Will he come back after 18 MoNThs??

[sontuoso]

I just discovered this site whilst searching for some answers. I read through the other posts and i can relate to some of them very much, ive also realised how individual every problem is so ive chosen to write mine.

This is about my ex. I'll start from the beginning, seems to be the best place!...

 

Me and my ex got together after a couple of dates and it was pretty fast and for the first four months everything was great then suddenly i became frightened and ended the relationship. Looking back i can see it was because i was afraid of my feelings and wasn't emotionally mature enough to deal with them properly. Anyway after a month we ended up back together again and i was set on making it work then suddenly the same thing happened, i began to feel trapped and ended the relationship. It wasn't an easy break-up and lasted about a month as i couldn't let him go though in the end i did and straight away (almost over lapping) he went out with another girl and began to be abusive towards me this was 18 months ago. We talked now and again but always on the internet and he kept emphasising how happy he was with his new girlfriend. I realised i was still in love with him but my main concern was his happiness so i let him move on.

 

The main problem now is that i am still in love with him and my feelings haven't faded in anyway. He split up with his girlfriend about four weeks ago (after 16 months) and it shocked me when i heard about it. He won't speak to me at all now, and goes out of his way to avoid me, it has been like this for about 4 months. We acknowledge eachother but we don't talk, though im desperate to.

 

This guy loved me so much and i broke his heart twice, for which i can't forgive myself. Part of me just wants him to reject me so i can try and move on but there is still a part of me that hopes he may still love me too. I feel that part of the reason im feeling like this is because our relationship did not have proper closure as he went out with someone else so close to our break-up. We never sorted it out properly and recently i sent him a letter apologising for the way i treated him and i did not ask for a reply. I sent it in a hope that some of his anger towards me may subside and we could possibly be friends in the future.

 

I don't want to push him and I don't want to say anything to him because it could be opening an old wound which he's been working to close. But i do question why he still finds it so hard to talk to me and if there is a chance things between us could be healed.

 

Does anyone have any opinions on this? Be as honest as you like!

Do you think he may still love me and i have a chance?

should i tell him?

 

any help would be great.

[miss_guy]

I am a guy who had his ex break up with me much for the same reason it now sounds like you broke up with yours. And the advice I can give you is that he still loves you and wants to date you. Just that he is afraid of what he knows what might happen again. Frist, you must listen to your heart. Second, ask yourself "Am I mature enough and ready to accept my heart's feelings?". Then just appoarch him slowly but NOT defensive or safe approach. You may have to coner him. Express your heart and then let him do the same. He may express his defense and red flags. If he does tell him you want start off as friends and go from there. You just don't want to keep making the same mistake you keep regretting. If he still says no then it's okay. Just walk away with your heart high knowing you did all you could and the ball is in his court. Give him a couple of days and if he don't get in touch with ya. Get in touch with him. Pray for him, kill with kindness, and have patience. let me know the outcome please.

[joeyNoelle]

Ok yeh its been a long time and he obviously moved on etc, but look what have you got to lose at this point you don't even speak to eachother, so if you just went up to him and said you wanted to give it another shot whatever he says its not gonna get any worse.

Also you did crush him twice , he probably doesn't want to go through that again , plus he did just break up with his other gf he needs time to get over that first.

but feelings are feelings , i say give it some more time and then see how it goes, tell him how you feel.

[sontuoso]

A quick update on the situation... i got in contact with him and asked him out for a drink... we met up and went out with mutual friends, which made the situation a lot less intense. I have to say it was pretty successful and even if we don't end up getting back together we had a good night and enjoyed eachothers company. It's broken the silence between us and we were able to talk about the relationship honestly. If it doesn't go any further we are still building a friendship and I'm very happy with that.

Thanks so much for both your advice, it really did help.

[John1]

Hi

 

im kind of in your position.. i was with my ex g/f for 4 years and 15 months ago we split up cos i drunkenly kissed another girl.. i told my ex that i think we should split up.. i never wanted to but was confused.. she split up with me and changed her number...

i constantly sent her letters to her home begging for a 2nd chance that i made a mistake etc. but it only drove her further away...

we were together for 4 years and we both loved each other.. we were on the verge of moving in together and were planning on getting married..

this was a girl who worshipped me and loved me , now she wont talk to me anymore.. we used to speak 4-5 times a day and in the 15 months apart we have spoken maybe 10 times.. so its hard..

I cant force her to come back to me.. I think it may be too late.. its 15 months now.. but we did love each other.. i still love her.. the last time i saw her was 12 weeks ago. she was not with anyone.. but she says shes having a great time been single why would she want to give me a 2nd chance.. this was a girl who 18 months ago thought she was pregnant with my child and was devastated when she found out she was not pregnant... she wanted to marry me and i was saving for engagement ring.. we dont keep in contact anymore. she changed her phone number and doesnt live at home anymore... i know i was stupid after breakup.. like begging pleading etc... I think maybe if we do No Contact and leave them alone.. .it might work but the more you beg etc the farther we are driving them away.. i hope he gives you a 2nd chance...