Armymanis Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Hey everyone. I'm very grateful to have a girlfriend and be in her life but something's annoying me and I'm wondering if my girlfriend is training me to obey her always and never disobey her even though she says she's not controlling. So I have to earn absolutely everything no matter what it is. We hangout almost everyday already and she says that im hers and no one elses. She also says I should be grateful that I get to spend as much time as I do with her. Her other friends get to hangout with her whenever she feels like it and so do her co workers no matter what gender they r. She spends the majority of her time with me which I'm very thankful for and she always texts and calls me everyday. I love all the attention. However when I do something bad, she takes one of my privileges away like being able to go to the movies with her, kissing her or being able to hug her. when I do something good she praises me and unlocks another privilege like getting to see her naked for example or go hot tubbing with her. Now I also never say no, never say anything bad to her, and always do what she tells me to. Is she training me like a dog? She has been abused before when she was in high school and I would never do that to her at all and love her a lot. I would just like to be able to be given more privileges and not get stuff taken away when I do something bad. I have never cheated on her ever and she lets me do what I want when we arnt together but we are together almost everyday anyways.
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 ...yeah shes controlling. If what you stated is actually true, shes ridiculous If you do something wrong, she should let it go or talk to you about it like a mature adult, not take away a privilege like you do when you have a child Youre on your way to being her doormat if you are not there already. I know very few men who would put up with such behavior...why are you putting up with it? 3
Author Armymanis Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah this is all true. All I want from her is her approval that I'm always doing a good job and that I'm never doing anything bad. The badest thing I've done is get one of her food orders wrong when I bring food on the weekends for her while she's working.
Author Armymanis Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Is this a serious question? Dead serious. I'm not a troll. I hate trolls. This is my first relationship and I've never had sex before either. We made it almost all the way to sex and she says I have to earn it.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Tell her to take her privileges and shove them up her ass, because being treated like a child isn't what you signed up for. 1
mustangguy29 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 However when I do something bad, she takes one of my privileges away when I do something good she praises me and unlocks another privilege Yes, she is training you. I now understand why your best friend does not like her. She is obviously very controlling and manipulative. You need someone that is flexible and will care about what you want, not just about making you do what she wants. What you need to do is stand up to her. Decide for yourself what you want to do each day for the next week and do what you want. Make plans with your friends, without her, and see if she can handle it. Ask her to come somewhere you like that she does not like, perhaps out to a baseball game (or whatever you are into), and stand your ground, don't give in when she threatens to take away something. If she can't handle you spending time with your friends and is not flexible enough to do the things you want, then you need to move on. You may think it is worth it to do whatever she wants so you get laid, but eventually, she will get bored of you after she has you fully house trained and go find another man to break, so being obedient is not a long term solution to keep the relationship. 1
Author Armymanis Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Tell her to take her privileges and shove them up her ass, because being treated like a child isn't what you signed up for. How can I please her though so she doesn't take away my privileges? She puts up with my milk allergy and she puts up with my stupidity when I do something bad. I havnt even met her family yet because she says I have to earn that to. Right now I've just earned valentines day and we are hanging out before the day and after the day to.
Treasa Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 How can I please her though so she doesn't take away my privileges? She puts up with my milk allergy and she puts up with my stupidity when I do something bad. I havnt even met her family yet because she says I have to earn that to. Right now I've just earned valentines day and we are hanging out before the day and after the day to. I already answered you, but I guess you could tell her nicely that you don't appreciate being in a relationship that is supposed to be mutually loving and feeling like you have to "earn" everything you get. You can find another woman who will care about your milk allergy but won't put prices on things like this. Oh, and tell her you already have plans for Valentine's Day and maybe go out with some buddies. Maybe if she realizes that her privileges aren't really worth how they make you feel, she'll stop using them as such. 2
mustangguy29 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 This is my first relationship and I've never had sex before either. We made it almost all the way to sex and she says I have to earn it. Bull****, sex is something that two people who love each other or lust for each other do , because they mutually want it. It is not something that one person earns from another. It is not a privilege or a gift, it is an experience two people should share in equally. 3
veggirl Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah this is all true. All I want from her is her approval that I'm always doing a good job and that I'm never doing anything bad. The badest thing I've done is get one of her food orders wrong when I bring food on the weekends for her while she's working. That is pathetic. How old are you? Why do you talk this way..."I did a bad thing. If I do something bad..." like really? You sound like a toddler, you also sound like you command no respect, like you are her little whipping boy. I mean you want her approval that you are doing a "good job"? Dude. Like I honestly think some of my eggs just died. That is just sad.
