SARose61 Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 For the folks out there that are truly in love, happily married, I have some questions. How do you know it is really love and not just a feeling of being comfortable in a marriage? What proves true love? Does there have to be romance for true love to exist? When the mushy feelings start to disappear has love faded? I've been down this marriage/love road more than once and just when I thought I had really found it, something has shattered it and now I'm not so sure. Rose Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I can understand how you feel. Sometimes our marraiges hit a routine and become mondain. Then something happens that either causes problems or you rediscover what made you fall in love with the person all over again. For me, I think what proves that we love each other is that we couldn't imagine life without each other. If anything where to ever happen to my wife, I don't think I'd be able to carry on. I would be sooooo devistated and alone without her that I wouldn't know what to do next. Call it a dependancy if you want.....but to me it's just unthinkable that we be apart from each other. For us, the mushy stuff still hasn't wore off....(Been married 16 almost 17 years), we still make our kids tell us to, "Oh Goshhh, get a room you guys".....I think what has helped us to maintain these feelings is in the book, "The five love languages", do a search on that book and you'll learn what'll take to get those feelings back. Good luck, Moose Link to post Share on other sites
sonador_hermosa Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 i think sometimes it is easy for even the most loving of couples to fall into a routine. i do believe that there is still love without romance, but it's definitely not as fun! that love needs to be nurtured. i see old couples walking together and i can see in their eyes that they are definitely still in love with each other. i see other old couples who look like they either don't care or downright hate each other. i believe that it is always good to maintain the friendship you have with your spouse. do things together, spend time together doing fun stuff, keep it going. it's definitely worth it in the long run. me and my fiance try to do something together every day to help us connect, even if it's just playing checkers or just getting up a little early so we can have extra time to talk and cuddle on the couch before we have to go to work. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Love is a verb. It's something people do, not just feel. If you find yourself doing things for the other that you wouldn't normally, that's loving. at least in my book. Have a bunny mA Link to post Share on other sites
sonador_hermosa Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 i forgot to answer all of your questions...i think the proof of true love is in your partner's eyes. when you look into their eyes, do you really feel their soul? do you feel like they are essentially your other half? do you feel like your partner really knows YOU and lets you really BE yourself? does a partner not just tell you they love you, but also DO things to SHOW their love? even if it's just something simple like giving you a hug when you're stressed out or bringing you a glass of water? i believe that's what makes love TRUE. i already answered the mushyness question i think...but that's Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Originally posted by Moose I think what has helped us to maintain these feelings is in the book, "The five love languages", do a search on that book and you'll learn what'll take to get those feelings back. Great book! What's your love language? -DA Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 DA, Mine happens to be words of affirmation.........my wife's is gifts. What's yours? Link to post Share on other sites
pixie2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 lalalalalalalala if you wanna know if he loves you so - it's in his kiss that's where it is... in his kiss.... lalalalalalalala Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 Moose, Mine is also words of affirmation. -DA Link to post Share on other sites
Silver Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 ughh "it's in his kiss" I get 1-2 (sometimes 3 if I'm lucky) kisses a day. #1 is in the morning before he leaves for work #2 is after work, and #3 is sometimes before going to sleep. Each of these kisses is a quick peck, sometimes on the lips sometimes on the cheek. No passionate kissing, no feeling. Going to bed, 98% of the time, there is no "good night, no sleep well, no pleasant dreams, no I love you, etc". Even in lovemaking, sadly there is no kissing. (I miss that part of it so much, I love to kiss, I don't mean just the tounge kinda kissing, I mean just the general kisses all over, you know what I mean, the warm, feeling loved emtions inside, the happiness) I do miss the days we used to kiss (I pray for the day when we can kiss like this again), I mean really kiss and you could feel the warmth, feel the passion and love exploding. Now there is no feeling, it's a kiss like you give your parents, or your child. There is no hugging. I'm feeling a little down. After 11 years, are we just in it for the habit of things? The routine? *sighs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author SARose61 Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 Silver, I know exactly what you are saying, Silver. I get 3 kisses a day also. One in the morning when he drops me off for work. One when he picks me up. and then one when he leaves for work at night <heavy sigh>. How predictable is that. Sometimes there isn't even any real kissing when we do the wild thing. In fact I wouldn't even call it wild anymore...lol. We've been married for 7 years. I tell myself well at least you are getting something on a routine basis and you dont have to work at it anymore...lol. I dont crave it that often, honestly for the most part I could take it or leave it. I know part of it is my hormone levels, but another part is that it is so darn predictable and lacking of true passion. I usually give in about once a week for his sake...lol. I have tried asking him and we have had honest talks about what is missing. The huging, holding hands, kissing etc. But it seems like when we try, it almost becomes comical because we know it is forced. Maybe it's just suppose to be this way. Rose Link to post Share on other sites
binturong Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 My fiance and I have been together for 6 years now. We also do the routine kisses...when I leave for work, when he comes home from work, and when we go to bed. We don't always make out when we have sex, but it really doesn't bother me. We also don't hold hands when we go out or put our arms around each other when we walk. Of course, that doesn't mean there is no contact. If we're watching TV together, we hold hands, or I'll put my legs in his lap. When we go to bed everynight, we always start off spooning. There are lots of hugs all during the day. Are there other ways you guys show your love for each other? Maybe he goes to see movies he wouldn't see otherwise because you want to see them. Maybe you make him his favorite meal. I think it's more about the little things than the big shows when you get more settled in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SARose61 Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 Yes, I do think you have a point there. As the relationship changes there are other ways we show our love for each other that dont necessarily have anything to do with physical contact. Like the fact that we will both buy each other little snacks when we go to the store. He will make these cute little faces at me when we are driving somewhere. Especially when I start complaining about his road rage,and it will just make me melt when he does that. It's the little things that do keep you going. Gotta look really deep to remember that sometimes. Thanks for the reminder Rose Link to post Share on other sites
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