TheGuard13 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Honestly, I think a lot of the time, I suspect that guys or girls are just afraid they won't measure up to all those previous partners and have some basic insecurity. Which is kind of a silly way to go about thinking about things in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Yep you are. I was drawing a comparison between my example and your question of people who have had casual sex (GASP) wanting a monogamous relationship. Both are ignorant assumptions. But - I feel as though I'm trying to explain something to a two-year-old here and banging my head against a wall. Good luck to you OP. I'm sure you'll find the purest of the pure you deem worthy to stick your willy in. I love when people turn to insult others when they lack the arguments in a discussion... it usually shows a lot about that person education! Having said that, my question was not to question the capacity of people who enjoy casual sex to have a monogamous relationship (you should read my question again) is more about why would it be different for someone who accepts a person who has been casual about sex with many other persons to accept what that person has done in the past and would not accept it when she would do it while in a relationship with him... I mean, (as an example) if your girlfriend slept with 10 men, who cares if it was before than you or when she was with you... at the end are 10 penis of 10 different men in your girlfriend vagina... Other than the natural risk of STD's or the risk of pregnancy, why would be a problem for her to have casual sex with other men... I mean why would you care if you would not care about her having casual sex like crazy before you? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I love when people turn to insult others when they lack the arguments in a discussion... it usually shows a lot about that person education! Having said that, my question was not to question the capacity of people who enjoy casual sex to have a monogamous relationship (you should read my question again) is more about why would it be different for someone who accepts a person who has been casual about sex with many other persons to accept what that person has done in the past and would not accept it when she would do it while in a relationship with him... I mean, (as an example) if your girlfriend slept with 10 men, who cares if it was before than you or when she was with you... at the end are 10 penis of 10 different men in your girlfriend vagina... Other than the natural risk of STD's or the risk of pregnancy, why would be a problem for her to have casual sex with other men... I mean why would you care if you would not care about her having casual sex like crazy before you? Because it's a relationship between us. Anything before that had nothing to do with me. That's not rocket science. Obviously what you are doing is saying that promiscuity begets infidelity. Which I believe is incorrect. Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I love when people turn to insult others when they lack the arguments in a discussion... it usually shows a lot about that person education! Having said that, my question was not to question the capacity of people who enjoy casual sex to have a monogamous relationship (you should read my question again) is more about why would it be different for someone who accepts a person who has been casual about sex with many other persons to accept what that person has done in the past and would not accept it when she would do it while in a relationship with him... I mean, (as an example) if your girlfriend slept with 10 men, who cares if it was before than you or when she was with you... at the end are 10 penis of 10 different men in your girlfriend vagina... Other than the natural risk of STD's or the risk of pregnancy, why would be a problem for her to have casual sex with other men... I mean why would you care if you would not care about her having casual sex like crazy before you? Uh - because she's dating YOU? You're seriously overthinking this. "it usually shows a lot about that person education!" << and this is just too funny for words. Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 This whole thing is a compatibility issue Some people have high standards when it comes to who they sleep with. Alot of people like this want the same mentality in the person they sleep with. If thats what they want, oh well. If you dont fit into that- they arent compatible with you. I can see both sides. Some people who sleep around find a person they truly like and can be monogamous. But guess what...old habits die hard sometimes. Id argue for every person in the statement I just described, theres another person who has a history of promiscuity that tries to be monogamous and is not successful and has a high likelihood of screwing someone over. Its not always easy to tell either. I am so so sick of people on this site not realizing that dishonest deceitful people exist. You know there ARE people that exist that dont show their true colors until later? Meaning, there are people that exist that put up a facade for a decent length of time (much longer than one or two months)...you know o average it takes 3 months in dating for someone to relax, start really acting like themselves and not always showing their best behavior? I dont understand why people dont grasp this concept...I have had this happen to me several times. I WASNT picking bad men either...everyone around me was shocked just like me when their true colors came out. Its not always easy to spot who is who Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 There are many things in our past we are judged on. Sexuality is one of those. I don't think we will ever move away from that totally, nor should we. If fking around a lot is part of you and someone else doesn't like it, who cares? I don't give a s.hit if someone doesn't like choices I've made in my past. People are too dang defensive. Do what you do and own it, if people don't like it don't worry about it, someone else will. I don't care if someone judges me for my #. I can get why a guy would want a girl with a really low #. I can also get why a guy wouldn't care either way. I wouldn't date a guy who was a serial cheat. So if he wouldn't date me for (hypothetically) being a serial slut, what's the difference? Both are "the past" but both are indicative of SOME opinion/values you hold. