warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 ok, i have been with my girlfriend for two years and early on (one month in) she told me that she had only had 5 sexual partners which i was cool with- she was like 28 and i personally think thats a pretty low amount. ok now it gets kinda weird, but please hear me out. i dont mind that she had sex with four guys whilst in a relationship BUT one guy she suddenly turns around two years later and says ..he was a guy she just knew and she slept with him whilst drunk- once... that's understandable i guess as we were all young once .. but when i asked did she use anything (protection) she initially said no ... and excuse how crude this sounds but..she said 'he just pulled out' ... now i was dealing with that pretty well, but then i raised the subject again.. and this time she claimed she 'used something' and was adamant that she'd never 'do it without' with somebody she barely knew. what my problem is ... is that a) she lied to me .. and b) does this mean im dating somebody with slutty tendancies? ..she did it about 6 years ago... am i spazzing out here? .. should i again bring it up.. and say something like.. ' the other night you lied to me about a dude using something' .. even though this way years ago - iv kinda brought up her ex's a lot of times and it always kills the mood for the entire night .. obviously , plus i get really irate ..and angry .. its not so much that she did that anymore, but more that she's given me two versions of the same story ... ya know? .. should i just come to my own conclusion i.e ''yeah she probably did just let him 'pull out' as it was a spur of the moment thing- but in her mind she doesnt want me to think bad of her' ... its driving me mad .. and im not exactly young - im 30.. and its really affecting me. help anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 First of all, Relax man, at 28 with 5 partners? She's practically a virgin compared to what you will read on other threads. Also, there is no sense in obsessing over something that you CAN NOT EVER POSSIBLY CHANGE. You are going to end up annoying her needlessly and make her feel like a slut when she is far from it. She's with you, do you really think she wants to be reminded constantly about her past? Knock it off. Consider yourself lucky. I honestly think you should apologize to her, tell her you love her, and that you were out of line. Take her somewhere special and treat her like a lady. Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Wow are you serious? You are very insecure i am sorry to say that Very few men nowadays dont have a casual sex history and fewer women nowadays arent having one either Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 i know , i know - but well, the problem is , she told me she didnt use anything with a guy that just happened to be staying over that night.. i thought that was a bit slutty to be honest ... but understandable. however , when once again raised the subject - she told me she did use protection... either she did or she didnt... id prefer the second story ie 'she did' but a few weeks ago shes clearly said that she didnt... one of my pet hates is people who change there story everytime you ask the same question.. and then your left to believe the better of the two ... if you see what i mean. its really not weather she did or not .. its the fact i now have two stories to choose from .... and with that in mind .. im wondering how many other 'concrete' things she told would be likely to change if i asked again.. the truth is this, and its not going to sound good ...but hey this is anonymous so what the hell .. i was having sex with her whilst really drunk - and recently iv been watching a lot of amateur swinger porn .. for some stupid reason , whilst in the 'middle of sex .. i brought up her passed boyfriends - and expressed that it was a huge turn on to thing that other men had 'cum' in her - she told me quite clearly that NONE had with the exeption of her 3rd boyfriend -once . i said things like 'did you enjoy it' and she said 'no' - i asked other questions and she responded with things like 'i didnt like it' - basically not 'playing ball' with what i was trying to do ( talk dirty) ... i brought up the guy that she said she had this one time thing with ..and ask if he had cum in her .. her response was 'no he pulled out' ...anyway i woke up feeling really awkward - and a little angry to be honest - i shouldnt have opened my damn mouth. i was just trying something a bit dirty you know. but tonight , we kind of stumbled onto the subject of ex's -again (accidently on purpose) but this time - she openly said 'ofcourse iv had unprotected sex with most of my boyfriends' ....and when i mentioned her one night stand - she claimed she used something ... what i dont get is , why would she expressly say she always used something (exept for one) -... and then suddenly look at me like i was bonkers for thinking she hadnt? . anyway i dont expect much sympathy - even reading that back myself i feel a total idiot ... but its really making me feel sick.. i have a feeling of dread all the time recently i can only think its because i get the impression that she's lying to me , im actually looking at her sometimes and thinking 'you slapper' ... am i going bonkers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 well, at the risk of writing and endless rant , i have something else to add ...but its part of how i feel about the whole thing so i'll say it ... whilst wondering about just how slutty she is.. i began to refer to myself and how we actually met...because its the only way to tell first hand what shes like. i met her on facebook and had known her through my ex girlfriend many years ago ..its wasnt long until i arranged to meet up with her and after a few drinks she began picking me up (i lived with my father) so we used to just go for drives - it wasnt long before i was sleeping with her in the back seat of her car. i used to think that that time was kind of special - and that ONLY me could have done that .. like its was my superior wit,charm, boyish good looks that had got me into bed with her .. and i kinda felt good about that .. but now im using that time as nothing more than a 'case study' to prove to myself that shes easy! ... i dont know why i suddenly feel this way , this has not been in my head at all for the entire two year relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 How much younger than her are you....? You come across as extremely emotionally immature. Please quit obsessing, it's tying you up in knots and this is unfair. If I were she, I'm not sure I'd feel very comfortable continuing in this relationship. The Past is over, move on. Oh, BTW.....Are you from Japan, perchance? I used to live next door to a neighbour married to a Japanese guy. She said he was hyper-analytical and very critical of her past.... I dunno. Maybe it's a cultural thing.... No offence, just asking.