wahine Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 So I want to adopt children someday. I have my own reasons for this, but my question is- how hard is it going to be for me to find a SO who actually wants to adopt, instead of fathering their biological children? Every guy I've ever talked to about this (guys I've dated, my guy friends, etc.) has given me an unfavorable response regarding the prospect. Either they don't want children at all, or they want their biological offspring. They'll only adopt if they have to, or if it's what their wife/SO really wants. None of them have just flat out wanted it as their first option, and that worries me Link to post Share on other sites
sLiPpeTh Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I know of a couple that fostered, then adopted children. They're divorsed now by her choice and he's got primary responsibility for the adopted children. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladybugz Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Adopting kids is not so easy. In any kind of way. Some people think thats easy and you just go get some kids that you did not suffer for. But those kids have a extra baggage. And they have been separated from the mst important person in their life. They will get in a certain way when they start seeing the differences between you and them. And often they have a lot of problems finding themselves. ANd especially when white people adopt kids, from a different cultures they dont put any attention on the kids background or teach the kid something about his background. So i think its a huge responsibility. Not just you fulfilling your child wish. One of the reasons a men look for a woman is to have kids with. Often when they have a problem making kids, they may go for adopting kids. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Agree with what the others said. The desire to continue the blood line/DNA is strong. Another option for you, depending on your age, is to consider a divorced man who has already had kids of his own. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I have an ex who adopted two children, one internationally (easier) and one local. I have two of my own (biological), but even if I didn't, I have strong, positive feelings about adopting, so it would not have prevented me from dating her. I think that I am clearly not typical in that sense. I think that it will be extremely difficult for my ex to find a man that would be interested in dating her. Not only because she has two adopted children, but also b/c they are both very young, under the age of 8. And my ex is in her 40s. How old are you btw? There's always a chance that you would find someone who is willing to date you, have a ltr and be willing to adopt. Are you willing to have at least 1 child biologically? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wahine Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 ANd especially when white people adopt kids, from a different cultures they dont put any attention on the kids background or teach the kid something about his background. So i think its a huge responsibility. Not just you fulfilling your child wish. One of the reasons a men look for a woman is to have kids with. Often when they have a problem making kids, they may go for adopting kids. Thank you for the feedback, but I do think it is a bit insensitive for you to assume that I'm just fulfilling some selfish child wish. I have an adopted cousin who is not of the same ethnicity as my biological family, and his parents have done nothing to stifle his biological-cultural background, but actually helped him understand everything about who he is and where he comes from from the beginning, and that would be my intention as well. And yes, I'm white. Although as I mentioned, the male in the equation (in this case, my uncle) seemed to have no other option, as my aunt was/is infertile. Even in this loving and nurturing example, the initial intention was to try for their own biological child first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wahine Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 I have an ex who adopted two children, one internationally (easier) and one local. I have two of my own (biological), but even if I didn't, I have strong, positive feelings about adopting, so it would not have prevented me from dating her. I think that I am clearly not typical in that sense. I think that it will be extremely difficult for my ex to find a man that would be interested in dating her. Not only because she has two adopted children, but also b/c they are both very young, under the age of 8. And my ex is in her 40s. How old are you btw? There's always a chance that you would find someone who is willing to date you, have a ltr and be willing to adopt. Are you willing to have at least 1 child biologically? I would agree that you are not typical, and I applaud you for being so. I am 22, and I don't think I'd be opposed to having at least one biological child, but I feel like that would always be a point of insecurity for the adopted child, as I intend to let them know that they are adopted as soon as I see they are old enough to handle it. For example, if I ever have to interfere with a fight they're having amongst themselves and point out that the biological son/daughter is "right", I imagine the adopted child always either consciously or subconsciously resorting to feeling that I'm taking the other's side because they're my "real" son/daughter, even though that would not be the case. Link to post Share on other sites
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