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Because it's a relationship between us. Anything before that had nothing to do with me. That's not rocket science. Obviously what you are doing is saying that promiscuity begets infidelity. Which I believe is incorrect. No, I am not trying to say that promiscuity begets infidelity... I don't even think that is a real risk... cheaters are other kind of people and you have them in any color and taste. I am really asking people like you for example who do not mind enter a serious relationship with a woman who has had her own share of casual sex. Why does it feel different if she has sex when is in a relationship with you? I mean, if she has been with 25 men already why would you care if she sleeps with one more man (even if she has a relationship with you)... I mean when she comes next day still will be your lovely girlfriend... she probably has taken a shower so everything is gone... is just a number more... why would you care then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Yep you are. I was drawing a comparison between my example and your question of people who have had casual sex (GASP) wanting a monogamous relationship. Both are ignorant assumptions. But - I feel as though I'm trying to explain something to a two-year-old here and banging my head against a wall. Good luck to you OP. I'm sure you'll find the purest of the pure you deem worthy to stick your willy in. You still did not point out where I am putting women down for enjoying the same things I do physically. Three things that may be leading to your confusion: 1) you mistakenly believe I think women who enjoy sex have something wrong with them. this is false 2) I have not put women down at all, in fact I stated they all have immutable value unrelated to how many sexual partners they have had 3) you are assuming I enjoy casual sex myself but only with girls that have low notch counts. This is also false, I do not wish to have casual sex with women no matter her notch count. Her notch count is irrelevant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 This whole thing is a compatibility issue Some people have high standards when it comes to who they sleep with. Alot of people like this want the same mentality in the person they sleep with. If thats what they want, oh well. If you dont fit into that- they arent compatible with you. I can see both sides. Some people who sleep around find a person they truly like and can be monogamous. But guess what...old habits die hard sometimes. Id argue for every person in the statement I just described, theres another person who has a history of promiscuity that tries to be monogamous and is not successful and has a high likelihood of screwing someone over. Its not always easy to tell either. I am so so sick of people on this site not realizing that dishonest deceitful people exist. You know there ARE people that exist that dont show their true colors until later? Meaning, there are people that exist that put up a facade for a decent length of time (much longer than one or two months)...you know o average it takes 3 months in dating for someone to relax, start really acting like themselves and not always showing their best behavior? I dont understand why people dont grasp this concept...I have had this happen to me several times. I WASNT picking bad men either...everyone around me was shocked just like me when their true colors came out. Its not always easy to spot who is who Well then people need to be calling out DISHONEST people, instead of always linking promiscuity to infidelity and deceit. Because honestly, that's not always an indicator. There are women+men who are married to their first sex partner who will cheat. It's not just the promiscuous. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 No, I am not trying to say that promiscuity begets infidelity... I don't even think that is a real risk... cheaters are other kind of people and you have them in any color and taste. I am really asking people like you for example who do not mind enter a serious relationship with a woman who has had her own share of casual sex. Why does it feel different if she has sex when is in a relationship with you? I mean, if she has been with 25 men already why would you care if she sleeps with one more man (even if she has a relationship with you)... I mean when she comes next day still will be your lovely girlfriend... she probably has taken a shower so everything is gone... is just a number more... why would you care then? Because then she would be a CHEATER. Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Uh - because she's dating YOU? You're seriously overthinking this. "it usually shows a lot about that person education!" << and this is just too funny for words. Wow... we already have stated that she is dating me...that actually was the whole point... Lets try to explain the question again... even if she is dating me... WHY should I care if she has sex with one more guy? I mean... she will take a shower and be the shame lovely and gusty girl than before the sex so why someone would care about her having sex with another man once? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 This whole thing is a compatibility issue Some people have high standards when it comes to who they sleep with. Alot of people like this want the same mentality in the person they sleep with. Yes exactly. And it is my supposition that notch count is an indicator of those standards. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I would appreciate any edification you could help me with... It just makes sense to me that the pickier you are about your mate, the fewer you will accept. Isn't that self-evident? You're over simplifying it. Just because someone has less sex with less partners, doesn't make them less picky. It could also mean they have sexual hang ups, or are unable to attract the opposite sex. Hard to explain, but you just can't "think" like that. It's going to do you no good. You just need to get out there, date women you like based on what you can see in front of you, and take it from there. Look...it's hard enough to find someone you are compatible with just on physical looks and personality alone. Now you're going to also add in their sexual history? Do you think Brad Pitt lies awake at night wondering about all the crazy **** Angelina Jolie did with Billy Bob? