Naive Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 So here goes my problem: Some of you might have read prior posts from me on here or maybe not. Well I have been doing well these past few months that I have not been with MM. I do admit that there are days that I miss him more than others and I just want to pick up the phone if only to hear his voice for a couple of minutes, but I don't! So here is what brings me back to LS, this upcoming Saturday my family is having a BIG party in honor of my cousin's 15th Birthday (Sweet 15/Quinciañera). I am sure that he's going to be there because his brother is married to one of our cousins. I am very nervous. What happens if he goes with his wife? Will I feel sad? angry? nervous? Why should I if I left him? What happens if he goes by himself? Will he try to talk to me? What if he ignores me? Will I feel the same way for him? The worst part of it all is that, as hard and embarrassing as it is to admit this, if he does not show up I will be more devastated than anything! I actually want him to go. Why do I want to see him? I thought I had already accepted the fact that he is out of my life now! I try to put up an act as if I could care less if does go or does not, but deep down inside I'm dying to see him again! It will be a major let down if he's not there. What do I do if he does go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 I really do not want to go back to what my life was when I was with him because I suffered A LOT! Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 that's a real hard situation and i understand how you feel completely. my own problem is that my ex and i have many mutual friends. i know that feeling of being afraid to see him and fearing that i won't. stay strong because you deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
Touch_of_Naughtiness Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Act like he's not even there! I'm sure you don't want to fall back into the same routine! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted August 25, 2004 Author Share Posted August 25, 2004 I don't know if I can have the will-power to have him in front of me and not grab him and kiss him! Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 I don't know if I can have the will-power to have him in front of me and not grab him and kiss him! yes, you do. you are stronger than you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 OK so I made up my mind that if he's not there I am not going to let it get to me and if he does show up I cannot let it affect me. I hope that it goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 Can't remember why we fell apart From something that was so meant to be Forever was the promise in our hearts Now more and more I wonder where you are Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever wake up reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind, anytime I miss you Still have your picture in a frame Hear your footsteps throughout the hall I swear I hear your voice driving me insane How I wish that you would come to say Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever wake up reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind, anytime I miss you, I miss you, I miss you One more, loneliness and heartache One more, crying myself to sleep One more, wondering about tomorrow Won't you come back to me, come back to me Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever wake up reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind, anytime I miss you Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever wake up reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind, anytime I miss you, I miss you, I miss you,I miss you This song by Brian McKnight describes exactly how I am feeling at this time Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Wow, that's some powerful words in a song! You are alot stronger than you think you are! So don't worry... Doubt you're going to grab and kiss him. Especially with everyone there, let alone his wife! Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Touch_of_Naughtiness Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 That's a beautiful song. I know that it's hard to live without the person you love, but if you decided not to be in that relationship anymore it's for a reason, right? For your sake I hope he does not show up even though you want him to. If he's not there maybe all these thoughts will just pass you by and you'll be on the right track that it seems you were on already to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted August 31, 2004 Author Share Posted August 31, 2004 Oh this is just too emotionally draining! I saw MM on Saturday and it was too much for me to handle! At first he just went to drop off his mom and grandmother and I happen to see him while I went outside to my car. I made it seem like I did not see him, but I SAW HIM! When I got back I thought he was going to be there, but he wasn't and I have to admit I was so disappointed Someone told me he did not want to be at the party. I got so sad that I called him to his cell and left him a message telling him that I still care and to call me if he wanted to. Dumb! Dumb! Dumb! Later on his brother, who was at the party, came over to talk to me and see how have I been. When he was going to another table he told me, "don't worry my brother is going to come soon". That made me so happy Well, when MM finally got there he kept avoiding me and going out of his way to avoid me. I felt bad, but I knew he had his reasons. When the party ended I went to go get my car and one of our mutual friend's walked me to the car while I was walking we passed right next to him and I felt his gaze on me. I turned and looked at him, I thought he was going to turn around quickly but he held his gaze. I smiled lightly at him and he looked sad after some time I HAD to turn, I could not hold in the tears. I felt something coming from him, but I don't know what it was. When I got home I called him and he sounded surprised. I asked him what he felt for me and he just said that he rather not say because it's not going to change anything. He told me he wanted to see me, but that he was going to call me, but I still have not received a phone call from him. I don't know if he'll call and now I'm just more in love with him Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 you made a mistake and now you are hurting all over again. you need to put space and distance between you again and contact is only gonna make things harder on you. don't beat yourself up for making the mistake - we all make mistakes. but that doesn't mean you can't get yourself back on track. you're a smart girl and you deserve better than wasting any more time on a relationship you know will only be heartache. chin up, hon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted August 31, 2004 Author Share Posted August 31, 2004 You're right. I hate to have to start this whole process AGAIN because God knows it's not easy! I realize that I love him more than I wanted to admit and it hurts to not have him in my life, but everything happens for a reason Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 He called me yesterday and I am sooooooooooo HAPPY I don't know if to call him or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 SO even knowing he's married (I'm assuming you know his wife) yet you still want to resume a relationship with him? You want to settle for being #2 instead of finding and falling in love with someone you don't have to share? