My racy photos are in a present my conservative boyfriend got. ow do I handle this?

[aed]

Possible she thought the opposite way to you... She was actually ashamed of previous behaviour, and deemed it unladylike, tramp-ish and something that would have given her a bad reputation.

She might have felt "I did that previously, but it wasn't an adult or mature way to behave, and I don't think it's any way a young lady should behave or conduct herself in..."

 

I'm guessing this is the OP's thought pattern too.... and if your ex- hid it from you, then it's not that she was trying to deceive you - she was trying to protect you by not shattering your perception of her, and save herself from being judged harshly.

 

Damned if she did, and damned if she didn't, I guess.....

 

No, it showed that they are not match. and it would have prevented allot of heard on both sides. But let's go back to OP:

 

Veggirl asked if these were model shots? Yeah they were...sort of. I did them for my photographer ex boyfriend and I did sign a release. At the time I thought it was sexy and we had a "fun time" doing them. I know my current guy is NOT going to see it that way.

 

 

To Veggirl again: Well, my guy is conservative so I've "presented myself" as conservative as well when it comes to sex and stuff. And I kinda fibbed on that one. So now he'll see that I wasn't AND it'll be worse cause I didn't let him snap a couple on his cell phone.

 

To mesmerixed: No, he IS the right guy for me. I've dated enough jerks to know when a good sincere guy came along. I just have to smooth things out with him before this becoems a major problem.

 

 

I've spent some time reading all your suggestions and wanna thank you all. I just don't think some of the advice is going to work on my guy. I've been around the dating scene long enough to know how guys think. Emilia talked about casual dating vs long term and how girls are faster to sex on casual dating. This may be true but I know that this would be the last thing a guy wants to hear if he's the guy who had to wait. Same sort of thing here with me and the pics i did for my ex. And the stupid thing is that my current boyfriend is just so much better all around than the last guy.

 

Anyway, I just want to make this all go away and make it up to my man. It really was stupid not to let him snap a few pics. I've done it in the past. And I kow I'm going to look bad here, but I didn't do it with the jerk ex because it was arsty or professional or whatever. He wanted to do it as a turn on and I was game cause I thouhgt it would be sexy as well.

 

What a mess.....I could cry

 

To Silvermercy: his problem is everything - that I did it, that I didn't do it with him, that I did it it with loser ex, all of it

 

And about not making the same mistake next time, you can bet on that. BUT, I really don't want there to be a next time. This guy really is the one. And I know I know. HE'S the one I should have been getting wild with, not my loser exes.

 

 

 

So. She was more attracted to her ex, and was willing to do more kinky stuff with him. In a guys book, this shows: she is not that in to me! Words don't count actions. does.

And for all the guys who say they understand this so well. Ask yourself this: why are those pua's where i get my mindset from not in an normal relationship and only dating strippers and party girls?

Edited January 29, 2013 by aed

[TaraMaiden]

No, it showed that they are not match.

No, sorry, that's way too presumptuous.

I'm putting it forward as a possibility, having also had some experience in a similar situation.

You are way too cut and dried in your response. And I don't think you're correct - or that you're right in imposing such a definite and firm perception on somebody else's situation in this particular case.....

[aed]

No, sorry, that's way too presumptuous.

I'm putting it forward as a possibility, having also had some experience in a similar situation.

You are way too cut and dried in your response. And I don't think you're correct - or that you're right in imposing such a definite and firm perception on somebody else's situation in this particular case.....

 

Maybe. I don't deny I am cut and dried in my responses ( I am doing this onpurpose in this thread).

 

But why is it for allot of women so awfull, knowing a guy just said sweet things to get in her pants., and walked away. But the same girls don't seem there () is any'thing wrong with hiding things from your bf out of your past, what you know of: If this guy would know this he wouldn't be with me?

[ThaWholigan]

And for all the guys who say they understand this so well. Ask yourself this: why are those pua's where i get my mindset from not in an normal relationship and only dating strippers and party girls?

Actually most of them are in normal relationships now . David DeAngelo even got married (although, he was never even PUA or a dating "guru" to begin with - a marketing genius, yes.).

 

I didn't say PUA is where the mindset is from, I said PUA emphasizes the need to be the opposite guy - the guy who DOES get blowjobs in the car, and takes naked pics of the SO.

[tbf]

This is pure male ego talking. Just because I might have felt comfortable doing something in the past, doesn't entitle every single dude I date to expect it. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with my feelings or comfort level.

