Why did he stop loving our daughter? sorry Long.

[SweetSky]

My question is stated above.

 

 

He always put our daughter first, played with her all the time. A true daddies girl.

Now he's mean to her and acts like she's a burden and is just downright mean. When he gets her for visits, he now lives in his aunt and uncles guest room.

 

She says he plays video games and stays on the computer. Tells her to be quiet, it makes me sad because she thinks he doesn't like her anymore. Won't pay his support payments right I had to get him garnished. He's not even dealing with the woman he cheated with but he's still a monster.

 

Now, I have found out he took our daughter to some woman's house who has 3 kids, and lied and told our daughter they are her cousins. This is a lie, he's Military, and he only has a aunt and uncle here. This is my home, but my family said he never stayed with them.

 

I'm a neat freak, and my daughter said the house was dirty with broken furniture and toys, and she was scared sleeping alone with the other kids. When I confronted him he looked shocked and said the woman is a friend and that our daughter took a nap. (they spent the night) My heart broke for my daughter being scared alone in a strange place.

 

The lady also smokes. My husband hated smoking???? I mean really hated it, now he's sleeping with some woman that smokes and taking our kid around it. Her clothes smelled like a smoke house when she came home. She said daddy yelled at her and the woman's 3 kids, and their mom. My husband was a laid back person who never yelled. It's like a case of body snatchers. He was always respectful. Who is this angry man. he's had 4 deployments and is a medic.

 

I had to call the cops on him 3 times, he came banging on my door wanting to see our daughter after seeing her the day before for a scheduled visit. Drives by my house.

 

Anyway, my daughter and I are all moved to a new place, and my parents bought me a car. I have a new job. So we are doing well. He has now cut seeing our daughter under the temp order (because well everything is my fault reason). We have a court hearing in march. I just don't get it.

 

Just wanted to add we are getting a divorce.

 

Backstory...

My husband wanted to be happy he wasn't happy with me. He stopped loving me he said. He said it very coldly and cruelly. He cheated with a 50 year old woman, left me came back, left again. Left with our only car. My mom bought me one, and it made him more angry at me. Called the cops on me 4 times. Has very little interest in our daughter now (he use to take her everywhere with him.Then broke the lease on our house so he could get his own place. I had to get an apartment.

 

Has his new 20 year old friends come over and bully me. Dresses like he's 18 and combs his hair to the front to cover his balding hairline.Finally, I went down to the courthouse and got support The judge gave me more than half his check. Day after court. He then turned off my phone Called cps on me (saying I left the baby I baby sit alone. nu-enrolled our daughter from pre-k so he could save money.(without me knowing, she was very upset. He has tried everything to leave me destitute and screw me over. He thinks I can't make it without him and he wants me to fall on my face. But I have a great family and friends that have stood by me.

 

This man would put me and my daughter first always.

 

Yes we had issues but none compare to screwing some woman and trying to make me pay for it by trying to ruin my life.

Edited January 29, 2013 by SweetSky

[Ladybugz]

Military?

 

Did you found out what that means before jumping into bed with him\

or even date him?

 

Those people go true not human situations.

And see a lot of stuff that is not human.

 

So then they come back and people wants them to be normal.

I dont think people can be normal after seeing a lot of fear, kill, blood,

dead bodys etc.

 

I think you need to stop wayning such a long depressed post and start protecting your kid.

If he cant be responsible when he have her, let there be true court a

social worker that will be around them all that time when she meet him

 

Maybe you should go to a meating place for family of militry people.

I think there is for shore such a place where all people come togheter

and share their story.

 

His behavior is wrong. But i dont think being a military and have been

in the work will let you stay the same.

 

See what kind of support or help there is for military familys

And make your kid your priority.

you need to protect her/ if being with dad is not safe. you need to

keep her away from him..

[Ladybugz]

wyning= whining

[SweetSky]

Military?

 

Did you found out what that means before jumping into bed with him\

or even date him?

 

Those people go true not human situations.

And see a lot of stuff that is not human.

 

So then they come back and people wants them to be normal.

I dont think people can be normal after seeing a lot of fear, kill, blood,

dead bodys etc.

 

I think you need to stop wayning such a long depressed post and start protecting your kid.

If he cant be responsible when he have her, let there be true court a

social worker that will be around them all that time when she meet him

 

Maybe you should go to a meating place for family of militry people.

I think there is for shore such a place where all people come togheter

and share their story.

 

His behavior is wrong. But i dont think being a military and have been

in the work will let you stay the same.

 

See what kind of support or help there is for military familys

And make your kid your priority.

you need to protect her/ if being with dad is not safe. you need to

keep her away from him..

 

Excuse me,

 

I married him because I loved him,

I never expected him to be normal, but I did expect him to be mature enough to deal with his issues like an adult.

