lemondrops11 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 hey. was looking for some advice I guess. I broke up with my ex almost 8 months ago. I'm trying so hard to get over it and feel embarrassed to speak about it to people now since I feel too much time has passed and I was the dumper. I went out on the weekend, was having a great night and got speaking to a guy, we kissed (the first person I have since the break up). Straight away I got a horrid, horrid feeling in my stomach and just pictured my ex. I ran away from the guy after 60 seconds and felt sick for the rest of the night. It just hit how much I'm not over my ex and I cried when I got in thinking about him not being able to be in my life until the day I die and how much I miss him. I think about him all the time anyway but kissing another guy made me realise just how me not be over him is affecting my future relationships. I don't really know how to move on and can't imagine connecting to another like we did. I feel it would almost have been easier if he broke up with me as could I have rationalised it and thought 'he doesn't want me. There's nothing you can do. Find someone else'. But it's in my control, I can't stop how I feel. I haven't seen him since the day we broke up- we had some contact via email where he was begging for me to come back, I faked being neutral and we haven't spoken in a couple of months now. I blocked him on fbook. I don't know how to stop crying about him when I know my decision was for the best. I feel no one will understand or sympathise since it was me that decided to break up with him but I'm just hurting so much still & I can't see it improving Reasons for the break up btw- When I first met him we had an instant connection like nothing I'd ever felt, plus strong sexual chemistry. I couldn't see anything long term because he spent ALL his free time on video games, suffered suicidal thoughts, missed all his lectures, had never left the UK, did weed, smoked. But I couldn't help how happy I felt in his company & I went for it, ignoring my doubts. He was my first love. I experienced the happiest time of my life and we were getting closer and closer but the things I mentioned grew more frustrating and I knew would never change despite loving every moment we spent together. My doubts about the future never left though and so I forced myself to end it after 18 months before it got more serious. I literally LOVED his company though and we were so so close and he adored me. My heart and body wanted him more than anything but my head knew his habits aren't good for me/ a good role model if I had a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemondrops11 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Sensing that I won't get a reply to this, but would really appreciate any advice Link to post Share on other sites
Gingerxr2 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I think somebody posted this on anther thread , watch this it's will be painful but had helped me alot !! Keep your chin up honey , you'll be fine x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemondrops11 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 I think somebody posted this on anther thread , watch this it's will be painful but had helped me alot !! Keep your chin up honey , you'll be fine x Ah wow, that had me in tears! What a beautiful/sad video Link to post Share on other sites
Gingerxr2 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Yeah it's a very powerful video , showed where my relationship went wrong , you have to relate and learn and move on , or something like that , my relationship was very similar to yours , Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemondrops11 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Yeah it's a very powerful video , showed where my relationship went wrong , you have to relate and learn and move on , or something like that , my relationship was very similar to yours , what happened with your relationship if you don't mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
Krue Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 That video is amazing, it put things in perspective for me too. I feel similar to you OP, although I am the dumpee. It's been 3 months. I can't imagine anything else either, and it does hurt. She had similar reasons to you - she had moved out last year (with a friend who caused a lot of issues between us but that's another thing) and I was still studying and living at home (Still am). Lots of unfortunate things happened. I have changed since, and am on target for my life goals, but there is only so much you can do. She went out with me for 2.5 yrs and was that quick to drop me. She doesn't seem happy, kind of like you aren't? If you know this guy is a no-hoper, then, I think you do need to try and just put yourself out there a bit more and flirt with men (maybe don't kiss them straight up so you don't freak out?) you'll get there. Are you still in contact? What if he realizes what he had & lost due to his ways? I am hoping my ex will take me back but it's hard to want that when they do feel like a stranger as depicted in that video. When we broke up she said she wanted me in her life and valued me too much to lose me entirely - well, I speak to her once every few weeks-month now. Things change, and although I still do love her deep dwon, as I know she still has feelings for me, at the end of the day you can't always hold your thoughts on one person. (She's the only girl i've 'been with') Anyway I probably babbled on a bit, but, I hope you get what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Gingerxr2 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 what happened with your relationship if you don't mind me asking? Hi ya , read my thread how your ok today , Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Sorry you're going through that... People (especially the dumpees) seem to be convinced that if you do the dumping you simply feel you're better off and move on. It's not always the case. I've been on both sides in a relationship with a girl I loved deeply and neither was better (in fact having the control makes it hard to have conviction). In a relationship where youre very REAL with the other person, most of the pride & ego issues people on here are complaining about are null points. When broken up with, I never thought, "what's wrong with me ? am i good enough ? what did I do to drive her away ?" or any of that **** many on this website seem to. What I thought was "f*ck I'm losing my beautiful friend and lover, this f*cking hurts, how is this happening?" The first breakup of my last relationship, I ended it. I knew I was too young to have her be the last girl i was with, and she got to where she was nagging me a lot and i felt trapped. Still, breaking up with her was the hardest thing I've ever done, by a long shot. Felt like my world was ending. After a few weeks, still destroyed, I agreed to her "fwb" proposition, and of course over 6 months it progressed back into being a real relationship. Anyway, it was an issue of timing, and like for you, general compatibility. Like your ex, mine had tendencies, habits and aspects of herself that just weren't my style and didn't fit my image of "the girl for me". Yet our connection, bond, affection, friendship & sex were magical and beautifully unique. I know too well that feeling that things being over is truly "for the best", yet yearning for the person like you'll never feel quite whole again without them. It's f*cked. Link to post Share on other sites
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