 

I took nude polaroids with an ex when I was very young. When we broke up, sure enough he tried to use them to blackmail me into coming back, threatening to send them to my parents. I had to get a judge to order him to give them back, and I burned every single one of them.

 

Never again. Sorry, future boyfriends.

If you've learned something from allowing this, that's one thing. But to outright misrepresent that you've never done it before could come back to haunt.

 

The OP should have declined on the basis that she'd done it before but regretted doing so. If her b/f were to protest, then the problem would have been his to address.

 

But the OP appears to have not only misrepresented the nude pic issue but also her entire person as someone conservative, where she's not. Now if people were to put themselves into the guy's shoes, to have to reset an entire personality would be a lot to stomach.

[aed]

Actually most of them are in normal relationships now . David DeAngelo even got married (although, he was never even PUA or a dating "guru" to begin with - a marketing genius, yes.).

 

I didn't say PUA is where the mindset is from, I said PUA emphasizes the need to be the opposite guy - the guy who DOES get blowjobs in the car, and takes naked pics of the SO.

 

I happend to know DeAngelo he had an collumn in men's world (or a site like that). But he is totally different and his mindset (back then) than guys how advocate the partygirls life style (like mystery, Strauss etc).

 

It is hypocrite to sleep with every random dude, but lying to guy you really like and not wanting to sleep (or doing X) with him and let him wait, so he can think I am the good girl, he is looking for.

 

Ofcourse I have experienced the same things: I have bin with girls I literal ripped their clothes of and had animalistic kinky sex, and I have bin with girls that I didn't have that feeling. And I understand that attraction can come in different ways. But to be honest the girls that didn't give me that feeling, I wasn't that into, like I was with the others.

 

Girls also have their part in having hot sex, it's not only the guys responsibility (like the pua's preach). and when a guy gets his dick hard, doesn't say anything. As you might know we can get our dicks hard really easy.

[luvhim]

You all were so good with all your advice that I want to give you an update on my embarrassing situation and ask for (more) advice.

 

My boyfriend acted all nonchalant this morning but we agreed to get together for a coffee and talk. We did and I just got back and he went back to the office.

 

He did most of the talking. Here's the gist of our conversation. He apologized for calling me names yesterday. He said he "was out of line" and that he was very angry. He said that everyone's past is just that and that while he would REALLY have preferred that I had not posed nude, he can't change that. I was getting encouraged when he added all the rest though.

 

He said that one of his guy pals at work took him aside this morning and they had a talk. That guy told him that when they saw my photos in the book, they all figured that I had told him about my modeling in the past. Since that guy now knows that I kept it from my boyfriend he apologized to him for all the bs they stirred up.

 

His buddy figured I'd taken naughty pics with my boyfriend, when I hadn't. My boyfriend confirmed this yesterday to the group (he now regrets being honest with them). Anyway his pal basically told him that I was probably putting on an act to get the "Mrs" degree. He figures that I was trying to portray a "wifey" attitude while I probably had a wild past.

 

So my boyfriend stewed on all this. He told me that while he can accept that I've done nudes for my ex and probably have a past he wouldn't be happy with, there is "no way in hell" he can accept that I wouldn't let HIM snap "a few stupid pics" of me. He feels like, as he put it, a lesser man who has been played. And he's just not willing to be the lesser guy. And that led to him asking how many shoots did I do and how dirty did they get? I got flustered and really didn't say much. The truth is that I did a bunch of shoots with my ex and well, some were kinda raunchy (but thank God those were NOT in the book).

 

He also wanted to talk "alot more" about my past and what kind of stuff I've done.

 

I'm going to see him again in a few hours after work so I want to say and do the right things. How do I make him get over all this and do I tell him about all the other shoots with my ex? What about "other stuff" he asked about?

[Bristolius]

I can sympathize with the OP and her boyfriend. But his friends are ****ing ********.

[veggirl]

Tough situation now.

 

HOW different is your ACTUAL past from what you presented to your boyfriend about it?

 

I understand both sides of this.

 

It's like you find out your bf took his ex on 3 vacas a year but he won't even take you to Olive Garden or something.

[aed]

You all were so good with all your advice that I want to give you an update on my embarrassing situation and ask for (more) advice.

 

My boyfriend acted all nonchalant this morning but we agreed to get together for a coffee and talk. We did and I just got back and he went back to the office.

