Stay classy

[JamesM]

THIS.

 

It bugged the hellouttame too. Its all about projection.

 

However, I have noticed something.

 

Look how this thread diverged from a simple opinion of a shortly viewed - and out of context - event mushroomed. Suddenly, its involving children and then the PDA is "too much" and how it "must be cheating".

 

Look at the fiction we our informed selves CREATED to support our views of the situation. It must be this because....or it must that because....

 

If we can do this HERE...I hope that the OW see how a BS might form a view of an A. The assumptions, the half-truths, the "must be's".

 

And I hope those BS may now view the OW in a different light - each with a VERSION of the truth that each WANTS to believe. We simply invent "facts" to fill voids as required...

 

...and BOTH perspectives INVENT "facts" which further support their own wanted outcome - despite what was truly and observably known.

 

There's a good lesson there methinks.

 

Worth repeating to ourselves over and over.

 

So much has been added to what we have been told, and what we have been told may very well have been colored by the OP's experiences.

 

A happily married couple may have now been slandered (albeit in words) because of their actions. However, it is possible that a cheating couple was noticed.

 

We just don't know.

 

I have no doubt that they would be amazed and astonished how they were the topic of an online forum of which they probably never even knew existed.

[DarrenK]

You don't know their situation so until you do its best not to slander people who cant defend themselves.

 

And why not ?if she's married and is cheating in a burger king parking lot that's so wrong!

If your married and not happy then leave !don't cheat there is never an excuse for being unfaithful .I want to ask why defend them if they are cheating ?

[JamesM]

Here ya go James. And that's just on the same page as your incorrect assertions! I could look back, but I prefer not to waste my time looking for what I already know is there.

 

Sorry, but you summoned the crickets just a tad early.

 

Ummm...help me out...I seemed to have missed where there is any discussion of the behavior of the couple or the condoning of children watching. In fact, I think I read how parents should be responsible for their children's behavior. I am not sure how this supports your assertion at all.

 

I missed the part where she says that children should be watching adults shove tongues down each other's throats.

 

Oh well....

 

back to those crickets.

[Spark1111]

THIS.

 

It bugged the hellouttame too. Its all about projection.

 

However, I have noticed something.

 

Look how this thread diverged from a simple opinion of a shortly viewed - and out of context - event mushroomed. Suddenly, its involving children and then the PDA is "too much" and how it "must be cheating".

 

Look at the fiction we our informed selves CREATED to support our views of the situation. It must be this because....or it must that because....

 

If we can do this HERE...I hope that the OW see how a BS might form a view of an A. The assumptions, the half-truths, the "must be's".

 

And I hope those BS may now view the OW in a different light - each with a VERSION of the truth that each WANTS to believe. We simply invent "facts" to fill voids as required...

 

...and BOTH perspectives INVENT "facts" which further support their own wanted outcome - despite what was truly and observably known.

 

There's a good lesson there methinks.

 

I think the OP's intent was skewed very dramatically, and somewhat dismissively, to become a debate for PDAs, which I do not believe any couple in love would object to witnessing anywhere.

 

And yes, newly from dday, I too saw shadows lurking in every corner, as I assume you did to jwi. Parking lots, burger kings, cheap, cheap hotels on lunch hour all took on new, ominous meanings in my life, as I would think it would for you too, jwi.

 

The possibility of affairs had never burst my happy, trusting safe world, as I assume it did to you too, jwi.

 

Yeah, I think lots of people have affairs, if the stats are true. Who knew?

 

Not me.

 

So now I do notice who wears a ring, who doesn't, which couple may be heading to the hotel room or the back seat of their car at burger king, whether they arrived together or came separately to meet up at that bar by the highway.

 

I notice a lot of things I never did before.

 

Could it be an affair? Maybe.

 

But the behavior being discussed is not a sweet kiss or a romantic hug either.

 

If you have class, you know it when you see it.

[Spark1111]

Worth repeating to ourselves over and over.

