Patty Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Last week,I found out that my guy has 3 jobs. And the only days he had was Tues and Wed off.Well today is a good day for me to go up. The problem is,my mother will not allow me to see him without his family there.So the plan I had was to go to the shopping mall in a cab and tell my mother I'm going shopping for awhile.Then I was going to call a taxi from the shopping mall to go to his families apartment.I wasnt going to tell my mother that part.The thing is,I feel guilty for not telling her about that part and I worry she might get suspicious.She figures things out,that is what scares me.Should I call his place to make sure the family is there? I just worry what I should do cause of my mother. Even my therapist told me to live like an adult and have the freedom that most adults do,I have to take risks as my mother getting mad at me.Or the other choice is he told me that I could just go over when his family is there.I dont know what to do.I just wish I had more options. I am going to live on my own soon.Living here,is like I'm in a locked up prison cell and can only see people when its ok for my mother.Its stressful.If I live on my own then I can have freedom.I'm real depressed living here.I dont think my mother realizes how depressing it is. The thing is I'm 32 and I feel its ok fo me to live like an adult.Even my therapist thinks she doesnt accept the fact that I'm adult now. How can I get to his place without her knowing or getting suspicious? I need help with this. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 How can I get to his place without her knowing or getting suspicious? I need help with this. As long as you refrain from standing up to your mother she's going to continue treating you like a child. You need to set the ground rules for her and be adamant about your position as an adult. Be prepared for her to tell you to move out on your own though once you do stand up for yourself. And honestly, at 32 years old, you should have left the house already. You are an adult. Act like one and support yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Patty, you should tell your Mother you're going to see him. She will get angry yes but hon you need to be honest with her. You are an adult and as long as your therapist says it's OK to see this guy, you really should if you want to. Better yet don't tell her at all. If your "guy" has 3 jobs and doesn't have very much time to see you and you really want to see him you should go and see him when you have the chance. If he has asked you to go to his apartment with his family there maybe you should do that instead but if you would rather be alone with him then go and just don't tell your Mother. She can't KNOW for sure, she can suspect but you can deny it. If this guy wants to be with you and you want to be with him you should not let your Mother ruin your chance of having a relationship with him by telling you not to see him. Also is your guy also 32 years old or younger/older than you? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 get him to meet you someplace neutral, like the mall. That way you don't feel like you're lying to your family but you're still able to see him. Not only that, meeting him someplace gives you the option of doing things together -- doesn't have to be an expensive date, but the fact that you spent time together looking at puppies at the pet store or eating ice cream while watching little kids during their ice skating lessons. Believe me, that kind of date will lessen any feelings of guilt your parents might try to make you feel because you weren't in a situation that was uncomfortable for them to think about. And it also helps you build up trust with them. good luck, and have fun when you see him, patty! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patty Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 My guy is 24. What will I do if my mother calls his place? This is another thing that could happen.She could call asking if Im there then she could catch me.Part of me is willing to take the chance and the other part of me is feeling guily and I feel like a sneak.Im really scared she will find out. Thanks for everyones help.I will take the advice I got and just go up,considering he has 3 jobs as it is. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 If your Mother calls tell them to please not answer the phone that way she thinks no one is home or they can tell her "no she isn't here sorry" If you can't find it in your heart to lie to your Mother I say just go and then when you get home you can tell her you went to see him. One more question (please answer and don't get offended) Do you think your Mother may be worried that it can't work out for you two because of the age difference? He is 8 years younger than you and maybe you're Mother thinks he's using you or maybe just isn't right for you?? This is NOT my opinion I'm just asking if you have considered this as a reason why she's against you dating him? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Patty, go with your gut. You know it's wrong. We don't all know the full story. You are living with your mom for a reason, right? You're 32 and I'm assuming incapable of living by yourself? I have no idea, fill me in here. If you have any type of disorder/disability/obligation for why you are still living at home, then you should definitely abide by the rules. Don't be a rebel, Patty. If you are old enough/mature enough/responsible enough to live by yourself, then DO IT! But while living under your mother's roof, you should respect her wishes and live 'under her rules' as well. You can make your own decisions when you make the house payment. That takes responsibility. Your own responsibility turns into your own freedom. Good luck Patty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patty Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 I dont think age is the main reason my mother is so against me dating him.I think shes real scared of him getting me pregnant.That is all she worries about when ever I have a discussion about this with her. I do have a small learning disabilty.Its nothing that can prevent me from living on my own.I do have a therapist and some services that might be able to help me. Im real depressed and need to get out and live on my own.I like my mother,dont get me wrong.I dont like her when she tries controlling me.I want to have my freedom.Im real depressed living with her cause Im very limited from having fun. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I can see her point about not wanting you to get pregnant from someone you don't know very well. But now I have a question...would you want to have a baby with this guy? Is that something you've thought about? Would you be able to take care of a child and yourself on your own even with your slight disability? Or if you don't want or can't take care of a child on your own (because there is no guarantee your guy will stick around if you get pregnant) you should consider giving him condoms to wear. That will take care of both of the STD and pregnancy issues. Link to post Share on other sites
kipur Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 I am sure your mother has her reasons. Listen to her!! Does your boyfriend have a disablity also? Link to post Share on other sites
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