So, Ex has changed COMPLETELY

[youdunsay]

Agreed. I tried to reinvent myself as the "fun" girl because my ex left for the girl who's more glamourous, popular, fun and good at parties. But then I just couldn't. And so then the breakup.

[Gulf-Delta]

Zammo may be wrong in context, but there is actually a point; why hold out hope for someone like this? Is this seriously the girl you want to date, just because you had a really good time when you were younger? She's not the same person, and there's nothing to indicate she wants to be that person again. And don't look too far into her contacting you; while she probably hasn't forgotten you, she's probably keeping in touch to make sure you're still into her (Mission Success).

 

People grow, people change; sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. While some couples do reconcile, (Although I've heard the odds of lasting after a reconciliation are dramatically lower, cannot verify that), I highly doubt your one of them. You're hoping on her to change once again, then realize how big of a mistake she made, and come back to you.

 

I'll end with this thought; is this really the person you'd want to be the mother of your kids? To be telling them of how mommy dumped you so she can go partying, date old men, and drop out of college? C'mon now.

 

Best of luck to you either way; I don't think she's the one for you, but I hope you find the right girl eventually

 

I've come to terms with the fact that she's changed.

 

Honestly, I don't even know how or what I feel about her.

 

Like I said, I do hope she comes back, and we can fix things. But realistically, I don't think it's gonna happen. There's a difference between "hope" and "expectation". Nothing wrong with hope, IMO. However, putting your life on hold because you're "expecting" them to return, is unhealthy. That's not what I'm doing.

[Gulf-Delta]

Maybe she's really heartbroken and flipped completely. That being said, will you still look for someone else like the "then" her?

 

I don't know why she'd be heartbroken. She left. She called it quits. Not me. If she was heartbroken, I think she would've not left in the first place, or come back by now.

 

And I may end up falling for someone like the "then" her, because that's just what I'm attracted to and want in a significant other. And it scares me sometimes because I'm not sure the stars will ever align like that again, and bring me someone so perfect for me again, you know?

[Gulf-Delta]

So instead of letting her behavior make you question who she is, maybe realize that she is acting out out of anger and heartache. :/

 

Maybe, but then, if it hurt her this bad, why didn't she come back? Or better yet, why did she leave in the first place.

 

You could be right, but somehow I don't tihnk so. If that was the case, she wouldn't ignore me. She would jump into bed with someone else, you know what I'm saying?

 

I mean, if she's so angry and hurt, why doesn't she fix it?

[Zammo25]

Maybe, but then, if it hurt her this bad, why didn't she come back? Or better yet, why did she leave in the first place.

 

You could be right, but somehow I don't tihnk so. If that was the case, she wouldn't ignore me. She would jump into bed with someone else, you know what I'm saying?

 

I mean, if she's so angry and hurt, why doesn't she fix it?

 

She doesn't fix it as the love was not strong enough on her side. Same as my ex. If they wanted to still be with us and not with another Guy, they would be. Period.

[steelpantherrocks]

its funny you started a thread about this as i was just talking to someone about this the other day. my ex samething after we split or actually a few months before she began this wild child attitude drinking way more than she had in all 4 years we were together, partying all night long etc. then after we split it carried on, all i heard about was her out and about, sleeping with all sorts of guys around town, she moved on very quickly after me, like days after being with me for 5 years. she said it was she felt betrayed and that was her way of dealing with the hurt. we talk now, it was 4 months ago, it still bothers me alot, i love her to death still but have a hard time having any respect for her. i dont really know what her feelings are towards us reconciling to be honest. but she def doesnt have time for anything anymore shes so busy always going for drinks dates or whatever. shes not even 5 percetn the same girl i was supposed to marry. shes in her mid 20s and def seems as though shes regressing in her life. i def dont wait around for her though, i may love her, but i def do not want to be with someone who gives it up that easily, its embarrassing.

[youdunsay]

I don't know why she'd be heartbroken. She left. She called it quits. Not me. If she was heartbroken, I think she would've not left in the first place, or come back by now.

 

And I may end up falling for someone like the "then" her, because that's just what I'm attracted to and want in a significant other. And it scares me sometimes because I'm not sure the stars will ever align like that again, and bring me someone so perfect for me again, you know?

 

Sorry to hear that. But it's good to know at least you know what you want for a girlfriend/wife.

 

What are your star signs? lol I'll help you check out the astrology stuff

[Sanctionne]

Maybe, but then, if it hurt her this bad, why didn't she come back? Or better yet, why did she leave in the first place.

 

You could be right, but somehow I don't tihnk so. If that was the case, she wouldn't ignore me. She would jump into bed with someone else, you know what I'm saying?

 

I mean, if she's so angry and hurt, why doesn't she fix it?

