# of sexual partners changing my decision on moving forward?

[jamesbob]

I was about to ask you the same question, actually......

 

I mean your innate value for being a human being. I value humans over dogs for example. All men are created equal etc etc

[Drseussgrrl]

I always find it funny that men are hung up on a girl's "number" when deciding whether or not to sleep with/date her, when doing so would add one more number to that list. LOL

 

Well heck what if the NEXT guy she dates wants to feel special, too?

 

Jesus. Do you see how this makes no sense?

[jamesbob]

I always find it funny that men are hung up on a girl's "number" when deciding whether or not to sleep with/date her, when doing so would add one more number to that list. LOL

 

Well heck what if the NEXT guy she dates wants to feel special, too?

 

Jesus. Do you see how this makes no sense?

 

It absolutely does make sense and adding to her number is one of the reasons I also take issues with dating a girl with a low number because I have no intention of getting married.

 

I have had people explain this away to me by saying maybe she will be better off anyway, you can't predict the future. And that makes sense on some level, but at the same time I can't in good conscience have sex with a girl with a low number thus adding to her notch count. Perhaps that addition makes an awesome guy pass on her later down the road.

[TaraMaiden]

I mean your innate value for being a human being. I value humans over dogs for example. All men are created equal etc etc

 

Ah.

Bad analogy.

I'm a Dog behaviourist.

I actually value dogs over Human beings actually.

 

Their innate value is far more honest, unconditional and compassionate than those of far too many humans I know.

They do not judge, condemn or stand in criticism of others.

They forgive very easily, are loyal and sincere.

 

And yes - I'm absolutely serious.

Damn right I am.

The more I see humans, the more I think dogs have got it right.

 

 

 

('All men are created equal'....? Really? Think about that sentence for a moment, in your current mind-frame, would you? Seriously.)

[TaraMaiden]

It absolutely does make sense and adding to her number is one of the reasons I also take issues with dating a girl with a low number because I have no intention of getting married.

 

I have had people explain this away to me by saying maybe she will be better off anyway, you can't predict the future. And that makes sense on some level, but at the same time I can't in good conscience have sex with a girl with a low number thus adding to her notch count. Perhaps that addition makes an awesome guy pass on her later down the road.

 

Does your ex- feel the same way about the number of times her prospective partners have had sex? How does she feel about levels of male promiscuity?

[jamesbob]

Does your ex- feel the same way about the number of times her prospective partners have had sex? How does she feel about levels of male promiscuity?

 

She agrees with me on all counts

[jamesbob]

Ah.

Bad analogy.

I'm a Dog behaviourist.

I actually value dogs over Human beings actually.

 

Their innate value is far more honest, unconditional and compassionate than those of far too many humans I know.

They do not judge, condemn or stand in criticism of others.

They forgive very easily, are loyal and sincere.

 

And yes - I'm absolutely serious.

Damn right I am.

The more I see humans, the more I think dogs have got it right.

 

 

 

('All men are created equal'....? Really? Think about that sentence for a moment, in your current mind-frame, would you? Seriously.)

 

I'm just stating someone's value to society, or their value to me, is not what determines their value.

 

I don't care about being politically correct, you know what I mean.

[TaraMaiden]

She agrees with me on all counts

Good.... no double standards then.... you view wanton promiscuity among men just as deplorable as you do in women?

You do realise the majority of men posting have had quite a few partners themselves....?

.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm just stating someone's value to society, or their value to me, is not what determines their value.

 

I don't care about being politically correct, you know what I mean.

 

Actually, no I don't.

 

The above statement appears to be contradictory....

 

Elaborate.....?

 

What DOES determine their value, then?

[jamesbob]

Actually, no I don't.

 

The above statement appears to be contradictory....

 

Elaborate.....?

 

What DOES determine their value, then?

 

The fact they are a human being determines their value. Nobody is "better" than anyone else in my mind.

 

 

This is a derail

[KungFuJoe]

What's the surest way to guarantee a 10+ page thread on LS?

 

Ask about numbers.

[TaraMaiden]

The fact they are a human being determines their value. Nobody is "better" than anyone else in my mind.

 

 

This is a derail

 

Actually, it isn't.

But it shoots holes in your argument,

 

Virgin gal:

Me: How many sexual partners have you had?

Her: I am a virgin, I haven't yet met a man who is worthy of sleeping with me.

Me: You have high standards. If you have sex with me, that means you think I am awesome. You value me as a person and a human being.

 

 

Experienced gal:

Me: How many sexual partners have you had?

Her: About 50, I go through maybe 12 a year.

Me: You have low standards. If you have sex with me, it doesn't mean I am important or valued by you in any way. I am only a sex object to you.

 

Judging people to have high or Low standards, means that you DO have different levels of evaluating who is better and who isn't.

 

Like I said - by all means have your own personal set of boundaries and conditions. But this doesn't mean that you are better or worse than anyone else - and neither is anyone else, better or worse than you.

