My racy photos are in a present my conservative boyfriend got. ow do I handle this?

[veggirl]

I don't know why that's such a big deal. Who stampedes into a new relationship revealing all the sordid details of their past? I think we all have the right to try to leave youthful indiscretions in the past where they belong.

 

Well she said it was 2 yrs ago....so not really that long ago esp since she's been with her boyfriend for a year and a half. and it sounds like they talked a lot about their sexual pasts.

 

In general I agree with you but she purposely misled him into thinking she is "conservative". She should have just had a don't ask/don't tell policy about sexual pasts.

[Taramere]

Since the problem for some of the guys on here seems to be that she won't pose for his cellphone but she posed for pics taken by the photographer ex boyfriend- and assuming her new boyfriend would also be upset about that - maybe she could compromise by getting some private naked shots taken professionally (and not for public recirculation) for the new boyfriend.

[luvhim]

Hi again eveyone. Today has not been a good day. Yeah, my boyfriend knows. The guys at the office also have a copy of the book and they showed him the pages with me in them. He has not taken this well at all. He was sulking after he finished calling me a liar and stuff. I'm kinda numb. Don't really know what to do or how to respond.

 

I've spent some time reading all your suggestions and wanna thank you all. I just don't think some of the advice is going to work on my guy. I've been around the dating scene long enough to know how guys think. Emilia talked about casual dating vs long term and how girls are faster to sex on casual dating. This may be true but I know that this would be the last thing a guy wants to hear if he's the guy who had to wait. Same sort of thing here with me and the pics i did for my ex. And the stupid thing is that my current boyfriend is just so much better all around than the last guy.

 

Anyway, I just want to make this all go away and make it up to my man. It really was stupid not to let him snap a few pics. I've done it in the past. And I kow I'm going to look bad here, but I didn't do it with the jerk ex because it was arsty or professional or whatever. He wanted to do it as a turn on and I was game cause I thouhgt it would be sexy as well.

 

What a mess.....I could cry

[silvermercy]

So what is his problem mostly??

That you posed for pictures or that you didn't let him take some pics himself?

Or is it simply that you lied to him??

[Ruby Slippers]

Well, how about you start being honest right now, and do that in the future?

 

Even if it's too late with this guy, you can avoid making the same mistake in the future.

[TaraMaiden]

Have you asked him what you can do to make it up to him?

What exactly, is he angry about?

The way he found out, the fact that you posed for someone else, the fact that his mates exposed you (Which means they've feasted their eyes on your lovely body too) or all of the above?

 

Sleep on it.

let it subside for a night, and day.

Let him make the next move, and see what he says.

 

But fight your corner, girlie.

 

You haven't slept with his dad, or had his dog put down, or sold his Ferrari and bought yourself a holiday in the Bahamas without him...

 

Sure - face up to what you feel was your part in this - but it's not the end of the world.

 

Don't turn a drama into a crisis.

 

He may well be pissedoff - but let's hope it's proportionate, and not exaggerated and excessive, "to the misdeed".

[luvhim]

To Silvermercy: his problem is everything - that I did it, that I didn't do it with him, that I did it it with loser ex, all of it

 

And about not making the same mistake next time, you can bet on that. BUT, I really don't want there to be a next time. This guy really is the one. And I know I know. HE'S the one I should have been getting wild with, not my loser exes.

[chex]

To Silvermercy: his problem is everything - that I did it, that I didn't do it with him, that I did it it with loser ex, all of it

 

And about not making the same mistake next time, you can bet on that. BUT, I really don't want there to be a next time. This guy really is the one. And I know I know. HE'S the one I should have been getting wild with, not my loser exes.

 

Then get wild girl

 

maybe after giving him a bit of space to think it over, if he needs it.

[FitChick]

And how exactly were you supposed to know that you'd meet him later so you shouldn't have done it? Ask him that.

 

Be careful if he asks you to pose for him now. He may want revenge and post photos online. HIDE YOUR FACE!

[TheFinalWord]

My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and a half. He is an incredibly conservative but he's also a cool guy and we get along great. Early on in our dating we decided to be exclusive. We even had the talk about past partners and I was truthful about what I told him. I also believe that he was truthful about what he told me. I was really glad that we were both "mid range." I've met a couple of his exes and he even met my last boyfriend.