 

Thank you for your response. But, I take care of my kid, I don't want to party and have sex with different people like my husband. I waited a long time to be a mom, and my daughter is my world. I did everything I needed to to shield her from the mess he put us through. She never missed a Daisy scout meeting, gymnastics, dance class or play dates. When we moved, I sent her to my mom's house, and she came home to a fully set up house and her room was perfectly in place.

 

All while he was doing all he could to break me mentally and physically. So, I know how to take care of my Kid, I'm a damn good mom that puts her needs in front of my own, always. I write everything down and will present it to the courts when the time comes.

 

At this point she's safe since he cut his temp visitation till court in March.

I never laid in bed and felt sorry for myself because my daughter needed me. I went to counseling, and they put me on anti-depressants. I took care of myself so my child wouldn't suffer the loss of two parents.

Edited January 29, 2013 by SweetSky

[Ladybugz]

you sound very defffensive i did not say you dont take care of her in any kind of way.

so go put your anger where you gain it from. r u crazy.

and i dont think he stoped loving her cause he stoped doing what you saw him doing before.

 

i hope you dont tell that to her.

 

and im glad you are doing better.

[Steen719]

you sound very defffensive i did not say you dont take care of her in any kind of way.

so go put your anger where you gain it from. r u crazy.

and i dont think he stoped loving her cause he stoped doing what you saw him doing before.

 

i hope you dont tell that to her.

 

and im glad you are doing better.

 

How insensitive and really not helpful!

 

However, the suggestion to go to the military counseling section is a good one and at this point, you probably need more assistance than we can give you here. There are a few posters who will have some actual knowledge about deployments and how they affect the service member, not just guessing or spouting off rhetoric. Hopefully someone will answer soon.

 

Good luck. At least you and she are safe and have a good place to live. Don't underestimate the value of that.

[Gunny376]

There are kind of 'life stressors' andeach individual handles them differently. There are 'stressors' that are generally inheirient to any one particular group of people, that others out side of the set would not find even remotely stressful ~ to them its just the same old ~ same old.

 

This group can and does include men and women and people from any and every particular group of people ~ that is to say ethinic, religious, racial, etc groups.

 

Per Dr. Gray's popular book "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus" Dr. Gray illustrates that men and women handle problems and questions differently. When your atypical woman has a problem ~ she tends to discuss with any and all other women to gather their input, and the benefit of their experience.

 

Men on the other hand tend to withdrawal from any and all others, and go back into the depths of his cave to ponder and issue ~ or in my partcular case I escape to the 'back forty' with nothing more than a pit fire, a good dog, peace and quite, a good dog, ~ and Oh yea! An ample supply of Candian whiskey if not some Jack Daniels.

 

Its clear to me that the DH is in such a mode. He's withdrawning from those that mean the most to them, that he loves the most, and cares about the most.

 

Why? Four tours as an Army Medic would about do it for any man/woman.

 

By withdrawing he's insulating himself from any more mental an emotional anguish of possibly lossing yet again ~ some one he has a very expensive emotional investmenet in.

 

Why the 20 year old? Why the chain smoking 50 year old? Quite simple! They don't require any emotional investment up front. If they check out of the picture ~ "Exit Stage Right!" Its not a big deal.

 

Makes perfect sense to someone that's been through four deployments.

 

In short? He's suffering from PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrone.

 

See links below:

 

Posttraumatic stress disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Google

[Ladybugz]

How insensitive and really not helpful!

 

However, the suggestion to go to the military counseling section is a good one and at this point, you probably need more assistance than we can give you here. There are a few posters who will have some actual knowledge about deployments and how they affect the service member, not just guessing or spouting off rhetoric. Hopefully someone will answer soon.

 

Good luck. At least you and she are safe and have a good place to live. Don't underestimate the value of that.

 

oh please your comment make no sense you are just copy pasting my comment.

 

and correction: dont keep your kid way from his dad. but dont let them be alone together.@topic starter.

[KraftDinner]

OP, I for one don't think you're whining. Or wyning.

 

What a horrible thing you've gone through. I agree with Gunny, it does sound like PTSD. That doesn't make it any easier for you though.

 

Definitely talk to the resources available to you through the military. And of course first priority is your daughter. Poor girl, she shouldn't have to sleep with a bunch of strangers while her dad goes around yelling at everyone.

[Steen719]

oh please your comment make no sense you are just copy pasting my comment.

 

and correction: dont keep your kid way from his dad. but dont let them be alone together.@topic starter.

 

If I were going to copy a comment, it would not be one that had so many spelling errors. Quit whyning, wining, whynying, yning and being deffffffffensive. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

P.S. The red lines under the words don't mean they are stellar words. It means you have misspelled the word and if you right click on it, it even spells the word for you. Amazing!

Edited January 30, 2013 by Steen719