 

How you view them, will doubtless affect how you interact with them, and to set a condition on someone's perception of you - based on how sexually active THEY are - is simply illogical.

[animalover]

It absolutely does make sense and adding to her number is one of the reasons I also take issues with dating a girl with a low number because I have no intention of getting married.

 

I have had people explain this away to me by saying maybe she will be better off anyway, you can't predict the future. And that makes sense on some level, but at the same time I can't in good conscience have sex with a girl with a low number thus adding to her notch count. Perhaps that addition makes an awesome guy pass on her later down the road.

 

 

It is not even about the full number but about how the number has been build up... LTR are fine, ONS and FWB are not! Difference ? I am amazed that I need to explain this but sex in a LTR normally imply love while in a ONS or FWB is just people using people for pleasure... (more or less like monkeys!)

[KungFuJoe]

It is not even about the full number but about how the number has been build up... LTR are fine, ONS and FWB are not! Difference ? I am amazed that I need to explain this but sex in a LTR normally imply love while in a ONS or FWB is just people using people for pleasure... (more or less like monkeys!)

 

Kind of ironic considering your nick.

[animalover]

Kind of ironic considering your nick.

 

I love animals, that doesn't mean that I should behave like one right?

[jamesbob]

Good.... no double standards then.... you view wanton promiscuity among men just as deplorable as you do in women?

You do realise the majority of men posting have had quite a few partners themselves....?

.

 

I don’t think the promiscuity itself is deplorable. I think it simply

says a lot about what a person thinks about the people they choose to

have sex with.

 

Obviously our society has a double standard and it does so for good

reason which I understand(the whole master key broken lock thing).

However I do not believe I do have a double standard, because I refuse

to just jump into bed with a gal because the number of sexual partners

she has had is low.

 

Many guys will sleep with any gal above say a 6 in looks as long as

they’ll agree to spread their legs. I think you are viewing me as

this same type of guy, only with the additional requirement of them

not having many sexual partners in the past. This would not be

the case. I think my being selective with who I choose to have sex

with, is a great compliment to any gal I do choose to have sex with.

Of course the girl has to understand this and view this the same way I

do for it to work. Otherwise she may think I am some involuntary

celibate, which would be incorrect.

[animalover]

I don’t think the promiscuity itself is deplorable. I think it simply

says a lot about what a person thinks about the people they choose to

have sex with.

 

Obviously our society has a double standard and it does so for good

reason which I understand(the whole master key broken lock thing).

However I do not believe I do have a double standard, because I refuse

to just jump into bed with a gal because the number of sexual partners

she has had is low.

 

Many guys will sleep with any gal above say a 6 in looks as long as

they’ll agree to spread their legs. I think you are viewing me as

this same type of guy, only with the additional requirement of them

not having many sexual partners in the past. This would not be

the case. I think my being selective with who I choose to have sex

with, is a great compliment to any gal I do choose to have sex with.

Of course the girl has to understand this and view this the same way I

do for it to work. Otherwise she may think I am some involuntary

celibate, which would be incorrect.

 

I totally subscribe to this!

[TaraMaiden]

I love animals, that doesn't mean that I should behave like one right?

 

(I hate to break this to you, but - you ARE an animal...... )

[jamesbob]

Actually, it isn't.

But it shoots holes in your argument,

 

 

 

Judging people to have high or Low standards, means that you DO have different levels of evaluating who is better and who isn't.

 

Like I said - by all means have your own personal set of boundaries and conditions. But this doesn't mean that you are better or worse than anyone else - and neither is anyone else, better or worse than you.

 

How you view them, will doubtless affect how you interact with them, and to set a condition on someone's perception of you - based on how sexually active THEY are - is simply illogical.

 

Once again, someone's value to me is irrelevant. The random individual on the other side of the country has no value to me because I do not even interact with them, it doesn't mean I don't value them as a human any more or less than anyone else.

 

The bolder parts, they don't necessarily have high or low standards. Maybe the promiscuous girl has just been with very many extremely high quality men. Maybe the chaste girl just doesn't have any guys to sleep with but would jump into bed in an instant if she did. The motivations are more important than the actual number of partners. This would be the exception to the rule though.

[KungFuJoe]

I love animals, that doesn't mean that I should behave like one right?

 

I was just joking.

 

I don't think ONS and FWB makes you an "animal".

 

But if it does, I guess I'm an animal...and proud of it!

[KungFuJoe]

You could also look at it like this.

 

The more partners she's had, the more better judge she is on what is good or bad. My last ex had...well...I have no idea how many partners she had cuz I never asked but she liked to talk about sex a lot and from what information I gathered in the year we were together, she was:

 

Married

Had a few boyfriends

MMF threesome

MFF threesome

Sex on drugs (weed, E, etc)

Some FWB situations I knew about

And probably more I didn't know about because this is just from stuff that got told in passing.