 

My boyfriend is in the marketing field so his business life revolves around ads and advertising. We celebrated his big 30th birthday yesterday with lots of his friends. Everybody brought gifts. Lots of laughing and drinking so he didn't get a chance to open all his presents. He did so this morning before leaving for work. He showed me what a bunch of his work pals got him - a big hardcover book of glamor photography in risqué advertizing. He leafed through it and jokingly said I should take a look.

 

I was off work today so I got a chance to look through the book. I was shocked to find some photos of me in there! They were shots that I did two years ago for my ex who happens to be a photographer. There are only five pages of me in a book of about 200 pages, but the photos are revealing. They are Playboy style in setting but I'm nude and everything is on display.

 

I'm pretty sure he didn't see them this morning when he quickly flipped through the book. I just know he is NOT going to react well to this when he does see them. (In the past, he's jokingly tried to take racy pics of me with his cell but I wouldn't let him.)

 

I'm not sure how to handle this. He may never see them if he doesn't actually go through page by page so I'm thinking about not saying anything unless he does. I'm also not sure if his buddies who got him the book saw them before giving it to him as a gift. And if they did, what if they tell him?

 

My boyfriend and I have been nurturing a great relationship that I want to take forward. I think if he found out about this our relationship would be jeopardized.

 

What's the right (smart?) thing to do now?

 

I am a conservative guy, so maybe I can give a different view point

 

Firstly, if I was him I would not really appreciate how my friends shared the information with me. I understand they would want to tell me, but I think there is a more mature way to do it than buy him that book as a birthday present. A good friend would have say "hey bro, I wanted to let you know some information I found out"--one on one, knowing it would hurt him. Not showing the whole gang of friends (I'm sure only one guy found it but then shared it with everyone for a good laugh) and buying a book as a birthday present. I call tasteless on that one, b/c it's not funny and not a birthday gag. Low friend caliber.

 

Secondly, give it time. He is angry and in shock. The main thing is he is probably embarrassed all his friends have seen you naked (I would be doing some friend cleaning if I were him), and also that he thinks ex bfs were more attractive to you. I do not think there is anything here time cannot heal, if the love is pure and the communication is honest going forward. You could also try couples counseling to help talk through it.

[Lonely Ronin]

I've spent some time reading all your suggestions and wanna thank you all. I just don't think some of the advice is going to work on my guy. I've been around the dating scene long enough to know how guys think. Emilia talked about casual dating vs long term and how girls are faster to sex on casual dating. This may be true but I know that this would be the last thing a guy wants to hear if he's the guy who had to wait. Same sort of thing here with me and the pics i did for my ex. And the stupid thing is that my current boyfriend is just so much better all around than the last guy.

 

I'm going to tell it to you strait, if your BF can't get over something that happened before you where with him, then he is not better, he is insecure.

[Crusoe]

I don't know why that's such a big deal.

 

Anyone who has had a large part of their life taken away by someone who misrepresented who they actually are, would understand the big deal.

 

Things can seem trivial to an onlooker, or to the person being not entirely truthful, but the other person is basing their life upon these misrepresentations. They're giving their heart, their time and their money to a false image.

 

It's not nice if man pretends to be (or allows a woman to believe) he's something he is not in order to get laid. It's also not nice for a woman to do the same in order to get into a relationship. It's selfish at best, cruel at worst.

[Later82012]

Today you are almost guaranteed that any nude photos taken in private will become available for the world to see. I believe there are websites full of them.

 

I said it before but it bears repeating: When you have nude photos taken of yourself, HIDE YOUR FACE!

 

Good advice. I'd go one step further and say if possible do not allow anyone take any nude pictures of you and you don't do it yourself too. If you do it for your husbands destroy them all before your kids hit certain age and destroy them all if divorcing.

[Later82012]

If he is really as conservative as the OP says I don't think he will have it in him to picture himself with someone whose nude pictures all of his friends have seen if he even gets over his jealousy over the ex-boyfriend getting her to pose nude in the first place.

[aed]

I'm going to tell it to you strait, if your BF can't get over something that happened before you where with him, then he is not better, he is insecure.

