Stay classy

[96nole]

No.

I am saying that PDA "levels" differ from couple to couple.

Clearly, passionate kissing in public makes them both cheaters.

 

Because....why again?

 

 

 

Fair enough - because you haven't seen or experienced it - it must follow that no one does it. I can understand the thinking - and I think you can see where its faulty. But what makes you think they are cheating.

 

Could be engaged.

 

Could be married.

 

Maybe one spouse travels frequently and this is a wonderful stolen moment.

 

But...its cheating...why again?

 

 

 

Clearly you assume here.

 

 

 

Nope. Its insulting that just because your M (if you are now or have been) or those you are around don't include such PDA - that it must not exist for others. And since it cannot exist for others in their M's they must be cheating. Furthermore...no M couple would do such a thing in public.

 

I have a rock that keeps tigers away...wanna know how I know this...I have the rock yet see no tigers. Same spurious and frail logic.

 

Today's vocabulary lesson is PROJECTION.

 

Yep. Still overreacting.

[jwi71]

I just hope she lands on the correct stick shift.

 

I lol'd at that

[jwi71]

Yep. Still overreacting.

 

Maybe so.

 

It is a pet peeve when I see "egregiously bad" assumptions.

There is just nothing that says its an A. Its two people, one with a ring, having some serious PDA. All else is pure conjecture.

[96nole]

Hey 96

 

I did a quick survey today with a group of colleagues and friend's and asked if they'd as an engaged couple or married couple made out in a parking lot in broad daylight and in view of the general public. Nine out of ten said they might have done that in their early teens but not in any way other than that.

 

I think you're probably correct in surmising the couple you witnessed were cheaters.

 

It bothers me that in a sad way infidelity is more common than I realized, nothing surprises me anymore. I'm jaded now and maybe that's for the best.

 

I thought the same thing. These weren't teenagers. I'd say mid to late 20's.

 

Turns out one of the other cars in line behind me was co-worker of mine. She thinks the same.

[BetheButterfly]

Maybe you will see them again and learn more about them...

 

People are diverse. Some married couples are passionate outside of their homes.

 

Some cheating couples are very weary of being caught and try to be sneaky so as to not get caught. Others don't care.

 

I don't know what is the truth about this couple. My point is that it is possible they are engaged, since there are engaged couples who do not confine their passion to private places...

[96nole]

Maybe so.

 

It is a pet peeve when I see "egregiously bad" assumptions.

There is just nothing that says its an A. Its two people, one with a ring, having some serious PDA. All else is pure conjecture.

 

Or, perhaps your assumption of my assumption is "egregiously bad". But like I said in a previous post, there was something different to this.

 

Either way, it's safe to assume she got the "Whopper" at Burger King. Hopefully not the Whopper Jr.

[Steen719]

Hey 96Noles,

Is it the..........Schmoopies????? Were they the soulmate Schmoopies? :lmao::lmao:

[Furious]

Maybe so.

 

It is a pet peeve when I see "egregiously bad" assumptions.

There is just nothing that says its an A. Its two people, one with a ring, having some serious PDA. All else is pure conjecture.

 

 

I assume most betrayed spouses did not assume they were being cheated on.

 

Ironically those betrayed spouses who relied on a gut feeling before any significant evidence materialized would have been considered paranoid or making an "egariously bad" assumption.

 

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's a duck.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Oh that's nothin...

 

When I was dating my current boyfriend (but in round 1) - I was in my early 20s.

 

Once we were driving around and we just got in the mood - (and couldn't go to our respective places because of roommate circumstance) so we ended up trespassing on some people's property and we we were all over each other and we had sex in the car. Was it class?- no, not the classiest thing ever, but we loved each other and there was so much lust and passion and it is one of my funniest, fondest memories of us - because it showed how full of passion for one another we were/are.

 

We got busted when the people who own the property drove by us, (after we were done and we were just lying back in the glow of everything) and while I was mortified, and hurried into the front seat again, my boyfriend made sure to smile and wave to them as we drove by and off their property.

 

So no, it's not "classy", but it was passion and it was love and it wasn't any kind of cheating.

 

I think its sad that OP sees passion and thinks 'oh, they can't be married' - that's a sad testament to marriage/committed couples.