 

He did most of the talking. Here's the gist of our conversation. He apologized for calling me names yesterday. He said he "was out of line" and that he was very angry. He said that everyone's past is just that and that while he would REALLY have preferred that I had not posed nude, he can't change that. I was getting encouraged when he added all the rest though.

 

He said that one of his guy pals at work took him aside this morning and they had a talk. That guy told him that when they saw my photos in the book, they all figured that I had told him about my modeling in the past. Since that guy now knows that I kept it from my boyfriend he apologized to him for all the bs they stirred up.

 

His buddy figured I'd taken naughty pics with my boyfriend, when I hadn't. My boyfriend confirmed this yesterday to the group (he now regrets being honest with them). Anyway his pal basically told him that I was probably putting on an act to get the "Mrs" degree. He figures that I was trying to portray a "wifey" attitude while I probably had a wild past.

 

So my boyfriend stewed on all this. He told me that while he can accept that I've done nudes for my ex and probably have a past he wouldn't be happy with, there is "no way in hell" he can accept that I wouldn't let HIM snap "a few stupid pics" of me. He feels like, as he put it, a lesser man who has been played. And he's just not willing to be the lesser guy. And that led to him asking how many shoots did I do and how dirty did they get? I got flustered and really didn't say much. The truth is that I did a bunch of shoots with my ex and well, some were kinda raunchy (but thank God those were NOT in the book).

 

He also wanted to talk "alot more" about my past and what kind of stuff I've done.

 

I'm going to see him again in a few hours after work so I want to say and do the right things. How do I make him get over all this and do I tell him about all the other shoots with my ex? What about "other stuff" he asked about?

 

Why don't you start being honest with him, and tell him why you lied and decieved him? Then tell him why you are still with him and why you want to stay with him, and be truely honest with yourself when you tell him this.

 

(I have the feeling you started dating him because you where tired of dating and getting hurt by the 'jerks' you normally date. but I might be wrong)

[MrNate 2.0]

Is it possible to get a copy of these to test the level of racy-ness?

[luvhim]

To veggirl: Kinda really different. In the past when he's told me about his fantasies, I sort of smiled and kissed him or whatever. In fact, I've done all that stuff. I just didn't want him to know.

[ThaWholigan]

You all were so good with all your advice that I want to give you an update on my embarrassing situation and ask for (more) advice.

 

My boyfriend acted all nonchalant this morning but we agreed to get together for a coffee and talk. We did and I just got back and he went back to the office.

 

He did most of the talking. Here's the gist of our conversation. He apologized for calling me names yesterday. He said he "was out of line" and that he was very angry. He said that everyone's past is just that and that while he would REALLY have preferred that I had not posed nude, he can't change that. I was getting encouraged when he added all the rest though.

 

He said that one of his guy pals at work took him aside this morning and they had a talk. That guy told him that when they saw my photos in the book, they all figured that I had told him about my modeling in the past. Since that guy now knows that I kept it from my boyfriend he apologized to him for all the bs they stirred up.

 

His buddy figured I'd taken naughty pics with my boyfriend, when I hadn't. My boyfriend confirmed this yesterday to the group (he now regrets being honest with them). Anyway his pal basically told him that I was probably putting on an act to get the "Mrs" degree. He figures that I was trying to portray a "wifey" attitude while I probably had a wild past.

 

So my boyfriend stewed on all this. He told me that while he can accept that I've done nudes for my ex and probably have a past he wouldn't be happy with, there is "no way in hell" he can accept that I wouldn't let HIM snap "a few stupid pics" of me. He feels like, as he put it, a lesser man who has been played. And he's just not willing to be the lesser guy. And that led to him asking how many shoots did I do and how dirty did they get? I got flustered and really didn't say much. The truth is that I did a bunch of shoots with my ex and well, some were kinda raunchy (but thank God those were NOT in the book).

 

He also wanted to talk "alot more" about my past and what kind of stuff I've done.

 

I'm going to see him again in a few hours after work so I want to say and do the right things. How do I make him get over all this and do I tell him about all the other shoots with my ex? What about "other stuff" he asked about?

You're gonna have to be honest with him about everything and explain exactly why everything is as it is now. It's a sorry situation and I'm sorry it's happening.

[aed]

To veggirl: Kinda really different. In the past when he's told me about his fantasies, I sort of smiled and kissed him or whatever. In fact, I've done all that stuff. I just didn't want him to know.

 

and did you enjoy those stuff?

[ThaWholigan]

To veggirl: Kinda really different. In the past when he's told me about his fantasies, I sort of smiled and kissed him or whatever. In fact, I've done all that stuff. I just didn't want him to know.

