Help me sort out my feelings, please! I am confused about my relationship!

[ConfusedGirl2004]

Need serious advice. I married a little less than a year ago, when I was just barely 23. He's the only guy I have slept with as I met him when I was 17. Having no experience with sex before this, I didn't know what to expect. Now I know that it should be more. It's over in 10 minutes or less, I rarely get off from it and foreplay never lasts more than 15 minutes. He enjoys getting oral sex but never gives. I have been dealing with this for the better part of 5 years...I am not even interested in sex with him anymore and try to avoid it. He knows he can't last and feels inadequate but never does anything about it. I don't think I'm in love anymore, I love him but am not in love with him. We have no children. There's no romance left...we act like friends, I think. He does make me laugh, like friends, but I have become miserable over my confusion.

 

Anyway, recently I met this extremely attractive guy who is into me too. We have agreed that I need to make a decision...I won't cheat on my husband. My feelings are so confusing. Do I stay and never feel true love and passion again? Do I go and explore the outside world as I never have before? This man is in tune with me, knows my needs, makes me feel wonderful. There is a lot of chemistry and intellectual connection as well. He's the kind of guy I like...sexy, dresses very stylish, wouldn't be caught dead in sweats, takes good care of hmself and he respects women more than anyone I have ever met. He has a little girl whom he has every other weekend and I am willing to accept that.

 

Please help me sort out my feelings, I am so confused. Afraid to hurt my husband, afraid of being alone. On the other hand I could be giving up alot by staying. I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening!

[supermom]

Nothing urks me more than a sexually selfish man. Have you talked to him about this?

 

IMHO since you have no kids, you need to make a decision now, before you do get pregnant.

 

Talk to your husband, maybe he feels the same?

 

Getting divorced w/o children in my experience is easy. I filed w/ my first on my own and it only cost me @$200 because we agreed with everything and no children. Now we are friends, but we might not of been if we waited longer.

 

I am remarried w/ a beautiful daughter that I think I would never of had with my ex.

 

Good Luck. Sounds like you want out.

[Quilly]

You need to take some time to think about what it is you want from a relationship and a partner and whether or not you still love and respect your husband. What was it about him that made you marry him less than a year ago and what has changed since then?

 

I'm certainly no advocate for sticking it out in an unhappy marriage, especially if there are no kids involved, but are you just feeling this way because of the other man? You have to realize that while he may seem wonderful and sexy and exciting now (just like your husband did when you first met him?), he may not be the perfect husband either.

[ConfusedGirl2004]

The only complication we have is the house that we bought last November...neither of us can afford it alone. We have an FHA mortgage so there are penalties for selling too early. And I am afraid of hurting his feelings.

 

I know he still loves me. I need to figure out what it is I want for sure. I was feeling this way about the sex before we married. It's my mistake that I ignored it. I just feel like such an idiot right now.

 

I was in too much of a hurry to get what I thought I should have...a husband, a home, nice car, etc. We have some wedding debt too. It would be so much easier if he wanted to leave.