 

The pics where taken before yes, but the problem OP created happend in their relationship!

 

he also wanted to take those pictures (and it's not like he is an hypocrite), she declined but not because she is not that type of girl. Because she wanted her bf to be in love with an image of herself she made him believe she is.

 

I loved the post: that said allot of women feel used if a guy lie to her so get to sleep with her. This is the same thing..... She lied to him to get him in a relationship with her. Most guys lie to women to have easy sex, not for a long time commitment.

 

He is questioning her loyalty and attraction for him. Why did she do those things with an ex (and even signed to get those things released), and not with me? Don't I arouse her enough? WHy is she with me, because I am save, easy to manupilate , or is she really attracted to me sexually? This are things that are going true his mind.

[Taramere]

Hi again eveyone. Today has not been a good day. Yeah, my boyfriend knows. The guys at the office also have a copy of the book and they showed him the pages with me in them. He has not taken this well at all. He was sulking after he finished calling me a liar and stuff. I'm kinda numb. Don't really know what to do or how to respond.

 

Where was the lie? Did you actually say to him something along the lines of "I would never let a boyfriend take naked pictures of me"? That's what most of the posters here seem to be assuming took place. That, or they have an assumption that being a conservative sort of person automatically equates with "I would not let a boyfriend take naked pics of me."

 

I personally don't think that letting a boyfriend take naked pics of you is all that wild a thing to do. Your bf obviously doesn't either, since he sees - saw - both of you as conservative types and wanted to do this. So the main gripe and betrayals, as far as I can see, are

 

1. You did with an ex boyfriend what you're not prepared to do with him

2. His workmates humiliated him by giving that book (which would expose you and cause upset to him) as a "birthday present.

 

I agree with the Final Word's perspective on that latter part, but since most of the men posting on the thread haven't touched on the workmates' involvement in all of this, I suspect he's in a minority. It seems as though your bf, and most of the men on here, are reserving their anger for you. From general observation of people throughout my life, really, it seems to me that it's easier for men to admit to feelings of hurt and betrayal at the hands of a woman than it is for them to admit to feelings of shame and humiliation at the hands of other men.

 

If that's the case with your bf, then you're getting it double. Partly because he's angry with you over the photographs and the ex, but also because he's blaming you for the behaviour of his workmates in humiliating him. I wouldn't just kowtow and get all "oh you're right, I misrepresented myself here and woe is me I understand how you could never forgive me" over this. That's bullsh*t.

 

If you told a straight out lie along the lines of "I would never let a man take a pic of me naked" then apologise very sincerely for that lie and ask if there's a way you can make up for it. If he doesn't want to accept that apology then leave him. Being in the wrong doesn't mean you have to hang around grovelling for eternity. If it's more a case of you presented yourself as conservative in a way that's inconsistent with the reality of who you have been at times in the past, then that's a bit muddier.

 

It's deceitful, but probably no more deceitful than many people on this forum who have done things in the past that they probably wouldn't do now. You are probably a few steps ahead of a lot of people in terms of owning it, but don't let other people beat you down for owning the kind of flaws that they thtemselves would probably shy away from. Be straight, apologise if an apologise is due but don't grovel. If it were me, I would also be asking him for his perspective on the behaviour of his workmates. If he chooses to take the view that they did nothing wrong and that it's all on you...well, then personally I would see that as every bit as much of a betrayal (by him of you) than anything you've done.

 

Anyway, I just want to make this all go away and make it up to my man. It really was stupid not to let him snap a few pics.

 

Well, as Fitchick suggests it might be very stupid to let him snap a few pics now. The fact that you desperately want to avoid hurting him won't necessarily cut both ways. Given the way he's feeling towards you right now, regardless of whether you want to heap blame on yourself for it, don't be a masochist. Don't put yourself in a position where you might end up being further humiliated with even more photos (and most likely far less attractive looking photos than the ones you've already been shamed by).

[aed]

Where was the lie? Did you actually say to him something along the lines of "I would never let a boyfriend take naked pictures of me"? That's what most of the posters here seem to be assuming took place. That, or they have an assumption that being a conservative sort of person automatically equates with "I would not let a boyfriend take naked pics of me."

