strongertoday Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 My husband of 4 years has always had alcohol issues (drinking since 8) but has cut down and got control since we have been together. He swore he wouldnt let drinkng stuff up another relationship. His drinking now is really mild I feel... a dozen beer is a big drinking night, he makes sure he eats, and as a compromise with me we have a bed time that he use to stick to. And this has worked well for us with very few issues for ages. He started a new job 4 months ago and the world has fallen apart. He is stressed and has put on weight, being tired and moody. So 3 weeks ago he decided to change his life... Gave up smoking, drastically cut calories, started playing sport and running daily, and started paying huge amounts off his debt. All would be great except now he has 4 more things to be stressed and moody about. So for weeks we have argued. And now he has come to the realisation that this is all my fault and I am toxic to him. Needless to say it all boiled over last weekend with him pushing me to the ground in public, and 2 passers by dragged him off me and giving him a suspected cracked rib. This has just firmed his resolve that it is all my fault that his life is so crappy. He wants to move out for a few weeks and have a break. I m concerned he will go back to the 2 slabs of beer and a bottle of vodka he use to drink. Ive been reading about co-dependancy and I know thats me. I just have put so much into helping him be the awesome man he is now to let him crash back to being a full blown, falling asleep in the gutter, alcoholic. It hurts, I love him, god I wish I didnt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strongertoday Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 And why am I the mess? I cant sleep, I cant breathe, I cant stop texting him every few hours like a crazy woman (which he ignores). I know me being a mess isnt helping.. it certainly isnt giving him the space he supposedly needs to decide... why am I like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Why are you not at Al-ANON? Online Al-Anon Outreach 2 Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 So for weeks we have argued. And now he has come to the realisation that this is all my fault and I am toxic to him. Needless to say it all boiled over last weekend with him pushing me to the ground in public, and 2 passers by dragged him off me and giving him a suspected cracked rib. This has just firmed his resolve that it is all my fault that his life is so crappy. He wants to move out for a few weeks and have a break. I m concerned he will go back to the 2 slabs of beer and a bottle of vodka he use to drink. Ive been reading about co-dependancy and I know thats me. I just have put so much into helping him be the awesome man he is now to let him crash back to being a full blown, falling asleep in the gutter, alcoholic. It hurts, I love him, god I wish I didnt. Wow, just wow. The guy assaulted you! You really need to wake up and see that he controls his own choices and decisions around his drinking, and the both of you allowing YOU to be blamed for what HE chooses to do is not helping him and is definitely harming you. You're enabling him to continue with his behaviour, which he might continue with even without you there but that is absolutely his decision. Based on your attitude/what's happened I'd echo the above poster's suggestion of al-anon. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Don't take it personally. If you leave him he'll use that as an excuse to drink as well. That's what alcoholics do. They blame this that or another thing but they never blame the alcohol or their inability to not be powerless to it. Know this. He hates himself way more than he could ever hate you. I'd leave if I were you. That's what I did. We're still friends and still love each other. I just couldn't do it anymore. I hope you find your happy place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
peppermintpaddy Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 He'll blame everybody and everything rather than face the real problem-alcohol......get yourself to al-anon-it'll do wonders for you.Your enabling him isnt helping him to face his problem,rather the contrary.......let him reach a rock bottom on his own.Sorry-theres no quick fix solution...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 He assaulted you SOBER and in PUBLIC. You should've been the one to leave him. If you're smart, you will. This behavior is unacceptable. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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