From Angel to A***hole

[Unlucky (Again)]

How can a guy go out with you for 12 months and during this time be very affectionate, kind, considerate, attentive, tell you he loves you, create so many wonderful memories and do so many wonderful things for you, and then break up with you because he had a few personal problems (which he did) and then treat you like #####?? (pardon my french). He was never mean to me until we broke up.

 

I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. I thought I'd found everything I'd ever wanted in a guy, put my trust 100% in him and then he went and abused that trust. I thought we were so alike.

 

I don't know what to think anymore. He has complicated my mind something shocking, not to mention, broken my heart.

 

The one person who I thought I could completely trust and who never, ever hurt me during our relationship, broke it off with me. The more I try and think of him as a pig for his actions and the way he has spoken to me, the more I find myself thinking about how sweet and loving he was to me and the more I am utterly, utterly confused.

 

When we met, he knew I was terrified of being in a relationship because I didn't want to get hurt like I did in my last one. He made me comfortable enough to trust him, told me that truth and honesty mean a lot to him, and after we broke up, I found that he wasn't always truthful and honest to me, and have reason to believe he was also with someone else near the end of our relationship.

 

Why do people do this? I have never trusted anyone like him, and now he has crushed what I thought I had found. He seemed to be so genuine, but now he doesn't give a toss about my feelings at all.

 

Why? Now I'm terrified of getting involved with someone again, even though I would love a relationship.

 

I am never speaking to him again and have lost all trust in him. I feel he has been so two-faced, and I'm finding it hard to understand how he can not be affected by it.

 

I'm a very honest person, loyal, giving, loving, funny, very attractive (so I'm told), with a big, big heart who would never hurt anyone. I've only ever had 2 boyfriends (I'm 24) so why has another guy gone and treated me like this? I do nothing wrong, yet nothing goes right.

 

I'm so depressed and messed up. I want out of these awful feelings and I don't know where to start.

[Tony T]

There is just no way you will ever understand your ex's behavior. He may not even understand it himself. But you should feel very lucky he showed his true colors before the relationship went any further.

 

It is not unusual for people to get nasty when they are ready to make a break. A lot of people just don't know how to properly and civily break up with someone when they either get tired of a relationship or meet someone else they want to pursue. My bet is the latter is the case.

 

People don't have to behave like we want them to. They act like they are going to act. You have to accept that.

 

You also have to understand that relationships are seldom forever, or at least rarely at the same intensity.

 

Rather than try to understand his behavior, attribute it to ignorance and rudeness and try to move on. There are always going to be people who will sadly disappoint you. At the same time, there are wonderful people in the world as well. Find them.

 

You will learn to trust again. This particular case is bizarre. You may not have paid close attention all along...when he was giving you hints of what was to come. I urge you not to give up on love. There are some truly wonderful situations out there for you.

 

Nobody gets through this without getting stung at least a few times.

[Deejette]

It may be that his new lady has been putting pressure on him to break things off with you and to make it as final as he could. But, at any rate, he has disregarded your feelings completely and shows how insensitive he really is.

 

I don't envy your pain and the stung feeling of being treated so harshly after he had been so good to you. It takes time to get over such wounds. But he has proven himself to not be a good choice for a steady, loving relationship anyway.

 

Love is a strange thing and how it will go cannot be predicted. We would like to tame the wild stallion of love, but it has a will of it's own and will crash through the gates and trample the one who fed and nurtured it. That is why the Loveshack exists, because love is difficult, causes lots of pain, and people need help in dealing with it.

There is just no way you will ever understand your ex's behavior. He may not even understand it himself. But you should feel very lucky he showed his true colors before the relationship went any further. It is not unusual for people to get nasty when they are ready to make a break. A lot of people just don't know how to properly and civily break up with someone when they either get tired of a relationship or meet someone else they want to pursue. My bet is the latter is the case. People don't have to behave like we want them to. They act like they are going to act. You have to accept that. You also have to understand that relationships are seldom forever, or at least rarely at the same intensity. Rather than try to understand his behavior, attribute it to ignorance and rudeness and try to move on. There are always going to be people who will sadly disappoint you. At the same time, there are wonderful people in the world as well. Find them. You will learn to trust again. This particular case is bizarre. You may not have paid close attention all along...when he was giving you hints of what was to come. I urge you not to give up on love. There are some truly wonderful situations out there for you. Nobody gets through this without getting stung at least a few times.