 

Were you wearing a big diamond ring?

 

Like I said in an earlier post, my ex and I did some heavy stuff in vehicles, but only because we didn't have anywhere else to go. We weren't married, and like you had roommates. I think this kinda thing makes sense for couples that are dating, or engaged. Engaged I would buy, married is a tough sell for me. But anything is possible. We don't know, it's all probability. And yeah it is kinda sad that us BSs will focus on adultery...but our history is our history. Eyes wide open.

[TigerCub]

Were you wearing a big diamond ring?

 

Like I said in an earlier post, my ex and I did some heavy stuff in vehicles, but only because we didn't have anywhere else to go. We weren't married, and like you had roommates. I think this kinda thing makes sense for couples that are dating, or engaged. Engaged I would buy, married is a tough sell for me. But anything is possible. We don't know, it's all probability. And yeah it is kinda sad that us BSs will focus on adultery...but our history is our history. Eyes wide open.

 

I can understand how because of your history - and actually not just your history, just from hearing so many other stories of infidelity that it has made you more suspicious and cynical (and I really don't mean that as an insult) - I just think it's sad. I do understand where you're coming from, but it is unfortunate.

 

And no, I didn't have that ring

[beenburned]

When the kids were young, the grandparents kept them for us to go to H's company X-mas party. We had a great time and on the way home we both got hor**. Next thing I knew H was parking the car way back in a cemetary!!! We took care of our problem and continued on home to the kids.(Good thing it was really dark)

[AliciaFlorrick]

WH would make out and dryhump OW in broad daylight in the parking lot of a local Post Office near to where they worked (she was a co-worker). They only had sex once and it was at her uncle's place when she had to run an errand for him and WH was sent with for the heavy lifting (they both worked for the uncle). Yup WH had to do some "heavy lifting" alright :lmao: she is morbidly obese...he struggled to get it up, finally managed a half mast and eventually lost it when he slipped out of her for the umpteenth time in a couple of minutes, can't do much with a softy now can you ...needless to say the end result of that is WH and OW ended up horrified, humiliated, embarrassed, angry and that was the end of their "parking lot" romance :laugh:.

[TigerCub]

WH would make out and dryhump OW in broad daylight in the parking lot of a local Post Office near to where they worked (she was a co-worker). They only had sex once and it was at her uncle's place when she had to run an errand for him and WH was sent with for the heavy lifting (they both worked for the uncle). Yup WH had to do some "heavy lifting" alright :lmao: she is morbidly obese...he struggled to get it up, finally managed a half mast and eventually lost it when he slipped out of her for the umpteenth time in a couple of minutes, can't do much with a softy now can you ...needless to say the end result of that is WH and OW ended up horrified, humiliated, embarrassed, angry and that was the end of their "parking lot" romance :laugh:.

 

Yeah you must be so proud!

Oh and he couldn't get it up! - wow! that's believable!

And just the fact that he was so willing to betray you and risk the marriage for ugly fatty over there - well, that MUST have made you feel so special You sure are a lucky lucky gal!!

[jwi71]

Or, perhaps your assumption of my assumption is "egregiously bad". But like I said in a previous post, there was something different to this.

 

We'll just leave it at that - and agree to disagree.

 

Either way, it's safe to assume she got the "Whopper" at Burger King. Hopefully not the Whopper Jr.

 

Oh vey

[jwi71]

I assume most betrayed spouses did not assume they were being cheated on.

 

Ironically those betrayed spouses who relied on a gut feeling before any significant evidence materialized would have been considered paranoid or making an "egariously bad" assumption.

 

I'm not sure how viewing, briefly at a drive through, two strangers one of which was wearing a ring, carries the same "sense" as exists between H and W. I would say none - but you clearly disagree.

[AliciaFlorrick]

TigerCub-Yeah you must be so proud!

 

Yeah, actually I am, he is in a 12 step group, psychotherapy, on anti-depressants (he was actually having a nervous breakdown at the time, so did a lot of crazy stuff that was out of character and the affair was just a part of that) marriage counselling and working damned hard to change.

 

Oh and he couldn't get it up! - wow! that's believable!

 

Yup, confirmed through poly and hypnotherapy

 

And just the fact that he was so willing to betray you and risk the marriage for ugly fatty over there - well, that MUST have made you feel so special You sure are a lucky lucky gal!!