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 im actually a few months older, and no im not japanese. i just feel like - like she's kind of in a 'rut' and im just something for her to make do with . -she lost everything a few years ago, her car -her house etc .. becuase her last boyf emtied her bank and disappeared ... so she lives with her parents now , and has to borrow the car to see me ... heres a bit of a run down of her life , dated a drug dealer , who made her ferry drugs from place to place -whilst cheating on her .. i asked her why she stuck around - she said she was lonely and had nothing else to do... her next boyfriend ripped her off and disappeared, he cheated on her too and she found out he was a junkie. but i feel like that kind of life - she actually LOVED and cant be involved with all those people anymore because she lost her car ... i feel like she longs to get back into all that... and the debts she's paying off will soon end and she'll get her car .. and this dumb shmuck will have stayed around somebody like i believe she truly is . Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 BUT, on a side note. she does say things to me (without prompting) things like: she wishes never met any other man and it i could have met you when i was 20. she never liked sex until she met me. she said the only reason she ever slept with the guy (from my initial post) is because her best friend had somebody- and she felt lonely i just wonder if thats the usual crap that women say? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 No it's not. but I think she may be needy, and you are definitely insecure. perhaps you both need therapy. This has all the makings of a dysfunctional relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 well if a girl is needy. does that increase the likely hood that she would basically gravitate towards anybody that would give her attention? (obviously me being me im talking about men) - shes not too savvy , maybe a little child like ... but who am i to talk right? she has repeatedly told me she finds cheating disgusting, and has a kind of cleanliness OCD ... but whenever she asks if she can clean up.. i feel like saying 'if your so damn clean how come you had sex with a virtual stranger without protection!' ...i just feel like her past is only her past because she was forced to stop by events (ie losing her car , house , social circle) rather than just gorowing out of it Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 ...i just feel like her past is only her past because she was forced to stop by events (ie losing her car , house , social circle) rather than just gorowing out of it Then why do you keep raking it up and throwing it in her face - ?! If you're beginning to hate her - do her a favour, and end the relationship. Really, she doesn't need another jerk in her life. She seems to be in a holding pattern of dating the wrong kind of guys. And it seems she's falling for the same old same-old.... You're not good for her. And she deserves someone better, for a change. To be frank and blunt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 im not beginning to hate her im beginning to really love her, and its causing me all kinds of mind f**k -clearly. i have a pattern in relationships where i try not to feel this way - for this exact reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 id just like a 'quick' to the point resolution to this - that i can read in samuel L. jacksons voice - that tells me to man the **** up or something , gru was onto something there , care to chime in again with something that'll help? ..anybody? i want to stay with her- but this has just sapped the energy out of it .. i did just sent her a long detailed msg about how much i loved her becuase i feel a bit crappy to tell you the truth .. the things im saying are just unedited bilge from the mind of somebody who isnt used to feeling this way Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 So now you're contradicting your thread title? Like I said - you both need therapy. You as much as she. If this is a repeated pattern of yours, it's probably led to the ending of previous relationships you've had. is that not a signal to you? Get counselling. Oh, and there is NO 'quick to-the-point resolution' to this. You are kidding, right? We can't change you from here. In fact - get this - we can't change anything at all. All we can do is respond with our opinions. YOU have to do the hard work. But yeah - it's now time to do it. Ok, see ya, bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 marvelous - therapy? .. well thanks for that. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Dude! You're acting like she banged this guy while with you. She didn't! Yeah her story changed a little. Is this the first time you've heard a girl tweak a story? You want Sam Jackson, ok here you go. BITCH BE COOL! Seriously tho man, you gotta learn to pick your battles and this just isn't one worth fighting and turning this girl against you. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 ok, i have been with my girlfriend for two years and early on (one month in) she told me that she had only had 5 sexual partners which i was cool with- she was like 28 and i personally think thats a pretty low amount. ok now it gets kinda weird, but please hear me out. i dont mind that she had sex with four guys whilst in a relationship BUT one guy she suddenly turns around two years later and says ..he was a guy she just knew and she slept with him whilst drunk- once... that's understandable i guess as we were all young once .. but when i asked did she use anything (protection) she initially said no ... and excuse how crude this sounds but..she said 'he just pulled out' ... now i was dealing with that pretty well, but then i raised the subject again.. and this time she claimed she 'used something' and was adamant that she'd never 'do it without' with somebody she barely knew. what my problem is ... is that a) she lied to me .. and b) does this mean im dating somebody with slutty tendancies? ..she did it about 6 years ago... am i spazzing out here? .. should i again bring it up.. and say something like.. ' the other night you lied to me about a dude using something' .. even though this way years ago - iv kinda brought up her ex's a lot of times and it always kills the mood for the entire night .. obviously , plus i get really irate ..and angry .. its not so much that she did that anymore, but more that she's given me two versions of the same story ... ya know? .. should i just come to my own conclusion i.e ''yeah she probably did just let him 'pull out' as it was a spur of the moment thing- but in her mind she doesnt want me to think bad of her' ... its driving me mad .. and im not exactly young - im 30.. and its really affecting me. help anyone? dude, you need to grow the ____ up. you sound absolutely pathetic. she is with you now. be a man and forget the past, it's irrelevant. retroactive jealousy is the most pathetic thing I can think of. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 marvelous - therapy? .. well thanks for that. Yeah, therapy. Can you think of anything better? There is No Quick-fix, immediate solution to this, other than you breaking up with her. If you don't want to do that - then recognise and acknowledge you need therapy. And therapy takes work. And time. And yeah, it's you that has to do the work in therapy. What do you expect - others to cure YOUR problem? Get real, ok? If this is all too much like hard work for you, and you can't be arsed then do yourself and more importantly, her - a favour, and bail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 yeah therapy..you already said that -twice i think... nice work , i wonder what country your from? hmmmm ... anyway, what i was kinda looking for has been said above you. so yeah others did help my problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladybugz Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 dude pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stop this crap! i am shore that you have more of a slutty past then her if you think she is slutty. cause men sleep around more eazily often in whateer way as long it feels good. so stop being hipocrite. or break up. im shore she have better things to do with her life then explaning and fighting with you all day long about past stuff. beside why do you care how she did it. only thing you can be worry and ask her and make it a point is if she have any STD before you start sleeping with her, just like she should ask you the same. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 yeah therapy..you already said that -twice i think... So you heard me the first time, and the second time. I won't repeat myself then. Why do you believe this isn't a matter for therapy? And what does this.....nice work , i wonder what country your from?.... Have to do with anything? hmmmm ... anyway, what i was kinda looking for has been said above you. so yeah others did help my problem. I doubt that very much. The solution to a problem is to do something about it. What are you going to do about it....? Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Dude, I'm a person who always needs to know numbers to assess compatibility and even I think you're over-reacting in this case. And you actually sound like a troll. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 i know , i know - but well, the problem is , she told me she didnt use anything ............- she told me she did use protection.....either she did or she didnt... ....but a few weeks ago shes clearly said that she didnt... .... she told me quite clearly that NONE had with the exeption of her 3rd boyfriend -once.......she openly said 'ofcourse iv had unprotected sex with most of my boyfriends' ..........her one night stand - she claimed she used something ... what i dont get is , why would she expressly say she always used something (exept for one) -... and then suddenly look at me like i was bonkers for thinking she hadnt? The problem is all women know their BF's can't handle hearing about their past lovers. Even when their new BF says tell I can handle it. So against their better judgement because they want to be honest with their current BF they tell about the great sex or huge penis' they had, or whatever. Then the BF shows he did not like what he heard so the women denies to what she said earlier to sooth her dumb BF's ego. BF won't let this go and keeps pushing for the truth so GF wanting to be truthful she caves in and admits to more. BF shows even more insecurity and the cycle repeats until the GF dumps his butt on to the curb. Out side of asking how many BF's she had you needed to stop asking about those ex BF's. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Granin Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Yeah when I'm dating someone or in a relationship I never want to know about the other person's sexual history. It's just uncomfortable. If I do come to know it's just something I ignore if I can Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Just drop the entire issue 100%. you are completely in the wrong and if you keep this up she will dump you for being too insecure. that's what I would advise her to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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