 

I personally don't think that letting a boyfriend take naked pics of you is all that wild a thing to do. Your bf obviously doesn't either, since he sees - saw - both of you as conservative types and wanted to do this. So the main gripe and betrayals, as far as I can see, are

 

1. You did with an ex boyfriend what you're not prepared to do with him

2. His workmates humiliated him by giving that book (which would expose you and cause upset to him) as a "birthday present.

 

I agree with the Final Word's perspective on that latter part, but since most of the men posting on the thread haven't touched on the workmates' involvement in all of this, I suspect he's in a minority. It seems as though your bf, and most of the men on here, are reserving their anger for you. From general observation of people throughout my life, really, it seems to me that it's easier for men to admit to feelings of hurt and betrayal at the hands of a woman than it is for them to admit to feelings of shame and humiliation at the hands of other men.

 

If that's the case with your bf, then you're getting it double. Partly because he's angry with you over the photographs and the ex, but also because he's blaming you for the behaviour of his workmates in humiliating him. I wouldn't just kowtow and get all "oh you're right, I misrepresented myself here and woe is me I understand how you could never forgive me" over this. That's bullsh*t.

 

If you told a straight out lie along the lines of "I would never let a man take a pic of me naked" then apologise very sincerely for that lie and ask if there's a way you can make up for it. If he doesn't want to accept that apology then leave him. Being in the wrong doesn't mean you have to hang around grovelling for eternity. If it's more a case of you presented yourself as conservative in a way that's inconsistent with the reality of who you have been at times in the past, then that's a bit muddier.

 

It's deceitful, but probably no more deceitful than many people on this forum who have done things in the past that they probably wouldn't do now. You are probably a few steps ahead of a lot of people in terms of owning it, but don't let other people beat you down for owning the kind of flaws that they thtemselves would probably shy away from. Be straight, apologise if an apologise is due but don't grovel. If it were me, I would also be asking him for his perspective on the behaviour of his workmates. If he chooses to take the view that they did nothing wrong and that it's all on you...well, then personally I would see that as every bit as much of a betrayal (by him of you) than anything you've done.

 

 

 

Well, as Fitchick suggests it might be very stupid to let him snap a few pics now. The fact that you desperately want to avoid hurting him won't necessarily cut both ways. Given the way he's feeling towards you right now, regardless of whether you want to heap blame on yourself for it, don't be a masochist. Don't put yourself in a position where you might end up being further humiliated with even more photos (and most likely far less attractive looking photos than the ones you've already been shamed by).

 

 

You turn this perfectly in to his problem and not hers. Yes when she was not ready for him taking pics, and she was with her ex. No big deal right? Not for us guys. You are attracted to us or you are not.

 

Also his work mates could also have difficulties telling him direct, and find a more subtile way for him to find out about it?

 

I agreee she should not let him take pictures of herself to make it up! It will only make things worse. It's the same: A gf tells a guy she doesn't do blowjobs but he hears her saying to her friends she enjoyed giving blowjobs to her ex. He is angry and then she offers him a blowjob out of pitty.

[Taramere]

You turn this perfectly in to his problem and not hers. Yes when she was not ready for him taking pics, and she was with her ex. No big deal right? Not for us guys. You are attracted to us or you are not.

 

Also his work mates could also have difficulties telling him direct, and find a more subtile way for him to find out about it?

 

Giving him that book as a bithday present, in the middle of a party, when they very obviously knew she was in it (since they've taken pains to point that out to him since) is hardly subtle. More like cruelty and humiliation dressed up as laddishness.

 

The fact that she's been in a relationship with him for 18 months demonstrates that she is attracted to him. She hasn't given a reason as to why she was prepared for the ex to take photos but not for the current boyfriend to do so. If you feel a burning need to know the reason, why not just ask her? If your input is more about venting feelings you have about a similar issue that affects your own life, you could always open up a separate thread for suppot and advice.

[Dusk1983]

Like it or not - insecure or not, irrational or not, invidious or not - nearly all men are going to have a massive problem with this, and be very, very hurt.

[aed]

Giving him that book as a bithday present, in the middle of a party, when they very obviously knew she was in it (since they've taken pains to point that out to him since) is hardly subtle. More like cruelty and humiliation dressed up as laddishness.