 

See 1st answer and yes I am a lucky, lucky special woman because he has owned what he has done and is making major changes and is becoming a strong, confident, worthy man who now understands what love really is all about and truly loves me (always has but had a f'd up understanding of what it was) and actions that love in ways that he never did before, sad that he had to blow everything up first but now with all the unrealistic expectations crap out the way we can rebuild an authentic, realistic marriage. Yay no more rose-coloured glasses and unrealistic expectations:laugh::laugh:

 

Anyway he was and is a good man fundamentally...love the sinner, hate the sin. He deserves a chance to prove that and boy has he been proving it and I am loving it:laugh:

 

P.S Sorry for the t/j

Edited January 31, 2013 by AliciaFlorrick

[beenburned]

I do agree that it was most likely an affair couple.

 

I base this on the fact that most affair couples have little time together. And when they are together, they are rushed into squeezing everything into that time slot and/or location.

 

A lot of the men that cheated at my H's workplace did so on company property, in broad daylight. They had sex in back rooms/closets, and in the company parking lot in their personal cars/trucks. Most of these sexual acts occurred on their lunch hour, or immediately before or after work.

 

I think there is a big difference between certain PDAs in public, in broad daylight.( Having sex in a public place VS hugs/kisses.)

[Summer Breeze]

My nephew is a 2nd year at a law practice on one side of Boston and his fiancee is a resident at Children's Hospital on the other side. A large diamond sits on her finger and they're both a little shy of 30. They have times when the only time they see each other is stolen moments here and there. PDAs when they finally do see each other are understandably pretty heavy. And yes this does mean cars having a coffee and spending some time together. Sometimes it's a breakfast sandwich in the park. I'm not a fan of PDAs but I'm not everyone. I don't make the assumption that everyone in the midst of a PDA is having an A though.

 

Of course the mystery couple could be M to other people. Maybe they're in open Ms. Who knows?

 

As fars as cheaters rallying around here saying the assumption is quite a stretch, I see a whole lot of posters from both sides saying the same thing.

 

BOTR -- I'm with you. I'm an affectionate person but to me too much is too much.

[waterwoman]

My dear, I could never be anything but.

[waterwoman]

But I have had sex in the oddest places - I guess the difference is between open-air and full view of everyone. Shagging in the heather on a Scottish Island, or in the sea in a reasonably quiet beach, is one thing, groping and groaning in a burger joint car park is just plain TACKY. Sorry but it is

[TigerCub]

TigerCub-Yeah you must be so proud!

 

Yeah, actually I am, he is in a 12 step group, psychotherapy, on anti-depressants (he was actually having a nervous breakdown at the time, so did a lot of crazy stuff that was out of character and the affair was just a part of that) marriage counselling and working damned hard to change.

 

Oh and he couldn't get it up! - wow! that's believable!

 

Yup, confirmed through poly and hypnotherapy

 

And just the fact that he was so willing to betray you and risk the marriage for ugly fatty over there - well, that MUST have made you feel so special You sure are a lucky lucky gal!!

 

See 1st answer and yes I am a lucky, lucky special woman because he has owned what he has done and is making major changes and is becoming a strong, confident, worthy man who now understands what love really is all about and truly loves me (always has but had a f'd up understanding of what it was) and actions that love in ways that he never did before, sad that he had to blow everything up first but now with all the unrealistic expectations crap out the way we can rebuild an authentic, realistic marriage. Yay no more rose-coloured glasses and unrealistic expectations:laugh::laugh:

 

Anyway he was and is a good man fundamentally...love the sinner, hate the sin. He deserves a chance to prove that and boy has he been proving it and I am loving it:laugh:

 

P.S Sorry for the t/j

 

Well here's to hoping that he doesn't have another "nervous breakdown" down the road

[TigerCub]

You know what Alicia,

 

I'm sorry.

 

I don't know what it's like to be you and I feel bad for being quick to judge you and your H.

 

It's just that when the AP is described to be so worthless and unattractive, or even stupid or pathetic, it just comes off as more of an insult like "really? and the WS was willing to risk the M for that?, yet the BS is happy about it?!"

I don't know how to explain it further.

