eleanorrigby Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Please read realist3's comments. He said, as all would know, once I prove the girl is my daughter and the birth certificate is changed, then and only then, I will have the legal right to have full or partial custody of my daughter. The courts will decide. Of course I'm going on a hypothetical scenario here. But at the very least, I'll get full or partial custody even if I'm on my own. I'm not interested in what realist has to say. You mentioned adoption as an option, that's different from visitation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Yep. And he's such a great father to this daughter. Waving to her as he drives past her house in the car. He wanted to be a father so badly that he went out and screwed his assistant. There is no much logical or rational thought process to anything he's done over these 5 years. This child is just a casualty to his crappy decisions. Brian doesn't seem to care too much about anyone in his life (apparently) except for this child. So why do all of his "options" include screwing the child up even more than she would be? I guarantee this poor girl winds up in therapy. In theory you are probably correct. I don't know if you have any children but I would be willing to wager that my daughter, up to this point in time, is at least as happy as any other child I've seen or heard of. Seeing is believing. Come on by and see for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 I'm not interested in what realist has to say. You mentioned adoption as an option, that's different from visitation. That was 4 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 That was 4 years ago. SO what? You just mentioned your legal right to have full or partial custody? Would you actually go for full custody? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 SO what? You just mentioned your legal right to have full or partial custody? Would you actually go for full custody? Of course I would go for full custody. If the courts hear both sides and decide I deserve full custody, then that's what I'll take. But at least I'll get partial, which is much better than what I have right now. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Of course I would go for full custody. If the courts hear both sides and decide I deserve full custody, then that's what I'll take. But at least I'll get partial, which is much better than what I have right now. Why would you take this little girl from her mom? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Why would you take this little girl from her mom? I'm not trying to take her from her mom. On the contrary. If I'm not going to be living with her mother then I would like my time with her also, as any parent would. I'm not about to abandon my daughter! Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I'm not trying to take her from her mom. On the contrary. If I'm not going to be living with her mother then I would like my time with her also, as any parent would. I'm not about to abandon my daughter! But if you go to court and ask for full custody, and get it, you are taking the girl from her mother. And it's possible you would get full custody, you have money to fight in court and hire bulldog lawyers. Your OW does not. She could very well end up losing that child to you. I get the feeling you are not interested in full custody unless your wife comes on board. Am I wrong? Would you go for full custody as a single parent? Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Brian, I have been following your thread on and off because I wasn't sure what advice I could offer, but now I have some sugestions. First, it's good that you are acknowledging that this was not handled well and you are now taking steps to rectify the situation. It's done and there is nothing you can do to change the past so put that aside for now and focus on what you need to do to fix it. It sounds like you are starting to roll out a plan to bring this out in the open so healing can finally begin. In this situation, the truth will set you and everyone else involved free. The paternity test is a good first step. Once you know she is your daughter proceed from there. It may not be easy at first, but I am positive that you will be relieved that it's all out in the open and everyone can begin to make choices that are right for them and everyone involved. It will also give you a solid ground on which you can begin building a healthy and strong foundation. Stop focusing on the "what if's" because there is no way you can answer those questions until you know for certain that she is your daughter. It will only be a huge waste of energy that takes your focus off the steps you need to follow right now. Take it one step at a time and stop beating yourself up over what's in the past. It happened and now all you can do is focus on leading yourself out of this half life into one that is authentic and real. I hope this helps some. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Brian, it seems you are trying to let the OW believe that by going through with the paternity test and birth certificate change, that you might leave your wife and have another child with her. But what if she suspects what you are really up to, trying to secure these changes, and then see if you could stay with your wife or not? If she suspects, she is unlikely to cooperate. Then will you come clean with your wife or try to secretly pursue legal channels to get a paternity test done? Seems unlikely that your wife would not find out, from OW or someone else. Or do you think you can fool the OW long enough to get all of this done? You do seem pretty good at deception. You've got your wife, OW, daughter, and your town all fooled for now. Don't count on it staying that way though. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Brian Why do you feel your wife might consider this? Your wife must be an angel in your eyes. I hope you plan on telling her everything.I would not be mad at the child but I would feel so betrayed I wouldnt want anything to do with my husband. This thing you have done is not little. Its huge you maybe should expect the worse before the better. Also did you say your wife figured she was forty something and that had something to do with not going further with children. Some woman come to terms with no chidren because they dont want to raise children after a certain age. How well do you really know your wive and Have you treated her differant since OW? Maybe she has waited to find out all the facts and if her feelings are right she could have a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) Please read realist3's comments. He said, as all would know, once I prove the girl is my daughter and the birth certificate is changed, then and only then, I will have the legal right to have full or partial custody of my daughter. The courts will decide. Of course I'm going on a hypothetical scenario here. But at the very least, I'll get full or partial custody even if I'm on my own. You're right, the courts will decide and you will most likely lose any chance at the most basic unsupervised visitation, forget custody. The judge will look at the fact that you've been at best a "drive-by" parent, have hidden her away, that most of your interaction in her short three years have been through phone calls. The judge wont care of her conception and the fact that you cheated on your wife, but he/she will most certainly care and be interested in what's been happening since her birth. Because see, unlike you, the judge will put your daughters best interest first. Not YOURS! If I were the mother of this child and you even mentioned that you were going for some sort custody, I would run for the hills, with the child of course and I'd make damn sure you never saw me or the child again. You've been perfectly content to live your lie for the 3 years since this child has been on the planet, you haven't made any effort to be a proper father to this baby. And I damn sure wouldn't want my child in the home with the wife of the man I'd been F'ing for years. You sir, are a piece of work. :sick: Edited February 11, 2013 by wisernow 4 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 It probably wouldn't take too long, maybe a few months. It really depends on how she gets along with your wife. Your wife will be the key. If she is into it 100% your daughter will find the transition pretty easy, especially at this young age. No - its not as simple as that - kids get scarred for life from twisted situations like this. It's just sickening! Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 You're right, the courts will decide and you will most likely lose any chance at the most basic unsupervised visitation, forget custody. The judge will look at the fact that you've been at best a "drive-by" parent, have hidden her away, that most of your interaction in her short three years have been through phone calls. The judge wont care of her conception and the fact that you cheated on your wife, but he/she will most certainly care and be interested in what's been happening since her birth. Because see, unlike you, the judge will put your daughters best interest first. Not YOURS! If I were the mother of this child and you even mentioned that you were going for some sort custody, I would run for the hills, with the child of course and I'd make damn sure you never saw me or the child again. You've been perfectly content to live your lie for the 3 years since this child has been on the planet, you haven't made any effort to be a proper father to this baby. And I damn sure wouldn't want my child in the home with the wife of the man I'd been F'ing for years. You sir, are a piece of work. :sick: I disagree with all of this. Completely wrong. The judge will look at two factors. One, has he been financially responsible for his daughter? The answer is overwhelmingly yes. Two, has he shown an interest in being part of her life? The answer is yes. He will at worst get partial custody, and may get full custody if he can show that the mother is completly reliant on him for financial support or that she is an unfit mother. He will have custody of some sort without a doubt. I would suggest he work it out with the mother on amicable terms rather than a court battle. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 No - its not as simple as that - kids get scarred for life from twisted situations like this. It's just sickening! Oh please. Kids deal with divorce and joint custody all the time. A three year old will not be scarred for life from having her father in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I disagree with all of this. Completely wrong. The judge will look at two factors. One, has he been financially responsible for his daughter? The answer is overwhelmingly yes. Two, has he shown an interest in being part of her life? The answer is yes. He will at worst get partial custody, and may get full custody if he can show that the mother is completly reliant on him for financial support or that she is an unfit mother. He will have custody of some sort without a doubt. I would suggest he work it out with the mother on amicable terms rather than a court battle. Trust me, Realist. This is the area where my career lies. And it would be fitting that he would try to prove her "unfit," that would go over like a lead balloon (in court) after 3 years of his neglect. Judges see through that crap all day. Your last sentence is his best course of action, as that is likely the only way he will get any visitation. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Trust me, Realist. This is the area where my career lies. And it would be fitting that he would try to prove her "unfit," that would go over like a lead balloon (in court) after 3 years of his neglect. Judges see through that crap all day. Your last sentence is his best course of action, as that is likely the only way he will get any visitation. He will have partial custody no matter which avenue he chooses. I wasn't suggesting he try and show the mother is unfit, but he has expressed concerns about how she was taking care of the girl. If he wanted full custody though that is what he would have to prove. Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 He will have partial custody no matter which avenue he chooses. I wasn't suggesting he try and show the mother is unfit, but he has expressed concerns about how she was taking care of the girl. If he wanted full custody though that is what he would have to prove. Says you. My 30 year career says otherwise. But, you believe what you must, I have no desire to back and forth with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I disagree with all of this. Completely wrong. The judge will look at two factors. One, has he been financially responsible for his daughter? The answer is overwhelmingly yes. Two, has he shown an interest in being part of her life? The answer is yes. He will at worst get partial custody, and may get full custody if he can show that the mother is completly reliant on him for financial support or that she is an unfit mother. He will have custody of some sort without a doubt. I would suggest he work it out with the mother on amicable terms rather than a court battle. Finally, pure logic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Trust me, Realist. This is the area where my career lies. And it would be fitting that he would try to prove her "unfit," that would go over like a lead balloon (in court) after 3 years of his neglect. Judges see through that crap all day. Your last sentence is his best course of action, as that is likely the only way he will get any visitation. If that's where your career lies, wisernow, I sure wouldn't want to be your client. Your opinions are purely emotion driven. Most likely from your own personal experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 If that's where your career lies, wisernow, I sure wouldn't want to be your client. Your opinions are purely emotion driven. Most likely from your own personal experiences. Nope, not emotional at all. Just my professional opinion based on all you've said here with regards to your chances of custody. Now, I'll admit my thoughts about you and the way you've treated your child and wife are from an emotional point of view. But, you're not my client, and I"m glad for that. And my personal life has in no way ever resembled yours. Nice try. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Nope, not emotional at all. Just my professional opinion based on all you've said here with regards to your chances of custody. Now, I'll admit my thoughts about you and the way you've treated your child and wife are from an emotional point of view. But, you're not my client, and I"m glad for that. And my personal life has in no way ever resembled yours. Nice try. I didn't say your life resembled mine. I said your opinions and comments, which are emotionally stimulated are driven from your experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Says you. My 30 year career says otherwise. But, you believe what you must, I have no desire to back and forth with you. 30 year career in what capacity, as a judge or attorney? Your conclusions seem to be far too emotionally driven for that to be the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brian1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Well anyway, tomorrow is a big day for me and I hope there are no dramatic events. My girlfriend, who I still love and care about (contrary to popular belief) told me about two hours ago she is also excited about doing the test. We'll see tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I didn't say your life resembled mine. I said your opinions and comments, which are emotionally stimulated are driven from your experiences. Again, wrong. I've never been in a situation (experience) even remotely close to the life you've crafted. I do however, love and advocate for children and I have great empathy for the people who are lied and cheated on. I would like to have some empathy for you, but all you seem to talk about is YOU, and ways to make your life okay, everyone else, be damned. Link to post Share on other sites
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