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 I would not say I want to resume the relationship we had, but I do want to talk to him. He is a wonderful man and the circumstances are just wrong. I left him because my dad did not approve of our relationship when we were young and after some years he looked for me. I feel that our love is still there, but we just can't be together anymore that does not mean I can't talk to him, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 I would not say I want to resume the relationship we had, but I do want to talk to him. He is a wonderful man and the circumstances are just wrong. I left him because my dad did not approve of our relationship when we were young and after some years he looked for me. I feel that our love is still there, but we just can't be together anymore that does not mean I can't talk to him, right? May I ask (if you don't mind) why you father didn't approve? Was he too old for you or..? I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to him if you only have the intentions of being casual and friendly but since you said it yourself I feel that our love is still there, I think it will be really hard for you not to attempt to pursue a relationship with him. I'm not accusing nor saying for sure but it only seems logical that if you are in love with him and are in contact with him...the feelings will continue, maybe grow stronger. You know he isn't going to bring his wife around you therefor that leaves room for you two be alone....what naturally comes next??? Well you know already...only you can choose what to do but I think it would be much harder to be around him and keep my hands off him (if you plan to do so) knowing he's married I think it would be easier to stay away all together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 My dad did not agree on us being together because he's from another country. As my dad would put it, "he can't offer you anything". I've always had upmost respect for my father and he was really making it an issue to the point of kicking me out of the house. We were young, he was 21 and I was 18, so there was no fighting it. 'Til this day I regret letting my dad make that decision for me, but what's done is done You're right when you say that if there is still love it will be harder for us to just "talk" but after seeing him at the party it has only made me think about him more. I thought I was doing ok until I saw him. It's just a big mess. He told me he wants to talk to me in person so I can tell him exactly what happened this last time I left him. Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 I can understand completely the unresolved emotions...my only advice for ya then since I'm sure you really want to see him. If you two decide to takes things further than just being casual friends...make sure he and you are honest with his wife. If he still has feelings for you too then she doesn't deserve to be hurt. (Neither did you back then either). Couldn't offer you anything? I could see where you father was coming from but the heart doesn't care about any of that obviously. It takes two to make a life together working and all so even if he was from a different country it isn't much harder than being from here having to bust your butt to makes ends meet. Unless of course he was illegal like from mexico or something and your dad was afraid he wouldn't be able to get a good job, needed his papers, ect. (My mom came over from Mexico as well) but I was born here and she was none too happy when I begin dating my guy from Mexico (he's illegal obviously) I don't care about any of that we do the best we can. Anyway I'm all off topic, sorry! Clearly you still care about this guy and I know you can't control how you feel, all you can control is the choices the two of you make when you're together. Nothing "Just happens" so I wish you the best of luck and if it's meant to be, who knows...in the end it might work out in your favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 MM just called me to work and said that he was outside. At first I did not believe him. So I said, "really? so how are you?" He asked meif I was going to go down and I said no. I don't know if it was because I was scared of what I might do or what the h*ll was it! He seemed upset and said, "ok, I'll call you later". Now I feel bad and I wish I would have said ok, but for some reason I couldn't! Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 But do you not feel better knowing you did the right thing? You said it yourself you may have been scared of what you might have done. I say "good for you" you were stronger than the temptation...I'm sure it's hard (it always appears to be) but I think you're a better person for not "giving in" and going down to see him since you know he's a "MM" Even if you're feeling sad now I say you made the right choice..JMHO of course! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 I wish that I could feel good, but it's eating me up inside that I did not go down stairs. I am doing all I can to not call him. I wish that I would not be in this situation I would be so much happy if he would have never come into my life Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 it's eating me up inside Take your mind off of it. Think of something different. Like little bunny orgies or something. You made the right move by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Okay so no judgements or "preaching" here on my part I promise.. Are you entertaining the thoughts of an "affair" with him? Is it something you've considered and would be willing to do? Since I'm not extremely familiar with your situation (except this thread) please don't think I'm "dumb" for asking...I'm curious.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 Originally posted by tikibrandy Take your mind off of it. Think of something different. Like little bunny orgies or something. Thanks for that you brought a smile to my face. That's why I love coming on here Link to post Share on other sites
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