Complicated affair

[Brian1]

After thinking about this thread for awhile, I actually think the endless evolution of the thread itself is ego-boosting for the OP. Centering attention on him, etc. I even suspect that some of his answers are orchestrated (either knowingly or unknowingly) to keep the thread going, because he knows the responses are going to irk people into continuing to reply.

 

So many people have said the same things over and over and over again, to no avail, and if he were really going to get it, he would have gotten it by now. Just my opinion.

 

We as humans know very well between right and wrong. Doing is where the hard part is. The bad side is always more tempting and desirable, short term. But the good side is the side we all want to be on, long term. The truth, true love and true happiness is always on the good side. But humans throughout our thousands of years of existence always have had great interest and fantasies about the bad, evil and mysterious side. Those who can resist that side, suffer quite a bit, but in the long term are the happiest and most fulfilled.

[Brian1]

crock of crap.

 

total crock of crap.

 

I know MANY great step dad's - including my own!

 

What a slap in the face of step parents everywhere.

 

Not a slap to the face. I realize that a high majority of step parents to a great service and are needed in many ways. But there are quite a few terrible step parents who do much more harm to their step children than if they never even entered the child's life. I see it often because my wife does a lot of volunteer work in that area. And we both have helped many children through the years find good homes when their parents have abandoned them or were incapable of raising them. Believe it or not.

[Brian1]

Money is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

I have plenty. I am not stingey with it, I have earned it myself from a time when I had very little.

 

People think money matters way more than it does. Once you have enough to cover your basic necessities, which is WAY less than people think it is, everything else is really just fluff.

 

Thinking that money matters is a big mistake, most people I know would pick a life of happiness over a life of wealth any day.

 

Happiness over wealth is a no brainer. Happiness is what we live for.

 

I know how it is to be poor and life with financial freedom. When I finished school at the age of 22, I had $18,000 in debt and not a single asset. I spent 10 years working hard (mostly intelligently, not physically) and sacrificing a great deal. Now I have way more money than I need. I spend at least 20% of my income on charitable causes, directly. I participate with my time also. I always lived by the saying, "I'm a very wealthy man. But not because of how much I have but by how little I need."

[Brian1]

Behave like your wife and just don't do anything. Pretend like you don't know she is seeing someone, that way you will still have your daughter when she grows up. There is no need to worry, your money and the new man's income and also the business you set up for her other family will go for the benifit of the love child. Be like Arnold. Good luck.

 

That's what I'm doing right now.

[ThatJustHappened]

That's a very big part of it.

 

So basically, you pay women to stay in your life instead of trying to cultivate an actual loving relationship. That is very sad. Maybe all your pompous bravado is hiding extremely low self esteem. You should mention that to your therapist.

[Brian1]

So basically, you pay women to stay in your life instead of trying to cultivate an actual loving relationship. That is very sad. Maybe all your pompous bravado is hiding extremely low self esteem. You should mention that to your therapist.

 

I do both in my relationships.

 

It's the duty of my therapist to mention to me if I am "hiding extremely low self esteem".

[ThatJustHappened]

I do both in my relationships.

 

It's the duty of my therapist to mention to me if I am "hiding extremely low self esteem".

 

I meant you should mention the fact that you pay women to stay with you. You also seem to see them as acquisitions rather than partners.

[Brian1]

I meant you should mention the fact that you pay women to stay with you. You also seem to see them as acquisitions rather than partners.

 

I take care of my loved ones the best I can. They are all my loved ones, not acquisitions.

[Brian1]

There are a great number of terrible biological parents who do much more harm to their own children than if they had never been in that child's life. What's your point?

 

You are correct about the biological parents. I was just making an observation.

[Brian1]

A similar observation that posters have made on a number of occassions about the biological parent of your daughter and the treatment she receives because she is forced to keep a secret of adults. Not necessarily the best of parenting practices.

 

All children go through different events throughout their childhood that affect them the rest of their lives. That is why so many adults are so screwed up.

[Brian1]

Yes...this is true. Not all parents force their children to lie and if they do at some point the child becomes and adult...hopefully maturing enough to get help when they know they have issues without passing on the crap they received to their own children. One would at least hope so.

 

I had a perfect childhood and perfect parents. My parents are still happily married after 57 years. So, I don't know what happened to me.

[mellow_yellow]

He agrees that it is very prudent, but to do it quickly (which I am).

 

"until the end of the year" is not quickly!

[mellow_yellow]

We as humans know very well between right and wrong. Doing is where the hard part is. The bad side is always more tempting and desirable, short term. But the good side is the side we all want to be on, long term. The truth, true love and true happiness is always on the good side. But humans throughout our thousands of years of existence always have had great interest and fantasies about the bad, evil and mysterious side. Those who can resist that side, suffer quite a bit, but in the long term are the happiest and most fulfilled.

 

I agree - if only now you took your own advice...

[2sunny]

Happiness over wealth is a no brainer. Happiness is what we live for.

 

I know how it is to be poor and life with financial freedom. When I finished school at the age of 22, I had $18,000 in debt and not a single asset. I spent 10 years working hard (mostly intelligently, not physically) and sacrificing a great deal. Now I have way more money than I need. I spend at least 20% of my income on charitable causes, directly. I participate with my time also. I always lived by the saying, "I'm a very wealthy man. But not because of how much I have but by how little I need."