 

The fact that she's been in a relationship with him for 18 months demonstrates that she is attracted to him. She hasn't given a reason as to why she was prepared for the ex to take photos but not for the current boyfriend to do so. If you feel a burning need to know the reason, why not just ask her? If your input is more about venting feelings you have about a similar issue that affects your own life, you could always open up a separate thread for suppot and advice.

 

 

Yeah that must be it. I don't agree with your view on this topic, so I must be having the same kind of issue's as her bf has.

 

I give a respond from a guy his point of view on this topic. I don't judge the OP for any of this matter.

 

But ask yourself this:

 

If a guy sleeps with you 10 times, do you know that he his really into you or is just having you for sex.

Being 18 months to gether is only saying: This guy is someone she can be with for 18 months. But that doesn't say anything about her sexual attraction to him! Is he the guy she settled for, because all the attractive men are jerks (she even said she dated more then enough jerks.)

 

The problem with this thing is: She did not openly cheated or anything like that matter. But she lied to him and is showing that their are guys is this world that can turn her on far more then he has done so far (second she didn't tell how long she was with that ex).

 

I think OP should first be honest with her self: Is he her 'safe future hb' that won't hurt her, because she dated so "many jerks before" or her dreaming prince on a white horse? Most men in his situation will feel they are option number one?

 

He is feeling angry because she lied, and feeling insecure. ANd making this insecurity his problem, is the superficial solution. Because that is not what this problem is truly about. He feels like she is not that attractive to him. And yes advise her to tell him, is not going to work for most guys. You have to show it, because we guys also show our feelings and understand feelings the best by the actions that come from those feelings, and not from the words around it.

[ascendotum]

Giving him that book as a bithday present, in the middle of a party, when they very obviously knew she was in it (since they've taken pains to point that out to him since) is hardly subtle. More like cruelty and humiliation dressed up as laddishness.

Maybe these were smartarse work colleagues doing it for a gag, with them getting the biggest kick out of it, or they could still be solid long term mates who are giving him a heads up as to what his gf is/was really like...bucket of water to the face style. Nothing like those nude picture saying it better than words, assuming he has told them about her nixing iphone pics for him or other things about her being a good conservative girl. Producing it at the party was a little cruel, assuming this guy really is conservative.

I've known of a couple of situations were the guys have done the...there is something about your gf you should know...and shown them footage of her cheating with another guy (just prior to the wedding), or had a party and ordered his gf as a stripper (which he did not know this was her moonlight career) or slept with a mate's gf and then told him (she was playing the I'm a good traditional greek girl and want to go slow lol). The guys were pissed initially but got over it. I know some here would think getting the book was a jerk thing, but they could just clueing him up as to what sort of girl he is in a relationship with (and getting smirk out of it at the same time).

 

Personally I don't think the OP did anything wrong with having some nude photos taken of her, if they are decent enough to get in a photography book. Misrepresenting herself to him and not doing the same erotic things for me that she had done for exs would be my issue.

Edited January 29, 2013 by ascendotum

[Taramere]

If a guy sleeps with you 10 times, do you know that he his really into you or is just having you for sex.

 

I won't assume that he's into me simply because he's sleeping with me. I would look for other indicators.

 

I've certainly had men misrepresent themselves to me. One of the most common is the "I am brutally honest - honest to a fault" claim. I have an excellent memory for things people tell me, and so I'll often notice inconsistencies that point to others not being quite truthful. Or I'll have been with a man in a particular situation, and later on when he's telling anecdotes about it to others I can see the arms and legs that he's adding onto it. Sometimes to make the story funnier, often to make himself look more impressive.

 

I don't sit in hash judgement about it. I just accept that who people want to be doesn't always match up to the reality of who they actually are - or how they've lived their life. Unless we're talking about cheating (or serious matters such as a criminal history) I would tend to be quite forgiving of somebody's past not always being consistent with who they want to be and who they are trying hard to be. Especially as, when I put my own behaviour under the microscope, I can see how it changes somewhat depending on the company or situation I'm in. From what I've observed, most people seem to have a tendency to do that to an extent.

 

Where I would tend to be much less forgiving would be in those cases where the person themselves tends to take a hard, grudge-bearing line with others.