sabre80 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 How can I please her though so she doesn't take away my privileges? She puts up with my milk allergy and she puts up with my stupidity when I do something bad. I havnt even met her family yet because she says I have to earn that to. Right now I've just earned valentines day and we are hanging out before the day and after the day to. You need to retrieve your balls and drop this cow to the curb. Stop acting like a ****ing puppy and be a man.
SJC2008 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 It's easy to spot a controlling person. They're never wrong and very defensive when it's obvious they are. Does she exhibit any of these characteristics? 1
pbjbear Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I agree she should have sex with you when shes comfortable and ready. But the fact that she says you have to "earn it" is troublesome. Hell, if you were my boyfriend you would have earned it awhile ago. I have yet to find a man that treats me that well
somedude81 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Wow, that's some crazy stuff. Try this. Do something wrong that you know what make her take a way a privilege. Like she doens't let you hug her. Then hug her anyways. If she protests, "Hey, I told you that you can't hug me." You can respond with, "Bitch, shut up." The end.
FitChick Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 She may come after you with a collar and a leash next. To prepare yourself, ask CarrieT for the name of that website. 2
ChessPieceFace Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 How can I please her though so she doesn't take away my privileges? She puts up with my milk allergy and she puts up with my stupidity when I do something bad. I havnt even met her family yet because she says I have to earn that to. Right now I've just earned valentines day and we are hanging out before the day and after the day to. A real relationship involves mutual respect. Your GF doesn't respect you, she's treating you like a dog. She represents everything wrong with western women. I won't necessarily say to "end it" because it's not my life and happiness on the line, but I will say DON'T get her pregnant. It will end eventually and when it does, count your blessings that you weren't stuck with her for your entire life.
ascendotum Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 How can I please her though so she doesn't take away my privileges? She puts up with my milk allergy and she puts up with my stupidity when I do something bad. I havnt even met her family yet because she says I have to earn that to. Right now I've just earned valentines day and we are hanging out before the day and after the day to. Oh, so you just earned valentines day. congratulations. lol A lot of guys would be happy if there was no valentines day. If they had your relationship, they could do something naughty and get barred from celebrating VD. Oh what a shame, it will just be another regular day. Oh yes you are being controlled. carrot & stick style or smack & shmacko style. Another style I have seen with some of my friends in relationship is where the wife uses mood swings to encourage/discourage the outcome she wants. The guy just wants happy harmony so does what she wants to get her in a happy mood again. How can I please her though so she doesn't take away my privileges? Ugh, don't have this mindset. Is she your superior!! How about you come up with your set of rules that she must abide by if she wants a happy Armymanis, otherwise you take away some of her privalages. That would make for a great relationship. not. The good news you are not engaged to her. 1
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Hey everyone. I'm very grateful to have a girlfriend and be in her life but something's annoying me and I'm wondering if my girlfriend is training me to obey her always and never disobey her even though she says she's not controlling. So I have to earn absolutely everything no matter what it is. We hangout almost everyday already and she says that im hers and no one elses. She also says I should be grateful that I get to spend as much time as I do with her. Her other friends get to hangout with her whenever she feels like it and so do her co workers no matter what gender they r. She spends the majority of her time with me which I'm very thankful for and she always texts and calls me everyday. I love all the attention. However when I do something bad, she takes one of my privileges away like being able to go to the movies with her, kissing her or being able to hug her. when I do something good she praises me and unlocks another privilege like getting to see her naked for example or go hot tubbing with her. Now I also never say no, never say anything bad to her, and always do what she tells me to. Is she training me like a dog? She has been abused before when she was in high school and I would never do that to her at all and love her a lot. I would just like to be able to be given more privileges and not get stuff taken away when I do something bad. I have never cheated on her ever and she lets me do what I want when we arnt together but we are together almost everyday anyways. I would run so fast...