 

Anyways...like I mentioned...she was a VERY sexual person. She knew what she wanted, she was very aggressive, and very demanding. And, she was SMOKING hot so she had guys all over her. She wasn't very tall, but she had a 34D chest, tiny waist and quite possibly the nicest pair of legs I've ever seen. Anyways...not going to lie...I was pretty intimidated when we first got together and I suffered some performance anxiety.

 

Long story short, I got over my anxiety, things just started clicking and eventually she was telling me how I was the best she ever had, by far, and that I had ruined her for other men. Now THAT is an ego boost, my friends. You're not going to get a much bigger ego boost than that, and what made it even bigger was the fact that I "beat out" I don't know how many other men in the performance department. Had she only been with a few men before me, it wouldn't have been such an ego boost because I just would have thought she probably didn't have good sex before me. But she did have good sex before me...hell she would talk about all the amazing sex she had before me. But I blew it all out of the freakin water. We had sex pretty much every waking minute we were together for as long as it lasted between us. We didn't get along personally, the but sex was off the charts.

 

So, it's all about perspective really. You can take any given situation and turn it into a negative or a positive. I prefer to turn it into a positive.

[TaraMaiden]

I don’t think the promiscuity itself is deplorable. I think it simply

says a lot about what a person thinks about the people they choose to

have sex with.

 

I think for people who have a lot of sex, it's more about how they like to feel, not about who they're having sex with. Most people want sex with people they can engage emotionally with, although there is no doubt that men's and women's brains seek different gratification. And I'm not being sexist or partisan - it is that way. Men's minds equate sex with different qualities, to those of women...

 

Obviously our society has a double standard and it does so for good

reason which I understand(the whole master key broken lock thing).

However I do not believe I do have a double standard, because I refuse

to just jump into bed with a gal because the number of sexual partners

she has had is low.

I would hope not. But I don't think it's a quality a woman need be judged on at all, as a man shouldn't. And why do you think society has double standards 'for good reason'...?

 

Many guys will sleep with any gal above say a 6 in looks as long as

they’ll agree to spread their legs. I think you are viewing me as

this same type of guy, only with the additional requirement of them

not having many sexual partners in the past.

Actually, no... I'm not viewing you as any kind of guy at all, although some of your ideas are an anomaly to me. But that's ok.... It's interesting....

 

I think my being selective with who I choose to have sex

with, is a great compliment to any gal I do choose to have sex with.

Of course the girl has to understand this and view this the same way I

do for it to work. Otherwise she may think I am some involuntary

celibate, which would be incorrect.

 

But she may well feel the same way as you - with the exception that she's had several partners, instead of two or three.... She may have been very selective - but then discovered that the men were simply using her for sex, or were more fickle, or not as serious or dedicated as she was.

is this her fault?

Edited January 30, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[jamesbob]

I would hope not. But I don't think it's a

quality a woman need be judged on at all, as a man shouldn't. And why

do you think society has double standards 'for good

reason'...?

 

I’m certain you’re already familiar with the logic.

 

Females, being the gatekeepers of sexual activity in our society, are

in control of the amount of sex men have. If a man has many sexual

partners, then we immediately wonder “what does he have that makes so

many women spread their legs for him?”. He must have X value(charm,

fame, power, etc).

 

Males, being that stereotypically greatly desire sex and are only

limited by the number of females that will accept him, and are viewed

negatively when they have few to zero partners. “What is wrong with

him that no women will want to sleep with him?” He must lack X value.

 

For women obviously, this is not the case. You never hear of a woman

who has been “successful with men”. Being successful with men only

comprises not being 300lbs overweight and having a vagina. No charm,

fame, or power is needed.

 

This is a derail though.

 

 

 

But she may well feel the same way as you -

with the exception that she's had several partners, instead of two or

three.... She may have been very selective - but then discovered that

the men were simply using her for sex, or were more fickle, or not as

serious or dedicated as she was.

is this her fault?

 

Then she is collateral damage, but this is going to be the exception.

How many long term relationships can you get in in five years? I don’t

really consider anything less than 6 months long term. So let’s say 7

partners for a gal that is 23. It’s unlikely that all seven of her

choices were not committed or serious, spent six months waiting out

for sex, and then dumped her immediately after. So a more realistic

number is closer to four. If she only has sex in committed

relationships with people she loves then her notch count will be low,

I don’t think this is debatable.

[jamesbob]

So, it's all about perspective really. You can take any given situation and turn it into a negative or a positive. I prefer to turn it into a positive.

 

Thank you for the reply, but I am not interested in being reduced to a sex toy for someone else. Nor am I interested in using someone else for that either.

[KungFuJoe]

Thank you for the reply, but I am not interested in being reduced to a sex toy for someone else. Nor am I interested in using someone else for that either.

 

Nothing wrong with being a sex toy.

 

But again, it's about perspective and personal desires. I'm a very sexual person, and I want a partner who is the same.