 

So much has been added to what we have been told, and what we have been told may very well have been colored by the OP's experiences.

 

A happily married couple may have now been slandered (albeit in words) because of their actions. However, it is possible that a cheating couple was noticed.

 

We just don't know.

 

I have no doubt that they would be amazed and astonished how they were the topic of an online forum of which they probably never even knew existed.

 

If they are having an affair, trust me they won't care.

 

if they are happily married, trust me, they won't care either.

[JamesM]

No, I don't condone "disgusting displays" with clothes being ripped off in public and tongues shoved down one anothers throats in front of people, but that's not what was described in the first place. It just wasn't.

 

And peeking in windows is rude.

So, I give you back the crickets.

 

Thank you. I didn't think so either.

[jwi71]

And yes, newly from dday, I too saw shadows lurking in every corner, as I assume you did to jwi. Parking lots, burger kings, cheap, cheap hotels on lunch hour all took on new, ominous meanings in my life, as I would think it would for you too, jwi.

 

You are correct - but it wasn't as bad as one might imagine. I tend to be analytic and focus on what I know and not what I "think I know".

 

So, during MC, it was easy for me to hear "What do you KNOW" when I was off making assumptions about well everything. It was a lesson easily taken (for me - its my personality). I am equally sure you heard something similar to this during your R Spark. So lets focus on what we know - and not lurking shadows in the periphery of our senses.

 

FACTS as known: Couple, one with ring, kissed passionately (as described by OP) in parking lot and then car.

 

Not seeing how ANYONE can reasonably conclude cheaters. The rest of the thread is fiction by individuals trying to wrestle the known facts into THEIR narrative as THEY WANT it to be. OW and BS alike have a lovely lesson there.

 

The possibility of affairs had never burst my happy, trusting safe world, as I assume it did to you too, jwi.

 

Yeah, I think lots of people have affairs, if the stats are true. Who knew?

 

Not me.

 

I'm not sure I buy "Lots of people have Affairs" as support that these individuals may be having one. I just don't see it Spark.

 

So now I do notice who wears a ring, who doesn't, which couple may be heading to the hotel room or the back seat of their car at burger king, whether they arrived together or came separately to meet up at that bar by the highway.

 

I notice a lot of things I never did before.

 

This strikes me as very sad. I'm sorry your world view shifted as such.

I don't wear a wedding ring but my W does. I guess from the outside looking in - people assume my W is cheating. Such a sad statement.

 

Could it be an affair? Maybe.

 

But the behavior being discussed is not a sweet kiss or a romantic hug either.

 

If you have class, you know it when you see it.

 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree Spark - I do not find the behavior as reported (And apparently filtered by recent BS eyes) to be "overly" affectionate or indicative of cheating.

 

Its pure assumption and EVERYONE is now adding or twisting to make sure there desired outcome is what they get. Oddly enough - they get it.

 

Sad really. I prefer to see two passionately in love people - not ominous classless cheaters.

[JamesM]

She's saying if people ARE in a car in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant where children are ALWAYS present except in the wee hours of the night, the CHILDREN should be held responsible if they see the couple that was described in the opening post showing WAY too much PDA. It ain't rocket science. At least not for me.

 

She has spoken and says this isn't so.

 

You may have misinterpreted her words.

 

AND in other news, BK has admitted to selling whoppers with horsemeat in them.

http://wtvr.com/2013/02/01/burger-king-admits-to-horse-meat-drops-supplier/

 

THAT is why cheaters park at BK and not married couples!

Edited February 1, 2013 by JamesM

[HappyAtLast]

I am sitting here trying to figure out, if they were indeed cheaters, how he got away with taking her to Burger King? I would never have dreamed of taking my affair partner there? Perhaps I was doing it wrong?

[Got it]

I make out with my husband out in "public" mostly when we're stopped at a light he will lean over. The only people we usually gross out are the kids. My ass will get grabbed here and there if nobody is looking when we're at someone's house. That sort of thing.