 

The problem with this thing is: She did not openly cheated or anything like that matter. But she lied to him and is showing that their are guys is this world that can turn her on far more then he has done so far (second she didn't tell how long she was with that ex).

 

I think OP should first be honest with her self: Is he her 'safe future hb' that won't hurt her, because she dated so "many jerks before" or her dreaming prince on a white horse? Most men in his situation will feel they are option number one?

 

Here is the difficulty. Conservative means being fairly strictly ruled by your own superego. It means you follow the rules and tend to sit in strict judgement of those who don't. There's really no way around this...it is harder to relax, sexually, and go a bit wild with somebody who you perceive as somewhat uptight, conservative and judgemental. Much, much easier with playful men who you don't feel judged by.

 

Some have a great knack of switching quite easily from one role to the other. From responsible adult in situations that call for it, to playmate (in the bedroom, for instance). With others, the transition is a lot creakier and less convincing. This board is always sending out the same old "women prefer jerks" message to men. I think the truth is that a lot of women prefer men who are able to slip between those two roles (adult and playmate) quite easily.

 

He is feeling angry because she lied

 

If the feelings expressed by a lot of the men here on this subject are an accurate indicator of her boyfriend's feelings, he's angry because he feels like he doesn't have as good a sex life with her as she had with her previous boyfriend - and five pages of evidence of that have been presented to him, as a birthday gift from his colleagues.

 

And that is rough as hell, I agree. It must be incredibly painful...and so the OP stands accused of a crime serious enough to match the immense pain he's going through. And the court of her boyfriend and Loveshack has hereby convicted her of heinous lies and misrepresentation. I'm just not convinced that's a fair verdict based on what she's described here. Regardless of the fact that she's not mounting much of a defence on her own behalf.

 

I think the real problem here is the pain that the boyfriend is going through on realising that yes, maybe she did have a more fun sex life with the previous guy - and that this information has been thrown in his face by a bunch of workmates. I doubt there's anything she could do to take that pain away. Some might have her "lie" in a sense once more...ie by doing wild things with him and pretending she's as relaxed and comfortable about it with him as she was with the previous guy. That kind of lying, I'm guessing, would be okay so long as she never admitted to it.

[mustangguy29]

It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, what matters is how your boyfriend feels, because you want your relationship to work.

 

I think this is what I would want to hear if I were your boyfriend...

 

 

I love you. I took these photos long before I met you, and I am not the same person I was when I took them.

 

I did not take these photos to hurt you, I hadn't even met you yet.

You have helped me be a better woman, and I want to be with you with every fiber of my being. No guys from my past matter at all to me.

This is the best relationship I have ever been in, because you bring out the best in me.

 

I am sorry that this has hurt you. I love you, now kiss me.

[aed]

 

I don't sit in hash judgement about it. I just accept that who people want to be doesn't always match up to the reality of who they actually are - or how they've lived their life. Unless we're talking about cheating (or serious matters such as a criminal history) I would tend to be quite forgiving of somebody's past not always being consistent with who they want to be and who they are trying hard to be. Especially as, when I put my own behaviour under the microscope, I can see how it changes somewhat depending on the company or situation I'm in. From what I've observed, most people seem to have a tendency to do that to an extent.

 

I agree. But understand man and woman are not the same and have very different priorities and redflags.

 

 

Here is the difficulty. Conservative means being fairly strictly ruled by your own superego. It means you follow the rules and tend to sit in strict judgement of those who don't. There's really no way around this...it is harder to relax, sexually, and go a bit wild with somebody who you perceive as somewhat uptight, conservative and judgemental. Much, much easier with playful men who you don't feel judged by.

No I don't think that is what conservertive means. But I understand what you say. ANd again, why is she not with a playfull guy, that is not judgemental?

 

( I haven't read anything that seems this guy is judgemental BTW and she is saying is he is conservertive, by her own standards)

 

Some have a great knack of switching quite easily from one role to the other. From responsible adult in situations that call for it, to playmate (in the bedroom, for instance). With others, the transition is a lot creakier and less convincing. This board is always sending out the same old "women prefer jerks" message to men. I think the truth is that a lot of women prefer men who are able to slip between those two roles (adult and playmate) quite easily.

