HeavenOrHell Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Your replies make such perfect sense I'm wondering if the (or *a*) reason I'd find it hard if he uses up days off without me is because it's all we have, ie we don't have plans to be together permanently so our r/ship depends heavily on visits and looking forward to them, and living in the here and now. Does that make sense? Good questions... I'm still okay with it. I had to pause and think why. I suppose it's because in the time we've been together, he has spent so much money and used so much vacation, I feel appreciated and secure in his love and commitment. As a result, his wanting to see...Patagonia for instance, wouldn't hurt my feelings or make me question his devotion. Like your SO, NMJ, travel is his thing way before he ever met me. And this may be a difference as well. Despite living over 5,000 miles apart, we've traveled to see each other every few months. That seems "fairly regularly" given the distance. Plus, it helps that we are working on eliminating that distance, so in my mind, our situation is temporary. Perhaps that comes into play regarding my tolerance. The rest of the year? Hmmm....not good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Your replies make such perfect sense I'm wondering if the (or *a*) reason I'd find it hard if he uses up days off without me is because it's all we have, ie we don't have plans to be together permanently so our r/ship depends heavily on visits and looking forward to them, and living in the here and now. Does that make sense? Hi HOH It makes perfect sense to me. I think an identical situation to yours would heighten my sensitivity, yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 Your replies make such perfect sense I'm wondering if the (or *a*) reason I'd find it hard if he uses up days off without me is because it's all we have, ie we don't have plans to be together permanently so our r/ship depends heavily on visits and looking forward to them, and living in the here and now. Does that make sense? That's pretty much the same situation I'm in -- in the sense that we don't have any plans to be together permanently, though I do want to work on that. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I think also that because it doesn't come naturally to him be forthcoming and demonstrative when we're apart then our visits are so essential to me because when we're together he is far more demonstrative, so it's crucial to me to spend every day with him I possibly can, I think more than 3-4 months apart would be too much for me to sustain things (ie if he couldn't get time off in that time to meet up if he'd had days off on his own already). Hi HOH It makes perfect sense to me. I think an identical situation to yours would heighten my sensitivity, yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Yes, it might make this time off/holiday thing easier if we both had an end in sight, so it felt like the distance was temporary. That's pretty much the same situation I'm in -- in the sense that we don't have any plans to be together permanently, though I do want to work on that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I'm in the minority. I wouldn't mind if he spent time and money for vacation closer to home. I want him to carry on having a full life; experience new things and places; and not feel encumbered by our situation. I don't begrudge his taking time to decompress from his stressful work; or to spend precious holiday time with love ones. We both have other parts of our lives with other relationships to nurture. I don't feel investing time/money in those diminishes our importance to one another. I agree with all this - in the right circumstances. My guy often takes a few days between work shifts to chill out away from his work environment. He goes to the beach or goes to running events or visits friends and he has to fly or drive long distances whatever he does because of where he works. We have such long spells between visits that it wouldn't be fair for either of us to begrudge the other anything in that respect. However, when the cost of visits are so high (UK to NZ/Aus) and his paid holiday time is very limited, if he (or I) were to use that time and money to go off on a reasonably expensive week or two alone or with friends, that would impact massively on our relationship. It wouldn't in any way diminish how important we are to one another since we are both secure and happy together but, certainly in his case, it would be very similar to a deployed soldier using his only two weeks leave (or however long) during the whole year, to go off with his mates instead of returning home to visit his fiance. Personally, I would find that a very odd choice. Just my view though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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