Tony, Rachel - any advice

[ReallyReallyConfused]

Hi guys,

 

I posted a msg here the other week about the b/f who couldn't come to terms with the fact that i slept with a few people when i went on a holiday overseas, BEFORE i knew him.

 

Well, he broke up with me because he realised it was stupid be eating himself up over it for months and months and didn't want to upset me by bringing it up every couple of weeks and because of what his brother said.

 

I spoke to him the other day because i felt i needed closure to get on with my life. Well, here's the situation now:-

 

I asked him why he used to feel himself physically sick over it for. His reply, "the thought that my girlfriend had "been around" ". God, that cut me. He made me feel so cheap. I told him i don't think i did anything wrong, i just trod a path that wasn't the right one for me. he said, "YOU THINK YOU DID NOTHING WRONG??!!" i said, "that's right". Anyhow, he also said that he felt a huge relief when we split up, because he didn't feel depressed anymore. I don't get it, because i was nothing but good to him and didn't do a damn thing wrong in this relationship. He's also jumped into a rebound relationship a week after we split up and that's just made me feel like i wasn't quite good enough because i have a past. i told him that no matter who he's with, if he knows about their past, he's always going to wonder if they're telling the truth, and if they don't tell him, he's always going to wonder anyway.

 

I was getting mixed signals all throughout: "i'm not hung-up on you" vs "i still get upset when i think about you because we're not together anymore"...."i've moved on, i'm with someone else" vs "i think i'm with her to take my mind off you, i don't know". He also told me that if i meet somebody, not to jump into bed with them straight away. Jesus!!!!!! I asked him in his eyes if he felt i did anything wrong (i knew i didn't) and he told me that in the future, not to base a relationship on sex. i told him he is seriously warped if out of all the times i sent him lovey-dovey emails and letters, all the affection i showed him, all the times i told him how i feel, the little things i did and bought for him, he can think it was based on sex. I just don't get it.

 

When i told him not to stress about my past because it was only sex and i wasn't doing it for the thrill, he got the s***s and said i obviously hold sex in high regard. what a hypocrite!! he shagged a woman he didn't have feelings for and went back for 2nds and 3rds. i told him i hold it any very high regard, because i would rather make love anyday than just have sex.

 

he's just made me feel like total crap now. the whole "been around" comment is as though in his eyes, i'm used goods. it's weird to explain, because he used to treat me like a queen and with so much respect and now all of a sudden, it's like he's convinced himself i'm someone i'm not. he was cold when i was talking to him and just the comments he made were as though i don't deserve respect and that really cut me inside. he's attitude towards me has taken a complete turnaround. i don't why he's being like this. is he being cold because he's hurt because he couldn't deal with something he should have been able to, knows what he's lost in me, and in turn, pretending i'm someone i'm not helps him deal with it easier (because we were very close and very happy until it got to the point he couldn't put it out of his head). is he being disrespectful because it's easier for him? even if it is easier for him and it helps him get over me, i still feel like crap that in his eyes, i'm like "used goods".

 

We're not speaking to each other again now that we've split.

 

Any advice would be good because the more i think about how disrespectful and cold he was to me, i can't help but think about how fantastic he used to treat me, and i'm confused because i don't understand his sudden change of attitude towards me as a person. i never expected on my life that he would treat me like this, and i'm finding it very hard to accept and very hurful. i so desperately want to get him out of my head and i've been trying to remember the times i had crushes on people etc and how that made me feel, but i need some advice that will work fast!!!!

 

Thanks guys.

[ReallyReallyConfused]

...he also said that he knew things wouldn't work from the moment his brother called me that horrible name because of his family's reaction to it. so why tell me this and make me feel like i was strung along for 10 months believing everything to be great and then dump me? is it because he really wanted it to work but realised his immaturity was standing in the way?

 

he also said he still refuses to talk to his brother until he gets an apology from him for what he said about me, but he doesn't regret breaking up with me because he loved me.

 

how can someone who was so loving and attentive and would have done anything for me, be so cold and indifferent to me now and send so many mixed signals?????????????

 

I AM SO HURT AND CONFUSED BY ALL OF THIS!!!!!!