 

Thing is - we do it privately.

We don't need to put on a show.

 

Needing to put on a show is what insecure teenagers do because they either need to "show" everyone how into each other they are . . . or because they have no class because . . . well . . . kids don't usually have "class" yet.

 

Yeah unless you are at an extra long line that isn't making out. Sounds like you will exchange a kiss or two but that isn't a make out.

[Spark1111]

I am sitting here trying to figure out, if they were indeed cheaters, how he got away with taking her to Burger King? I would never have dreamed of taking my affair partner there? Perhaps I was doing it wrong?

 

you married her, right?

 

no, you would never take her to BK. Too much class.

[Spark1111]

Worth repeating to ourselves over and over.

 

So much has been added to what we have been told, and what we have been told may very well have been colored by the OP's experiences.

 

A happily married couple may have now been slandered (albeit in words) because of their actions. However, it is possible that a cheating couple was noticed.

 

We just don't know.

 

I have no doubt that they would be amazed and astonished how they were the topic of an online forum of which they probably never even knew existed.

 

OMG! This dead horse is being beaten to death!

 

James, you ever get a vibe people arriving in separate cars and eating each other's faces are having an affair or not?

 

you EVER get a vibe a couple is having an affair?

 

 

You NEVER get an affair vibe off of some who really, really need to get a room, arrive in separate cars, one wears a ring one doesn't, grope each other at the happy hour right after work bar and disappear in 30 minutes, Five minutes apart?

 

PULLEAZE.

[Spark1111]

Some food for thought, seems no one is making allowances for..........people process pda differently. Some people think any kind of pda is inappropriate in public, some think anything goes, most people fall in the middle, but the middle is very wide.

 

I'm cynical.....since what happened to me, but I don't automatically assume the worst, sad that some people do.

 

Lady, YOU never got a vibe a couple was having an affair?

 

I find that hard to believe after all you have been through.

[Spark1111]

Ummm...help me out...I seemed to have missed where there is any discussion of the behavior of the couple or the condoning of children watching. In fact, I think I read how parents should be responsible for their children's behavior. I am not sure how this supports your assertion at all.

 

I missed the part where she says that children should be watching adults shove tongues down each other's throats.

 

Oh well....

 

back to those crickets.

 

read more carefully then...jlola....couple meets a few minutes apart in a public park. she brings the toddler and they begin sucking face and ignoring the toddler.

 

either they are the WORST parents in the world, or maybe, just maybe, they are having an affair.

[anne1707]

I have to say that a thread over absolutely nothing that goes on for 14 pages reminds me why I took a break from this site. The pettiness demonstrated in this thread at times is really quiet sad.

 

Sorry but I really do not see why people should be getting so wound up about something that happened between 2 people who are not posting here and about whom we know absolutely nothing.

[eleanorrigby]

This thread has unfortunately given me a craving for Burger King.

 

Damit.

 

I want a loaded burger now.

[Spark1111]

There was no sex, there were no kids in the car with them, holy crap I think maybe people should be talking to their kids about not staring in other peoples car windows if we want to talk about decency.

 

YOU have never gotten a vibe that a couple was having an affair?

 

you do not claim ANY affair dar?

 

it's never happened to you, that hinky feeling that says....hmmm...I think they are having an affair?

 

NEVER? YOU?

[Spark1111]

I have to say that a thread over absolutely nothing that goes on for 14 pages reminds me why I took a break from this site. The pettiness demonstrated in this thread at times is really quiet sad.

 

Sorry but I really do not see why people should be getting so wound up about something that happened between 2 people who are not posting here and about whom we know absolutely nothing.

 

Anne, you ever get a feeling that a couple is having an affair? You may not know them personally, but you NEVER got that vibe from seeing something in public, or the workplace that made you a little suspicious?

 

you?

[Spark1111]

Why is it low class? Why are PDA something to be frowned upon. Aren't we happy that two people are in love? Why the assumption that two people showing their attraction for each other means an affair?

