Once a cheater, always a cheater? Thoughts/experiences.

[yessy21]

I think its about unhappiness and social behavior.

And what was seen as permissable in the childhood home of a cheater.

 

i was raised by non cheating catholics that had me on a strict schedule, they have been together for 35 years.

thanks to them... im not really a wanderer and i have a inner responsibility yearning. like i KNOW i have to wake up so i wake up without an alarm clock.

 

My sister would spend weekends with her bio-father and he has 21 children all with different women. He is a classical cheater, and so is SHE. she has been cheating on her 7 year relationship the whole 7 years. She wont let him go because she "loves" him. I asked her the other day why she does it and she said... I dont know. i just like the other guys too. Her father is in his 60's and still cheats on his wife... after 20 years. (he never had kids with her) his smallest child is 5 and she doesnt know it. Needless to say like daughter like father.

[KungFuJoe]

I married the woman I cheated with. I guess you could say it worked out in the end but it caused some big problems in the beginning and I completely regret cheating.

 

I should have been a man and broke up with my gf first but it happened so fast I didn't have time to react.

[BornToDie]

If I knew the majority of the posters here were going to bash me, I would have mentioned that my boyfriend has cheated on me as well. It's actually dumb that I didn't mention it. He did it long before I returned the favor, but it was with his ex, something that made it even worse.

 

I feel like we never took the actual break up from each other to see what it was like with other people. I feel extremely remorseful for what I did and think about how extremely depressed and miserable I was when we were apart whenever things aren't 100% on some days.

 

Still, I'm not the only guilty one here.

[road]

If I knew the majority of the posters here were going to bash me, I would have mentioned that my boyfriend has cheated on me as well.

 

Still, I'm not the only guilty one here.

 

 

You had a revenge affair.

Have now learned that RA's do not fix anything?

 

It sounds though that you have not learned that two wrongs do not make a right. No matter what he did you are a cheater.

[nofool4u]

Except that your main argument is that all cheaters love screwing lots of random people. Which is just absurd

 

Nope, not all cheaters. I think that its alot of them. Either way, what difference does it make? I don't give a crap if they are simply fickle, as I believe most are, or if they THINK they have a good reason for what they did.

 

Either way they are....cheaters.

 

 

In 9 years imnotoliver cheats twice - Both at the tail end of what he describes as "terrible" to him. It's pretty apparent that such moves may have been ordered differently, but hes not serially dating people and serially banging other people...

 

And again, it matters not. He going to use that excuse every time one of his little needs isn't being met?

 

People can justify cheating any way to Sunday.

 

I have to make a distinction. It seems that based on your other posts that you these kind of rules are universal.

 

I agree with you that if you cheat in a relationship you will likely have the desire to cheat again during that same relationship. However, you can definitely choose NOT to cheat. It's easy. By recognizing what your feelings REALLY are (Lust,, unhappiness, etc..) and then acting accordingly (Lust = find your bf, unhappiness=talk to your bf, etc....)

 

 

However, if it's not the same relationship,

 

And I don't care. If someone cheats on a past partner, and I know about it, and excuses it that they were unhappy, or one of their little needs didn't get met, this can indicate to me that the person is simply too high maintenance and can use that excuse when things aren't going perfectly.

 

No thanks to that kind of person.

 

 

To me, if your judging someone because they cheated in the past and they are actually honest enough to tell you because they legitimately like you enough to put themselves out there, make themselves vulnerable, and fight a stereotype they KNOW exists because they want you to understand that you are a REAL interest for them....

 

It also tells me I better do everything they expect...cuz if I don't..well..

 

Again, if someone thinks they are different, more power to them. But I'm not going jump into a lion's pit on the chance I might NOT get eaten.

[Leigh 87]

Thanks for the great post.

 

I'll never cheat again - Though I'm sure I'll have the desire (and ability) to. That being said, I don't think I'll be in a relationship until I find someone I truly care for - and I think many cheaters end up in my position where they are trying to figure out their feelings and they are with someone that isn't truly right for them.

 

 

 

 

Actually, I am not sure you will have the ability to cheat.

