Very new to Marriage And

[YoungandNew]

My wife and I had been dating only about 1 year before we decided to tie the knot. I am only 23 years old while she is coming up on 21 with April.

We live on my families farm which I am trying to take over (2500 acres of wheat and potatoes) while trying to attend a University majoring in Agri Business.

 

Between work and school, I can't help but look forward to seeing her everyday, but it seems as if the feeling isn't mutual. We have been married now for only 6 months and it seems as if everything is just changing..

 

While we were dating I though I was somewhat weening her off of seeing her parents so much due to the fact she was so young. I was convinced it was working.. However, now she is constantly wanting to be with her family 1-2 times a week (an hour drive). It's really out of the way and to be quite honest, it's hard on our financial situations with the bills needed to be paid.

 

She has gotten to the point of her telling me what she is going to do and when. Regardless of my rebuttal, there is no effort on her part to come to a compromise. I rarely see my parents as it is even though they live fairly close to us, but being on my own since 19 has somewhat engraved the frequency of visits to my parents as a norm.

 

I am aware of how difficult this transition for her can be, but it's hard for me to come to a sense of understanding given the way she chooses to handle things. It's almost like a, "If you don't like it you can leave me" scenario.

 

I don't mind being with her family, but her mom is quite dramatic every time we have to leave it seems. I've watched her mom start crying when we had to leave.. It was not just a subtle emotional state, it was an outburst.. I about wanted to hand her a tissue and tell her to go to the bathroom and come back out when she could talk to us civilly.

 

My wife never seems to want to have sex with me anymore either at this point.. I'm not sure why either. I am very fit and feel that it isn't anything related to my physical appearance. I also try and make sure everything is going well for her too because I want to make sure her needs are met as well.

 

I just don't understand why the sudden change is happening now when I relate it towards our premarital relations.

 

Please let me know your thoughts. None of my friends are married and my parents are a bit difficult to go to for things like this. Hence why I am now a member of a love forum on the web..

[M30USA]

My wife and I had been dating only about 1 year before we decided to tie the knot. I am only 23 years old while she is coming up on 21 with April.

We live on my families farm which I am trying to take over (2500 acres of wheat and potatoes) while trying to attend a University majoring in Agri Business.

 

Between work and school, I can't help but look forward to seeing her everyday, but it seems as if the feeling isn't mutual. We have been married now for only 6 months and it seems as if everything is just changing..

 

While we were dating I though I was somewhat weening her off of seeing her parents so much due to the fact she was so young. I was convinced it was working.. However, now she is constantly wanting to be with her family 1-2 times a week (an hour drive). It's really out of the way and to be quite honest, it's hard on our financial situations with the bills needed to be paid.

 

She has gotten to the point of her telling me what she is going to do and when. Regardless of my rebuttal, there is no effort on her part to come to a compromise. I rarely see my parents as it is even though they live fairly close to us, but being on my own since 19 has somewhat engraved the frequency of visits to my parents as a norm.

 

I am aware of how difficult this transition for her can be, but it's hard for me to come to a sense of understanding given the way she chooses to handle things. It's almost like a, "If you don't like it you can leave me" scenario.

 

I don't mind being with her family, but her mom is quite dramatic every time we have to leave it seems. I've watched her mom start crying when we had to leave.. It was not just a subtle emotional state, it was an outburst.. I about wanted to hand her a tissue and tell her to go to the bathroom and come back out when she could talk to us civilly.

 

My wife never seems to want to have sex with me anymore either at this point.. I'm not sure why either. I am very fit and feel that it isn't anything related to my physical appearance. I also try and make sure everything is going well for her too because I want to make sure her needs are met as well.

 

I just don't understand why the sudden change is happening now when I relate it towards our premarital relations.

 

Please let me know your thoughts. None of my friends are married and my parents are a bit difficult to go to for things like this. Hence why I am now a member of a love forum on the web..

'

 

There is obvious dysfunction in your wife's family. Her and the mother need to focus more of their attention on their husbands. Women have husbands for a reason. Children can't be THE center of the world. This is what happens when they are. I'm sure it makes you and your wife's father feel really special, eh?

[Balzac]

Welcome to LS. Thanks for devoting your life to farming. From the sounds of it you're second generation.

 

Is her family in the farming business? How was sex with her prior to the marriage?

 

I'm not sure how approachable she is when you identify that you're unhappy w the status quo.

 

You must at the very least be frustrated and more likely hurt, afraid n angry.

[Sugarkane]

Sounds like typical manipulative baby boomers who still don't want their adult kids to grow up.

[ceres12]

My husband's mom is an annoying clingy and superrrrr dramatic, she always threatens everyone that she is dying (she is perfectly healthy mind you) but is manipulative. So, i kinda see whats going on here. The best you can do is talk to her, talk out everything have a really deep heart to heart, and i know it is hard as i myself literally am a million miles away from home myself, its called growing up and if your wife decided to get married it was a duo thing meaning both decided on their behalf to get married. Marriage means been with the other person all the time doesn't mean she shouldn't see her family but i understand what your going through. 21 is an adult its not like she is 16 or 17 you pretty well know what you are doing.

You should simply tell her how you feel explain the financial difficulties to be coming back and forth or what not that this is adulthood and there are responsibilities (where you can't afford to travel 24/7 to see mommy and daddy) etc..

Just be sweet honest and loving tell her you love her very much and that you are not feeling very comfortable with whats been going on.

 

best of luck, MIL's can be a horrible pain, trust me mines is pretty bad and clingy she still cant over the fact her son is an adult and doesn't give in to her dramatic ways he is 25!

 

anyways good luck let us know how it turns out.