 

I can't speak for her. But it could possibly have something to do with her pride. She might not want to admit that she was wrong for ending the relationship. Nobody does. I've read many posts from dumpers and how they regret breaking up with the dumpee and are unsure how to initialize contact again... Either way, unless shes a robot regardless of who left who the breakup has to of had an effect on her. You may want to read some articles from the dumpers point of view and how the breakup effects them, how they act out etc. I did because I have always been the dumpee and wanted to understand how the dumper felt. I'm sure its not easy to walk away from the person you love. Then again, I've never been the one to walk away.

[Gulf-Delta]

Sorry to hear that. But it's good to know at least you know what you want for a girlfriend/wife.

 

What are your star signs? lol I'll help you check out the astrology stuff

 

Scorpio...that's all I know lol

[Gulf-Delta]

I can't speak for her. But it could possibly have something to do with her pride. She might not want to admit that she was wrong for ending the relationship. Nobody does. I've read many posts from dumpers and how they regret breaking up with the dumpee and are unsure how to initialize contact again... Either way, unless shes a robot regardless of who left who the breakup has to of had an effect on her. You may want to read some articles from the dumpers point of view and how the breakup effects them, how they act out etc. I did because I have always been the dumpee and wanted to understand how the dumper felt. I'm sure its not easy to walk away from the person you love. Then again, I've never been the one to walk away.

 

MAybe it is a pride thing. But, IDK, it doesn't really seem like it. I mean, if she missed me, but was afraid to talk to me, or whatever, she wouldn't be with someone else, do ya think?

 

The thing is, I'm in a catch 22. I can't be the one to initialize contact. The ball is in her court, and I think (hope) she knows that. But if she's afraid or unsure how to do it, she won't, and then I'm just stuck where I am...

 

I mean...I'd hate to fully move on and then find out she still had feelings for me the whole time. That almost happened to us in the beginning because we were both too shy to say how we felt for a long time. On the other hand though, I doubt I'll ever fully move on anyway.

[Sanctionne]

MAybe it is a pride thing. But, IDK, it doesn't really seem like it. I mean, if she missed me, but was afraid to talk to me, or whatever, she wouldn't be with someone else, do ya think?

 

The thing is, I'm in a catch 22. I can't be the one to initialize contact. The ball is in her court, and I think (hope) she knows that. But if she's afraid or unsure how to do it, she won't, and then I'm just stuck where I am...

 

I mean...I'd hate to fully move on and then find out she still had feelings for me the whole time. That almost happened to us in the beginning because we were both too shy to say how we felt for a long time. On the other hand though, I doubt I'll ever fully move on anyway.

 

To love, is to risk not being loved in return. To hope, is to risk pain. To try, is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. - unknown

 

This person she is with could possibly be a rebound. And if he is a rebound, that is a strong indication that she is/was having a difficult time getting over you. She is acting out and trying to distract herself from thinking about you. Although I could be wrong.

 

I consider myself to be a prideful person. But when it comes to love I have and always will put any pride I may have aside because the worst thing is to lie awake night after night and think of the 'what ifs?' Etc... I say contact her. What do you have to lose at this point? You two have already parted ways. If anything this could give you the closure that you need so that you can move on or you could find out that she regrets her decision and the two of you can work things out... The point here is that at the end of the day wouldn't you rather know that you did everything that you could instead of living with regret? Sure, you might make an ass of yourself. 'But love makes us do crazy things. Insane things. Things you'd never see yourself doing. But there you are doing them, can't help it.' - wicker park....

[Gulf-Delta]

This person she is with could possibly be a rebound. And if he is a rebound, that is a strong indication that she is/was having a difficult time getting over you. She is acting out and trying to distract herself from thinking about you. Although I could be wrong.

 

I wish this were so. But she's been with him for almost a year. I don't think rebounds go on that long.

 

I say contact her. What do you have to lose at this point? You two have already parted ways. If anything this could give you the closure that you need so that you can move on or you could find out that she regrets her decision and the two of you can work things out... The point here is that at the end of the day wouldn't you rather know that you did everything that you could instead of living with regret?

I don't even know what I would say. It's been so long. And she doesn't wanna talk about that stuff (us) anyway. She's avoided the topic like the plague since the breakup.

 

I already laid it all out for her before. And she just ignored it. I have nothing to lose other than looking like an insane stalker.

 

IDK, I told her what I need from her. And she just didn't care. I can't be the one to breakup her relationship with someone else. I can't put my heart on the line to have it crushed again. I've already asked, pleaded and tried everything I could...and it meant nothing. I guess that should have been my closure.

 

But I still don't feel like giving up on her. She wants nothing to do with me. I can tell by her actions. If she did, it would be obvious, wouldn't it? There would be no doubt. But the fact is, she seems happy. Why should I try to interfere with that? She doesn't want me, why should I pop back into her life to talk about that stuff when she doesn't want it?