 

That's a financial aspect - to which you think money gets you what you want... To the point of paying a woman who may have birthed your child.

 

But no amount of money can cover up the harm you have inflicted on three females - with all your lied and covering up.

 

Money can't buy a conscience or your truth.

 

If you intend to turn this around you must be honest.

 

Tell your wife today - the sooner you get honest - the sooner you can be free from all your lies.

 

Things will work out the way they are supposed to be when you get honest and allow others to make THEIR choices based on truth. Truth without buying them off with your money.

[ThatJustHappened]

I take care of my loved ones the best I can. They are all my loved ones, not acquisitions.

 

How do you care for them emotionally?

[Brian1]

There's the rub. If I do that, then unrepentant philanderers like yourself might just be all the support he gets.

 

-ol' 2long

 

That's just plain and simple not very nice, 2long.

[Brian1]

It's interesting that you chose a detached perspective 2 describe this, rather than use yourself as the example. Part of compartmentalizing it so it's not so bad, perhaps?

 

-ol' 2long

 

Perhaps...

[awkward]

Today would be a great day for you to become honest. Be honest with your wife and your OW.

[Brian1]

Well comparatively speaking I can see how he thinks it is. He's been in his relationship for over 5 years, so what's a few more months?

 

OP, I am pretty sure you think I'm being harsh. I just don't think you are being fair to anyone in this scenario. No matter who you pick someone is going to get hurt, a lot.

 

When you originally posted, I said that I could relate to your girlfriend, because she knows the situation, has been accepting of it, but there appear to be a lot of differences between she and I. That aside though, I think the reason I have gotten mildly frustrated with your situation is because you have this.. overly optimistic view that it's all just going to be ok.

 

It WILL be ok, eventually, because the things that don't kill us are eventually ok. I can't remember who said the quote that "Things are always ok in the end, and if they aren't, it isn't the end" but that's really true. People are resilient, but I think you might be minimizing the amount of time that is going to take and I see you pushing the ones in your life to just accept what it is you want.

 

You are selfish. I'm not being insulting to make digs or shots at you, I'm hoping you look at what I'm saying and realize the truth in it. I'm being very selfish with my own life choices too. It's not a great trait but when I faced that it really let me see everything much clearer. It let me see and accept what I really wanted, what I was willing to give up to have that and what really mattered to me.

 

I think that's something you need. The clarity to know what it is you even want. The flip flopping will destroy everyone even worse if you pull back and forth between them once they know.

 

Thanks for your insight. I'm taking everything into consideration. I like your quote, "Things are always ok in the end, and if they aren't, it isn't the end".

[Brian1]

You're doing it again. Minimizing the harm you yourself are causing 2 these people by generalizing "everybody does it."

 

Focus on your sitch and fix it. You certainly can't help the rest of the world before you fix your own corner of it.

 

-ol' 2long

 

I never said everybody does what I have done. There are very similar cases and perhaps some exactly the same but in no way shape or form am I saying what I have done is ok because "everybody does it."

[Brian1]

Ask THEM. Tell them your story, see if they can help.

 

-ol' 2long

 

Good point.

[Brian1]

That's a financial aspect - to which you think money gets you what you want... To the point of paying a woman who may have birthed your child.

 

But no amount of money can cover up the harm you have inflicted on three females - with all your lied and covering up.

 

Money can't buy a conscience or your truth.

 

If you intend to turn this around you must be honest.

 

Tell your wife today - the sooner you get honest - the sooner you can be free from all your lies.

 

Things will work out the way they are supposed to be when you get honest and allow others to make THEIR choices based on truth. Truth without buying them off with your money.

 

If you believe in karma, then you must believe in ying and yang. Which states, every single thing that exists or happens has a good and a bad side to it. I can honestly look at my big mess and see some very positive and good things that have come out of it, even up to this point.

[Brian1]

How do you care for them emotionally?

 

You'd have to ask them. But at least behind the walls of lies and deceit, they all seem to be emotionally content. The least of the 3 maybe is my girlfriend because she faces the most uncertainties.

[mellow_yellow]

I think the question was meant as: what do YOU do for them emotionally?

 

If they seem content emotionally, that doesn't automatically mean it's because of you. Your daughter, as an example, could be content because her mother cares for her emotionally - not necessarily because of you.

 

If your GF or your wife were given $5 million (ie enough never to have to worry about money again), do you think they'd still want to be with you?

[Brian1]

I think the question was meant as: what do YOU do for them emotionally?

 

If they seem content emotionally, that doesn't automatically mean it's because of you. Your daughter, as an example, could be content because her mother cares for her emotionally - not necessarily because of you.

 

If your GF or your wife were given $5 million (ie enough never to have to worry about money again), do you think they'd still want to be with you?

 

I'm know for sure my girlfriend would like to have a normal, stable relationship with me. And my wife believes she has a normal, stable relationship with me. If my girlfriend had $5 million, I don't think she would stay with me if I didn't decide to be with her exclusively.