Why? Now my trust is completely shot :~(

[WWDDFD]

I have trust issues. I've always had them; not quite sure. They were compounded by the first woman I ever met who was interested in me, strung me along for 9 months, lying and lying. I wanted so much to believe her, but it just never happened.

 

 

So I give up, found a new girl, and we had what seemed to be the most perfect relationship in the world. We would talk on the phone for 5-6 hours at a time, literally every night until our batteries died. I told her every detail of my life, I've never been so completely open with anyone, never trusted anyone like this before in my life.

 

Then one day she slams me. She's moving in with her Ex-boyfriend, who's moving up to be with her and marry her. She was using me to make him jealous, telling me everything I always wanted to hear, talking about getting married, having kids, living in the country, dying together. Then one day just throws me out like a bag of rotten tomatos "sorry I never felt anything for you, I was using you".

 

What kills me is that this a**h*** she's marrying ran off on her, hurt her, got another woman pregnant, got engaged, then had that woman put a restraining order against him because he's such an a**h***.

 

 

And she loves him, over me. I gave her everything she ever wanted, I was there for her every minute she needed someone; helped her through her parents divorce, her dog almost dying, her friends ditching her. All the while a**h*** was out screwing other women.

 

Yet she loves him...

 

I don't get it.

 

 

I'm 24 and this is my very first girlfriend, and I don't ever want to try again I just get such a sick feeling I throw up just thinking about her now.

 

How can I ever believe anyone who says they love me ever again?

[overseas2004]

Ok so she is getting what she deserves then for using you and you should be happy about that. Soon he will repeat his ill behavior and hurt her even more. Good for her.. And good for you that you got out of a relationship with a sado masochist.

 

I know you feel bad though. I have felt like this on a few occasions in life. I am 37 and have been through a few ringers. Yet after the pain wears off human nature takes over and your back out there looking for a new person to meet. You' ll see ... dont despair.

 

Regards,

 

Overseas2004

 

PS Chin up...

[moimeme]

Were you actually dating this person or was it a LDR?

[doubledown]

You don't need to have trust issues, you just need to look for red flags. I'm sure in a few months you'll think back and remember some little detail about your EX, and say "Damn! How did I not see that?"

 

All of us on here have been thru this same scenario, just read the other posts around here, why do you think we're all here? We want to know what went wrong, why, and how do I keep it from happening again?

 

Keep your head up and don't let love pass you by because you have bitter feelings towards your EX. Let her be wrapped up in her pathetic life that she's created for herself. Some people just need drama in their life and as soon as there isn't any, they go and create some.

 

Isn't dating fun? It's just like in the movies

[ojibwaywmn]

Hey WWDDFD....we have all been there. Looking back at previous relationships, I gave my trust to people a little too easily. I saw the red flags, had hunches, but chose to ignore them. In the end, I burned myself. I didn't stop to ask myself the right questions because I knew I would get answers that I didn't want to hear.

 

Take some time to heal from this experience. That girl didn't deserve you. Look what she chose, some guy who treated her like a doormat. Makes you wonder what type of beliefs she carries inside. Just keeping asking yourself, "What can I do to get over this? What do I need to do to regain trust in myself? How can I turn my life around?", rather than the useless questions of "Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why can't she love me?". Because you are going to quickly come up with answers of "I am not good enough. I don't deserve a great relationship.". Useless questions get useless answers. Be kind to yourself. Take care.

[blackheart]

Its hard, I know. I fell really hard for a girl in college who I had been really good friends with for a time before that. But for her it was just friendship. Then she started to see someone who beat her on a regular basis. He even raped her once. And she still kept going back to him. It took me a long time to get over the feeling that I must be the most worthless piece of human garbage in the world is she would prefer someone who beats her and rapes her over me.

 

With nearly 13 years of hindsight now I realize that it wasn't me that was messed up. It was her. Eventually I hope you can realize that too.

[daphne]

I guess I'm not the best person to encourage you to realize that she's the one that's

screwed up and that there are plenty of girls out there who would be good to you and

honest. I'm in the manhating party myself. She did you a favor though. She's gone

back to someone who is just as screwed up as she is so she'll get the karma she deserves.

and you'll know better next time waht the warning signs are.

 

For me, it's been really tough not to see all men as lying, manipulative a**h***s with no

integrity. Although before my last ex I've had a fair number of truly good guys who had

hearts of gold, even if things didn't work out ultimately. These men I truly wish the best

for, they deserve it. But one really sordid person has twisted my indomitable optimism

and I am afraid that I will always see men this way. It bothers me to know that he could

shake my belief system that bad and that his actions will probably affect my ability to trust

in relationships down the road. It's me that it's hurting, not him. But at this moment, months

and months after the fact, I am extremely afraid and I doubt the clarity of my judgement.

I doubt the goodness in people. especially men.

 

I just hope for you that you are young enough to shake that feeling because there are a lot

of good women who want someone who treats them well and not some scum bag like her

ex.