sarah436 Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 hi everyone, this is a really weird situation and I really have no idea how to handle it. About three year ago (I am 21 now) my neighbor across the street did something to me that was really inappropiate. I was helping him clean up after a BBQ and he tired to force me to give him a hand job. I was crying and we holding tight to my arm and threatening me saying that if I didn't he would tell his girlfriend I did and she would kick my as blah blah. After about 15 minutes he let me go and I have avoided him since. Yesterday when I pulled in my driveway after work he was calling to me from across the street, I remained walking up my driveway. He ran up behind me and kept saying I just want to apologize, I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I am so sorry about what happened that night. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.Can you forgive me? I am guessing this new revelation may have something to do with that fact that his girlfriend is pregnant with a baby girl but that's just a guess. I did not reply and just walked into my house. Here is my question should I continue to avoid this guy. I mean I have NO intention on having conversations with him and all that but if he waves should I wave back or should I just continue on hating his guts. I would like to try and let things go since it has bothered me for so long. I almost want to say fine you are forgiven so it will just be over but is that a stupid idea? Should I just go on as I have been or should I try to get over the whole thing and take his apology seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 i think you are right to have no contact with him. he might actually be sorry but i don't know if abusive people really change all that much. but he is not your friend and there is no reason to start being his friend now. you don't owe him anything and it seems like you're still uncomfortable with him (and hellooooooo, most women would be in the same situation). if you are still uncomfortable in his presence then why would you? you are not a bad person because you don't want to associate with someone that abused you in the past. he is lucky that you didn't report him. Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 double post - sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 I agree with Flowerpot. Although, there is a possibility he is serious, there is also the possibility he is just saying this so you will let down your guard and he can abuse you again. This is not a family member or someone that you have to have contact with, so don't. You might say something like, "I'm glad you are sorry." if he tries to apologize again, but I would continue to avoid him. Link to post Share on other sites
1moment Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Wow, I think you are in an amazing position. There are so many people who have been abused and have died for an apology from the person that abused them and it never comes. People bring their matters to court and often times these people don't get jail sentences, just community based sentences. Sometimes all people want is genuine remorse. It's whatever you are comfortable with....bottom line, how can you turn this situation around so it can HELP YOU not him! Do you think he deserves forgiveness? He obviously has remorse for what he did. So much so, he was willing to confront you. You could have taken the opportunity to kick his ***. (not recommended, by the way!) Would it help you to tell him how it effected you? I'm sure you have had that conversation in your head a few times. Maybe he has to listen to that before you feel he deserves any forgiveness? Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
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