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Because then she would be a CHEATER. Ok but cheater is a general word, is usually used for people who actually break the rules of the game, if you would not care about her having sex with other men, it would not be cheating right? So my question still stands... why would you care? Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 so the only reason you would not want your partner to have sex around is because you are afraid to lose her if she does? And then you dare to call insecure people to those who decide to chose people who do not treat sex as some kind of sport? Umm...your way of thinking is way off. Question...have you ever had a gf? Have you ever been in love? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Perhaps already covered, but how does the OP reconcile his statements in the linked thread below with his desire in this thread to not have casual sex? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/348511-how-will-my-situation-end-currently-i-am-ex-bf It appeared, in that thread, that he was having casual sex with his ex-GF while she dated a 'hardcore Christian beta virgin' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Umm...your way of thinking is way off. Question...have you ever had a gf? Have you ever been in love? I do have a girlfriend... and yes I have been in love... what has that to do with my question? Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 However! In the past month I have banged her 5 times in the two times she has come over here+ other various sexual acts have transpired in my bed. Not trying to be lewd here, I just want to communicate properly the events so you more experienced folks can tell me her frame of mind. So the last time she was here, we were in bed, she was on top of me and I was sucking her tits while she was texting her boyfriend telling him she loves him and misses him and can't wait to see him in a few days. Oh really now? And then things got interesting.. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Just that you sound pretty immature...or that you've never been with a woman. Since you say you have...I guess I have no further comment. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Ok but cheater is a general word, is usually used for people who actually break the rules of the game, if you would not care about her having sex with other men, it would not be cheating right? So my question still stands... why would you care? Because I'm in a relationship with her, not the other people she f*cked. Everything that happened before has happened. She is with me now, therefore we are both going to be monogamous to each other. We are having fun f*cking each other. If she f*cks somebody else, she destroys that so I will leave the union. Link to post Share on other sites
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Just that you sound pretty immature...or that you've never been with a woman. Since you say you have...I guess I have no further comment. Funny, I had the same feelings about you... the only reason you actually would not like your girlfriend to have sex with other men while in a relationship with you is so that she can't leave you... and you say I am immature? I think you should use some good IC... Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Also, keep in mind..a woman can simply hide her number and you'd still never know. Just another one of many reasons not to sweat something like this. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Funny, I had the same feelings about you... the only reason you actually would not like your girlfriend to have sex with other men while in a relationship with you is so that she can't leave you... and you say I am immature? I think you should use some good IC... You're entitled to your opinion. Just know that I'm 38, been with the same WONDERFUL and AMAZING woman for 13 years (married for 10) and I have 3 kids. I think I know a bit about being mature and also how to handle a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 You're over simplifying it. Just because someone has less sex with less partners, doesn't make them less picky. It could also mean they have sexual hang ups, or are unable to attract the opposite sex. Hard to explain, but you just can't "think" like that. It's going to do you no good. You just need to get out there, date women you like based on what you can see in front of you, and take it from there. Look...it's hard enough to find someone you are compatible with just on physical looks and personality alone. Now you're going to also add in their sexual history? Do you think Brad Pitt lies awake at night wondering about all the crazy **** Angelina Jolie did with Billy Bob? I've tried to address the more complex additions to that thought process earlier in the thread. A woman requires nothing but a vagina and lack of obesity to rack up a stupid high notch count. If a woman can't attract the opposite sex, then I will have immediately disqualified her myself because she is likely obese. These gals never enter into the equation. It's not their sexual history I am considering as much as their motivations and how they racked up the men they slept with. It just so happens that notch count will line up with their standards for who they will sleep with. I know you disagree with that but the math makes sense. A 23 year old girl cannot have had 16 long term committed relationships, she just can't. If she has slept with 16 guys at that age then I am nothing but a sex object to her. Another in the long line of guys until she hits 27+ and decides to settle down because her priorities changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 The worst thing a person can do is ask their partner or someone they are interested in how many people they have slept with, details on ex's features, etc. It will only cause problems Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts