I can't believe I'm doing this.

[Tha D]

Well, let's start off by saying that this is literally the first time I've ever posted on any site like this and I'm actually kinda ashamed of doing so since I consider myself I strong individual that can get past **** in life on his own.

 

But this **** is not going away so I feel like writing and complaining about it, which will hopefully make me feel better and maybe even find someone who has been though my situation and can give me some advice.

 

A bit about myself? I'm finishing High-School right now, I'm not horse-faced or compellingly unsocial and as you can see, I have a rather big ego. I'm used to dating girls just for the sake of dating and the benefits of dating but I never really cared for a girl because I dated only spoiled brats that just wanna have a blonde green eyed boyfriend I guess. Until she had to screw my life.

 

Yes, this is a typical "omg noo, she friendzoned me" story, but the funny thing is that I wanted her to be my friend first. We met in 9th grade while casting for a school theater production and we got paired up together and ended up crying ourselves to tears. We then proceeded to go out at parties and be friends. She would invite me to hang out with her friends I'd invite her to hang out with my friends. We weren't in the same circle of friends coz I'm one year older than her (aww, isn't that just cute). I never felt attracted to her because she is not the best looking girl but I always felt some thing for her. So let's say this continued for 2 years while I increasingly started to fall in love with her personality and cuteness.

 

During this time she would hook up with guys, I'd hook up with girls, but we never really talked about this coz meh, we found discussing about film, music and Agatha Christie books more interesting and entertaining.

 

At some point we even had a big fight coz of some stupid thing I said which made me look like a sexist bastard (guys can probably relate to me) and we didn't talk for quite a while. I sent her a message after a few months and told her that it sucks that we don;t talk anymore coz I used to consider her my best friend and what not. She said the feeling is mutual and we started talking again (awww).

 

We became really close, and we would constantly talk and meet up since I'm a film student and she is a theater student and I'd ask her to perform in my movies and so on. And as any guy girl friend relationship kinda is, I ended up liking her. A LOT. No, no you don't understand, every-time I saw her, I'd be afraid my digestive system would get eaten by the butterflies in my stomach. I can't say I loved her, but now again, I can't even say that to my cat.

 

Meh, anyways. Because I'm not exactly a pussy, I started giving her signs, to which she did not reply, more or less. We decided to hang out and party together on News Year and I was gonna do my grande I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH MY AWKWARD GURL element but things got a bit out of control and I might've let her have a bit tooo much to drink. So we were changing party locations it was only me with her, we just hugged and drank a glass of champagne and watched fireworks together, it was perfect timing, but I decided to hold her and take care of her and make sure she wouldn't fall on the ice, buy her water and make sure she sobers up so she wouldn't make a fool of herself on News Year. (I chose being a friend rather than being a guy that will tell his crush he liker her, now, isn't that cute?)

 

After she sobered up, she proceeded making out in front of me with one of her Exs. Boy, I didn't expect that, BEST NEWS YEAR EVE EVAA'

She came to me, told me she did something really really bad and was gonna continue telling me how she made with her ex because she though I didn't see. I nodded and told her, it's ok. And just walked away and started dancing and drinking because imho, I felt emotionally tortured and molested. We didn't talk anymore that night and I left early coz she went back to making out with that guy, and I just couldn't bear with it anymore. (Rawr, not even alcohol could save me).

 

Well well well, this sounds like a classic ending doesn't it, well nope! There is more. I decided to send her a message (which I made sure to be funny) in which I basically told her how I felt. I told her that I didn't expect an answer since I just wanted to tell her how I felt and that was it. She replied with the classical "It's not you, it's me, but I don't feel the same way, sorry." To which I was jumping with joy. Lol, no kidding, I just watched The Green Mile (AMAZING MOVIE BTW), and cried my butterflies off while eating nuttela (yea guys do that, deal with it).

 

We then talked some more and she asked me if I'm okay with the friendzoned and I asked her to give me some time to think about it. I told her that she was too valuable to me as a friend to lose over some stupid feelings.

 

We are still friends, we still talk about Quentin Tarantino and amazing songs, but every time I meet her and talk to her, I feel like I'm being molested by butterflies again.

 

We never mentioned our little big conversation on my feeling ever again and everything is back to normal, even for me. I sometimes add in the occasional Ahh you are amazing, I like talking to you, I want you to carry my next baby. Well maybe not the last part, but I feel empty.

 

 

I sometimes dream of her, every time she posts anything on facebook I get really jealous of the people to which she replies to and I overall feel bad because of her.

 

 

Sooo yeah.. It kinda does feel better to say it all. Sorry for my gargantuan story, I tried to add in some jokes to make it bearable to read. She never went with her ex, it was just a hook up btw.

 

So, comments? Been there done that? Omg you are a loser and a pussy? I like the green mile too?

 

I just wanna chat about this, not really looking for any advice. I'm gonna continue being friend with her, I'm leaving for College soon enough anyway.

 

 

~ Someone (Not gonna say my name in case she actually finds this post. That would be really embarrassing indeed).

 

 

P.s: I fking hate Quantum Physics.

[will1988]

OP

 

I can honestly tell you this. 99.9% of the of the people on this site, hell in the world, have been where you are. There is a reason it is called a CRUSH. You become obsessed with someone, you are infatuated with them, all of your waking moments are thinking of them... you find yourself doing some slightly stalkerish things. We've all been there. Of course because it is a crush it rarely works out. I've had a dozen or more crushes in my life, and a few really really bad crushes. So I know where you are coming from. Your best bet is to talk to other girls, and start distancing yourself from this girl. You are her friend, but deep down you are only truly her friend because you hope one day she will throw you a bone and show interest in you as more than a friend. That day may never come. Therefore, I'd stop wasting emotions on someone who doesn't feel the same as you. That is easier said than done though. So you should probably start pulling away. Start talking to new girls. Focus on your studies and your film school thing. going off to college in 7 months? Start prepping for that. Trust me this little crush of yours will be a faded memory in 8 months. College, especially Freshman year, is honestly the best time of your life (for most people). You have your freedom. You're living on campus... new friends, and hot co-eds. What isn't to look forward to? So think of that and all the fun you will have in less than a year. This girl will be nothing but a distant memory after your first months of college.

 

Good luck!

[rakula]

I just wanna say at least you tried it out and asked her. Now you can rest easy with your life. And that's true what the other poster said. This is just high school. You're gonna have some great things ahead of you in college.

[Tha D]

I didn't really crush on her, I crushed on her liking movies, music, her liking to hang out at the places I hang out, her love for theater and good books, her love for good jokes, her ability to entertain me and to make me laugh, her love for video games (She frekking played Portal, how can you not fall for a girl that plays portal).

 

And I know it's just highschool, but it was my first reject ever and I kinda took an arrow directly in my feels. She is the only girl I actually ever cared about.

 

But I will move on, and I will let time heal me. I'm just not sure if me distancing away from her is the best solution since she something very rare.

[rushingwaters]

I'm sorry she doesn't feel the same. Most people are capable of love, whether or not they are actively looking for it. Feelings grow over time especially if you spend a lot of time together. Since you're going away to college soon it doesn't make sense to completely break things off with her. Make an effort to meet new people. Who knows, maybe you'll crush on someone who will reciprocate your feelings.

[WordvAction]

I'm just not sure if me distancing away from her is the best solution since she something very rare.

 

Think with the head on top of your shoulders, not the other head.