Hi guys, I posted a msg here the other week about the b/f who couldn't come to terms with the fact that i slept with a few people when i went on a holiday overseas, BEFORE i knew him. Well, he broke up with me because he realised it was stupid be eating himself up over it for months and months and didn't want to upset me by bringing it up every couple of weeks and because of what his brother said. I spoke to him the other day because i felt i needed closure to get on with my life. Well, here's the situation now:- I asked him why he used to feel himself physically sick over it for. His reply, "the thought that my girlfriend had "been around" ". God, that cut me. He made me feel so cheap. I told him i don't think i did anything wrong, i just trod a path that wasn't the right one for me. he said, "YOU THINK YOU DID NOTHING WRONG??!!" i said, "that's right". Anyhow, he also said that he felt a huge relief when we split up, because he didn't feel depressed anymore. I don't get it, because i was nothing but good to him and didn't do a damn thing wrong in this relationship. He's also jumped into a rebound relationship a week after we split up and that's just made me feel like i wasn't quite good enough because i have a past. i told him that no matter who he's with, if he knows about their past, he's always going to wonder if they're telling the truth, and if they don't tell him, he's always going to wonder anyway. I was getting mixed signals all throughout: "i'm not hung-up on you" vs "i still get upset when i think about you because we're not together anymore"...."i've moved on, i'm with someone else" vs "i think i'm with her to take my mind off you, i don't know". He also told me that if i meet somebody, not to jump into bed with them straight away. Jesus!!!!!! I asked him in his eyes if he felt i did anything wrong (i knew i didn't) and he told me that in the future, not to base a relationship on sex. i told him he is seriously warped if out of all the times i sent him lovey-dovey emails and letters, all the affection i showed him, all the times i told him how i feel, the little things i did and bought for him, he can think it was based on sex. I just don't get it. When i told him not to stress about my past because it was only sex and i wasn't doing it for the thrill, he got the s***s and said i obviously hold sex in high regard. what a hypocrite!! he shagged a woman he didn't have feelings for and went back for 2nds and 3rds. i told him i hold it any very high regard, because i would rather make love anyday than just have sex. he's just made me feel like total crap now. the whole "been around" comment is as though in his eyes, i'm used goods. it's weird to explain, because he used to treat me like a queen and with so much respect and now all of a sudden, it's like he's convinced himself i'm someone i'm not. he was cold when i was talking to him and just the comments he made were as though i don't deserve respect and that really cut me inside. he's attitude towards me has taken a complete turnaround. i don't why he's being like this. is he being cold because he's hurt because he couldn't deal with something he should have been able to, knows what he's lost in me, and in turn, pretending i'm someone i'm not helps him deal with it easier (because we were very close and very happy until it got to the point he couldn't put it out of his head). is he being disrespectful because it's easier for him? even if it is easier for him and it helps him get over me, i still feel like crap that in his eyes, i'm like "used goods". We're not speaking to each other again now that we've split. Any advice would be good because the more i think about how disrespectful and cold he was to me, i can't help but think about how fantastic he used to treat me, and i'm confused because i don't understand his sudden change of attitude towards me as a person. i never expected on my life that he would treat me like this, and i'm finding it very hard to accept and very hurful. i so desperately want to get him out of my head and i've been trying to remember the times i had crushes on people etc and how that made me feel, but i need some advice that will work fast!!!!

 

Thanks guys.

[Ed]

I don't know what this guy used to eat for breakfast, BUT NOW he is a scum-sucking lilly-livered slime-ball!

 

He has some major problems. It would be best if you totaly avoid him from now on. I would not respond to him on any level. He is a stranger and does not deserve even your acknowledgement that he exists. He has no right to talk to you and treat you the way he has. He is your basic immature male that needs about 40 more years of growing up to do. Even then he may not be worth having.

 

Aside from the fact that you have been tortured by this guy, you seem to be handling it pretty well. Damaged Goods, hardly.

 

There are plenty of men out there that will appreciate a woman like you. Just give it some time and don't take any more crap from boys.

[Fire]

I told him i don't think i did anything wrong, i just trod a path that wasn't the right one for me. he said, "YOU THINK YOU DID NOTHING WRONG??!!" i said, "that's right".

 

I told you before that the most important thing was how YOU thought of yourself, not him. He really sounds like a hypocrite and I wouldn't put it past me if he is also a biggot...really ignorant and not a man of the 21st century

 

and his way is double standard:

 

It's okay for him to have a quick rebound relationship, get involved with another woman, yet he is criticizing you for the very thing he is doing now, which is okay for him. THIS IS NOT OKAY!

is he being disrespectful because it's easier for him?

 

Of course because he can't deal with it any other way because he is too juvenile. People do this all the time.

 

i still

feel like crap that in his eyes, i'm like "used goods".

 

Well, that will pass eventually. It's not your problem if he can't be at ease with your sexuality. You are probably a very sensual woman, and he is not sophisticated enough to appreciate a woman like yourself. Let him have his own kind that he deserves. You belong to another class. Unfortunately you can't educate the ignorant.

 

i've been trying to remember the times i had

crushes on people etc and how that made me feel, but i need some advice that will work fast!!!!

Unfortunately, there is no quick fix for a wounded heart. Just live with the pain. Enjoy feeling miserable. Taste the bitter sweetness of your sorrow.. Wallow in your sorrow and explore the richness these emotions can have. Maybe you can tap into some creative activities like writing, painting, or some sports activities. Just go with the emotion and see where it takes you. Use this state of being in a postive way to discover more about yourself.

 

FIRE (formally Rachel)

[ReallyReallyConfused]

Hi Ed,

 

I think he eats Froot Loops for breakfast, and too many of them. Hardly surprising since he appears to have become one himself.

 

Your insight was spot on too - "don't take any crap from boys"...."immature male". I didn't even give away any ages, and you hit the nail on the head - he's 20.

 

But nevertheless, you're right - he has no right to talk and treat me the way he does. Sorry - DID!!! I honestly want nothing to do with him anymore, because if I did, I think the temptation to slap him the face would be too great, and I wouldn't want to lower myself to his levels.

 

Thanx for your helping hand, Ed

I don't know what this guy used to eat for breakfast, BUT NOW he is a scum-sucking lilly-livered slime-ball! He has some major problems. It would be best if you totaly avoid him from now on. I would not respond to him on any level. He is a stranger and does not deserve even your acknowledgement that he exists. He has no right to talk to you and treat you the way he has. He is your basic immature male that needs about 40 more years of growing up to do. Even then he may not be worth having. Aside from the fact that you have been tortured by this guy, you seem to be handling it pretty well. Damaged Goods, hardly. There are plenty of men out there that will appreciate a woman like you. Just give it some time and don't take any more crap from boys.