 

What does this has anything to do with this thread? You describe the best of to worlds. It's like a girl looking like Mila Kunis (25 years old, super cute, nice caretaking, sweet), still a virgin (not sucked dicks etc), Has waited her entire life for 'that' guy. And when they sleep together, she ****s like she is a pornstar. Not going to happen!

 

If the feelings expressed by a lot of the men here on this subject are an accurate indicator of her boyfriend's feelings, he's angry because he feels like he doesn't have as good a sex life with her as she had with her previous boyfriend - and five pages of evidence of that have been presented to him, as a birthday gift from his colleagues.

 

Again you make it about the male's EGO. It is not about it. Not every girl on this planet wants a guy to cume on her face. But finding out that she did those things with other guys and is refusing this with you. You know this girl is not completely in to you. (the same the guy is ****ing a girl for 10 months, and doesn't want her to meet his parents, but the girl really wants to take this step. Later the girl finds out that when he is serious about the girl, Thet would have met his parents in 2 months)

 

And that is rough as hell, I agree. It must be incredibly painful...and so the OP stands accused of a crime serious enough to match the immense pain he's going through. And the court of her boyfriend and Loveshack has hereby convicted her of heinous lies and misrepresentation.

 

You make it seem that it is all his fault: When she was more attracted, sexualy and invested into her ex. I can tell you it is not only a guy that makes a woman horny. The more horny the woman makes the guy, the more 'playfull' he can be with her.

 

I'm just not convinced that's a fair verdict based on what she's described here. Regardless of the fact that she's not mounting much of a defence on her own behalf.

I think the real problem here is the pain that the boyfriend is going through on realising that yes, maybe she did have a more fun sex life with the previous guy - and that this information has been thrown in his face by a bunch of workmates. I doubt there's anything she could do to take that pain away.

 

You still can't seem to see this from a guys point of view?

 

 

Some might have her "lie" in a sense once more...ie by doing wild things with him and pretending she's as relaxed and comfortable about it with him as she was with the previous guy. That kind of lying, I'm guessing, would be okay so long as she never admitted to it.

 

First I think that would be even far more worse then what is going on right now.

 

What you can't seem to understand. Most guys are not that difficult in sleeping with a girl ((Example: most recent episode of Californication: Gay men have applications to see if their are other gaymen in that area, and those you want a quick ****. I never ever heard of applications like this for women or lesbians).

 

But we are verry picky when it comes to having a commited relationship. We want and see that kind of person as someone we would give our life for, when that moment comes. So most of us want to know we are the top of her world (in everyway).

 

So it's not about a other guy is better in bed, having a bigger cock etc. He needs to know is she for 100% with her current bf and doing things with an other guys and refusing to do those things with him, makes it seem she is not for 100% in that relationship!

 

We express our feelings by actions, not by words. So most guys only understand feelings by actions.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hi again eveyone. Today has not been a good day. Yeah, my boyfriend knows. The guys at the office also have a copy of the book and they showed him the pages with me in them. He has not taken this well at all. He was sulking after he finished calling me a liar and stuff. I'm kinda numb. Don't really know what to do or how to respond

I've spent some time reading all your suggestions and wanna thank you all. I just don't think some of the advice is going to work on my guy. I've been around the dating scene long enough to know how guys think. Emilia talked about casual dating vs long term and how girls are faster to sex on casual dating. This may be true but I know that this would be the last thing a guy wants to hear if he's the guy who had to wait. Same sort of thing here with me and the pics i did for my ex. And the stupid thing is that my current boyfriend is just so much better all around than the last guy.

Anyway, I just want to make this all go away and make it up to my man. It really was stupid not to let him snap a few pics. I've done it in the past. And I kow I'm going to look bad here, but I didn't do it with the jerk ex because it was arsty or professional or whatever. He wanted to do it as a turn on and I was game cause I thouhgt it would be sexy as well.

What a mess.....I could cry

 

You have 2 basic problems. First... this has most likely made him and YOU the butt of every joke at his work. Second, it shows you treating other men BETTER than him.

 

I think the social issue is the biggest one, and you really can't do anything about it. Having been in a similar situation once... I can tell you that its really embarrassing and ruins the privacy in a relationship.