 

When most men are truly in love with someone and care about the women in the deepest sense: they can look, they can get turned on by other women, but they DO NOT have the ability to cheat.

 

The strongest type of love, I believe, does not involve hurting the women you love.

 

 

 

.........my boyfriend tells me how he feels about girls. He gets turned on and looks at most women, and especially gets a "warm feelings" down there, when he sees women he is super attracted to.

 

When it comes down to actually touching and kissing and sleeping with the women that really turn him on, it would in reality, feel HORIBLE: to do that, whilst having a lovingm live in girlfriend whos love you value?

 

 

...The immense feeling of badless you get, for lack of better words, from tuoching another women, when your really in love with a girl you also know adores you..... would not even be something you would want to try!

 

..You would know how wrong it felt to cheat on a women you truly loved enough to want to spend your life with.....

[Leigh 87]

Nope, not all cheaters. I think that its alot of them. Either way, what difference does it make? I don't give a crap if they are simply fickle, as I believe most are, or if they THINK they have a good reason for what they did.

 

Either way they are....cheaters.

 

 

 

 

And again, it matters not. He going to use that excuse every time one of his little needs isn't being met?

 

People can justify cheating any way to Sunday.

 

 

 

And I don't care. If someone cheats on a past partner, and I know about it, and excuses it that they were unhappy, or one of their little needs didn't get met, this can indicate to me that the person is simply too high maintenance and can use that excuse when things aren't going perfectly.

 

No thanks to that kind of person.

 

 

 

 

It also tells me I better do everything they expect...cuz if I don't..well..

 

Again, if someone thinks they are different, more power to them. But I'm not going jump into a lion's pit on the chance I might NOT get eaten.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EXcuse me? I cheated when I was a 16 and 17 year old KID.

 

I had no idea what wrong and right was, I had NOT developed my moral compass, and I was in unhealthy relationships, COUPLED with my unhealthy mind ( I was severely messed up)

 

 

........It is over ten years since I cheated. I AM A DIFFERENT WOMEN.

 

SHame on you for holding it against someone if they cheated when they were in the teens!

[HurtZ]

Yes I believe that once a cheater always a cheater. That's not to say person couldn't change with therapy, but if circumstances are right or this cheater feels they are being slighted on some way they usually will cheat again and try to justify it. Not judging just from my experience and other people I have known through the years.

[Talak7]

You can't make sweeping judgements about large groups of people based in a few select individuals and then say you're not judging.

[pbjbear]

You can't make sweeping judgements about large groups of people based in a few select individuals and then say you're not judging.

 

I didnt make sweeping generalizations though. I specified cases where exceptions would be made. Outside of those exceptions, those type of people are very very likely to cheat again and sorry- I am not a huge risk taker and dont want to spend years of my life investing in someone who will **** me over when an inevitable "down" occurs in a relationship

 

Some people can use their brain cells and critical thinking and there are certain types of people who cheat and the recidivism rate is very high. This whole idea of "falling madly in love" and peoples character changing is too idealistic and makes for a good plot of a romantic comedy but not applicable for real life.

 

Some cheaters change, but the majority probably dont.

[HurtZ]

You can't make sweeping judgements about large groups of people based in a few select individuals and then say you're not judging.

 

I'm not judging, I just have never known a cheater to ever change. I didn't say its impossible, just unlikely.

[Leigh 87]

I'm not judging, I just have never known a cheater to ever change. I didn't say its impossible, just unlikely.

 

 

 

I cheated when I was a teenager, and I HAVE changed.

 

 

There is NO WAY I would EVER cheat on a guy! I have the DECENCY to break up with them if I found myself tempted.

 

 

You do realise that the kind of person you are when your 16 or 17, is not the type of person you will necessarily be as an adult?

[nofool4u]

SHame on you for holding it against someone if they cheated when they were in the teens!

 

Who said anything about their teens? That MIGHT be a different story. But the vast majority of people here are cheaters as an adult when they DO know right from wrong.

[veggirl]

Okay OP so if you and your boyfriend have both cheated on each other...what is the point of this relationship? Clearly neither of you are that into it.