Why take me ring shopping if your not even going to save up for it?

[kermy]

I am 24 and somehow became that girl lately when I wasn't looking. I have been with my boyfriend for 7.5 years which I know is a lot but we have spent most of it apart. We met in high school when he was a senior. We then went to different colleges 3 hours apart, we also spent the summers apart and one semester I went to Spain. So, although it has been a while it has gotten more seirous since I graduated college. He moved near the city to be with me and I was living with three roomates. During the end of my lease we decided to move in together mostly b/c I could not stand my roomates anymore and couldn't afford to live alone.

 

We talked about getting engaged and thought it would be nice to be engaged before we lived together. I didn't bring it up, but he took me ring shopping in December. We went everyday after work for a week and I finally picked a ring. Then his lease ended in March and we got a place together. My lease was not up till June 1st so I was going to wait and move in then by which time we would be engaged. Well June first has come and gone and we are now living together which is going good but he has not proposed yet. He then said it would be in the summer sometime and now september is a week away. I know it is mostly a money problem b/c he has a car to pay etc. but he has a good job he just doesn't seem to be saving.

 

How can he take me shopping in December and then in August still not have much saved up? It seems like he just thinks one day the money will appear in his bank account and then he will do it. So now I have become that girl who wines to her friends that it is taking long and now it is just taking away from the moment being special and unexpected. Help me, why did he take me shopping in december if he wasn't planning on doing it for so long? It has been 8 months now, am I being unreasonable? I just wish he wouldn't keep getting my hopes up and then I find out he's nowhere close to doing it.

 

Please help, I would love any advice so that I'm not that girl

 

Thank you so much for listening,

Kermy

[HokeyReligions]

My husband suffers from Magic Bank Balance Syndrome too and is incapable of saving money without me whapping him with my Magic Wand once in a while.

 

Talk to HIM about it. If you have boundaries or a time-line then he needs to know about it. He can't read your mind no matter how long you two have been together. Set some goals together. Decide if you want to stay with him if he doesn't meet those goals. If you do, then you have nothing to complain about. If you don't, then be prepared to follow through and move out at that point in your time-line.

[tiki]

Credit will work wonders....not that I'm necessarily recommending that!

[katie79]

tell him this. I have a similar situation. Casually mention "whatever happened with the ring 8 months ago?" Maybe he forgot?? Did he put it on lay-away perhaps? If so, he should pick it up, b/c I know most jewlery stores only hold it for 6 months maxx. If you decide not to take it, he has to accept that most jewlery stores also don't give you the full amount back---they charge you a percentage for wasting their chance for someone to pay it in full. Ask him. You two live together, it shouldn't be hard. Afterall, he is like you best friend too. Don't hold in doubts. See what's up. Maybe he forgot or doesn't know how to save and he needs to be reminded. My guess is he would have given it to you by now. His reaction is up to you. If you want to wait, that's fine. If you want a ring on your finger soon since you are living together, you sort of have to get a feel on how he'll react to your want. Then you take it from there. I'm sure everything will be fine and workout.

Good Luck

[Newly Engaged]

Was the ring really expensive ?

newly graduated people have a lot of expenses, and usually don't have super credit.

Perhaps he really couldn't afford it, but said he could.

 

I'd recommend against using credit. Firstly, if you're getting a diamond, it won't be worth what you pay for it. Sure it'll appraise highly, but just ask the appraisers if they'll actually buy it off you.. no they won't. So buying a ring on credit is just throwing money away. Get what you can afford and be done with it.

[katie79]

...buy what's affordable. Perhaps he doesn't have the ring and he's just embarrassed he doesn't have the money to pay it off?? He might feel stupid about telling you that. Communicate with him about the matter. Afterall, if this man will be your husband one day, you shouldn't feel like you have to hold back from him on such an important topic. It's the rest of your life honey!