 

But anyways, I just wanted to say sorry for my comments, I actually feel bad if I made you feel bad.

 

Don't want T/J any further....

[JamesM]

What was it...what was this "something"?

 

Because honestly, its sounds insulting to MARRIAGE - that a man and wife CANNOT be and act like that.

 

 

I would have to agree with this. You are looking at this through the eyes of the betrayed. I don't fault your for this, because no one knows...they may be cheating. I have seen this behavior before and that was one of my thoughts. When my wife and I sit in a restaurant and an older couple is looking at each other with the look of newly weds, I will remark, "She must be his secretary." I say it for the humor because the tendency is to believe that long time marrieds don't share PDA. And the assumption is that if they wanted to, then they wouldn't because they have a house for that.

 

But oddly, my wife and I have been acting that way more recently. We have rediscovered our love for each other. And as for two cars pulling in a parking lot and the couple making out? Yeah, that could be us. Why? My wife works. I work. And even on her day off, she has errands. We make it a practice of eating lunch together at least every two weeks to every week. So we meet at the restaurant. Then we leave separately. And yes, we kiss and may get a little passionate like newlyweds. We sit in the restaurant holding hands. There is something magical and exciting about meeting in the middle of the day that brings out the spark.

 

Why not at home? Because we have kids. And when we are at home, then so are they. Yes, we kiss in front of them, but it kinda kills the moment when one comes up and asks a question. For some reason, they like to do this!

 

Back to the restaurant...

 

Sometimes I even mention to my wife that the way we were holding hands in the restaurant made her look like my secretary. And another time, we were kissing and hugging in the parking lot, and she remarked, "Someone may see us. We had better tone it down." I said, "Yeah, they may think we are cheating." Seriously. We tend to forget we are in public and the hands and lips do what they want.

 

So, while I can see why you might assume that this is a couple of cheaters, I can certainly tell you that it may not be. It may simply be a married couple who met during their lunch hour because this was one of their best opportunities to get away while the kids were in school. And knowing that they could be free with no parenting concerns, it gave them that little extra thrill which made them act like kids again.

 

It is a great feeling. I had the privilege of having such a lunch two days ago with my lovely and seductive bride. Much better than lunch with my secretary (no offense to her.)

 

Be careful that you don't assume based on your experiences. My wife and I would probably have said, "Aww...isn't that sweet!" based on our recent experiences.

Edited January 31, 2013 by JamesM

[AliciaFlorrick]

T/J Tigercub apology accepted and I apologise as well, I never insulted her in anyway other than mention that she is morbidly obese. I know this because I had met her long before the A started. She complained loudly and often enough that her doctor was hammering her about her morbid obesity, her words not mine. You did not make me feel bad at all and lets face it this is a volatile subject for all involved. WH risked the marriage because he was in self destruct mode, he was suicidal and resorted to the A and OTC meds to help him as he did not want to appear weak and vulnerable to me. When he finally fell apart all we could get out of him for a couple of days was, I am not worthy of you, I am not deserving of you, I am such a failure, I hate myself, I want to hurt myself and then he started begging on his knees over and over to please just love him. He is in an intense amount of therapy and has changed an incredible amount, he still has far to go but he is finally facing up to and destroying his demons. Humour is a coping mechanism for me T/J over

Edited January 31, 2013 by AliciaFlorrick

[96nole]

I think people are taking this story a little too seriously.

 

Why take it so personally?

 

My husband did most of his cheating just exactly like this...in cars over lunch hour in various drive throughs. Usually Arby's. Those trysts weren't about sex, but heavy petting.

 

My husband and I are very affectionate together all the time, even in public. Holding hand, touching each other whenever we can, kisses, but that desperate "get a room" public PDA? Gross. We have no need...we'll do the desperate stuff at home, thanks. Of course, I don't object to "parking" in the dark, as someone else said.

 

Whether an affair or a married couple, it sounds like it was a disgusting display.

 

Yes, some of these folks are taking it really personal. It makes me wonder.

 

Desperate is a good word I would use to describe them. Especially her. He was more calm. I also thought they should get a room also. When they got into her car I thought they were going to leave to go where ever they needed to go. But they didn't. Maybe they had the song "Afternoon Delight" on the radio.