Gotmarried, even though I knew there were issues

[alritenow]

Hello everyone. I have posted here before, but I don't remember the username/password. It was a long time ago anyway.

 

I recently got married in Aug 2012. We were together for about 3 years. Our relationship wasn't your "normal" type. We had almost no communication while we weren't together. He traveled for work and would be gone for months. We would talk maybe once a week on the phone and maybe text 3 times throughout the week. He said he loved me and I loved him.

People thought I was crazy to not suspect any cheating. I did, but never let on and never said anything. I had no proof of it.

 

After the 2nd year, I went online looking at dating sites with my sister, she is single and looking. I seen an ad that caught my eye that seemed mighty familiar. I made an account and messaged this person. He got back to me about a week later and gave me his messenger ID. We shared pics (mine was fake) and yep, it was him.

 

I was ticked, but I ended up giving him a second chance. And then a 3rd. Although I am not sure he did anything more after that second time, I just happened to find the emails and passwords he used, so I got a little more jist of what he was actually doing.

 

I did not think our relationship would last. I did however, love him. A lot. I chose to try and forgive him, knowing that it would be a roller coaster for me. I went back n forth. Can I do this? Should I stay or go? Well, he proposed and I said yes and 8 months later were married. He did find a new job so that he wouldn't be out of town anymore.

 

I am STILL battling within myself on how the hell I am supposed to be with him. He has condoms in his truck, that may or may not have been there before. (I know that there was some at one point, but not sure how many) Now there are 3. I didn't say anything about the condoms, just waiting for one to go missing. Sometimes I think I just hope one does, so I know I am not crazy and I have my definite answer, that nope, you cannot trust the SOB! and get the hell out. But when I see all 3 there, I seem to get in a better mood also. So see, I am all over the place.

 

He suggested MC just last night. I was going through another "episode" of shut down and not say crap about what is bothering me. I feel like a broken record. When I do say what is bothering me, that I still don't feel like I can trust him, he will say "we have been over this, I am not, will not and have not done anything wrong, you can trust me".

Other than the condoms, I have no other reasons to be suspicious, but why have the damn things anyway?

 

I don't know how to proceed or how to get through this. Is this normal? Do people really change? I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater for everyone, but yes, it is true for some. I can not say for sure with my H.

Our relationship is far different than it was when he did cheat on me. But, he cheated, and he lied. I don't know what I can do. I just need some insight.

My BF will say i told you so, you shouldn't of married him. My sister says I need to just try n be happy, if/when he does screw up, then deal with it, no sense in dwelling now. But I don't want to be duped. I am sick of having my guard up, checking his stupid truck after every outing he goes on without me. Is there hope? Am I just wasting my time? Am I setting myself up here?

Should I hire a PI? What can I do to know if he is screwing around?

[mammasita]

I think you're driving yourself crazy. You obviously don't trust him. It sounds like you need some CONCRETE proof.

 

I think a PI would do you a world of good. Either for closure so you can say eff it and leave or so you can rest easy and move forward.

 

Unfortunately, my gut tells me he is cheating. I mean, WHY in the world does he need condoms in his truck??!!

[alritenow]

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. I don't know about a PI though, since I think if he does cheat, it isn't on a regular basis. Or who knows, maybe it is.

I wonder if there is a way to do lie detector tests? I think that would set me at ease for sure. Ever heard of getting lie detector test without going on the Maury Povich show? Lol

[Mr. Lucky]

After the 2nd year, I went online looking at dating sites with my sister, she is single and looking. I seen an ad that caught my eye that seemed mighty familiar. I made an account and messaged this person. He got back to me about a week later and gave me his messenger ID. We shared pics (mine was fake) and yep, it was him.

 

I was ticked, but I ended up giving him a second chance. And then a 3rd. Although I am not sure he did anything more after that second time, I just happened to find the emails and passwords he used, so I got a little more jist of what he was actually doing.

 

I have to admit, I'm always amazed by posts like yours. You caught him cheating at least twice and his behavior has you on guard to this day. And yet you married your way to your current unhappiness. You might as well have labeled your thread "I jumped off a 30 foot cliff" and discussed how surprised you were that bruises, lacerations and broken bones awaited you at the bottom . Both outcomes seem like natural results considering the lead-up events.

 

Why do you need a PI or lie detector to prove what you already know? I'm going to assume you're fairly young, were I you I'd cut my losses and get on with my life. Sorry for the tough love...

 

Mr. Lucky

[NervisPervis]

"Gotmarried, even though I knew there were issues"

 

You gals have REALLY got to stop doing that. I knew you were a woman before I even opened this thread. I would have bet a lot of money on it.

[Lil1]

Wow. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

 

 

I love corny phrases like this one, I'm gonna add it to my repetoire!

 

OP I just don't understand why you got married. All I can suggest is counseling for yourself (maybe work on your own self esteem) and go out with your friends and have fun with your life. Your perspective may change after a period of fun-having!

[Mr. Lucky]

He has condoms in his truck, that may or may not have been there before. (I know that there was some at one point, but not sure how many) Now there are 3. I didn't say anything about the condoms, just waiting for one to go missing. Sometimes I think I just hope one does, so I know I am not crazy and I have my definite answer, that nope, you cannot trust the SOB! and get the hell out. But when I see all 3 there, I seem to get in a better mood also. So see, I am all over the place.

alritenow, other than cheating, can you provide a reason he'd have condoms ready to go in his truck? Do the two of you use condoms during sex? Are you into marital sex in the back of his crewcab ???

 

Mr. Lucky