to start cleaning, find something you like about it. ANYTHING, it dosn't have to be my examples. Like I hate getting dirty when I clean, but I love the freedom that comes along with it.

 

 

Have fun with it and GOOD LUCK!