 

I feel like I am in bizarro world. Shouldn't married people argue that darn it this could be them as well! That they are that passionate about each other, their presence, that it isn't just affairs that people behave like this? Isn't it a sad state that it seems to be true that passion is lost in marriage and PDAs are frowned upon. That it is reasoned that it happens in dating and when young both outside of that must be an affair.

 

I hope to always make out with my husband and phooey anyone that doesn't like it.

 

You NEVER got a vibe that a couple was having an affair by their public behavior?

 

Never?

[anne1707]

Anne, you ever get a feeling that a couple is having an affair? You may not know them personally, but you NEVER got that vibe from seeing something in public, or the workplace that made you a little suspicious?

 

you?

 

Spark

 

I am not going to make any judgements about people based on hearsay. Simple as that. This thread is just pure gossip and speculation - it is like reading a trashy tabloid newspaper.

[Spark1111]

My nephew is a 2nd year at a law practice on one side of Boston and his fiancee is a resident at Children's Hospital on the other side. A large diamond sits on her finger and they're both a little shy of 30. They have times when the only time they see each other is stolen moments here and there. PDAs when they finally do see each other are understandably pretty heavy. And yes this does mean cars having a coffee and spending some time together. Sometimes it's a breakfast sandwich in the park. I'm not a fan of PDAs but I'm not everyone. I don't make the assumption that everyone in the midst of a PDA is having an A though.

 

Of course the mystery couple could be M to other people. Maybe they're in open Ms. Who knows?

 

As fars as cheaters rallying around here saying the assumption is quite a stretch, I see a whole lot of posters from both sides saying the same thing.

 

BOTR -- I'm with you. I'm an affectionate person but to me too much is too much.

 

THIS! All of you have never felt this?????

 

too much, too public, too fast, too intense, too classless PDAs????

 

If you cannot understand the original post and what was assumed, you all live under a rock or took a stance that had NOTHING to do with the original post.

 

WHY was that?

 

what were you all so intent on defending? And why???????

[Spark1111]

Spark

 

I am not going to make any judgements about people based on hearsay. Simple as that. This thread is just pure gossip and speculation - it is like reading a trashy tabloid newspaper.

 

BUT, have you never speculated a couple was an affair couple, or just a classless couple based on their actions in public?

 

because I have and I assert we ALL have.

 

and to not honestly admit that on this thread is just plain .....wrong and disingenuous to me.

[anne1707]

BUT, have you never speculated a couple was an affair couple, or just a classless couple based on their actions in public?

 

because I have and I assert we ALL have.

 

and to not honestly admit that on this thread is just plain .....wrong and disingenuous to me.

 

I have done that yes but only based on what I have seen with my own eyes. I also recognise that I could be wrong and to be honest I would not get so bothered about it that I would start a thread about it.

 

I certainly would not cast judgements on something that I have not seen - that seems rather underhand to me.

[Spark1111]

I have done that yes but only based on what I have seen with my own eyes. I also recognise that I could be wrong and to be honest I would not get so bothered about it that I would start a thread about it.

 

I certainly would not cast judgements on something that I have not seen - that seems rather underhand to me.

 

but we do it every day, don't we?

 

especially women. we have relational radar and we use it every day....

 

our daughter getting serious with someone...and he is getting serious about her...

 

The married colleague at work who ONLY hires sweet, young blondes and stands to close to them....

 

the secretaries in my H's workplace who ALL assumed the in appropriateness of the tooclose relationship with his colleague who YES! Was his AP.

 

the sweet, happily married couple who hold hands

and he still opens doors for her.

 

we all do it. WHY did this become a defense or attack regarding PDAs and who has them and why????

 

It WASN'T about that, never was...

[anne1707]

I have neither defended or attacked PDAs.

 

However I do find gossip based on chinese whispers rather unpleasant. And not at all classy. That is what this thread has been about.