*long* but mixed signals

[2 old for this]

Hi all, been reading some of the posts, and thought maybe you could help me. Bf broke things off about 2 months ago just out of the blue. Here is history: I have been divorced for 14 years with 1 grown child. He has been divorced for 4 years with young children and joint custody. Although I had always said that I wouldn't get involved in another relationship, I started seeing someone after such a very long time. I was a part of his family. Always doing "family" things with him and his girls, and even got along with his ex. Then 1 day for no reason, he says he doesn't think he loves me the way he used to and broke things off. I took it extremely hard, as I didn't even see this coming. After a couple of weeks, we talked and he still said he felt the same way, but he did miss me and the girls did, so could we be friends. I told him I just couldn't handle the friend thing right now.

 

Then he says that he is just feeling overwhelmed, doesn't want me out of his life, and is willing to try things again with me slowly. Now this is after we had already talked marriage. So, we start playing this game. One time he still seems to want to try, and then another time he reminds me we are just friends to start with. I finally started pulling away even more, and not letting him see any emotions, and he started contacting me more. He continually invites me to family gatherings, and to his work picnic, and lots of activities with him and his girls. The girls are glad to have me back in their life. I have done a few things with them, and put up a front of just being friends. Then he goes and holds my hand and kisses me. Then I don't hear from him for another week.

 

Now, my problem is I want him back more than anything, but I am so confused. I honestly don't think we should just be close friends because of his girls. But I do still love him. Now, things have been going this way for a couple of weeks. No fighting, getting along really good, doing activities with him and the girls. Yet I don't know if we are just friends or trying to work things out. He only calls about twice a week, and wants to see me on the weekends, when he has the girls with him. He really hasn't made much effort to see me by myself.

 

Now, with things going like this, I am starting to feel really angry because of what has happened. Instead of just being grateful for the good times, I am wanting to keep him away because I am so angry. He doesn't know this, and he hasn't done anything recently to stir up these angry feelings yet once again. Does he want to get back together, just be friends, and do I let this anger out?

[Roda73]

Sounds to me that there must have been something or some event that made him change his feelings all of a sudden. This could be anything. Maybe you should think about it and try to figure out what it was.

 

But my gut however, says that he is being really unfair to you. He can't just call you a couple times a week and expect to hang out on the weekends or whenever its convenient for him. If he wants to be apart, then you should be apart. He needs to stick to the decision he made. It only sounds like now he is regretting his decision because he misses your everyday presence.

 

The present situation is not fair to you or the girls. He owes it to everyone involved to straighten out his needs and come to a FINAL decision.

[rogueless]

Is he using you to take care of his young kids on weekends because its convenient for him? Its just a thought.