 

How come you didn't want him to know? Was it because you thought he would look down on you due to his being a more reserved guy?

 

Why do you think you did this in the past with your older boyfriends? Sorry to grill you, just curious about this - it lines up with things I've read before that I used to believe .

[FitChick]

Find your ex boyfriend and ask to buy up all the negatives then burn them.

[Lonely Ronin]

So my boyfriend stewed on all this. He told me that while he can accept that I've done nudes for my ex and probably have a past he wouldn't be happy with, there is "no way in hell" he can accept that I wouldn't let HIM snap "a few stupid pics" of me. He feels like, as he put it, a lesser man who has been played. And he's just not willing to be the lesser guy.

 

Well, these are the actions of an insecure boy, not a man. So yes he is lesser, he isn't even a man, he is a boy. He is trying to manipulate you at this point, because his ego is to fragile.

 

He also wanted to talk "alot more" about my past and what kind of stuff I've done.

 

I'm going to see him again in a few hours after work so I want to say and do the right things. How do I make him get over all this and do I tell him about all the other shoots with my ex? What about "other stuff" he asked about?

 

The most important thing here, is you don't tell him anything you don't want to. And you don't let him manipulate you into tell him stuff just because he wants to know. Your past is your past, what and how much you share is up to you.

 

I think his you should think hard about what his insecurities really say about him. I don't think he is the great man he has led you to believe either.

[Lonely Ronin]

 

(I have the feeling you started dating him because you where tired of dating and getting hurt by the 'jerks' you normally date. but I might be wrong)

 

spoken exactly like a guy who has read to much PUA BS.

[Drseussgrrl]

If not for these pictures, your past would be none of his business.

 

In my opinion it still isn't. What's he gonna make you do, wear a scarlet letter around with your history on display? He's punishing you for something that happened a long time ago. Unfortunately a picture speaks a thousand words and I'm sure he's got mental movies going round his head of what happened during these "shoots".

 

For the record - what are his friends doing getting all up in your business? That's just crazy.

[luvhim]

To Thewholigan: Yes, I probably thought he was going to think less of me and I wanted to go long term (maybe get married) and maybe I figured he wouldn't like my past (which now I know he doesn't like and he dosesn't even know all of it)

[FitChick]

He is acting like a husband who found out his wife was cheating and now wants to know all the dirty details to play over and over again in his mind. Nothing good can come of it.

 

Suggest couples therapy or, if he isn't willing, dump him. You obviously are very attractive and will have no problem finding someone better. Some men would atually be turned on to find out you did naughty photos!

[Lonely Ronin]

To Thewholigan: Yes, I probably thought he was going to think less of me and I wanted to go long term (maybe get married) and maybe I figured he wouldn't like my past (which now I know he doesn't like and he dosesn't even know all of it)

 

yes but the reason he doesn't like it is important. it's not that you didn't do it, it's that you didn't do it with him. This is all about his insecurities and ego.

[tbf]

To Thewholigan: Yes, I probably thought he was going to think less of me and I wanted to go long term (maybe get married) and maybe I figured he wouldn't like my past (which now I know he doesn't like and he dosesn't even know all of it)

Just be honest with him. Stop the deception and manipulation.

[animalover]

I actually had some doubts about the sincerity of the girl I am dating at the moment and I mention those in this forum not long ago.... it is funny that many of the women who actually had a big problem with me either asking about the past or not trusting this girl are the ones who suggest here to be dishonest or to keep hiding things from the OP's boyfriend...

 

OP, your biggest problem will be if you are not totally honest with this guy. It looks like he actually have some feelings for you and is trying to walk through this situation with you but if you keep being dishonest this relationship has no opportunity to survive... is just unhealthy!

 

I can very well relate to the feeling this guy has at the moment, how would you like to know that your boyfriend did things or had a side with other girls that he never wanted to do with you or show to you? Is very sad! I hope you guys can work it out, you are lucky with him, I would not be that understanding!

[aed]

To Thewholigan: Yes, I probably thought he was going to think less of me and I wanted to go long term (maybe get married) and maybe I figured he wouldn't like my past (which now I know he doesn't like and he dosesn't even know all of it)

 

Or doesn't he like the fact you lied to him and make him think you are not that kind of girl?

 

When he is proposing some fantasies you where not willing to do with him, because you want him to see you as 'wife material'. DO you really think he is that conservative as you say?