A friend in need

[RichieBoy]

Heys everyone,

 

Ill get straight down to it, for the past few months i've been looking after one of my flat mates whom its their first year of Uni and are having a very tough time with living away from home emotionally and stresses out about work constantly, undermining themselves by thinking their not good enough with the work they do despite them getting B's and A's for the past 4 projects they handed in.

 

Now by looking after I mean being there for her when she needs someone, which at first wasn't my intention but its she who keeps approaching me so I just went along with it because A. I really like her and B, the amount of time and effort she puts into work with it being everday and nothing else done including her talent really deserves credit considering the great work she does always come out with.

 

Now I really care for her when she gets emotional when everything mounts up with boosting her confidence with praises of good work shes done, carrying her things for her when we go to and from the library to print work off, taking her to her favourite coffee shop for her favourite drink and biccy, engaging in long walks out with her, all to let her spill her issues with work (insecurities maybe?) and help her confidence really.

 

Now just recently she's in the worst way I have seen her for awhile as shes been set some work that she has started early but has come to a point where she believes genuinely that she can't do something required and so let me know over the phone to which I naturally rushed back after my work was done to talk to her. Now I've just got back from the library after going with her and trying to help her again with listening to her issues etc along with comforting her with putting my arm around her shoulders (to which a few mins later just didnt want me touching her) as she was practically weeping as we were walking, and she now is at her best friends place seeking their comfort etc.

 

My question is this: What more can I do for her as I just currently feel like i'm powerless to make her feel better which in turn just makes me feel insignificant :/

[freestyle]

 

I just currently feel like i'm powerless to make her feel better which in turn just makes me feel insignificant :/

 

 

You ARE powerless to make her feel better.

 

Her feelings/self-esteem, etc. are HER responsibility. That's something that she's going to have to work on herself.

 

And be careful not to tie up to much of your self-worth in whether or not you're able to play the Rescuer--that's a habit that will get you sucked into drama triangles throughout your life. (been there, done that myself)

 

It's commendable that you've been providing emotional support, and that's really all you can do.

 

She's in the first stages of separating, and individuating from her FOO (family of origin) and finding her sense of identity, and self-esteem. There's going to be a lot of growing pains.

 

Please consider that if you help her TOO much---you're not really helping her growth, you're providing a crutch, when she really needs to standing on her own two feet. (which will help her self-esteem, BTW)