sixshot Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Ok so my wife and I are headed toward separation but haven't quite yet. I have met someone but I don't want to cheat. I'm going to separate from my wife regardless but this other woman is engaged and doesn't want to cheat either. She honestly feels the same way I do but she is compelled to stay with her fiancé for now. Their history includes a miscarriage some years ago which is why sheet is reluctant to leave him. My question is this: what should I do? I've tried to make it more platonic but that seems impossible, yet we can't take it farther. We can't even be alone without the danger if kissing and taking it further. I've never been in a situation like this and I need sine help. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Don't become the OM. There is an old saying that I have seen come true more often than not - If someone is willing to lie with you, they will surely lie against you. That goes for the both of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sixshot Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Don't become the OM. There is an old saying that I have seen come true more often than not - If someone is willing to lie with you, they will surely lie against you. That goes for the both of you. Like I said, she doesn't want to cheat but there is no denying the chemistry. Just wait it out? Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Like I said, she doesn't want to cheat but there is no denying the chemistry. Just wait it out? I see only pain in your future if you allow yourself to become too invested in this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Like I said, she doesn't want to cheat but there is no denying the chemistry. Just wait it out? Wait what out? Tell her: "While I'm still with my wife, I don't intend to add fuel to the fire by getting involved with someone else. Once I'm divorced, I'll be free to explore other avenues. But I don't intend to be the catalyst that fractures someone else's relationship. If you want me, get out of where you are now. If you want me, but can't, or won't get out - then you don't want me enough - and I'm not available for games. This isn't bribery or coercion, and I'm not using emotional blackmail. It's things as they are. You do what you want, but at least you know where I stand." It's not a 'problem'. And it certainly isn't 'interesting'. It's living dangerously. And I'd avoid it if I were you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Like I said, she doesn't want to cheat but there is no denying the chemistry. Just wait it out? It is known as doing the right thing or AKA as time to man up and go NC with this woman for life. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Wait what out? Tell her: "While I'm still with my wife, I don't intend to add fuel to the fire by getting involved with someone else. Once I'm divorced, I'll be free to explore other avenues. But I don't intend to be the catalyst that fractures someone else's relationship. If you want me, get out of where you are now. If you want me, but can't, or won't get out - then you don't want me enough - and I'm not available for games. This isn't bribery or coercion, and I'm not using emotional blackmail. It's things as they are. You do what you want, but at least you know where I stand." Translation: I am pretending to be honorable by denying our EA and holding back from having a PA. I am not saying to break up with your BF but if you do I am ready to bang you. Me telling you that I want you is in no way to influence your decision to dump your BF for me. I thought Tart, ah I mean (I'm not mean, Tara is) I never thought Tara would give someone advice on how to be an OM. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Don't put words into my mouth. Your 'translation' is pure speculative interpretation. I said what I mean, and I meant what I said. Don't twist my words to suit your warped sense of righteousness. Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Like I said, she doesn't want to cheat but there is no denying the chemistry. Just wait it out? She doesn't want to? Sounds like you two are already engaged in emotional cheating, there are different levels. Sounds like she's setting you up by telling you in not so many words that she's probably not going to leave her fiance' for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sixshot Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 You all have made some good points, even if I don't like heating them. truth is I'm already invested emotionally and I'd hate to give up what we have even if it is the smart thing to do..I was hoping for an easy fix but I guess it really just comes down to her leaving outer not. I can't stick around and be the backup. I just don't know how to convey that without burning her. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Remember that what hurts you, hurts her. But you have more to lose in this than she does.... You have the termination of a marriage to deal with. She just has a bad relationship with a BF to get out of. You have enough on your plate, right now. It really is simple: Focus on gaining your divorce, and don't enter into any form of relationship with her, until she too, is free to do so. If she won't 'get out' then her value of what you two have, isn't as significant as you hoped. EDIT: Oh yeah... this 'miscarriage'... what's the big deal that keeps her tied to him, in that? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Don't put words into my mouth. Your 'translation' is pure speculative interpretation. I said what I mean, and I meant what I said. Don't twist my words to suit your warped sense of righteousness. Thank you. Thanks are not necesary. Carefully re read what you wrote. Your message was written very poorly if you do not think that it matches my translation. Your intended meaning and how the words you chose had another unintended meaning. One of saying as soon as we divorce our spouses let's get together. That is an OM telling his target to end her marriage because he will be there for this WW. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 There are lies, damned lies and statistics. By the sound of it, you're a statistician, because you've added the numbers up to come to a total to suit yourself. So - suit yourself. I know what I meant. I've added to the thread and engaged with the OP. Frankly, it's his thread and I'm responding to him. You can think what you like. I really don't care..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Ok so my wife and I are headed toward separation but haven't quite yet. I have met someone but I don't want to cheat. I'm going to separate from my wife regardless but this other woman is engaged and doesn't want to cheat either. She honestly feels the same way I do but she is compelled to stay with her fiancé for now. Their history includes a miscarriage some years ago which is why sheet is reluctant to leave him. My question is this: what should I do? I've tried to make it more platonic but that seems impossible, yet we can't take it farther. We can't even be alone without the danger if kissing and taking it further. I've never been in a situation like this and I need sine help. I wouldn't do anything till the both of you are single. It's just simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sixshot Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Remember that what hurts you, hurts her. But you have more to lose in this than she does.... You have the termination of a marriage to deal with. She just has a bad relationship with a BF to get out of. You have enough on your plate, right now. It really is simple: Focus on gaining your divorce, and don't enter into any form of relationship with her, until she too, is free to do so. If she won't 'get out' then her value of what you two have, isn't as significant as you hoped. EDIT: Oh yeah... this 'miscarriage'... what's the big deal that keeps her tied to him, in that? So she essentially feels that since he stuck with her through such hardship she owes it to him to stick it out with him while their relationship is in rough shape again. Kind of a we have been through a lot and I don't want to drop him without giving him a chance to improve first. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Just as I suspected, she doesn't want to leave him. It will get worse if it continues. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Like I said, she doesn't want to cheat but there is no denying the chemistry. Just wait it out? wait for what exactly? You are cheating now..at least emotional cheating, sooner or later it will get physical Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 So she essentially feels that since he stuck with her through such hardship she owes it to him to stick it out with him while their relationship is in rough shape again. Kind of a we have been through a lot and I don't want to drop him without giving him a chance to improve first. huh? Little schizophrenic turn in the middle of that paragraph.. Link to post Share on other sites
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