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Armymanis, I don't think she's 'controlling'. I actually think she has a mental disorder. You're going out with someone who honestly sounds as if she has serious mental issues. And they probably stem directly as an excessive reaction to her abuse as a child. Honestly hun, this is more than borderline, I really do think she's sick and in need of a psychiatrist, because this is excessive and dangerous. DANGEROUS. You know why? because this could get physical. The more she gets you to comply, the more submissive she will want you to be. And eventually, she may even lash out physically in order to exert dominance and control. Please know - I am absolutely, intensely sincere about this: You need to relay what is happening, to a doctor, in confidence, because I think this is a serious issue. A doctor will tell you that this is not simply a 'controlling 'issue. You need to get out of this relationship and fast. First of all you don't seem to be the kind of guy who can see how dangerous this situation is - you're not equipped to deal with it as it should be. And if you did, it could trigger an excessive response from her. Secondly - it's not your JOB to 'fix' her. She seriously needs professional help, and I think you should speak to her parents about it too. On second thoughts, that's where much of the problem may stem from.... So forget that, unless you think it would be safe to do so.... But you need to get yourself clear of this situation, before you become a domestic violence statistic. Seriously. 2
Author Armymanis Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Armymanis, I don't think she's 'controlling'. I actually think she has a mental disorder. You're going out with someone who honestly sounds as if she has serious mental issues. And they probably stem directly as an excessive reaction to her abuse as a child. Honestly hun, this is more than borderline, I really do think she's sick and in need of a psychiatrist, because this is excessive and dangerous. DANGEROUS. You know why? because this could get physical. The more she gets you to comply, the more submissive she will want you to be. And eventually, she may even lash out physically in order to exert dominance and control. Please know - I am absolutely, intensely sincere about this: You need to relay what is happening, to a doctor, in confidence, because I think this is a serious issue. A doctor will tell you that this is not simply a 'controlling 'issue. You need to get out of this relationship and fast. First of all you don't seem to be the kind of guy who can see how dangerous this situation is - you're not equipped to deal with it as it should be. And if you did, it could trigger an excessive response from her. Secondly - it's not your JOB to 'fix' her. She seriously needs professional help, and I think you should speak to her parents about it too. On second thoughts, that's where much of the problem may stem from.... So forget that, unless you think it would be safe to do so.... But you need to get yourself clear of this situation, before you become a domestic violence statistic. Seriously. I'm not alloud to meet her mom or parents until she sees that I'm good enough to be in there presence but her friends and conworkers are no matter what gender. She said she is going with one of her co workers who knows all about cars and her mom in may to buy a car. She said she would not do anything wih any of her guy friends that she has. I'm just mad that her co workers and friends who are guys and girls gets to meet her mom before I do. I have to earn that privelege.
sweetjasmine Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Please know - I am absolutely, intensely sincere about this: You need to relay what is happening, to a doctor, in confidence, because I think this is a serious issue. A doctor will tell you that this is not simply a 'controlling 'issue. You need to get out of this relationship and fast. Absolutely. OP, please re-read TaraMaiden's post as many times as you have to until it sinks in. There's nothing funny or cute about this. This woman is abusive, and the OP sounds like a classic self-blaming victim. OP, get help. Now. This is not normal or healthy for you.
rushingwaters Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Ummm... yes she is training you. And yes this is unhealthy. Honestly, I don't even think she likes you for who you are. She likes you only because you obey her. Do you want to like a girl who doesn't like you back? How old are you? Is she your first girlfriend? What is your cultural background and views on dating?
ChessPieceFace Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm not alloud to meet her mom or parents until she sees that I'm good enough to be in there presence but her friends and conworkers are no matter what gender. She said she is going with one of her co workers who knows all about cars and her mom in may to buy a car. She said she would not do anything wih any of her guy friends that she has. I'm just mad that her co workers and friends who are guys and girls gets to meet her mom before I do. I have to earn that privelege. Yeah I'm no longer believing this is real, sorry. You're making it up.
Samilia Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah I'm no longer believing this is real, sorry. You're making it up. Yup, fake story
Author Armymanis Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Yeah I'm no longer believing this is real, sorry. You're making it up.[/QU This is real. I'm not making this up. I don't have time to troll on the Internet.
Recommended Posts